What on earth is he talking about?
I stared blankly at the back of Evan, who had already disappeared from the spot.
It felt like a typhoon had swept through and passed in an instant.
‘Um…’
So… it’s true that he likes me, but because he has a duty to defeat the Demon King and save the world, he wants me to think about my answer until he can defeat the Demon King?
Considering he said he would become a man worthy of me and all that… could he really wait until then?
‘Does he even understand what he just said…?’
In the original world, it would be like saying he likes me, but since the country calls him, he has to go off to the army and is only confessing now.
So he’s asking me to think about my answer until he finishes his service, saying he will wait until then.
From a novelistic perspective, there’s probably no more romantic situation than this, but unfortunately, the stark reality is that we’re currently in a life-and-death situation.
Though it’s not entirely the same.
Going to the army is already a way of sacrificing my life to protect my country, so thinking of their weights differently would be foolish.
If I were to differentiate, a hero’s journey to protect this world is different from going to the army to protect my country and my people.
In any case, the fact that he made such a confession in a situation where it could take one year, five years, or even ten years was quite impressive.
It’s a bit embarrassing to say this, but Evan is handsome, and with his pure and kind nature, it’s hard to imagine any woman not falling for him.
Honestly, if I were an ordinary woman in this world, I might get swept up in Evan’s words and enjoy the fluttering expectations.
Unfortunately… it’s not me he’s interested in.
‘Evan…’
I looked back on Evan, who was already gone, wearing a sympathetic expression.
I didn’t want to hurt him, but… if I had to live in this world for the rest of my life, I might indeed have to think about it.
Of course, it’s only because Evan has rescued me several times that I feel a certain fondness for him; I don’t really know if we would actually date.
At the very least, I don’t have much reluctance to spend my life as friends…
I truly want Evan to be happy.
The same goes for Stella, Uriel, and the characters who will join us in the future.
But…
‘Once all of this is over, I have to go back to my original world.’
This was the problem.
I planned to return to my original world after defeating the Demon King.
While wishing that Evan wouldn’t have feelings for me, I genuinely hoped he would end up with Stella or Uriel.
After all, even if he claims to like me, I believed we were destined to never be together.
It’s uncertain whether I could even truly like Evan.
Of course, if liking Evan was necessary for the sake of peace in this world and for my own survival, then I wouldn’t have any choice but to accept it.
The situation where I’m not sure which way it leans.
If I ever get the chance to make a wish to return to my original world after defeating the Demon King, I’d probably wish for that.
In the past, I would have been able to say so with certainty.
Inside the alley where Evan had disappeared, I let out a sigh and looked up at the sky.
Even though nothing was visible when I looked up, for some reason, I desperately wanted to see the sky.
‘Ah… it was so peaceful amidst the trials…’
Really.
To think I’d feel like I might go crazy now, I feel so foolish.
I can’t see anything.
I can’t hear anything.
Just this alone is such a huge stress for me.
Is it really that frustrating to have a disability?
If someone never had anything to begin with, they probably wouldn’t know the discomfort of not having it, so perhaps it’s a bit better for them.
I’m not belittling the discomfort of people with congenital disabilities, of course.
They must find it just as hard as I do.
But… they probably wouldn’t understand how despairing it feels when something that was originally theirs disappears.
This feeling of being trapped in a dark box without seeing or hearing anything at all.
The heart that feels it can never look around the world again or hear its sounds.
I wanted to go back.
To the place I originally lived… to my original self.
Surely, it will happen.
*
Life after that didn’t change much.
Admittedly, because of the confession, Evan has been awkwardly shy and keeps avoiding me.
I’m not sure whether to say this is fortunate, but it seems Evan doesn’t know that I heard all of that in confession.
If he knew I had heard everything, he wouldn’t be so quiet.
Knowing Evan’s personality, wouldn’t he have come to me and made excuses, saying it wasn’t meant that way?
Maybe not?
I think he might just assume I wouldn’t know, being so pure, and think nothing of it.
I don’t know how Evan thinks; I can’t make judgments since I’m not him, but one thing is for sure: most people probably think I wouldn’t understand the relationship between a man and a woman.
What I know is probably more strange.
Having never been taught and with no way to find out, there’s no way I would know about how men and women go about having children.
Well, for the sake of my concept, it might be better to pretend I don’t know anything.
‘Call me a monster maddened by the concept…’
Yet, I don’t want to show any strange appearance.
I’ve never shown anyone how I enjoyed suffering so far.
It would be one thing to be caught knowing about sex, but if I were to smile while showing how I enjoyed suffering, that would be the end of me.
So, while treating others, I continued to act without stopping.
In the past, there were times when I failed to act and people looked at me strangely, but during those moments, I could think it was just because I had sustained significant injuries and was slightly out of it.
Every time, the stares on me felt overwhelmingly burdensome.
But now, I don’t make those mistakes.
After living this way for so long, I’ve truly grown accustomed to it.
It’s not like I was just anxiously looking for new stimulation.
“[Huff…]”
I really don’t understand how it is that so many people come here as a result of sword training.
The fortunate part is that it’s not an actual life-and-death duel, so only the kids who get hurt to a certain extent come here.
Personally, I find the pain of a broken bone quite harsh, so it’s become a sort of enjoyable everyday happiness for me.
Outwardly, I encourage them to train hard for the sake of becoming stronger and tell them they can come anytime without feeling burdened if they’re injured.
But I feel a bit disappointed that since saying that, it seems fewer people have been coming.
“[Well, I’ll be going now, Sister.]”
“Oh, yes… Sure! Thank you, Saint!”
What the Department of Sacred Studies does is truly nothing much.
How little is it that it doesn’t differ from when I stayed at the cathedral before?
I feel like I’ve mentioned this before.
“[Not much time left.]”
There really isn’t much time left.
The academy’s exams.
And…
‘Maleficent.’
It’s the opportunity to catch that guy.
I already have the plan all set.
I need to make sure I don’t make any mistakes, but with the effort I’ve put in until now and the holy relics I have, there shouldn’t be any problems.
Ah… of course, there might be a risk of causing some PTSD to others due to Maleficent’s resistance.
‘I’ll have to do it in a place with no people…’
This is something I should definitely ask Arhen for help with.
She probably wouldn’t want to show a bad side affecting my friends’ mental health either.
Neither would I, after all.
“[Evan…]”
How should I respond?
I’ll probably be a while before I give that answer.
Still, it would be best to start thinking about it now so that I can provide an answer Evan would be satisfied with.
I walked toward my dormitory with a wry smile.
“Oh, Aria, you’re back?”
Stella, who had been studying magic, welcomed me as I returned to the room.
I’m sorry to Stella, but I felt like just lying on the bed, so I replied softly while approaching the bed and collapsed onto it.
Stella asked if I was okay and if I was hurt, but I simply answered that I was fine and curled up.
It’s hard.
Really…
