Episode 0-b. The One on the Verge of Collapse.
To put it simply.
The path I can take is limited, so I find myself at a crossroads where the route is either blocked directly before me or continues on in a thin and winding manner, albeit with hardship.
Thus, there I was, taking precarious steps along the narrow thorny path.
Therefore.
Ain’s clear objective, the goal he speaks of.
Ultimately, gradually changed and distorted because of me, morphing into something altogether different from its original form.
Before long, he was living as a person who continued on a journey for the sake of someone like me, whom he deemed imperfect.
Yet, this journey had lasted far too long; three years had already passed, and all that filled his letters and gifts were nothing but apologies.
So, I thought.
I must die.
I believed I should end this miserable life to give him freedom.
However, the memories we created together, each and every one of them, were too precious to me.
Despite my pledge to end my own life, I kept deferring that sorrow, letting three years slip by.
And then.
What held me back and prevented my collapse was another connection.
Those who had always stayed by my side, unwavering in their support, while I cried out only for Ain.
So, I must move forward.
Even if I collide again and again, stumbling yet again into loneliness and despair.
The truth that they are always behind me does not change.
A vast world, the choices presented to me.
And the traces left along the path Ain has taken.
I will follow that path, determined to obtain the brilliant light.
I finally regained my composure long after my tears flowed, when those around me began to move busily.
“Shouldn’t we focus on the long-lasting supplies?”
“Well, then it won’t taste good.”
“Exactly. We need to make sure there’s enough food, old man.”
Uncle Rendo, Rain, and Zvezan were crouched down discussing such matters.
“Why are you saying something so obvious? Delicious food should be bought from other cities… Ah, it’s difficult to keep going to different cities… Hmm, then what should we do?”
“Then, should we get some seedlings? So we can pick fresh vegetables as needed.”
“If they might wilt, we should also grab some seeds, right?”
“Hmmm, that’s a good idea! Then I’ll gather some jerky or similar items, so please bring back some seedlings and seeds.”
Ending the conversation swiftly, Rain and Zvezan smiled at me before heading out of the grocery store.
Uncle Rendo was busy gathering all the jerky and long-lasting foods from the shelves and stockroom, carrying two large bundles.
“Oh, no… You don’t have to give me this much; I’ll manage…”
“What are you saying! There’s always the possibility of unexpected situations! Since it won’t be easy to recklessly enter other cities, we need to stock up on emergency food!”
“Well, yes, that’s true. But please calm down a bit…”
Still, Uncle paid no heed to my protests and gathered every piece of jerky and long-lasting food.
Sighing deeply, I turned my head to the side.
“What should we do about the available carts? They don’t seem to be of high quality, Rini.”
“Then wait a moment. I’ll contact the members to find a good cart. I can just tell them they won’t be charged membership fees for a few months.”
“Hmmm, then I’ll leave the cart to you. I’ll focus on acquiring tools that can keep our identities hidden.”
On another side, the shop owner Janssen and Manager Rini were scratching their heads while exchanging those dialogues.
“If you give them some trivial item and get your identity exposed, you’ll join the members too.”
“…Are you insane?”
“You’ve lost a lot of muscle. Even without being exposed, you should register as a member. I’ll give you a discount.”
“Get lost before you kill me.”
“Sorry, but with that feeble muscle of yours, you can’t kill me.”
This conversation was not solely about me, but eventually, they gathered their bags and headed towards the grocery store exit.
“Um, you really don’t have to overdo it…”
Despite my timid attempt to speak up.
“Put the charges on Ain. It’s no problem. Hmmm, yes. Since we need to eat well, please hand over good items.”
“Hmm, when you meet Ain, just tell him that ten years’ worth of membership fees are overdue. Since you’re a regular member, they’ve increased by 10% compared to the existing price.”
“Ah… um. Yes…”
The two of them smiled widely and disappeared outside the grocery store.
Ain.
I’m sorry.
Though it wasn’t intentional, is this sufficient for the price of leaving me behind?
And.
After everyone left, Ildrin, who had been quiet all this while, came close and poked me in the side.
“It finally got quiet. I was getting annoyed by all the noise.”
“…That’s rude.”
“What does it matter? In the absence of others, one tends to speak ill of the Emperor. Damn Emperor, how many books haven’t I seen yet in the Royal Library?”
“….”
As always, he stayed close, speaking such words while being in a peculiar state of mind.
“Anyway, I’ll prepare whatever books seem necessary. It may only be a revised edition of the Ashen Magic Book and some precautions regarding each country and city, but… Hmmm, do you need anything else?”
“If possible, could you also provide information about people to avoid… or perhaps books on edible wild plants and animals?”
However, now I realized those words were intended to ease my nerves.
“I’ll prepare that, too. It will take some time to gather all that, so please wait until evening before setting off.”
Her perpetually aloof smirk seemed to confirm that.
“Thank you, Ildrin.”
“Well, this is a repayment for all the assistance you’ve given to my research thus far.”
Somehow, I felt her mischievous hands gently touching my belly.
“…I don’t appreciate it at all, Ildrin.”
“Why are you being so formal?”
I smiled sheepishly at her.
And let me say one thing.
The bracelet is broken.
“But the bracelet hadn’t broken yet… The promise I made with Ain…”
Crack—
“Oh dear! It broke, Asha. It seems I must embark on a journey now!”
