The question was not originally intended to spark a debate. Naturally, there was no depth of thought behind it, nor was there any answer to such a perplexing query.
“Perhaps if it were Reto…”
The Saint did not blame me for my outburst. He merely maintained a faint smile.
“Are you afraid because you cannot know? What is the Lord’s will, and does He truly watch over us?”
“Well, obviously…”
“Why deny God?”
The Saint posed a perplexing question and slowly settled down in his place. His sky-colored eyes held the shadow of flames rising high. I naturally thought of the Lady Virgin Saint.
The Lady Virgin Saint denied God.
And then, the words of senior Shiene resurfaced in my mind. When one denies God, it was said that the clergy often becomes agitated, for it is the anxiety that perhaps God does not exist.
Without much contemplation, I spoke a similar answer.
“That’s because… God may not exist…”
“Because we wish for God to exist.”
My eyes subtly turned towards the Saint. He silently gestured behind him.
There stood a crowd of thousands.
Staring blankly at the soaring flames.
“Our faith is facing a crisis. Yet how can we stifle the human heart that wishes to believe in God’s existence amidst an unreasonable and cruel world? Thus, we cry out all the more fervently that ‘God does not exist…’ hoping someone will deny this and prove God’s existence.”
I pondered how to refute this but ultimately closed my mouth.
Was the Lady Virgin Saint feeling the same way?
After a long silence, I bit my lip and swallowed my tears.
“…Can we?”
To prove God’s existence.
To cause a miracle and return alive.
No answer came back to my desperate question.
The Saint merely continued to gaze at the burning flames in silence.
As he always did.
The woman opened her eyes in the pale light.
Where is this place? That question flickered through my clearing mind. As consciousness rose, one by one, memories began to return.
I knelt on the firewood.
And I closed my eyes, clasped my hands, and prayed. To be honest, I was frightened and trembling with fear, but I tried hard to appear calm.
Hoping that the beloved man would be a little less anxious.
Is this a flashback?
The flames lunged at my skin. Even the air I breathed was hot, causing my lungs to tighten and an unimaginable pain rushed in.
The Lady Virgin Saint whispered internally.
“Lord, are you truly forsaking me?”
However, if this too was Your will, I was willing to accept it. If I could ultimately save my beloved man, the Lady Virgin Saint had long since prepared herself to cast aside her own life.
If this is fate—
Then I must obey.
I shall do so willingly. As I steeled myself, I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I was here.
In the Lady Virgin Saint’s eyes, a vision began to materialize.
In the distance, light could be seen. With each step she took, her body gradually became younger.
And at what point did it begin?
A certain maiden was walking along the road.
The tiny child was weak. She had received high praise for her jewel-like beauty since childhood, but for the poor, beauty was no different from poison.
A drunken adult suddenly stormed into the girl’s home.
The girl had to hide in her room without understanding what was happening. Moments later, just after the sounds of fighting erupted, a scream drifted in from somewhere.
Her father, covered in blood, came in and said,
“Run away.”
The girl, frightened, glimmered with tears in her eyes. Her father spoke in a tone more serious than ever.
“And don’t forget to hide your face anywhere you go. You are the greatest gift the Heavenly Deity has given to us… Until the day the world recognizes you, and until you meet someone who truly knows you, live by hiding your face.”
It was the beginning of a tragic fate.
Time and again falling and hurting, the girl began to wander, wrapping her face in a worn cloth.
Even after settling in an orphanage, it was the same.
The girl was silent and never showed her face. Rumors of having her features disfigured by disease helped to hide her beauty.
Instead, oppression and disdain only followed.
To see a filthy orphan wandering around wrapped in bandages was unthinkable. She was often spat upon, and many times she was dragged and beaten for no reason.
Even among the orphans, the girl was the target of bullying.
Every time she was trampled upon by the world, the powerless girl gritted her teeth.
“I am the Heavenly Deity’s gift.”
“Do you think I will break because of this? The Heavenly Deity is protecting me.”
“Yes, it is simply that the time has not yet come.”
Just as a savior descended to this land after countless years, so too the Lady Virgin Saint waited for her moment. Moreover, the Lady Virgin Saint witnessed all the truths of the world from the bottom.
Being weak does not guarantee goodness.
On the contrary, they were even rougher and less considerate. For the poor, “sharing” was an issue directly connected to survival.
Having little wealth, they could not let go of the grip on what they had.
