Chapter 12

It was known after all.

Very well known.

The light disguised as information spread faster than anything, stabbing into the minds of the crowd.

“Ahh!!”

“Heh, heeek!”

“d*mn! It’s him!!”

“Everyone, run away!!”

They dispersed as if by agreement, moving apart. Like a large rock falling into a calm lake,

waves splash, the self splashes, emotions splash, and they all leap over the big rocks lazily into the air.

Nothing splashes for me.

People move away, the smell of life fades, actions move away. They break free, struggle, and escape from me.

Only cold air hits me.

It hurts.

“……”

“Mama……”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“I already reported it……”

When were there so many people here? There definitely weren’t this many when we entered.

Fear, dread, melancholy, desperation, and despair.

I’m scared. I can see. I met them. It feels like they’re shouting at me.

Murderer, beast, psychopath, madwoman covered in bl**d, d*ath, madness.

Unconsciously, I avoided their gaze. Though my mouth opened, nothing came out.

My brain reacts to some unknown thing. Again, thoughts get crushed by unpleasant circuits.

I worked hard, but no matter what, I have tried to seem human. But truly, really, truly.

I don’t know.

Suddenly, it becomes sorrowful.

It’s noisy. The commotion is loud. The wind blows around hitting me. Standing still like an idiot in the middle of all the chaos, even now.

“Hah, hah.”

I don’t know why. How did we get here? When did things start?

From a self that becomes accustomed to m*rder under the guise of insanity.

Even from their cold, emaciated gaze and greedy, glaring eyes that want to strangle my neck right now.

Despite the constant ab*se and rising condemnation.

I stayed composed, accepted it calmly, and acknowledged myself as trash, a fool, and a cruel beast.

At some point.

Began repeating ‘human’ to oneself, then indulged in the illusion of changing. Wondered if light would ever enter my body again, or if there would be sunshine in the dark alleys I walked every night.

Or if maybe starting a new routine through dependence on medicine, or rationalizing my tragic fate, my self-righteous movements might result in changes to my daily life.

But even though I was different before, it was just one person per day, and I watched over them, and it seemed somewhat better because of a little bit of patience.

Yet, no matter how heart-wrenchingly lonely, disgusting, and nauseous everything got,

And no matter how tears involuntarily fell.

Until now, even when it felt like there wasn’t a moment alone, even if it wasn’t okay, but it was okay.

Why is this happening now?

Simply, I don’t know. I worked hard.

I’m really useless.

Giving up against the emotions that overwhelm me, turning my feet to rush out of the store, ignoring the sunlight reflecting my disheveled appearance.

I’m running away again.

Away from society, from reason, and from reality.

Not knowing what to fear, yet my breathing convulses.

Not knowing what I am being swayed by, yet my steps accelerate quickly.

Life is harsh.

Have I ever fought against it?

Like fairy tale heroes, have I ever questioned my destiny?

I brainwashed myself into thinking I’m still human despite committing m*rder; I failed to maintain my sanity, succumbing completely to my instincts.

Disregarding d*ath by rationalizing my decayed body and discarding my ego.

Indifferent to emotions, I descended into depression, and accepted my circumstances.

Except when wielding a kn*fe, there were no actions or motions signaling any resolve.

[Orrili.]

My vision clears. My vision reddens. In truth, I understand. No tears are shed.

It isn’t that I forcefully held back the tears like a child. It’s simply that there are no tears to be found.

The sun is bright. The surface it shines upon is blazing hot. The atmosphere is biting cold, as if waves ripple from electricity. Noises ring loudly and tumultuously.

Yet, the world remains dark. Feeble as the life struggling at the edge of a precipice. Cold enough to make the skin freeze and the lips seal shut.

[Breathe slowly, Orrili. Inhale deeply, then exhale slowly. Focus only on your breathing, not thoughts.]

My view wavers and lowers. I clutch my chest and slump down. My head throbs. Now, I understand nothing. Nothing at all.

About my existence, my path, this world.

Not a single change has occurred.

[There’s no need to clutch onto something. There’s no need to drown yourself in something. Simply remain, and breathe quietly. You don’t need to think.]

“Haah…… Ha…”

A loud noise reached my ears. Looking up.

The Gate.

With a trembling body, I struggled to stand, relying on my breath which made my vision clearer. Sinister scars rooted themselves in the air.

Demons poured out, magic power flared up. People fighting back fell one by one, swept away by beams or swirling in the air. bl**d splattered and screams filled the space. Voices of life faded away.

Yet nobody helped those who collapsed miserably. Each person fell silently on their knees without a thought or strength.

They did not rise. They had no intention. They lacked the power.

But they calmly accepted their fate.

As if they could be there.

Maybe, they should be here too.

Unknowingly, my legs moved forward. I stopped shortly after.

Light appeared.

The enormous demon, shaped like a devil, was pierced by a beam, crashing to the ground and scattering thick smoke.

The shimmering blade swept through again, and the smoke surrounding the ground dissipated revealing a girl’s form.

Her eyes reopened.

Amid the murky air and currents, her golden bangs glowed brilliantly, shining like the sun itself.

Her porcelain-like eyes, facing the sinister gate, glared fiercely, as if burning brightly.

Under the chaotic revelry of disorder, she held her countless engraved injuries and stood up once more, staggering.

Though the luxurious black uniform was torn endlessly and failed its purpose, she paid no heed, arranging herself without bothering to steady her breath.

Magic power flickered, and a dozen demons rushed towards her. Sword slashes whirled, and sharp magic power crushed their limbs.

