A Basement-Dwelling Loser, the Inquisitor – Chapter 97

“I’m probably overstepping here. But still, I wanted to say this: Rene, you’re really an amazing person, so I hope you can have more confidence.”

Confidence.

What is confidence, anyway?

I searched it on the internet, and it said it’s the word for that feeling of belief in oneself.

So what does ‘oneself’ mean?

Similarly, I looked it up, and it refers to having a firm belief in one’s ability to accomplish something or that something will definitely happen.

…Of course, I know that.

I’m well aware that I’m not exactly normal.

It’s foolish how hard it is for me to even make eye contact with people… No, it’s impossible, and I realize how ridiculous that is.

So what’s stopping me from fixing it even though I know?

What am I so afraid of?

Sure, compared to when I just returned to Earth, my social circle has expanded tremendously.

From Bora to Tuni, Team Sirius members, and now even Harum, whom I just met.

…But in the end, it’s just that my social connections have widened.

Whether or not I can maintain those connections is a whole different story.

“…Huh?”

Harum said I was an amazing person.

So, honestly, I wanted to ask then.

If you really think that about me, why did you suddenly look away from me when we first met?

What was the reasoning behind that behavior?

“…Is that not okay?”

Of course, I want to be confident.

But the looks you all give me make me feel incredibly small.

“Are you okay, Rene…?”

“Ah… I-I’m sorry.”

“Are you hurt…?”

Bora was the one who pulled me from the endless spiral of negative emotions.

She looked at me with worried eyes.

…Well, it’s true.

There are people who don’t look at me that way.

“Ah, I’m not hurt… I just need some time to think… I’m sorry for making you worry…”

“Okay! But from now on, don’t make me worry, okay?”

“Yeah…”

At my answer, Bora smiled brightly.

…That smile was too bright for someone like me.

“Bora, why do you like me so much…?”

“Hmm? Because you bought me chicken…?”

I guess that’s a reason after all.

Well, you don’t need a grand reason to like someone.

Thinking that, I smiled wryly, and Bora went “Hmm…” and continued.

“Plus, I like your pretty parts, your kindness, and that you’re just so cool!”

“I’m probably overstepping here. But still, I wanted to say this: Rene, you’re really an amazing person, so I hope you can have more confidence.”

“…I’m cool?”

“Yep!”

Even if Harum says that, I wonder which part of me Bora is talking about.

“What part…?”

“When I was crying, you stayed with me!”

★

The teacher said, “Bora is quite mature for her age.”

I didn’t really understand what mature meant, but it seemed like a compliment.

After that, when I returned home from school, my mom kicked off the evening with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, dear. It looks like we’re going to have to move again.”

So, I nodded and replied.

“Okay. It’s fine, Mom.”

Mom and Dad are amazing people.

Dad catches the bad guys, and Mom helps those in need.

Everyone praises them for being such remarkable people.

But because of those things, we have to move often, which makes parting with friends a little sad.

Still, I couldn’t pout about it.

Because that would just make Mom and Dad uneasy.

“Well, this may be the last move, so…”

“Okay.”

We moved in, and I lost my way.

All around me were unfamiliar buildings.

That fact terrified me, and tears began to fall.

“What if I can’t go back forever?

Mom, Dad. I miss you.

“Wah…”

“Um, um…”

“Wah…?”

And then, in front of me…

“Is there something wrong…?”

“Who are you…?”

“Uh, um… I live around here…”

A pretty lady appeared.

Her hair was a color I had never seen, and her eyes sparkled like a fairy from a storybook.

And with a peculiar smile, she spoke.

“I want to help you if there’s something wrong…”

“I-I got lost… Wah.”

She seemed scared.

Shaking more than me, who was crying from being lost.

“What about your parents…?”

“They went to work… We just moved two days ago, and I…I got lost while looking around…”

“Hmm… Do you have your home address or your parents’ phone number?”

But… even so, the lady stood in front of me.

Trembling, she comforted me and reassured me.

“Why are you shaking so much?”

“A-uh, that’s because it’s winter, and it’s cold…”

“It’s not that cold today; that’s strange!”

“Ha ha…”

And Rene, that pretty lady… was really amazing to me.

“You like Rene that much?”

“Yep! She’s super cool!”

★

“When I was crying, you stayed with me!”

That wasn’t just it.

Bora didn’t simply like me because I bought her chicken.

“So I’ll become a person like you!”

It was something beyond my control, just an act of kindness.

I was the only one around Bora when she needed someone, and that’s all that mattered.

“When I grow up, I want to be someone who helps the kids who are crying!”

Bora thought of me as someone cool.

“Strange hair color!”

“Not strange.”

“You’re the only one with that color! It is strange!”

“Bell! Why do you keep bothering Rene? Apologize right now!”

“…She’s the weird one.”

“Didn’t we say we’re family because we live together? Saying someone is strange is wrong when talking to family.”

“…But no…”

“Excuse me?”

“…If that’s the case, then… you can’t get married, so… not family.”

“What do you mean…?”

When I lived in the monastery in that other world, the kids bullied me for being different.

Especially Bell, who would find ways to bother me whenever he was bored.

If I didn’t react, he’d irritate me even more, and if I did, he’d just keep at it.

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“Please go inside and rest after receiving treatment.”

At least the cult members didn’t bother me.

But even if they felt I looked different, they always treated me formally.

A few elder men, including Pope Grandpa, were somewhat okay, but since they were always busy, I rarely had a chance to talk.

“What a monster…”

And the heretics called me a monster.

Without reflecting on their own sins, they would always denounce and insult me, calling me a monster.

“It’s okay, Rene. You’re right. No one else but me is here for you.”

Iya was always my supporter.

The days repeated, and eventually, I naturally became a hikikomori, isolating myself from conversations with anyone.

I started to hate my different appearance.

I despised my personality that made it impossible to even make eye contact with someone.

“I’m probably overstepping here. But still, I wanted to say this: Rene, you’re really an amazing person, so I hope you can have more confidence.”

But even someone like me had people who encouraged me.

“When I grow up, I want to be someone who helps the kids who are crying!”

Someone told me that even I was cool.

Though it was just that much.

Just that was enough.

“Haah…”

I often thought about wanting to change this personality of mine.

Yet, I didn’t put in the effort because of the fear of what I’d do if I changed but people still looked at me the same way.

But now it’s okay. I’m not scared anymore.

Because there are people who accept me as I am.

So… I want to walk proudly next to those people.

“Whoo…”

I’m scared.

Of course, I am scared.

Those gazes and the insults hurled at me are not something you can get used to easily.

Yet, I wanted to move forward now.

★

[Inquisition Officer: Is there absolutely no footage of me in this video?]

[HP – Harum: You weren’t captured at all on the camera used for live streaming.]

[HP – Harum: But we need to shoot from multiple angles to upload to OnTube…]

[HP – Harum: But don’t worry!]

[HP – Harum: We’ll edit out those parts ourselves!]

[Inquisition Officer: If]

[Inquisition Officer: My face and my hair don’t appear]

[Inquisition Officer: I think it’ll be fine if I appear on OnTube.]

[HP – Harum: Is that true?]

[Inquisition Officer: Yeah.]

[Inquisition Officer: And]

[Inquisition Officer: I’ll try to visit again next time.]

[HP – Harum: You’re always welcome!]