Before and after my life as Ji-eun. If I had to choose between the two, I would unhesitatingly choose the latter.
There are various reasons such as youth, appearance, and economic circumstances, but the biggest reason is the surrounding environment where I am surrounded by people and have no room for loneliness.
In the past, when I drew a line with others and only had a few friends, I didn’t particularly feel lonely. But after experiencing it, I realized that it wasn’t so much that I wasn’t lonely, but rather that I had become numb over time.
A robotic life where emotions are dry, and I feel no particular excitement about anything.
Now, having met people and experienced many things, my reactions are richer, and my emotions have become just as erratic. This means that I can’t go back to how I was before.
I don’t know who turned me into Ji-eun, but I can say that I am quite satisfied with my current self.
If I had to rate it, I’d say it’s about 4.9 out of 5 stars. That’s a sufficiently high score.
As for the 0.1 points I deducted, that comes from a bit of disappointment I’ve felt since becoming this body.
It’s not due to having a large chest that always weighs down on my shoulders or the monthly visits of my period.
The chest is part of my appearance, and I believe I’ve benefited greatly from my looks. I’m not denying that.
In a similar vein, being a woman and having my period is an unavoidable part. I don’t have a mind so immature that I would whine about a natural bodily response. I recognize what I need to acknowledge.
So what is it? What small disappointment do I hold in this seemingly perfect life?
Is it the burdensome attention that constantly follows me? Or perhaps the occasional bothersome negative comments? All of that is incorrect.
What I feel disappointed about is the absence of a boyfriend.
Don’t misunderstand; I’m not referring to a boyfriend in the sense you might be thinking. I’m still in a state of confusion regarding my sexual identity after my transformation, and therefore, I’m not planning to date anyone yet.
By this point, you might have caught on. Yes, the boyfriend I’m talking about is a male friend.
That means, I’m referring to a male friend. To shorten it, a “male friend.”
Does it have to be a guy? I’ve thought about it; now that I’m a woman, I have friends like Ryu-a or Si-young, girls of the same age, right?
However, those two are ‘real’ women in a way that makes it somewhat uncomfortable for me to interact with them. If I gradually adapt to life as a woman, it might change, but for now, they aren’t as comfortable as the friends I had when I was male.
There are plenty of men around, but I can’t just be friends with any guy.
While extraordinarily beautiful looks might easily gain favor from anyone, it also comes with certain side effects.
There are whispers behind my back from women blinded by jealousy… Or men who have no interest in me suddenly viewing me as a potential romantic interest.
I can ignore the former, and I understand the latter isn’t completely unfounded. Wouldn’t I have had similar experiences? I once had a crush on a pretty girl in class during my school days even though we had no real connection.
I had nurtured my affection for her quietly within myself. It eventually faded away when we progressed to a new grade and ended up in different classes.
Why did I have feelings for that girl back then, and why do men view me as a romantic candidate? Even when our relationship wasn’t that deep.
The answer is simple. Because I’m pretty. Wouldn’t there be wars over beautiful women? Looks are a significant factor in how people impact one another.
Yes, I understand this. It’s unavoidable. A normal guy would naturally be attracted to Ji-eun (24) and be stimulated by their hormones.
So have I given up? No. I haven’t given up. I’m still looking for someone. Someone who can understand my uncle-like sensibilities, chat with me for at least one to two hours on silly topics, and accompany me to PC rooms, bowling alleys, and billiard halls without developing romantic feelings.
I think about the men around me and conveniently narrow down the candidates.
1. Bang Hyeong-jae and Kang Seong-hoon, who commentate together.
We share a common interest in the Eo War league and don’t seem to have bad compatibility. However, they both have girlfriends, so they can’t hang out with me. They’ve both set up walls, not wanting to be misunderstood by their girlfriends. I also wouldn’t want to get grabbed by a stranger.
Rejected.
2. Tex.
We got close due to the Eo War streamer battles and have had enough interactions to joke around together.
