Chapter 61 – Episode 20: Forest Lunatic Buffoons 060 – Forest Lunatic Buffoons #3
“Holy cr*p! What the heck is that thing? Where did it even come from?”
A frog who had been standing with its back to me suddenly leaped into the air in shock, bouncing off the ceiling and crashing back to the ground. For a frog that had grown to such an enormous size, its jumping prowess was just as impressive.
“Ow, ow! That hurts! Where did this guy come from? I haven’t seen white fur like that before!”
“Uh… It was stuck to the cave wall. Sir, did you really not see it?”
“If I had seen it, would I be asking you, idiot? Is it some kind of Lao-Hoo illusion or what? Why does this keep happening during my shift? Good luck or bad luck?”
The other frog dudes stared at me and spat a glob of orange liquid onto the ground. It hissed and sizzled upon contact, evaporating instantly.
“Man, that spit is toxic, but they don’t seem scared of me. Just annoyed, maybe?”
The frogs didn’t seem too worried about me, though they acted as if they had more pressing issues. Maybe they were supremely confident in their combat abilities?
I recalled some basic knowledge about poison dart frogs. In a nature doc I once saw, it mentioned that these frogs were aware of their toxic power and rarely had natural predators, which made them act quite leisurely in their behavior.
A tadpole-tailed frog nudged an officer’s arm.
“Uh, Officer Sir… What do we do now?”
“What do we do? We catch it! Grab that thing and we’ll all get promoted! Maybe even retire if we claim it’s a spy sent by Lao-Hoo!”
“Vacation! Retirement!!!”
The frogs’ mood suddenly shifted, and they advanced toward me confidently. Their smug smiles radiated supreme arrogance.
“We’re retiring!”
The tadpole-tailed frog leapt directly at me. There were no fangs or claws visible, but his reckless charge was definitely threatening.
“Not bad, but slow. Too predictable. A single straight leap every time,” I thought as I sidestepped his attack.
Green slime dripped off the frog’s orange skin, hitting the ground and releasing white smoke.
“Seems they’re confident in their poison. Guess it’s their trump card.”
While I assessed their combat stats, the frog puffed up his cheeks like an overinflated balloon.
“Hey, are you really gonna do that? If we soak him in poison, we won’t be able to ask any questions later!”
“It’s fine. I diluted it. He won’t d*e. Now take THIS!”
The moment the frog’s cheeks deflated, a loud PHITZ echoed through the cave. A stream of liquid hit me full-on, sticking to my fur. It felt slimy and disgusting.
“Man, this is like booger juice! Ew!”
“You got hit! He’s paralyzed! The thin venom will dissolve his fur and liquefy his bl**d, leaving him motionless in no time!”
“Good job, Kiru! A one-shot capture! Let’s cash in on that reward!”
“Hey… Does this mean I’ll retire?”
The frogs started celebrating among themselves, oblivious to the fact that I remained completely unbothered by their so-called lethal poison.
I nonchalantly wiped the goo off my fur with a front paw. Then, with a casual stretch, I tested my strength by clenching and unclenching my fists.
“Nothing so far. Guess I’m truly immune to their toxins.”
“Kiru, why is this guy still okay? Did you weaken the poison too much?”
“Not that much… Wait, this is weird.”
The frogs spat another glob of liquid venom, but again, I shrugged it off and began creeping closer.
“What?! What is this? Why does he keep coming toward us!”
“Officer, what do we do now?”
“What do we DO?! Just SPIT MORE!”
The two frogs started unleashing streams of venom, filling the cave with PHTH and PSSSHH sounds. But nothing slowed me down. Like a Terminator blasting through bullets, I kept walking forward.
I grabbed one of the frogs by the head and slammed him into the ground. Despite his size, he was no match for my strength. Was I unusually strong, or were these frogs just that weak?
With a satisfying crunch, the frog met his end, leaving only his terrified, tadpole-tailed comrade quivering nearby.
“Hey! Hey! Stay back!”
“Don’t be scared. I want to have a little chat with you. Plenty of questions to ask.”
I brandished my claws dramatically and blew on them, giving what I hoped was an intimidating smile.
“But why are you showing me your claws?”
“Because claws are a great conversation starter.”
I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and pulled him close, pressing my claws against his face.
