One hour ago.
Today, once again, Yeon-joo was busy taking calls.
“Hello?”
Most of the calls were incoming, and Yeon-joo never rejected them. She just kindly picked up.
“Yeah! Our daughter!”
The familiar voice—it was Yeon-joo’s father on the line.
“Yeah, Dad.”
“What’s my girl doing right now?”
“I’ve been shooting since dawn, and now I’m taking a quick lunch break. It’s a project directed by Park Mu-ryong where I’m playing the lead role. I need to take care of my condition.”
“Ah, I see, I see. Park Hoon-yong?”
“Not Park Hoon-yong, it’s Park Mu-ryong….”
However, her father cut her off mid-sentence.
“Park Mu-ryong, I know. Anyway, you’ve landed the lead role in such a big production, so I assume you’re doing well, right? Oh, by the way, Special Mobile Unit 808 has recently become a huge hit.”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Good for you. So, uh, Yeon-joo, by any chance….”
Her father began dragging his words, and Yeon-joo had a rough idea of what was coming.
As always, her guess was spot-on.
“…Yeon-joo, could you maybe chip in a little for Dad? You must have earned quite a bit this time, right? Help me out just once. I’m kind of in a tight spot right now.”
“…”
Yeon-joo hesitated for a moment, playing with her lips.
Well, she had expected it since the phone rang.
Her conversations with her father were always like this. Ever since Yeon-joo started earning money that ordinary people couldn’t access, he had never failed to ask for some.
But still…
“Yeah, it’s my duty to help, isn’t it.”
“Really? Oh, Yeon-joo! I’m so grateful!”
Immediately, her father’s voice brimmed with energy.
“To be honest, I’ve always felt bad about relying on you. This time, I was thinking of standing on my own feet. But when I tried doing things myself, it wasn’t as easy as I thought.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Just until I get settled, I need a bit of your help. I have this brilliant idea—it’s going to be huge. People are already buzzing with excitement. All I need is some investment capital, and it’ll be perfect. This one deal will secure my position.”
“How much do you need?”
“Dad needs, um, well….”
Her father stammered for a moment.
“…Yeon-joo, how much can you possibly spare?”
“Are you really running a business, Dad?”
“What? Do you think I’d borrow money for anything other than a business? Five billion. I only need five billion.”
“Got it. Take care of yourself and eat properly.”
“Got it! Our daughter, I love you!”
“Yeah. I love you too.”
“Thank you. Really, thank you. How could I have a daughter as angelic as you? You’re the luckiest person I know.”
Yeon-joo gave a bitter laugh.
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.
.
.
The calls kept coming endlessly.
“Hello? Yeon-joo, do you have a moment to talk?”
It was her mother this time.
“Yeah. What’s up?”
“Why does there have to be something wrong for me to call my daughter? I just wanted to check how you’re doing. You’ve been so busy lately with no communication. Are you taking care of your health while working?”
Yeon-joo nodded.
“Of course. How about you, Mom?”
“I’m doing well too. What are you doing right now?”
“I’m in the middle of filming. I’m playing the lead again.”
“Lead role? Oh my, our daughter is the protagonist again? That’s wonderful. Truly a great achievement. What project is it?”
Yeon-joo’s eyes lit up a little.
“Mom, do you know Park Mu-ryong? It’s called Lies, Lies, Lies, and the story’s pretty good. The character I’m playing is kind of funny—a con artist. But….”
Once again, Yeon-joo’s words were abruptly cut off.
“Yeah, I get it already. The gist is clear to me. By the way, Yeon-joo, did that person call you?”
“…”
Yeon-joo’s brief flicker of excitement immediately disappeared. There was no mistaking what her mother meant by “that person”—it was her father.
“…Yeah.”
“Did you give him even a penny? I heard he’s still crazy about gambling. Breaking up early was a blessing, wasn’t it? You can’t live with someone like that.”
“Ah.”
“As your mother, I worry. If his personality was good, it might be different—but he’s just drinking his days away.”
Yeon-joo quietly lowered her gaze.
“No, I didn’t give him any money. Thanks for worrying.”
