I quietly gazed at the stars dotting the night sky, twinkling softly.
The sky, filled with a circular hole centered around the lodge, was truly a magnificent sight. Where else could one find such a view?
It resembled a well. The night sky reflected in the well of nature sparkled gently on the surface, despite the absence of piercing light.
The tall trees surrounding it seemed to blind me with their brilliance, as if reaching out to grasp something forever unattainable. I pulled the cigarette from my mouth and exhaled the smoke.
Far more stars than I had seen in the city sparkled through the swirling smoke; in my eyes, one particularly bright yellow star stood out, and I found myself thoughtlessly thinking it was beautiful.
Having finished a hearty dinner, I stepped outside, considering lighting a cigarette. Yet, it turned into an unexpectedly emotional moment.
Or perhaps, it was a strong desire to sink the complicated thoughts swirling in my mind into the depths of my inner self. My true feelings were a mystery even to myself.
Another long stream of cigarette smoke was released. Watching the fading mint scent, I slowly closed my eyes.
“…Elf.”
The grammar of the inscription on the gravestone, the peculiar name positioned within it, and even the shape of the grave itself…
Everything belonged to the Elf. The one I had seen before, like that…
It stirred my heart in turmoil. It was only natural, given that they were of the race with which I had faced off with weapons.
The moment I saw that grave during the day, I was overwhelmed with feelings I could hardly describe.
I had witnessed countless Elves dying on the battlefield. They died beneath my feet, over barbed wire, and occasionally trapped in trenches.
Yes. I had witnessed their deaths to a horrifying degree.
Then why…
“……”
Why do I feel so unsettled?
They are not immortal. Every living creature has an end, and there are countless Elves who did not die of natural causes but at my hands.
But what does that grave on the mountainside matter…
The moment I realized that it was the Elf’s grave, the fleeting emotion I felt then… I’m not sure if it was anger.
What is clear is that I still do not like Elves. That does not mean I hate them enough to want to kill them.
Did they truly wish to be dragged to the battlefield?
In the past, I might have hated them. Back then, I was searching for someone to alleviate my guilt, needing someone to blame for Helena’s death.
But not now. I clearly recognize the bearer of responsibility for the pain I have endured. Therefore, it was not anger.
The emotion I felt was an overwhelming loneliness.
In fact, yes. The moment I saw that grave, Helena’s grave came to mind.
Helena’s grave. A lonely grave buried in the cold, damp earth, with nothing but the Bible and rosary buried there, without even recovering the corpse.
While there were numerous soldiers’ graves around Helena, it couldn’t look any lonelier.
And seeing the unmanaged grave exposed to the sunlight in nature, I felt the same loneliness and solitude I had felt at Helena’s grave.
Considering the state of the grave I had seen during the day, it was not an ancient one. At most, it was no more than five years old… or maybe three.
Though it was covered with vines and moss, the letters carved into the gravestone were still clearly visible. It was not an extremely old grave.
“What on earth….”
What story did that Elf hold? How did such an Elf, who had darted across the battlefield, come to be buried in the Empire’s land?
Elves value communal living. They perceive other Elves as siblings born from the same World Tree, arising from the same nature.
Yet, to be buried alone like that, without proper care.
“Whew….”
I exhaled the last puff of cigarette smoke. The smoke clung to my mouth as if it didn’t want to leave, dissipating into the pale air.
‘…Now that I think about it.’
There are not even two months left until Helena’s memorial date. I suddenly remembered this fact and frowned.
“Waaah!!”
“Kyaa—!”
“Hahaha!!”
The cheerful voices of students streamed out, carried by the warm light from the windows to where I was. I briefly glanced through the window.
“I-I’m really scared!!”
“Hahaha…! Sorry, sorry. I’m really sorry. Elin! How about you?”
“…Um, a little scary.”
“From your expression, it’s more than a little, right? Hahaha!”
The lively chatter of students: Chloe and Sofia Sub-priest, who were frowning at Daniel’s scary story; Elin and Laura, who were sweating coldly while pretending not to be scared; and Vivian, who was maintaining her usual stoic expression.
I stared blankly at the students. I even forgot to discard the cold cigarette butt on the ground, just staring.
I felt as if we did not exist in the same space. Although physically in a different space, an emptiness swept through my heart as if the distance from me to that place was infinitely far.
“Chloe! Where are you going?”
“Um, I’ll just step out for a moment.”
There was no artificial light where I stood. Hence, it felt dark.
In contrast, the place where the students laughed and chatted was filled with warm air, flowing out alongside the light.
‘…Other world.’
A world different from the one I stood in. It felt as if I was gazing into another world.
“Until Chloe arrives, let’s hear one more light story.”
“I’m… okay with that.”
“Um… Daniel, wouldn’t it be better to stop now?”
“Understood. Then this time, I won’t tell the story.”
No matter how hard I tried, I could never reach them.
“This time…. Vivian, you tell one.”
“Alright. A very long time ago, in our territory….”
…A place like that.
Realizing this, I could only stand frozen as if nailed to the spot. I watched the students giggling beyond the window for quite a while.
– Clink.
For quite a while. Until my body straightened from where I leaned, and I saw your faint reflection in my gaze.
…If you were alive, would you have come here with me?
“Professor Antorelli.”
