The unintended reunion of tears with family has come to an end.
For my parents, it must have been a precious time catching up with their daughter after a long time, but from my perspective, it felt like an ordeal to have someone I was seeing for the first time holding me and crying without knowing how to respond.
My mental resilience is wearing thin, to the point where I feel like I might lose myself.
Where am I, and who am I?
“Try eating this, Ji-eun. It’s your favorite side dish.”
As they say this, they place the side dish onto my spoon.
The red pickled radish flaunts its existence on top of the white rice.
Last night’s dinner was uncomfortable, so I couldn’t eat, and today it’s burdensome, making it hard to swallow.
I planned to leave early to avoid this, but seeing my mother’s tearful face as she urged me to eat breakfast made it impossible to leave.
How did they know that I’m weak against tears? It’s moments like these that make it clear that Ji-yeon and I must be related, behaving just like each other.
“It feels like it’s been ages since the four of us had a meal together. I have no regrets as a father…”
While saying this, my father lowers his glasses and wipes away tears from his eyes.
No, how could you do this too? The whole household is too emotional as it is. I didn’t imagine this kind of atmosphere when I first walked in.
I had imagined a rich family that was formal, elegant, and cynical, yet subtly prickly.
The reality is the exact opposite. Is there a family so emotional as this? Of course, it is a good thing that a daughter, who was almost estranged, has returned.
“Sis, don’t worry and just eat. The soup is getting cold.”
“Uh, okay.”
At least Ji-yeon isn’t as affected, which is a relief.
She is smiling at me, just like usual, looking as cheerful as ever.
In some ways, it feels like her behavior is even more exaggerated than usual. She isn’t eating much of her own food, instead just looking at me and grinning, appearing to be in a good mood today.
It seems Ji-yeon is heavily influenced by the atmosphere of a harmonious family.
Even after knowing yesterday that I wasn’t her real sister, her attitude towards me hasn’t changed much.
For me, who was a bit tense about whether there would be any changes in my relationship with Ji-yeon, this is a relief.
“Having all four of us together feels like a holiday, how nice it is! Let’s gather more often to eat and talk like this in the future.”
“Right, Ji-eun, if you’re not busy, come over sometimes to eat. If you just take care of yourself alone, it can’t help but be lacking.”
“Okay…”
Since saying that everything is fine would only lead to something else, I just replied that I would.
It wasn’t a bad suggestion for me either. Having grown up without a family, the warmth of this family is incredibly comforting.
At first, I questioned if I even deserved to enjoy such things, but now… I’ve decided not to think about it at all.
Why I became a woman and where the real Ji-eun went—these are ultimately questions without answers.
And how human beings are quite tricky; while I once viewed myself as a stranger, I’ve somehow found myself unwilling to let go of everything related to my identity as Ji-eun.
Not only the relationships formed after I became Ji-eun but also the relationships that existed before, including this family.
By the time I came to my senses, it was as if I had wrapped up my self-justifications.
What’s wrong with not wanting to be alone? I am not a thief. I am not bad; that’s fine. Yes.
“Speaking of which, the day after tomorrow is Lunar New Year, do we go to the big house this time?”
“We decided not to go this time. Ji-eun just came back after a long time, and Dad is busy with work. We can always go together during Chuseok later.”
Lunar New Year, holidays, Chuseok, big house…
All these words felt strange to me. While my friends would head to their relatives’ homes for the holidays, I would stay alone in my studio apartment, turning on the electric blanket and eating tangerines— that was all.
Suddenly, I became curious. Ji-eun’s relatives, meaning not biological relatives, but what kind of people are they?
That question was resolved by Ji-yeon’s next words.
“I should tell Ji-soo that we can’t make it; we got a call from them this time, asking if our family is coming.”
“Really? It’s been a while since I saw Ji-soo. What has she been up to lately?”
“Pretty much the same as always. Ji-soo is making a fuss about wanting to see her sister.”
“Ji-soo? She wants to see Ji-eun that much? Well, it has been a while.”
“That’s true, but she’s also a fan of her sister.”
Oh, I see.
Mollu has been around me again.
When the viewer said that the whole world was about Mollu, I dismissed it as an exaggeration, but it seems there might be some truth to it.
“Ji-hoon oppa too… After watching your broadcast, everyone says they miss you. It wasn’t like this before.”
“Haha, well, I have to go during Chuseok for sure. My daughter has become such a famous person.”
My father’s delighted voice acknowledging his daughter’s fame, my mother smiling contentedly.