“Good job. Don’t ever give him money in the future. Hey, Yeon-joo.”
“Hm?”
“Today there’s a rare gathering of moms, and I’m really wondering what to wear. But I can’t find anything appropriate to bring.”
“Can you send me a picture? I’ll have a look.”
“Nah, it’s not about that.”
Her mother continued.
“As the mother of Seo Yeon-joo, I can’t just go out looking drab. Someone at the last gathering told me my bag is out of style. I don’t want to seem foolish—but….”
Yeon-joo exhaled quietly.
Her small sigh likely went unnoticed by her mother, who felt the prolonged silence and became uneasy.
“No, no, Yeon-joo. It’s not that I’m asking you to buy something for me. I know you’ve been busy with filming. This is just me chatting.”
“No, Mom. Let me buy it for you. Go out there and hold your head high.”
“Oh my gosh, really?”
Her mother’s voice rose by an octave.
“Really, you don’t need to go to such lengths, and yet… I feel so sorry for raising such a humble child. Seeing you succeed already fills me with happiness….”
“I’m doing this because I genuinely want to help. How much does it cost?”
“Um, I think that bag is pretty expensive.”
“I’ll send you 200 million won. Buy whatever you want.”
“200 million? Oh my goodness, our daughter, thank you so much. How could I have such a kind daughter? I love you!”
“Kind daughter….”
Yeon-joo mumbled those words several times after hanging up. Her voice was utterly devoid of energy.
.
.
.
.
.
“Hello?”
“Yeon-joo, are you coming today? Everyone’s expecting you.”
“…No, I’m too busy with filming.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. What a pity, but there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“If you count me as attending, I’ll send the membership fee. You guys go out and enjoy some good food. Have a great time.”
“Really? Is that okay?”
“Yeah.”
After finishing the call with her friend, Yeon-joo simply turned off her phone altogether. The silence filled the inside of the van, and for the first time, she had a moment of solitude.
“…Ah.”
For a long time, all she did was sigh.
‘How did everything come to this?’
Yeon-joo asked herself.
Actually, she already knew the answer.
From the very first memory in her mind, it was like that. Whenever she woke up startled by noise, her parents were always fighting like they wanted to kill each other.
Yeah, maybe her life was already determined back then.
Yeon-joo grew up in a troubled household.
She was sure she hadn’t grown up in abundance. Her parents fought every single day. If only they had been wealthy, maybe it would have been manageable. But they were embarrassingly poor too.
Naturally, Yeon-joo started caring a great deal about her reputation at a young age.
She had realized early on.
Your family is trash, you have no money, and no skills. To survive even in such a harsh world, you needed to be liked. No matter who it was.
“Yeon-joo is always so kind. She can’t say no to helping.”
“Let’s help Yeon-joo, she deserves it.”
Maintaining a good reputation was survival for Yeon-joo, an adaptation to the world. And thanks to her help, she was able to get by day-by-day.
“…What if I try acting?”
Given her circumstances, it was only natural for someone like Yeon-joo to dream of becoming an actress. After all, she had never lived honestly—her life had been a performance every moment.
Even now, she remembered the sensation from her first audition vividly.
“All of you aren’t desperate enough, or have you just practiced half-heartedly? There’s nothing but nonsense. Why?”
Despite competing with promising aspirants, Yeon-joo had no real rivals. Most people found it difficult to abandon their truthful selves for the sake of playing a character, and she couldn’t understand this confusion.
…Huh? What even is honesty?
To Yeon-joo, she felt like an empty hanger, and the character simply draped over her. It was easy. So easy.
“Yeon-joo, what’s your secret?”
“You… you’re really gifted…”
People occasionally called her a “naturally talented actress,” and indeed, it sometimes felt true.
Only, contrary to their misconception, she’d never practiced method acting and had no need to.
She had simply reduced interactions to formulas: ‘If I act this way, people will respond like this.’ She treated roles like math equations. And these predictions often held up.
So, she kept wondering.
…What is honesty? What even is the real me?
Yeon-joo didn’t have the slightest idea.
