Something was being methodically put into motion.
Things like makeup and hair—tasks that, had I been on my own, I surely wouldn’t have managed well—were deftly completed without much hassle.
This kind of work was far beyond my abilities. I wouldn’t have even known where to begin, let alone thought to look for someone who could assist me with it.
The clothing… I really didn’t want to wear a skirt, but Elderlyn pushed so adamantly that I didn’t even have time to resist. Every time a breeze passed through the hem of the skirt, it sent an eerie chill through me.
Even though I was fully dressed, it felt like my entire lower half was exposed. I was worried that even the slightest tug could reveal my groin, making me uneasy. Do women really feel reassured wearing nothing more than scraps of fabric?
“Would you mind taking a look in the mirror? That’s great. Now, could you smile for me?”
“A, ahahaha?”
“All you need to do is smile.”
“Yes…”
In the mirror, I awkwardly formed a smile.
Even though it was a face I’d seen countless times, it felt like I was looking at an entirely different person. If it weren’t for the trembling corners of my mouth and the shy expression, I might have doubted it was really me.
I had been meticulously transformed into what could only be described as a young girl. At first glance, people might even believe I had just started high school. There was a refreshing vibrancy about me, as if untouched by the world’s burdens.
Surprisingly taken aback by this new version of myself, I touched my cheeks to bring a sense of reality back into focus.
“You’re amazed, aren’t you? Many people are surprised the first time they see themselves like this, but you’re quite exceptional.”
“Exceptional?”
“I’ve never met someone who takes so little care in grooming themselves before.”
A subtle frustration could be detected in the staff member’s voice. A deep black strand of hair slid down as a hand swept over the nape of my neck.
A gentle smile accompanied the hand that settled on my shoulder.
“Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but please take better care of yourself. I mean it, you are by far the most beautiful person I’ve ever worked with.”
“Thank… you.”
“All done. Go ahead and show your sister waiting outside. I’ll bring you your crutches, so please wait just a moment.”
Staring into the mirror dumbly, I realized I was in a better mood.
Even someone like me, so often feeling drab and dreary, could look this good with a bit of care.
[Title: Cam Room Chat]
[‘Elderlyn’ is live.]
The softly glowing studio, in truth Elderlyn’s prepared office apartment, where she started her broadcast a little distance away from me.
The internet broadcasting world turned out to be far more serious and intense than I imagined. I had no idea so much preparation was required. While some might casually see it as a simple screen, a lot of effort was clearly put in to make it feel more comfortable for viewers.
“Hello everyone, glad you stopped by! It’s been a while since I turned on the cam, right? Thanks for tuning in. Looking back, it’s been a long time since I turned it on just to chat.”
Behind the table, out of the camera’s view, several hot spotlights were set up, making Elderlyn appear as if bathed in light.
I sat quietly in a spot out of the camera’s reach, observing her.
The view from the streamer’s perspective and what the audience sees are quite different. Wouldn’t the bright lighting hurt her eyes? I decided I should study the broadcasting software, even if it takes time.
I carefully stored all the meticulous things that Elderlyn showcased in my mind. I had to set aside a bit of jealousy and fear due to the lack of space.
Elderlyn briefly met my gaze with a subtle smile.
In response, I slightly nodded.
“‘How… should I do this?’”
Elderlyn didn’t compel me in any way. She simply made space available anytime for my use.
If I were to stand up, she would momentarily turn off the stream. When it resumes, I would take her place. If I chose not to stand, things would continue as if nothing happened.
As always, I could logically understand this. Even after my mind had faltered, my rationality always did its job.
This was a rare opportunity that wouldn’t come again.
Elderlyn, as both a solo female streamer and a game streamer who played ‘Invul,’ had carved out her own place.
If I were to step into the world of broadcasting, this joint stream would undeniably serve as a substantial stepping stone.
But still…
“‘I’m scared…’”
At the moment I placed my hands on the armrests to rise, I couldn’t muster the strength.
It felt like sticky, dark hands were binding my arms and pulling me back.
A small, dark voice whispered in my ear,
“This place isn’t suitable for you. Look at all the joy in the chat. The moment you clumsily step in, it’ll turn into chaos.”
Things were different from when ‘Soobin’ was around.
Back then, ‘Gawol’ existed, but now, I am ‘Da-eun.’
