Chapter 12

Episode 12

Iron-Tier Adventurer Hassan

012 – <Iron-Tier Adventurer Hassan>

“Found it! Brittlecap mushrooms! These go for about 1 copper per root. Alchemists use them to brew potions!”

Luna triumphantly held up a strange mushroom as she shouted. Beside her, the bard and the doctor were busy stuffing mushrooms and insects clinging to tree trunks into their leather pouches.

The gathering was going smoothly. But part of me wondered—shouldn’t we be cleaning the shrine instead of wandering off like this?

“Young man, this is how low-rank requests usually go. There’s no strict oversight, so most of us finish the job at our own pace. Might as well earn some extra coin on the side.”

Platan, the half-dwarf doctor and a seasoned iron-tier adventurer, was already stuffing an armful of mushroom roots into his backpack.

“If we don’t scrape together side income like this, us iron-tier adventurers wouldn’t be able to make a living off adventuring alone.”

Coming from an old-timer like him, it carried an air of credibility. In a world where the internet and information were abundant, knowledge overflowed for everyone. But here, where even books were rare, the wisdom of the elderly stood out. I’d thought he was just a quack, but he seemed trustworthy enough. Maybe getting advice from him about adventuring wouldn’t be a bad idea.

So, I crouched beside the old man as he dug up roots and asked,

“By the way, Doctor, if you have a degree, why work as an adventurer? Couldn’t you find better work somewhere reputable?”

This world had universities too. Back in my world, universities felt more like a credential mill than a place of learning, but here, they were fortresses not just anyone could enter.

As a result, university students and degree holders here had egos that could pierce the heavens.

I’d met a few of this world’s so-called scholars, and they were insufferable pricks, like frat boys hyped up on Friday night clubbing energy.

There was an unbridgeable gap between me—a slave grinding for double XP on Christmas—and those blasphemous bastards who boosted condom sales on the same holiday.

College kids and slaves like me could never coexist.

Anyway, a learned man with a doctorate, digging up mushrooms in the dirt? Was this some kind of empiricism thing?

“My major was philosophy.”

“Ah.”

Of course. A single explanation made everything clear. Even in this world, philosophy was a dead-end field.

Then again, in a world where adventurers lived hand-to-mouth, people spouting metaphysical nonsense weren’t exactly rolling in gold.

Philosophy and mathematics—the foundations of academia—were crucial. But this world was truly rotten.

“It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when philosophers were respected. Even when I was young, it was so. But after the Titan faith collapsed and the Twelve Deities rose, everything changed. These days, the youth only chase instant gratification—”

Perhaps pleased that I was listening, old half-dwarf Doctor Platan rambled on unprompted.

Elders in this world couldn’t resist talking when someone showed interest—their backsides must’ve been itching to speak.

“The Twelve Deities? Most of them are just seat-warmers, utterly irresponsible. And it’s not just them. Look at Pluto. Who knows what that b*stard’s doing underground? Labyrinths leading to the underworld are popping up everywhere, and trapped monsters and the dead are crawling back to the surface.”

Pluto.

I didn’t know much about the Twelve, but I’d heard that name before.

True to his title as the God of Wealth, Pluto’s domain was said to hold buried treasures, luring adventurers into underground ruins.

Even if gods felt unreal, any proper adventurer ought to know that much.

“And that’s not all! Lately, all sorts of outsiders have been flooding into the Gaia Continent! From that Ideope’s daughter over there to the World Tree’s elves and even the wilderness Samaritan! They’re all trying to leech off the kingdom and continent we built with bl**d and sweat!”

“That’s a d*mn serious problem. If foreign laborers take over, the locals—especially minorities—end up getting reverse discrimination. And elves? Absolute trash!”

The end times are here! I spat curses in agreement, like a soldier denied leave. The doctor, now in high spirits, smirked and whispered a final conclusion only I could hear:

“You’re sharper than you look, lad. Are your parents from the Gaia Continent?”

“I’m a pure-blooded Samaritan.”

(Of course, my real hometown was fucking Earth, South Korea.)

“Right, figures. You look like a proper barbarian. Anyway, I plan to revive the Titan faith. I’ve even prepared a groundbreaking thesis. Once it’s out—heh heh—just wait. A storm’s coming. A backlash!”

Well, it seemed the old man had dreams too.

Dreams.

Dreams and vision were the driving force that kept people moving. With those, a man wouldn’t d*e. In that sense, maybe the old geezer was still in his prime? Though his knees probably wouldn’t agree.

“Samaritan lad, purely an academic question—why did you become an adventurer? What brought you to Sodomora, leaving the wilderness behind?”

The arrow of inquiry now pointed at me.

“Samaritans roam the world seeking glorious deaths, no? Is that your reason too?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Just as I thought! My hunches are never wrong. Still, you’re more refined than most Samaritans I’ve met. For a foreigner, you speak quite well. Did you study at a formal institution?”

I had been about to graduate university in my original world. But would that degree even count here? As I hesitated, the old man answered for me.

“Even if times have changed, a savage wouldn’t have attended school. Not that I’m one to talk—I’m rolling in the dirt with the very barbarians I insult.”

And with that, our conversation ended.

We’d talked a lot, but looking back, I couldn’t recall much beyond elves are fucking evil.