“….”
“This is not something you broke, so it must’ve naturally broken.”
“….”
Yes.
That was Uncle’s craftsmanship.
Time flew by quickly.
The noon turned to afternoon, and the afternoon soon transitioned into evening.
Although time had passed swiftly, surprisingly, everything they promised to prepare was ready.
A sturdy cart was waiting in front of the grocery store, filled to the brim with the supplies they had tightly packed inside.
Food that could last a year, various books, tools to conceal my identity, spare robes, and necklaces.
Two heavy coin purses that Uncle had given as severance pay, along with the money I had saved.
Moreover, an abundance of workout equipment… and a mountain of protein boxes were loaded aboard.
And I climbed onto the driver’s seat, looking back at them.
“Your lips are chapped, Asha. Lean in a little.”
“Ah, I can manage on my own, ugh…”
“You’re as clumsy as Ain, really.”
Always the closest, Rain approached.
She held my face and applied ointment to my chapped lips.
“Have a safe trip, Asha.”
Zvezan stood beside her, affectionately ruffling my hair.
Ildrin waved dismissively, while shop owner Janssen awkwardly scratched his head.
Uncle Rendo was, by now, turning his head to wipe away tears.
And.
“Make sure to eat your protein. It’s essential to do strength training for at least 30 minutes a day.”
I sincerely wished she would just be quiet for once.
Anyway.
Everyone waved at me as I boarded the cart, and I returned their kind smiles.
Truly, the time for farewell felt like it was approaching.
However.
“Take care, Asha! When you return, are you going to marry Ain?!”
At those words from Rain, my body jolted to a halt.
“W-What…? How could I possibly… marry Ain?”
“Hmm? …Weren’t you two into each other? I thought you were already dating?”
“….”
Such a statement was undoubtedly strange.
Like.
She defined my feelings as affection.
Yet, I couldn’t grasp it outright.
Seeing her tilt her head as if it were the most normal thing made others around nod along as if it were obvious.
Only then did I finally start to grasp the threads of this realization.
Ain.
When I think of him.
“See? Your face is turning red again.”
“Ah…”
My face flushes.
My heart pounds loudly.
My eyes shake continuously, fingers twitch, and I grow hazy.
That feeling that makes my heart squeeze painfully arises whenever I think of him.
They define that as love for someone I cherish.
“Do I… really feel that way?”
“When you think of your loved one, that’s how it goes, right? If that’s not love, then what is?”
A lover.
I define the feeling that rises only when I think of such a person as love.
And so.
“…Then, is it alright for me to like Ain?”
I foolishly asked such a question.
Humorously, I inquired if it was permissible for me, just like this, to like and love him.
Despite the affection from those around me, I still could not cast aside my doubts and unease about my worth.
“Is it even right for someone like me, covered in ash, to love Ain…?”
Finally, realizing my feelings, the first thought that emerged was nothing but worry.
I questioned the ones surrounding me, filled with love, whether I could genuinely like and love him.
And then.
“It’s silly to ask that kind of question right now, Asha. Just follow your heart.”
“….”
Everyone smiled tenderly at me.
Nodding their heads, they gestured me to hurry and go to Ain.
So.
I spoke with a bright smile.
“I hope the world changes.”
I expressed the feelings I had concealed all this time.
“I hope to live in the world Ain will surely change.”
That was my innermost thought, the radiant light I envision.
“Because of Ain and all of you, I could continue enduring all this, striving to be ordinary.”
I know.
The light I hold is still tinted with dull, gray ash.
Indeed, it’s a light that should be rejected by everyone.
Yet.
“So when Ain and I return to the Empire, the world will certainly have changed.”
I believe.
I trust Ain’s steps and the affection they have given me.
And the gazes fixed upon me after my confession were still filled with love.
So.
I can move forward.
I received a dream.
A dream hoping for a world to change, and I began to step forward.
I cannot collapse like this.
I set forth with a dream into the broader world.
The broken bracelet is in my possession.
My feelings for him, and the love from those supporting me.
All of that, held tightly within me.
And.
– Ain.
– The bracelet is broken.
– Therefore, just as you said, I will express what I wish for, my wish.
– My wish is.
– For you to be happy.
– So, I will strive solely for that.
– Ain, continue along your journey.
– I, too, shall embark on a journey for you.
My scribbled letter must be heading toward him ahead of me.
*
Villain.
The foundation of the world.
The scenery that wrapped around a woman who clearly should have been a villain disperses beautiful colors too finely.
She seizes her role.
The girl who had been sprawled in the alley grew into a beautiful woman over time.
The woman who should have been evil shed her original role over three years and seized hold of a small fragment.
The name recorded in history becomes distorted.
The name Belia vanishes beyond the horizon, leaving only the name Asha documented.
And.
A new □□.
What she has moved forward and acquired.
That new role is.
One who receives selfless love.
Even if she stumbles and continues to fall, it is the woman who, against all odds, sheds her original role and seizes what is possible.
That is certainly a possibility that can change the world.
So please, move forward.
Even when you fall, rise again and continue your journey.
The Empire will no longer fade into the background.
One light, reignited against all odds, shines distinctly on one place.
It is a place of return.
A settlement where the woman bearing ash and the man pursuing the journey for ash must return.