Conversely, the less power they had, the more essential solidarity became. Therefore, they formed groups and emphasized mutual loyalty among themselves, but that was merely an order established through violence.
The girl wanted to change this world.
The poor do not become evil because they want to be evil. This world was driving them to the brink.
Cheap pity or charity were not needed.
She must rise up.
To a very high place, to the position where she could fundamentally reform this entire structure.
In the midst of this, the girl met a charming boy. Though he was bullied for looking feminine, she found that quality even more appealing.
A sense of camaraderie, perhaps.
The boy soon became her younger brother.
“Big sister, will there come a day when orphans like us will not be discriminated against?”
“I will make it happen.”
Grinding her teeth, the girl vowed once more in front of her newly formed family.
“We don’t need that kind of sympathy… We must achieve this with our own hands. Sated pigs can’t overturn anything.”
And so, the girl grew and was chosen by the Heavenly Deity.
Becoming the “Lady Virgin Saint,” the beauty of the girl who revealed her face was as beautiful as a flower bud about to burst. Countless people praised and glorified her, and the Lady Virgin Saint’s name became exalted.
And so she walked and walked, until she reached this place.
The Lady Virgin Saint suddenly came to her senses and looked back.
Someone was gripping her ankle. A boy and a girl, both weeping blood.
Moreover, behind them, the empty eyes of countless orphans were gazing at the Lady Virgin Saint.
With mouths wide open, filled with darkness, the orphans wailed.
“Why, why did you abandon us…?”
“You said you would create a world for us! You said you would save us!”
The Lady Virgin Saint turned pale immediately. Among the faces of the wailing orphans were some familiar ones.
James and Mary.
The Lady Virgin Saint slumped down, dragging her behind. A trembling voice escaped her.
“No, no… I-I never intended to…!”
“Liar!”
As black tears streamed down, the orphans all shouted in unison.
“There is no such thing as a god! That god is nothing!”
“…That’s right, that god is nothing!”
In response to the chorus, someone stepped lightly from beyond.
Shrouded in shadow, their detailed appearance was indiscernible. But, just from their shape, the Lady Virgin Saint immediately guessed the identity of the person.
A figure once regarded as her only family, Yulen.
He was approaching with a sword in hand.
“Do you still believe in that god?! You claim to love the weak with words, yet have you ever truly loved us even once? If that great god exists, why hasn’t he saved us? Why has he yet to reach out a hand to the Lady Virgin Saint? Even accepting horrific artifacts made from orphaned souls as offerings… Tell me, please!”
It was a resurgence of nightmares from the past.
The Lady Virgin Saint wanted to back away and escape immediately. But the moment she sat down, her ankle was already firmly grasped by the orphans.
Without hesitation, Yulen’s sword glinted with a sharp edge as he closed the distance.
“Ah, ah…”
“Did I betray you?! Don’t be ridiculous! The one who betrayed us is the Heavenly Deity! And the one who has forsaken our dreams is none other than you!”
Screaming angrily, Yulen tightened his grip on the sword.
The Lady Virgin Saint ultimately squeezed her eyes shut.
Only one face lingered in her mind.
The man who would be her first love and last love.
“…I-an!”
At the unthinking shout of that single name, Yulen’s sword came to a halt. The Lady Virgin Saint had to wear a dazed expression as she gazed at the overwhelming tide of white light spilling from somewhere.
In her embrace.
Light was emanating from the silver rosary.
Finally, just a few seconds later.
With a sound like a light going out, the shadows of Yulen and the orphans scattered like dust.
Before long, the world brightened once more.
The Lady Virgin Saint swallowed hard, and staggeringly, she rose to her feet. Though she could not understand why, she had a strong intuition that someone was waiting for her from afar.
How long had she walked?
Stumbling several times and nearly falling, the Lady Virgin Saint gritted her teeth and walked until she finally entered a space filled with clouds.
There, It existed.
With a thud, the Lady Virgin Saint collapsed as her legs gave way. Obscured by a brilliant radiance, she could not see its true form.
But she knew.
It was the gaze she had all but forgotten, as natural as sunlight. Those hollow eyes were turned towards the Lady Virgin Saint.
As they always had.
“Y-you…”
Suppressing her astonished heart, the Lady Virgin Saint quietly questioned.
“…You were the Heavenly Deity.”
It was the moment when the lost lamb finally faced the deity.
