Chapter 6

To adapt to living as a human, preparation is necessary.

Someday, I’ll have to hold this child’s hand and take her to the market to buy her what she wants, but for now, I’ve bought her clothes. If someone asks if I’m embarrassed, a grown man buying clothes for a girl, I’d always answer that I’ve always been embarrassed.

My Lord. I don’t know why You chose me, or why You bestowed power upon me, but surely You had expectations for this foolish one. When I think about whether I’m living up to those expectations, I can only feel ashamed.

“Why are there girl’s underwear…?”

The fabric store lady’s expression was strange, but I wasn’t embarrassed. Really.

“Pork, about six pounds of the good stuff. No organs, just the meat.”

“That’s a lot for one person, isn’t it? And if you only want the meat, there’s an extra charge. Is that okay?”

“Then make it seven pounds and mix in some organs. There’s a kid with a big appetite.”

Our Wolf Girl is quiet, but she has a bit of a gluttonous streak. Maybe the slave trader starved her, but she loses her mind when she sees meat. My wallet is emptying at a rapid pace, but I’m not worried.

Because it was my Lord who destined me to meet this child. If the cost of raising her runs short, He’ll surely fill it. Money won’t fall from the sky, but when it’s about to run out, something will come up.

“Are you hungry? Let’s eat.”

“……”

She seems like she wants to say something, but when our eyes meet, she quickly looks away. For now, she only comes close to me when it’s time to eat. Watching her, I simply prayed. I prayed while looking at the unextinguished candle of the sanctuary on the table.

“…Who are you praying to?”

“Just to the one I serve.”

Every meal, I pray before eating, so maybe she was curious? It seemed like she asked without realizing it. So I answered as if I didn’t notice. I just smiled, and even that smile, I thought, was thanks to the Lord.

“…Does God really exist?”

“Of course. He’s always watching over me.”

“Then why does God… Oh, no, why does He…”

She stopped herself mid-sentence. But I know what she wanted to say. It’s what non-believers always say.

-If God exists, why is the world like this?

I don’t think disbelief is bad. God doesn’t demand faith, so who am I, a mere believer, to condemn disbelief?

-If God exists, why doesn’t He save me? Why doesn’t He help me?

But if you’re going to believe, you should believe from the start, and if you’re going to disbelieve, you should disbelieve to the end. When things are good, when everything is going well, you think it’s all thanks to your own ability, your own effort. But when things get tough, and only then do you turn to God, neither God nor anyone else will help you.

Moreover, the one I serve is not a God who directly intervenes in the world. He simply watches as humans overcome hardships with their own strength. He may offer a little help when effort falls short, but He doesn’t support from start to finish. He respects human free will.

A world where everything from the beginning runs according to God’s will—what meaning would humans have in such a world?

If the world runs according to human will, and people act by their own will, then the responsibility must also be borne by people. Freedom comes with responsibility.

“He doesn’t exist to help humans.”

He exists only for humans to help themselves. For humans to help their neighbors.

“Don’t give up. Just hold on to hope.”

I made the sign of the cross. Even if all my faith doesn’t benefit Him in the slightest, I still serve Him today.

“Then that hope will guide you.”

“Hope…”

“The God of Hope is everywhere. No matter who you serve, or if you serve no one, as long as you don’t let go of yourself and don’t give up until the very end, that’s what it means to have faith in Him.”

The child silently emptied her plate. After finishing, she awkwardly got up from her seat as usual. Before fleeing to her room, she hesitated and spoke.

“Roka.”

How much must she have agonized to say that one word? How much must she have struggled? Knowing that, I simply smiled.

“That’s my name.”

Now I know the Wolf Girl’s name.

*****

If someone is unfamiliar, scared, or distant, it’s better to wait from a distance rather than forcing your way in. The child who used to stay only in her room, the space I gave her, has started to come out occasionally and wander around the house.

She still finds me difficult. But the level of fear has clearly decreased. Other than that, my life hasn’t changed. I watch the barley I planted grow, go to the market to buy things, and on the way back, I stop by Rubelt’s shop for about two hours.

Two hours a day. That’s the amount of time I share my divine power with those in need. I don’t take money, nor do I accept goods. I simply share my divine power with those who need healing. Whether it’s the poor or a merchant, I treat them all. Even if they offer something, I refuse. It’s not because I fear the Three God Faith.

This divine power, after all, was given to me by God, unrelated to my own efforts. It’s not something to be sold for money. That’s what I believe. Roka, I accepted it because I thought it was God’s will.

“Is this the Kyle clinic that can cure diseases even the temple can’t?”

“Yes, but are you the patient?”

“Well, it’s… I think my tooth is damaged…”

Judging by his lavish clothes, he seems to be a noble, but even nobles can’t escape cavities. No, those exposed to sweets are more likely to have bad teeth. Cavities are a scary disease. Not incurable, but not everyone can treat them.

The most common way to treat a cavity is to punch the jaw and pull out the tooth. Then, using strong divine power, the tooth is regrown. It’s the cleanest method. The pain is intense, and ordinary priests can’t use that much divine power. At least a bishop-level priest from the Three God Faith is needed, but even nobles find it hard to reach such a person.

“C-can you fix it? I heard you’re not a priest of the Three Gods, but if it’s impossible, please tell me now.”

“It’s possible. You don’t even need to pull the tooth. I’ve done it before.”

Yurinel’s party’s mage, Parnell, loved sweets so much. She once suffered from a cavity, which was scarier than a tiger. There were debates on whether to pull the tooth or not, but when I tried infusing divine power, it healed. It was simply God’s grace.

The probability of a cavity naturally stopping and the decayed part recovering on its own is probably close to zero.

But by God’s will and power, that probability is defied, and the possibility we hope for is brought into the future. That’s His divine power.

“Wow, my tooth is really fixed! It doesn’t even hurt! W-what are you? With this level of divine power, why are you healing commoners and the poor? You could easily be a royal healer!”

“It’s not that great.”

“It is that great! Even the priests of Hilrae…”

He looked around before continuing, lowering his voice.

“Even they can’t do this. Unless you’re a saint or a holy one.”

He made me an offer.

“Why don’t you join me in something big? With your skills, you might even be able to heal that person.”

“That person?”

“If you accept my offer, I’ll tell you. I can’t trust you with it now.”

“It’s difficult right now. And I’m not as great as you think.”

I lit the ‘Sanctuary’s Candle’ in the center of the clinic and answered. With a child to raise and people who come to see me every day, I can’t break my schedule to go heal someone I don’t even know.

“Then if that person comes here, will you heal them?”

“This place doesn’t discriminate. That’s my Lord’s will.”

“Understood. Then I’ll ask again on that day.”

The nameless man left with mysterious words. I simply prayed, feeling the cold winter end and the spring breeze approach.