Wings were torn, and the skin peeled off.

Meanwhile, a golem kicked her from behind.

The girl was pressed against the wall, collapsing. The golem’s core flashed and an alien magic enveloped its body.

With a deep groan from the massive golem, the ground shook. Wretches came out of her, coughing, and eventually rising amidst a pool of bl**d filling her body.

She aimed the sword and charged. A golem’s arm as tall as her rose, slicing through the air. The sword stabbed into the core and the golem’s body exploded with a scream.

The girl sank in exhaustion. Leaning against her supported sword, she regained her consciousness through a few breaths and opened her eyes.

The demons whose wings fluttered instantly attacked. The girl’s abdomen was slashed by the gigantic claws, but she clenched her teeth and raised the sword. The beam flashed and pierced the demon’s heart. The demon disintegrated into dust.

The girl collapsed as though pushed face first. Her entire body torn and split apart. Her breathing was already uneven, and she continued to retch.

However, she stood once more.

She clutched the sword and lifted her head from the floor. Facing forward and kneeling momentarily before raising again.

Her eyes were breathtakingly beautiful. But I couldn’t understand what these eyes held.

Was it a fixation on life, or the fear of d*ath?

In any case, I couldn’t tell anything.

But it was straightforward and brilliant. Shining brightly.

– These words echoed in her faded eyes directed at me.

We met eyes.

The girl quivered in fear.

“You—”

Seeing her, I yearned.

I looked around the surroundings near the opening.

It seemed the girl was almost done; the last stumbling golem remained.

“Greetings.”

I said and stretched out my hand. Pointing to a nearby golem not far from both of us.

Magic power flowed from my hand and engulfed the dying golem with red light.

Like a malfunctioning machine, the golem’s head twisted unnaturally and straightened up, horns sprouted from its head, and the core lit up.

Currents rushed towards the golem.

The golem let out a deafening roar.

The girl looked panicked.

“Well done.”

“This crazy son of a b*tch!”

Punching towards the girl and cleaving the floor. The earth trembled, waves of energy rippled out. The girl barely dodged and readjusted her sword. The golem swung its arm, causing the current to sway and the air to sharpen.

The nature of the wind changed, and the girl spat bl**d. As the golem thrust its fist, she was slammed against the wall and launched away.

The golem marched steadily, punching repeatedly. Light flashed and sliced through the golem’s arm. The golem screeched like a machine and retreated.

The girl stumbled out from collapsed debris. bl**d dripped from her mouth, her entire skin torn and cut open. Her hand clutched her abdomen, shivering like a pitiful reed. Yet her sword still pointed towards the golem.

Grinding her teeth, she charged at the golem. The halting golem abruptly paused and rapidly gathered strength in its fists before slamming her.

Caught off guard, the girl was struck against the same wall where she had fallen earlier.

Struggling to rise, she collapsed again. Trembling, she sank back and raised dust.

I approached her. Clearing the rubble, I crouched in front of the girl.

Could this be the end?

“Astruggling?”

A grinding sound was heard. It came from her. Soft light converged around her body.

“I did say…”

Her voice sounded worn out, yet strong.

She slowly lifted her face. Her face was smeared with bl**d, and her hair was disheveled, but her eyes were not. Although her body shook and seemed ready to collapse, her eyes remained undeterred.

Emitting desire for something.

“Must… tear you apart…”

Even seeing her spew bl**d after a cough, I couldn’t tell anything.

Severe wounds revealed bones, consuming her whole body. Her abdomen was torn, bloody for a long time. Her body shook, reminiscing the memory of her wounds.

Yet she stood up despite everything. It’d have been easier for her to give up, faint, and let go of her mind, but she planted her feet and adjusted her upper body.

“Stay patient… Ahh, ah, wait…”

Her croaky voice focused on the fleeing crowd and the crumbling buildings exploding with noise.

—

The wind blew again. Light streaked past my nose.

Glancing desperately at the girl rushing forward.

The golem’s fist slashed through empty air while the girl’s slash hit its torso. The golem roared in pain as her body was ripped apart, and bl**d sprayed everywhere. Holding her sword, her attack severed one of the golem’s last arms.

Her head lowered as she reached her limit. Knees trembling as if about to break and touching the ground.

I couldn’t understand. Why was she being so stubborn? Why were her eyes like that?

Everything was unknown.

The golem’s kick aimed at her. Likely drained of energy, it didn’t hit too hard. The girl staggered after taking a shoulder punch.

Staggering, she stood up again. Her entire body seemed to glow as if squeezing out its last strength before light flowed into the sword.

So radiant that even my senses and thoughts focused solely on her. My vision locked onto her, and my brain craved her presence.

Even though I crouched under overwhelming strength, her indomitable, unyielding will to live was so electrifying and enthralling that I began drooling, my mouth agape.

She was different.

The golem kicked her endlessly. Her stomach and chest were pummeled repeatedly, splattering bl**d, and pieces of her body were torn and split. But she didn’t release her grip on the sword.

Her sword blazed, pulling in the surrounding currents and concentrating them. Wind and lightning gathered around it, forming into an orbit.

Then the girl extended her arm. With one strike, the sword penetrated the golem’s core and went through the creature. Its body shattered, sending fragments flying in all directions.

“Ha…”

In a brief moment, the girl smiled, retched once more, and collapsed to the ground.

I watched helplessly, mesmerized by her resilience until—

She firmly grasped the golem’s core with her hands and crushed it.

Watching her smile, torn and desperate,