In fact, until recently, he was a promising candidate. But now he’s dating Papijoa. I don’t want to be a source of disharmony in a well-functioning couple. I don’t want to see my cooking teacher, Papijoa, giving me a glare.
Rejected for similar reasons.
3. Cheol-woo.
Like Tex, we’ve grown friendly after being teamed up and playing games together a few times.
He has no girlfriend or wife, so no constraints in hanging out with me. However, our chemistry is lacking. I want a relationship where we joke and interact comfortably; no matter how I think about it, I can’t imagine that kind of relationship with Cheol-woo. It would simply be a situation where a younger friend is tolerating an uncle like me.
Rejected for those reasons.
4. Director Jackie.
He’s about to get married.
Rejected.
5. Oh Dae-sik.
He has a good sense of humor and a sense of kinship as a fellow streamer. He was my second disciple who had given me a private lesson in the past.
At first, he showed clear signs of discomfort around me, but after several interactions, he has recently grown bold enough to bicker with me.
Though it’s still not quite a tit-for-tat interaction; it’s more like I’m a punching bag.
But that can be resolved if Dae-sik treats me more comfortably. If it comes to the worst, it wouldn’t hurt to throw some insults at me? While it’s still ambiguous to call him a friend, there is potential. This is worth investing time in.
He may feel romantically inclined toward me, but I can clearly set boundaries from the start. I don’t plan to date you. It might sound like a crazy statement, but it’s the safest option I see.
If he crosses that line and confesses, then… I’ll search for another friend. What can I do?
After pondering various factors, I’ve come to a conclusion.
Oh Dae-sik, just barely making it through.
“Is it really only Dae-sik…”
While I felt a bit disappointed that I could only secure one, I was also relieved that I at least managed to acquire someone.
Becoming friends with Oh Dae-sik is the result, but now what do I do?
If I suddenly schedule a meeting, he might feel burdened. Should I suggest a collaboration?
It was while I was briefly contemplating this that.
-Oh Dae-sik: SOS.
Just as they say, “Speak of the devil,” I received a message on Discord.
The content was asking if I could help him with an Eo War rank climb. His performance had been poor lately, and his tier had dropped significantly.
“Look at that timing.”
There was no reason to refuse.
*
Mollu was a type of person Oh Dae-sik had never encountered before.
Starting from her almost surreal looks to her beautifully matching voice.
Coupled with an untouchable game sense and a personality so erratic it could be described as four-dimensional.
Dae-sik found it hard to gauge her true intentions, and that thought continued to linger.
“Did you actually come?”
“Yes, why would I pretend? Am I supposed to come as a fake?”
She answered so innocently, but that wasn’t what Dae-sik was asking about.
It’s because he recalled her saying last time that she was fine with being called upon when bored.
As the Eo War season approached its end, he saw Mollu as a convenient reason to call her, especially since her tier had plummeted vertically.
However, he didn’t expect her to actually show up. Surely she must be busy; is her schedule okay? What about her stream today? Is it really alright to stir this up without a prior appointment?
Such questions were naturally put to rest by Mollu’s next words.
“I’ve hosted you in Dae-sik’s room. Everyone will definitely head over there.”
“Really?”
She said it so nonchalantly. Dae-sik thought hard.
‘Is this a corporate-level audience gathering?’
Mollu, who maintains the number one spot among Korean streamers, seems to be gathering viewers in Dae-sik’s room for reasons unknown today. Although he considered whether this was her regular collaboration style, he didn’t think deeper.
Whatever it was, it was a good development for Dae-sik.
In Dae-sik’s mind, Mollu’s assessment was being modified to ‘unusual but good person.’
“How do you have time? What have you been doing?”
“Hmm, can I say this?”
“Was that too insensitive a question? If it’s a bit tricky to talk about, you can skip it.”
“No, it’s not anything strange…”
Mollu, as if her words didn’t carry weight, said,
“I was thinking about you, Dae-sik.”
She threw down a bombshell.