It seems I have suddenly risen to stardom among relatives I don’t even know.
I didn’t expect it to be to this extent when I heard that I am a trend among the MZ generation.
I felt a slight fear about the upcoming Chuseok.
*
– The house is nearby. That’s good. Mom will bring some side dishes.
– No, I haven’t eaten well lately so it’s okay.
– I heard from Ji-yeon that you even collapsed last time.
– …When did she say that? It was just a flu.
– Sigh. Listen to Mom.
My mother’s face turned stern as if trying to soothe a child.
No, but I have almost lived for 30 years in my past life, and this treatment is a bit much.
That rebuttal that I am grown up did not hold.
No matter how old I am, in my mother’s eyes, I am just a child, and after that, I was bombarded with a heap of nagging.
– Mom will come by to check on you now and then. To see if you’re eating or not.
– How can I eat all of this…
– If you eat properly, you’ll finish it in no time. You have to eat diligently since you’re already so thin.
In the end, it was decided that my mom and Ji-yeon would come by occasionally.
Getting this kind of care didn’t feel bad at all.
In contrast to my family home, my studio apartment lacks human warmth.
Returning home after being in a crowded place often creates this gap.
So, what did I do when I came back?
“I just saw my family. I hadn’t been home for a while. This counts as a break, right?”
Well, what else would I do? I broadcasted. Did I have something else to do?
It was a bit lonely being alone, and I turned on the broadcast to update the viewers.
Questions poured in about my sudden break from broadcasting yesterday.
[Why didn’t you stream yesterday?]
[Take a break forever~]
[What’s wrong with these people?]
But there was a subtle edge to their words.
Lately, more people have been showing undeserved anger in the chat.
It has truly become an era of hate. This person is hated for this, that person for that, blaming the world, family, and society for their problems.
In truth, those chats can simply be ignored or banned, but somehow, it makes me feel sorry. I know very well that the destination of that anger leads to self-destruction.
I have some mental leeway at the moment. I was giving them the answers they wanted.
If my condition gets affected, I can just exclude them then. I have been banning the most extreme cases even now.
[This is recognized, haha]
[If you bring out the family shield, there’s nothing to say.]
[Do you think I’m here for your face? Haha]
[I’m watching for the face.]
[Immediate ban for the malicious trolls!]
[As long as there’s no evidence, it doesn’t matter if it’s a boyfriend or not~]
[People without jobs hate the holidays.]
[Good daughter trope.]
Still, my room is relatively better.
I once briefly entered one of the most highly rated shadow communities, and I was genuinely impressed to see someone broadcasting to viewers like that.
Unless it’s a controversy that’s impossible to defend, my room doesn’t condemn me that harshly.
The atmosphere of the room was initially set up that way, and my status has been steadily rising.
With that said, I put out a carrot on a plate.
“In exchange, I will do normal broadcasts during the Lunar New Year holiday. I’ll only take a day or two in between for a break.”
[Mollu! Mollu! Mollu! Mollu! Mollu!]
[The icon of diligence… The secret to Mollu’s success.]
[You’re in the top 3 characters MZs want to emulate. Who are the other two?]
[Real, haha, where did the lazy Mollu go? Why are you so diligent?]
[This is why people are so captivated; what’s the big deal?]
[Other streamers who rest all Lunar New Year are in shock.]
I merely announced what I intended to do with my broadcast in a generous manner.
It seems I inadvertently conveyed the nuance that I was making an effort for them, and they appeared to extremely enjoy it.
This is how public sentiment control works.
[Why are there so many pros in this room?]
[What are Max and Word doing here?]
[Suspiciously, a lot of Eo War pros are watching this broadcast.]
[There’s even a trainee.]
“Huh?”
Some of the names I had become familiar with while commentating popped up in the chat.
When professionals or streamers watch a broadcast, sometimes the viewers get attracted by the names mentioned in the chat.
<XBD Max has donated 50,000 won!>
– I always enjoy your broadcasts ^^
One by one, the named individuals started sending donations, leaving messages that they were enjoying the broadcast.
“Thank you all. I am always cheering for you too.”
[From trainees to players and directors, everyone watches this broadcast.]
[Our family gathers during the holidays and watches it on a 72-inch TV ^^]
[My grandmother says I’ve been gracious and pretty lately, unlike my usual self.]
[Mollu’s broadcast achieves generational unification…]
[The representative of MZ, Mollu. Wow.]
It was just another day filled with endless uplifting comments as usual.