—

“I’ll be honest. I have no idea where we are. We’re royally screwed.”

Goddamn old b*stard. Only when the sun dipped low and darkness crept into the forest did he mutter his lack of confidence.

I’d known he was bad with directions, but not this bad.

Ding-ling.

“Like a lost child, crying and wailing—”

“Shut the hell up. Be quiet.”

“Understood.”

My nerves were on edge in the fully darkened woods. If two years in this world had taught me anything, it was that a forest at night was deadly.

You never knew what might appear or what could happen—caution was key. And here this idiot wanted to play music and sing? Not even the god of music would tolerate that.

My growling must’ve worked because the bard shut his mouth and pretended to study the map with a serious face.

“So, brother, the black parts are words, and the white parts are paper, right?”

This bard was dumber than I’d imagined. Relying on him was hopeless.

I wasn’t familiar with the terrain either, and the map itself was too vague to make sense of.

That left the voodoo priestess or whatever she was.

Luna, meanwhile, was struggling under the weight of her overstuffed backpack, barely able to walk.

“We’re lost? Then it’s time for my Cataclysmic Voodoo!”

Her confident declaration from behind her mask was ominous from the name alone. But at this point, we had no choice but to rely on her dubious blessings or magic.

“Bring me sticks. I need a rod.”

Following her instructions, the bard and I gathered a few suitable sticks.

She inspected them. “Hmm, this one’s too bent. This one’s too twiggy.” After some deliberation, she finally picked a straight branch—perfect for a switch—and nodded.

“Yes, this’ll do!”

“To think I’d witness Ideope’s sorcery. Fascinating.”

Even the old man, who’d been sulking earlier, seemed intrigued by this Cataclysmic Voodoo.

Half-hopeful, I watched Luna work.

Most magic I’d seen involved shooting fireballs to slay giant monsters or instantly healing grievous wounds—unbelievable feats.

“Alright, everyone quiet. I need to focus.”

Thud.

She planted the stick into the ground like a pillar, placed her hands on it, and began chanting an incomprehensible incantation.

“…”

It was a language too horrifying to describe. Less a spell and more like the wailing of the abyss rising from the depths of a swamp.

The chaotic footsteps of something scrambling, then sprinting closer. It sounded like a demon could be summoned any second.

“HYAH—!”

With a final shriek, Luna collapsed like she’d fainted. The tension was palpable.

“B-brother! What’s happening?! I sense an evil, sinister energy—!”

I had no idea if he actually felt anything, but all I could do was gulp.

“I-I don’t know. Old man, you got any clues?”

“There’s little research on Ideope’s sorcery. Most records were lost in the Giant War fifty years ago. Let’s wait.”

Huff… huff… Luna panted heavily. Just as I considered helping her up, she weakly rose and approached the stick still standing in the ground.

Then, stomping around it—BANG! BANG!—she finally knocked it over.

Thud.

Was there some religious significance to this? As I pondered deeply—

“There! We go that way!”

Luna pointed in the direction the stick had fallen.

“Are you serious right now?”

“Eek—!”

She flinched at my outburst. The bard, who’d been watching, grabbed my shoulder.

“Calm down, brother. It’s not like we have better options.”

“Ugh, fine.”

But was this slapdash method really how we’d navigate the dark forest? I couldn’t shake my skepticism.

Still, as an accomplice in the whole bee-catching fiasco earlier, I had no right to complain.

So, we followed the stick’s direction.

The moon was high now, and strange beasts howled—Hoo, hooo—around us. If we stayed still, who knew what might happen? We had no choice but to move.

After pushing through thick brush for a while—

“Look! See? I told you… My voodoo doesn’t lie.”

“Bullshit. You were muttering about this being the wrong path just a minute ago.”

Ahead, under the dim moonlight, stood the ruins of an abandoned shrine. Cracked and shattered pillars, collapsed walls, and broken statues gave it a sinister aura.

By day, it might’ve been picturesque, but under the moon, it looked like a cursed temple—or the entrance to some underground dungeon.

Still, finding the shrine was a relief. We could use it as a landmark to reorient ourselves and find our way back.

“We’ll camp here tonight. Best start a fire—the beasts and monsters here fear flames.”

“A sound plan, brother.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

The bard and I agreed. We gathered dry firewood and stones, setting up a decent camp around the bonfire.

“You’ve got skill, lad. A true wilderness man—plenty of experience sleeping rough, eh?”

The old doctor clicked his tongue as I built the fire and a makeshift shelter. My time as Elpride’s slave, doing all sorts of odd jobs, had its uses.

“Here’s a flint. Thought it might come in handy.”

Click, click— WHOOSH.

With the fire finally lit, we all sighed in relief.

My first night camping as an adventurer.

It wasn’t quite what I’d imagined, but it was manageable.

Skitter, skitter.

Skitter, skitter!

“Brother! We’re fucked! Goblins! They must’ve been drawn to the fire!”

“Wha—? Goblins this close to the city?! In Titan’s day, this would’ve never—”

“Heh. f*ck.”

[Author’s Note]

Old man Platan’s rambling was so long even I broke a sweat!!!!!

Fun fact: Even in ancient Greece, philosophers were mocked for being poor!!!

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