“How did you detect me? No one should’ve been able to hear my approach. Care to explain?”
“Ugh…!”
“Fear not, little dude. Just speak.”
“I… I have a talent! A gift from the World Tree herself! It lets me sense things that others can’t. My senses—my eyes, my ears—are superhuman!”
“A talent?”
I recalled my skills of stealth and silent movement. If there’s a talent to hide, perhaps there’s also a talent to detect others. It made sense once I thought about it.
“Is your talent rare?”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“Are there others like you who can sense others so acutely? Are there more frogs with abilities similar to yours?”
Shaking violently, the frog shook his head.
“My ability—Detection—is supposedly one in a hundred-year occurrence among frogs. That’s why I’m here, guarding the treasure.”
“Detection, you say? Rare indeed. That’s lucky.”
This ability being exclusive made me breathe a sigh of relief. If such talents were common, sneaking around would’ve become a lot harder.
“Knowing about this ability is a huge advantage for the future. I’ll have to be more careful with my stealth.”
Had these frogs had physical prowess like the Black Lion or Salome, it would’ve been a much tougher fight. They’d only relied on venom, which failed spectacularly.
“So, what exactly is this treasure you keep mentioning? What are you guarding?”
My curiosity about the “treasure” they were protecting perked up.
“Aren’t you here for the treasure?”
The frog, whose face had been orange, shifted to a bright shade of blue. Clearly, he’d mistaken me for an intruder after the treasure.
“Interesting, I guess they assumed I was a thief.”
Suddenly, he regained his composure.
“Is the treasure… perhaps an Evening Primrose?”
“A what? That’s too common. My treasure is much greater! And even if you torture me, I’ll never reveal its location.”
“Got it. A simple flower wouldn’t warrant such a rare talent. You’re protecting something extraordinary—a legendary secret, maybe? Something everyone would go crazy over. Right?”
“Y-yes.”
“Great. Then it’s definitely hidden somewhere behind this corner, isn’t it?”
I dragged the frightened tadpole-frog into the room where they’d been stationed. The small cave was barren, except for a hole in the ceiling releasing a sweet, fragrant smell.
“Come on, froggy. Time to talk. If you don’t speak soon, Officer here won’t be the only one meeting an untimely end.”
I slowly scratched his soft skin with my claws. Crimson bl**d trickled out. Even I winced, imagining the pain.
“Aaaah!”
“Still quiet? Let’s try this.”
I grinned, bringing my claws to the cave wall and scratching it violently. The shrill, screeching sound filled the air and made the frog squirm in agony.
“No! Stop! Please!”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over this racket.”
“FINE! The treasure is Lao-Hoo’s Weakness Tree! It opens… it opens something important. It’s above, through that hole. Please, stop that noise!”
“Hmm, okay. Thanks for the info.”
“So, Evening Primrose? Where is that?”
“Higher up, near the tree.”
“Great. Thanks for the honesty.”
“Wait! You’re sparing me?”
“I never said that.”
“Y-you…!”
With a snap, the frog went limp. I glanced upward at the hole in the ceiling.
“It’s higher, but not impossible.”
Reflecting on my tree-climbing skills, I planned my ascent. Before starting, I decided to fuel up.
Despite expecting mushy frog, they were surprisingly meaty, offering a satisfying crunch like perfectly fried chicken.
“Chili Poison Dart Frogs, eh? Would taste better with some hot sauce.”
My level increased, a notification flashing in front of me.
*
“d*mn, these frogs were tasty. Too bad two are gone now.”
Satisfied with my snack, I buried the bones and cleaned up the slime they’d left behind. No one would ever know what happened here.
“Time to check out the treasure and grab some Evening Primrose.”
With a crouch and a mighty leap, I propelled myself upward, bouncing off the walls like a spider ascending its web. The height was daunting, but the increased stats after my level-up made it a breeze.
“Nice.”
Once through the hole, I encountered a breathtaking view: a vast white meadow bathed in beams of radiant light streaming down from the ceiling.
In the center stood the tree the frog had described.
“Wow.”
The closer I got, the stronger the sweet fragrance became, almost intoxicating.
“Tree that reveals Lao-Hoo’s weakness. This is getting interesting.”
And with that, the adventure continued.
