I am back – Chapter 165

“You’re proposing to me? Men?”

As I quietly thought about what that meant, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Is it because I… am a woman?”

“That’s right.”

Louis nodded, his expression incredibly serious.

“But… I’m a man, though?”

“Is that so?”

Louis briefly asked back, then jumped straight to the topic.

“But can your body have children?”

No matter how much I was a man, such a statement was utterly embarrassing.

“Uh…”

But I couldn’t bring myself to answer no. After all, the body crafted by the Goddess couldn’t possibly be infertile from the start. Moreover, this body wasn’t based on my previous male form; it had been newly created by the Goddess from the ground up.

If a child were to be born from this body, I pondered how their genes would work, but the thought of being ‘incapable of having children’ never crossed my mind.

Above all… this body was experiencing all the physiological phenomena common to women.

But saying that out loud made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

Even if I couldn’t express how bad it felt…

So… the idea of me having a child would mean, well, using this body to engage in sexual relations with a man. Unless I were to opt for something like IVF, of course. Even if I did go for IVF, that child would still come from a man’s sperm.

Unless there’s some magic in Irrelaysia that allows two women to have a child, I wouldn’t be in a position where I’d want a child that way anyway.

Besides, I already had a significant other. I wouldn’t consider a relationship unless it was with my sister Ah-yoon, regardless of whether they were male or female.

“Looks like you can.”

But seeing my face repeatedly change from pale to bright red, Louis said that nonchalantly.

In modern society on Earth, wouldn’t that be something you could get arrested for?

“If that’s the case, your partner would propose to you without any hesitation. After all, to others, you appear as a woman. As long as the two of you can have a relationship and have children, they likely wouldn’t care much about who you were before.”

“…Is that really possible?”

“How many nobles do you think get married for love?”

“….”

I was left speechless by that comment.

Of course, it’s rare for people to marry someone they absolutely dislike. Even among nobles, there’s a divide between popular and unpopular people. No father in this world would want their daughter to marry someone she hates, and conversely, no mother would allow their son to marry a woman who detests him.

The conclusion of noble marriages was reached by weighing various political factors within those conditions.

However, this meant that there really weren’t many cases of marrying ‘out of love’ from the start. They were likely just considering ‘if the person wasn’t unpleasant and had good conditions.’

It seems there are those who would dislike that as well.

“So it wouldn’t be surprising to have someone trying to marry you. After all, you are a hero.”

“Is that to say they wish for my talents to pass onto their children?”

Given that this body was created by the Goddess, it seemed quite possible. Perhaps a child even more talented than I would be born.

“That might be the case.”

Louis said thoughtfully.

“But more than that, your reputation is much more important. The fame of being married to a ‘hero.’ Do you know? It’s actually a better situation for nobles now than when you were a man.”

“Is it because I might’ve pursued power when I was a man?”

“Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you can’t pursue power,”

Louis shrugged.

“Men and women do pursue power differently. Plus, societal circumstances must be considered. If they just get married, there will certainly be nobles who think it would be beneficial for themselves.”

“….”

Hmm…

What can I say to that?

Not knowing how to respond as I stood there speechless, Louis continued without waiting for my answer.

“Even if you were a power-hungry person, and he seized most of his family’s power, under some families, that could actually be a bad situation. In this world, you have no noble background. Since there’s no relative to share your power with, even if it gets completely consumed, the one inheriting is still your son—that is, the legitimate heir of that household. Even if the daughter inherits, it’s still the child of that household.”

“….”

“Moreover, if you truly settle down in this world, your voice will become something they can’t ignore. Those proposing to you have calculated that they’re losing less than they’d gain by doing so.”

“So, you’re saying it’s more likely that small to medium nobles will propose rather than high nobles?”

“Correct.”

“….”

After thinking for a moment, I decided to ask once more.

“…So, okay. Let’s say ‘for now’ I’m a woman, so I could get a proposal from a man. But how about my past as a ‘man’? If I think of myself as human, won’t memories of my male days surface? How could I engage in relations with someone while holding onto those memories?”

I don’t think I could.

No, regardless of whether my past was as a man or a woman, from my perspective it would simply be ‘forming a relationship with a man.’ And I didn’t want that. Even though I died twice, my sexual orientation remained the same.

“You’re overlooking two key points.”

Louis replied, not changing his expression.

“First, you’re underestimating nobles. In the noble society, there are those who would sleep with real men for their family’s glory or greater power. In history, we’ve seen kings who enjoyed homosexuality and nobles who gained power by aligning themselves with such kings. If the other party is a beautiful woman with an alluring appearance, and even a real woman capable of having children, there wouldn’t be anything to worry about.”

“….”

I found myself at a loss for words when I saw Louis make such a smooth and elegant explanation with just a raised finger.

And no matter what I did, Louis continued to speak with another finger raised.

“Second, you are a being sent by the Goddess.”

“…Why is that?”

Louis calmly explained as I couldn’t help but interrupt.

“Only the royal family and nobles close to the kingdom’s leadership can fully understand that you come from another world. To them, you’d seem just like a man who previously lived life as a man, just as I see you now.”

“Are you seeing me like that?”

At my question, Louis raised an eyebrow.

“If I viewed you as a woman capable of marrying me, I wouldn’t have given such a direct explanation. I’d have explained it more delicately and metaphorically. Of course, I should first assume that you understand the noble way of speaking.”

“How on earth… Ah, never mind. Just continue with what you were saying.”

Anticipating that Louis might genuinely give a thorough explanation, I quickly added to what I was saying.

“Anyway, unlike those in the royal leadership, lesser nobles, who are somewhat distanced from central power, may not see you simply as ‘a person.’”

“…If I’m not seen as human, what am I then?”

“They might see you as an envoy or an angel sent by the Goddess, just as the Church propagated throughout the war. After all, you’ve been resurrected with this different form, haven’t you?”

“….”

Louis hammered it home as my jaw dropped in shock.

“And the outward appearance of the being sent by the Goddess isn’t that important. Things like gender are merely the appearance given by the Goddess; the essence of who you are is an existence created by the Goddess. Therefore, it’s possible there are those who wish to incorporate such an ‘entity’ into their family to glorify their lineage.”

“….”

“For those people, your gender wouldn’t matter at all. If you were a man, they would just attach a woman; if you were a woman, they would approach you directly.”

“…No, no. Wait a minute.”

I rubbed my forehead as I spoke.

“…I didn’t come over here alone, you know?”

Well, Kalia, Dana, Pia, and Arna were originally from this side and had never died. But as for my sister Ah-yoon, she was completely new to this from the perspective of Irrelaysia.

“In that case, she would likely be treated similarly to you. To those who don’t know the real situation, she’ll appear as just another envoy following you. If you don’t want an unpleasant experience, it’s best to be careful.”

“…One more thing. You mentioned lesser nobles being disconnected from central power? They would likely view me as something like an envoy sent by the Goddess. So how could they conclude that I would marry such lesser nobles?”

“Is there a rule that says an envoy from the heavens must only marry those in power? Beneath the Goddess, we are just the same foolish beings. However, someone might want to win favor or present themselves as just, noble individuals.”

“…In that case, shouldn’t they assume I wouldn’t marry a lesser noble but rather someone of the royal family?”

“A foolish person who knows nothing of their own circumstances will always desire everything to revolve around them. Don’t you see such people in your world?”

“….”

…Hah.

That’s something to think about.

…It seems my thoughts about coming to this side are going to take a much different turn than I expected.