Chameleons adapt to their environments by changing colors.
Yeon-joo was no different.
For someone like her, with nothing, smoothly getting along in the world demanded constant adaptation. She constantly painted over herself with new personas and appearances.
Thus, “Seo Yeon-joo” was less a person than a carefully cultivated role: a character designed to hide flaws, to seek affection. It was a performance to go through life without being disliked.
And now, she no longer remembers.
What color was I originally?
I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t remember.
Of course, Yeon-joo’s efforts didn’t make the whole world fall in love with her. Just looking at her phone was enough to see that she had detractors too.
Even now, it’s easy for those bitter comments to come to mind.
[This girl openly flaunting her fake modesty makes me sick.]
[These types are always worse in private.]
[No purely innocent girl stays clean in this industry. I’m sure she’s done favors. Haha.]
Yeon-joo didn’t bother to clear those things up.
After all, there are times when it’s better to leave certain things alone. They were just venting their frustrations and would calm down in due time.
Yeah, these kinds of comments don’t matter.
More people like her than dislike her, and that’s enough. People cheer her on, acting is somewhat fun, so she can endure it. She can continue her pursuit of happiness.
Yeah.
That’s what she told herself.
Until recently, that is.
“…”
Yeon-joo picked up the script resting on her thighs.
Sasak—sasak—
Her fingers froze at a certain point in the pages. Looking at this page alone makes her heart race and her hands tremble.
S # Climax
Park Si-yeon (Seo Yeon-joo)’s excessive demands keep growing, but Lim Soo-hee (Sua) hesitates and eventually complies.
However, the demands begin crossing lines. Lim Soo-hee prioritizes helping Park Si-yeon over the organization’s orders, ultimately leading the head of their faction to issue an order to purge Lim Soo-hee.
Even as Lim Soo-hee is being purged, Park Si-yeon persists in helping. Finally, at the sight of Su-hee dying, Si-yeon is jolted back to reality. Facing the true self, she begins to be honest at last.
“Honest? Finally, honest?”
Honesty.
It was the current factor driving Yeon-joo insane.
Was she supposed to express anger? Or perhaps cry? Anything would do. But the problem was that “becoming honest” was the extent of the direction. Why?
For Yeon-joo, who had learned to mimic human behavior and emotions like mathematical formulas, this script was entirely incomprehensible. How was she supposed to know what honesty Park Si-yeon would choose?
She had to admit it.
She couldn’t portray raw honesty. After all, Yeon-joo had lived her entire life worrying about how to avoid being disliked in every situation.
She had never been honest. Therefore, she didn’t know how to be.
She had never been honest while wearing the role of “Seo Yeon-joo,” so how could she be honest now as the character “Park Si-yeon”? This was a riddle beyond comprehension.
“…”
She was starting to feel she needed antidepressants.
Discovering she was not perfect as an actress was a devastating realization. She had lived her life pretending to be perfect at everything, yet here she was, failing even at acting.
Yeon-joo hesitated, reaching for her antidepressants.
Maybe…
It would be better to quit altogether.
Isn’t it better than clinging to life like a patient on a life-support machine? She clearly lacked the ability to understand this scene, and living like this was growing tiresome.
Trdrdrk.
Yeon-joo quietly raised the blade of the cutter knife.
As she alternated her gaze between her wrist and the blade, she suddenly heard a familiar voice.
“Yeon-joo-oppa!”
“!”
Yeon-joo hastily ducked, hiding the fact that she had been holding the cutter knife.
Her senses must have dulled from not taking her medications. She hadn’t noticed the door slightly ajar, nor Sua approaching. Her heart pounded, and she struggled to suppress it.
She had intended to pass quietly, but especially not in front of Sua. Besides, she couldn’t hide anything from someone like Sua, could she?
“…Sua.”
Thinking about it, Sua was the strongest person Yeon-joo had ever met. Managing complex relationships while staying firm in her own beliefs, Sua was truly remarkable.
Yeah, if she didn’t die, she wanted to live like Sua.
If Sua were in this situation, she would definitely have acted differently.