Someone who stammers in front of others…
“Hmm, this is just a casual chat. A guest? Don’t get your hopes up. But, it might happen. I’m not sure yet~”
On the other hand, Elderlyn seemed to beckon me with her hand.
I wanted to take that hand. I wanted to break away from the darkness and find my own light instead of harboring jealousy in solitude.
I suddenly saw a small mirror.
My face was a mess.
“‘Didn’t I look so good just a moment ago?’”
Today, even by my own standards, I was beautiful, almost painful in its charm.
Yet, here I was, looking like this after a mere few hours.
Had my makeup deteriorated?
It was unlikely.
In reality, nothing had changed. This wasn’t a complex problem requiring a convoluted solution.
The only thing that had changed was my mind. Similar to how the outside world appears distorted when viewed from underwater, my submerged mind had distorted the real world.
Recognizing this, the grip on my arm loosened.
Standing up, I exited the studio door.
Fear makes battles dreadful, but running feels safe.
However, at the moment the fight ends, the brave warrior gains glory while the one who fled gains fear. Ultimately, fear finds you no matter which choice you made.
Extraordinary people overcome themselves solely through sheer will.
But those of us who are rotten and festering inside—can we not simply ask for help when we can’t do it alone?
“Da-eun, are you alright…?”
“…”
Elderlyn, who had rushed out of the studio, stopped.
Her flustered gaze met mine, and I awkwardly smiled. I then gently shook the bottle I was holding, offering it to her.
Inside the transparent glass,
The amber-colored whiskey swished softly.
“Is it alright if I have a drink?”
“Uh? Uh… It’s okay.”
“Thank you. It seems like quite an expensive drink.”
Actually, I don’t know much. To me, liquor is essentially soju, and high-end drinks are the medicinal alcohol sold at meat restaurants. Any drink labeled with English words is just referred to as “western liquor,” and I only associate them with being pricey.
So, the taste or price of the drink was irrelevant. My only goal was alcohol. I needed to soften my brain with intoxication.
“Could you wait just a moment? I’ll come back soon.”
“Are you alright?”
“I’m not sure. That’s why I’m going to give it a shot. Either way, I’ve come this far.”
Is my mind the problem?
Then, it’s just a matter of messing up this cursed head of mine.
During a drinking party in the past, I learned something important. This body is fairly weak to alcohol. Even with just a few drinks, I was thoroughly inebriated and entrusted my body to ‘Sansa.’
Of course, drinking this strong liquor will surely get me drunk.
Disabling both bad thoughts and good ones—I’ll just let loose.
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, the same way it’s easier to surrender to madness than confront one’s fears.
In field battles, as important as skill is, ‘doping’ and ‘equipment’ play crucial roles. Having chugged the alcohol until my throat burned, the doping was complete. Now it was time to deal with the gear.
My current exterior is in its prime condition. So, it’s time to find something to cover my face. Whether to bolster my lack of confidence or surprise others, it should work both ways.
Piled on the shelf were heaps of disposable masks. Choosing a black one, I placed it over my face and limped back into the studio. The bright light greeted me as I opened the door.
*
[Author: Anonymous (475.208)]
[Title: Yo, who’s the chick that just appeared on Elderlyn’s stream?]
(Attached Photo: Elderlyn Cam Stream)
Never seen her before, but she’s pretty. Hope she takes the mask off.
[Comments]
– Elderlyn’s friend? Never seen her.
– Is it Gawol?
└ Huh?
[Author: Anonymous (339.250)]
[Title: Doesn’t this masked girl look a lot like Gawol?]
Body’s exactly the same.
So, I checked.
(Attached Photo: I-Challenge Gawol)
(Attached Photo: Gawol cowering in embarrassment)
(Attached Photo: Masked girl hesitating next to Elderlyn)
She really does look alike.
[Comments]
– Wow, wow.
– Doesn’t the way she fidgets with her fingers remind you of Gawol?
[Author: Dongmicham]
[Title: Did Gawol appear on the stream?]
I’ve been waiting for this moment.
Recording has been turned on immediately.
[Comments]
– What’s this guy suddenly posting after such a long break?
– Why aren’t you streaming yourself?
└ If Gawol isn’t streaming, how can someone like me…
└ Damn, you’re ridiculous.