At the sound of someone calling my name, my consciousness, submerged deep within, came to the surface. The gently curved pink eyes were looking at me.
“…Student Chloe.”
“What are you doing all alone? In a place like this….”
“I was just having a quick smoke.”
“Ah….”
Chloe’s mouth closed. Along with her, I too fell silent. A long silence flowed between us.
Chloe’s awkward glances flickered over my face. I turned my head slightly and looked up at the night sky again.
“The night sky is clear.”
Chloe followed suit and looked up. The stars sparkling like jewels in the silky night enveloped her bright pink eyes without a speck of doubt.
“Indeed. It has its charm.”
The incessant twinkling of water glittering like diamonds on the surface; I could see it mirrored in Chloe’s eyes.
“It’s really… beautiful. Such a scene must be hard to find in the city.”
The pink color of her eyes reflected her vibrant and kind-hearted nature. A brightness of love that would warmly embrace anyone. It was pink.
Amid that, yellow starlight shimmered.
It was beautiful. I thoughtlessly found myself thinking so.
“…That’s right.”
I turned my gaze back to the night sky. Chloe came closer, leaning against the railing just like me. The sight of something massive propped up on the railing felt aggressive.
Normally, I would have warned her it was dangerous.
But since I was already doing it, I had nothing to say.
As Chloe moved closer, the faint smell of smoke that still lingered began to bother me. I waved my hand through the air.
Seeing this, Chloe made a puzzled expression.
“What’s wrong?”
“There are bugs around.”
“Ah, I see.”
We resumed watching the night sky. Our eyes lingered on the great celestial sea.
“Were you watching the stars from here?”
Chloe spoke softly. Her gaze remained fixed on the night sky. I glanced at her and then replied while looking back up at the sky.
“Yes.”
“Indeed, when you just stare like this, you lose track of time.”
“…That’s true.”
“I noticed, Professor, you always give the same answers. ‘That’s right.’ ‘Correct.’ ‘No…’.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. You just answered that way again.”
“……”
I preferred to remain silent. Just looking up at the night sky, struggling to forget the gaze I felt beside me.
In my direction, Chloe said.
“You seem so stiff.”
Those words were puzzling. Unintentionally, my gaze fell, and I looked towards Chloe. She had started to look at me, gently smiling.
“Your way of speaking, Professor. It seems so stiff that my classmates are a bit scared of you.”
“…Is that so?”
“If it sounded rude, I apologize… But it’s a little upsetting.”
“Upset about what?”
Is there anything for Chloe to be upset about regarding the students being scared of me?
“Because you’re perceived as a scary person, the students subconsciously avoid you. They form preconceived notions about you and find it hard to approach.”
“……”
“It seems you want to close the distance with us, but it does not seem to be going well, and that makes me sad.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I know that you are not a scary person.”
I lost my words. What could I possibly respond?
From the hand resting on the railing, I suddenly felt warmth. I stared blankly down at it.
“Professor. Don’t try to achieve everything all at once; let’s take it step by step together.”
Chloe’s hand was resting over mine. The warmth conveyed from her palm, covering my hand, was more comforting than anything else.
“Hmm… How about we change how we address each other by name? Now, repeat after me. ‘Chloe.’”
“……”
“Quickly. Just call me by my name.”
My lips hesitated. The upper and lower lips, tenuously connected, seemed on the verge of parting, but didn’t.
“C-Cl….”
“That’s right! If you call me by my name…”
“Chloe, Yang….”
“……”
Chloe’s dissatisfied expression turned towards me. I gently averted my gaze.
It was awkward, but honestly, I was scared.
I have only a few people whom I’ve called by their names. Helena, Cesar, and a few soldiers who belonged to the same unit as me…
Perhaps, unconsciously, fear had crushed my will.
Being close enough to call them by name means if I were to lose that relationship, I would know too well how painful that would be.
I know the pain of loss better than anyone.
Fearful of losing, I became hesitant to gain. A common and pitiful story.
Though I did call Laura by her name once before, even then, my limit was to refer to her as ‘Laura Yang.’ My head slowly bowed.
“Ha…”
Chloe sighed. Was she disappointed? She definitely was.
As if shattering my thoughts, Chloe’s voice broke out.
“For now, this is good enough. I suggested we take it step by step, but I never thought we’d hit a wall right at the name….”
“I’m sorry. So… Chloe Yang.”
“Well, well… This isn’t bad either.”
It felt a bit disappointing, but undeniably, I felt I had taken a step forward. So, slowly, I would approach the students. I resolved with that thought as I redirected my gaze.
– Rustle.
“…Hm?”
“What’s wrong?”
Chloe tilted her head. I blinked hard once, trying to confirm if I had seen wrong.
– Rustle. Rustle.
A faint sound of grass brushing against each other reached my ears. At the end of my gaze, something black was moving faintly in the darkness.
Noticing something strange in my gaze, Chloe also turned to follow it. And soon, her eyes widened in surprise.
“W-What is that….”
“……”
Gazing directly at us were its eyes. The faintly shimmering round eyes were situated at a low height, barely reaching up to my chest.
Moreover, from the faded black outline, a rich fur was visible. I could roughly guess what it was.
“…A monster?”
The monster Vivian had mentioned.
It seemed that it wasn’t a lie after all.
