As I was walking along, I encountered an unpleasant white individual and gave them a beating. However, it didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, I felt even more frustrated. At first, the people who had been murmuring and following me, wondering if this person was indeed the moving fortress, all backed off after Akashi got beaten up. That part was satisfying.
I detested how people would look at me like an animal in a zoo, but seeing him tail between his legs as he fled gave me a sense of fulfillment. Yet, that satisfaction quickly faded.
Because there was no one to share that satisfaction with. There wasn’t anyone beside me to subtly boast to about how humans run away with their tails tucked between their legs. Of course not, since I had left them behind—it was only natural.
The streets were growing cold as dusk approached. Though my body doesn’t really feel the chill, for some reason, the wind felt especially biting. Just as I began to shiver, I straightened myself up again.
After all, I used to live just fine alone, didn’t I? Or rather, I wasn’t truly alone since I always had my mother’s spirit clinging to me, trying to parasitize my body. Technically speaking, I wasn’t alone, but it never amounted to meaningful conversation or help, so it was practically solitude. And perhaps more than that.
It had only been four months since I started mingling with others, a short time compared to the seven long years I spent on my own. Thinking about waking from that brief dream, returning to reality, brought some clarity.
For a moment, I thought about the sweet dream where I, a monster once human, lived among people. It was a short yet long sleep, and now I’ve woken up.
Thinking about it that way made it slightly bearable. Or maybe giving up on enduring made things easier. I don’t know, so I wiped away the tears streaming down my face. If there had been someone to lean on, I might’ve felt differently, but without anyone, I relied on my tail and sword to steady myself.
Even after wiping my tears, they kept flowing. I hadn’t done anything wrong, yet I kept feeling sorry. If only I had been stronger—if only Myungho hadn’t dared to stand by me.
If only I hadn’t provoked that Dragon. Even though I knew it was meaningless, I couldn’t stop thinking about what-ifs. If only I hadn’t set the goal to k*ll my father.
Maybe… if I had simply followed Myungho’s dream, the small wish to travel the world, I wouldn’t feel this heartache now. It felt like there was a hole in my chest, something continuously leaking out through it.
I know I sound self-righteous. How could anyone think otherwise when a woman, almost half-n*ked despite the night, cries pitifully?
But still, the tears wouldn’t stop. From sadness, guilt. If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t have dabbled in that dark power, his eyes wouldn’t have been damaged, and he wouldn’t have fixated on such strength.
Out of guilt, resentment, sorrow, and hatred, I kept walking aimlessly away from the inn, not caring about the way back. I didn’t want to think about it anyway.
As I walked and walked, I heard the sound of hammering. I must have walked quite a distance if I reached the forge where Soleo used to be. My tears had dried, indicating I’d been walking for a while.
Something felt familiar, and as I stared blankly, I realized it was the very same forge where Soleo worked.
Was it because it was evening, or because I no longer had business here? It seemed quiet. For some unknown reason, I found myself drawn inside.
“Welcome! Oh… Alte? Where’s Myungho… Goodness, why are your eyes so red?! How long have you been crying!?”
It was Leone, wasn’t it? The kind blonde greeted me with a smile before noticing my state and quickly came over.
She gently grabbed my chin, checking for any wounds or bruises, asking what had happened to make me cry until my eyes were bloodshot.
I hesitated to answer. Speaking up would surely cause trouble for Myungho. While I might not care, these people are human—no, they’re servants of the Goddess. They wouldn’t let Myungho tamper with Dark Magic.
So, I couldn’t say anything. Even to someone who cared for me, I couldn’t open up.
“Thank you for worrying… I just… had something to cry about…”
Since it was rude to say nothing to someone concerned, I summarized Myungho’s actions vaguely. It was certainly something to cry about.
“…I won’t ask what happened. You don’t want to talk about it, do you? Then that’s fine.”
Leone said she wouldn’t press if I didn’t want to talk, then hugged me. Instinctively, I tried to pull away, but I didn’t want to. Her embrace reminded me of the warmth of a mother—not the first who did nothing, nor the second who greedily sought to take my body, but the nurturing mother I longed for.
“What is it, Leone? Why so solemn… oh. Alte, is it? What brings you here? Myungho? Where’s that man? Wait, why are you crying? Leone, what’s going on?”
“Hush. I’ll explain later, Lili-net. Just be quiet for now. It’s okay to cry when you’re sad.”
…This has happened before, hasn’t it? Only last time, it was Myungho who held me. Remembering that, another tear slipped down.
“Lili-net? Leone? Is something wrong…? Oh. That’s… Myungho’s… Hmm. This doesn’t seem like a good time to ask questions. Lili-net, pay attention. What are you staring at over there?”
“A-a… Could someone explain the situation…”
In Leone’s arms, the cold lessened. I was still chilly, but it was enough to regain some energy.
Leone continued to hold me without saying anything, giving me a little courage. Maybe she could help.
“…You asked what happened… Leone, have you ever… had your heart torn apart by someone you love?”
I had no intention of revealing that I learned Black Magic. That secret might go to my grave. But perhaps advice was something I could receive.
“Mr. Myungho… Hmm. Yes, it happened often. Like when he brought home his second wife, or the third. I hated him so much sometimes I wanted to k*ll him.”
Leone smiled, but her lips were twisted. Even someone as saintly as Leone gets angry. Come to think of it, she was intimidating when we first met.
“Lili-net, Portray? Could you come out for a moment? It’s alright, I’m not here to scold or lecture. Alte looks troubled, and I think we should help her.”
Lili-net, with her blue hair, peeked out from behind a pillar, dragging the black-haired Portray. Their expressions seemed uneasy, but they looked like they wanted to help.
“I told you to speak up, didn’t I? I also hated Leone enough to want to k*ll her when she abandoned us to fawn over Portray. Honestly, I even considered pushing her off a cliff back then.”
“As for me… it’s rare. I’m already grateful that he took me in. I even tried to k*ll him once…”
“Portray. Even a small complaint would help. Surely you have at least one?”
“Uh… well…”
They seemed to misunderstand the situation, offering comfort that didn’t quite hit the mark. Still, knowing there were others besides Myungho and Yuna who cared about me made my heart feel lighter.
“Well, what can you do. You can hate someone, but you can’t bring yourself to hate them, right? One thing’s for sure: holding onto pain for too long isn’t good. Suppressing it won’t solve anything. You need to express anger when it’s necessary.”
“Advice… thank you.”
“Oh, and before I forget. When you asked what to do when you feel betrayed? Not that it’ll help much, but I beat the person until I felt better. You probably shouldn’t do the same… but just so you know.”
“…I don’t really have much to say. I’m ignorant in these matters. Still, I know ignoring it won’t help. Stay strong. And I’m sorry this is all I can offer…”
Still, it wasn’t entirely useless. After thanking them and preparing to leave, Soleo entered the forge, timing that was either fortuitous or unfortunate.
“I missed my chance to enter earlier and waited outside. Alte, whenever I wronged my wives, I stayed silent. Whatever the circumstances, I had hurt them emotionally. Whether it helps or not, if Mr. Myungho has caused you emotional pain… you must resolve it. Emotional wounds will only fester if untreated.”
Though the timing might have been off, I bowed deeply to his sincere advice.
