Chapter 14

Here’s the English translation of the provided novel excerpt:

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### Episode 14

Iron-Tier Adventurer Hassan

The first one to discover it was the snarky bard Malco.

“Pretty sure this wasn’t here yesterday. Did it get exposed after all that ruckus with the Goblins? Brother, what do you think?”

Malco was staring at the shattered remains of a statue—or rather, the bizarre, smaller figure hidden inside it—and asked for my opinion. Not that I had any to give.

All I did was squint and cautiously examine it.

It was another statue nestled within the broken marble one, like a matryoshka doll. Inside the hollowed-out space was a strangely shaped figurine, slightly larger than a palm—something you could call a statuette or a small idol.

What kind of model was it?

The fragments of the broken statue obscured its details, but the way its black surface shimmered made it seem like something valuable.

Just then, Luna, with her eerie masked face, leaned her enormous head in and hummed thoughtfully.

“If it was hidden, maybe it’s super valuable? Could be treasure?”

“Sister, that’s a mighty fine point. Should we pull it out and see?”

Just as Malco reached into the broken statue—

“D-d*mn brats! Don’t touch it! You’ll bring disaster upon us!”

The old man, who had been finishing up some weeding nearby, bellowed at us. We froze and turned our heads.

“Hah… hah… If you meddle with such things recklessly… hah… you just might incur divine wrath.”

He was panting so hard I wondered if he’d collapse from exhaustion before any divine punishment could reach him.

Either way, the sheer pressure in his tone—half eerie insanity—made us comply without resistance.

“Th-this is…!”

The old man gasped as he saw the small statuette inside the broken statue. Did he recognize it? Sensing my own curiosity, Malco asked.

“What’s wrong, old man? You know something?”

“N-no, I don’t!”

What the hell? And they call him a scholar? More like a quack. Just as I was mentally grumbling, the old man snorted and added:

“I don’t know…! And that’s exactly why it’s dangerous! I’ve studied theology alongside philosophy—there’s no artifact or divine relic in these lands I don’t recognize. But this… I’ve never seen anything like it! How can this even exist?!”

The old man was half-losing his mind. Yet, he didn’t dare touch the thing, merely staring at it with wide eyes.

Unable to contain myself, I asked:

“So… it’s something incredible, then?”

“Incredible? Of course! At best, it’s a rare artifact—no, maybe an epic-grade one! Or even… a legendary artifact!”

A legendary artifact?

I didn’t know what that meant, but just the word “legendary” and the old man’s reaction told me it was no joke. Still, in the middle of all this—what the hell is a legendary artifact?

I kept my mouth shut, fearing I’d get scolded for asking.

“Old man, what’s a legendary artifact?”

The bard, completely indifferent to social cues, asked on my behalf.

“You dimwitted whelp! An adventurer who doesn’t even know artifact tiers? Kids these days… Listen up. Artifacts have five ranks. First, common relics—just old trinkets. Nobody buys them except collectors. Peddlers sell them on the streets.”

At the old man’s explanation, I recalled the merchants scattered throughout the city, hawking cracked jars and worn-out sandals as “relics.” Honestly, both sellers and buyers baffled me. So those were common relics.

“Second are rare or masterwork-grade items—usually decorations nobles showcase in their estates. Third, epic-grade relics. From this tier onward, they sometimes possess unreal powers. Their prices are outrageous. We Iron-ranks might never lay eyes on one in our lives.”

At the mention of epic-grade relics, my ears twitched. I’d once handled Clepios’ Staff, an epic artifact—it’s how I awakened the Blessing and gained my bizarre massage skill. So relics like that were that rare?

Luna lifted her mask slightly, revealing her face as she spoke.

“Oh, I know epic relics. Like that fancy quill the guild has? The one that reads Karma?”

“Tsk, tch.”

The old man clicked his tongue at her.

“That thing barely qualifies, but yes. Epic relics and above carry divine blessings. Then comes legendary, and beyond that… well, I’ve only heard tales.”

“So you’re saying this could be a legendary relic?”

After following the conversation, I summed it up myself. The old man crossed his arms and groaned.

“Not certain, but possibly.”

“Are they worth much?”

“Worth much? If confirmed, its scholarly value alone would make it priceless! You could get a whole pouch of gold coins for it!”

A pouch—of gold coins?!

Hell, those actually exist?! I’ve never even seen a gold coin in my life!

Yet I could walk away with a whole stack? My shoulders twitched with excitement. Hell yeah, I’m rich! Retiring right after my adventuring debut!!

“Gold coins!”

“I could buy a new guitar!”

“I wanted a new talisman too!”

Amidst the cheerful chatter, for some reason, Platan looked grim.

“Old man, you said gold coins! Isn’t that something to celebrate? Why so glum?”

“Barbarians! This isn’t just some windfall! High-tier relics often carry equivalent mystical power—enough to drag a man’s life into ruin! Touch it carelessly, and you’ll be cursed!”

Malco asked, unfazed:

“So you’re saying we can’t take it?”

“Judging by its black form and how it was hidden… I suspect it was sealed. Ancient temples often entombed such things…”

Sealed? What kind of ominous talk was that? My gut, honed from years at the bottom, tingled with unease.

“Old man, sealed as in… what?”

“How should I know? Maybe an evil spirit. Or a demon. Or something beyond our understanding. Look at it. Unnatural, no doubt.”

Following his finger, I studied the statuette again. Jet-black, like obsidian—some bizarre fusion of an octopus and a bird, sitting in meditation? Something like that.

“But old man, Malco doesn’t believe in curses. A living being shouldn’t fear inanimate objects.”

Clack.

“d*mn it!”

The reckless bard yanked the obsidian figure from the broken statue.

Our nerves, already frayed from the explanation, snapped as we recoiled and screamed—helpless to do anything else!

“Madman! What if it is dangerous?!”

“Heh, brother, you’re jumpy. It’s just an object. Just an object. Just an object. Just an object—”

“You idiot! You’re cursed already!”

Malco held the statuette high, parrot-like in his repetition. Already crazy, yes, but now downright eerie. I shuddered.

“W-what do we do, old man?!”

“No idea! Just pry it from him—quick!”

“Hassan, do something! I’m scared!”

All eyes turned to me. These jerks—all talk, no help when it matters.

d*mn it, a cursed casualty right on my first mission? Not the career start I wanted.

Screw it.

Resigned, I hauled off and punched the bard square in the face.

“It’s just an object—urk!”

“You moron! Snap out of it!”

Wham! Wham! Wham!

Gotta save him! No matter what!

With my fists, I pummeled the guy’s face—for his own good.

“Not working! Everyone, hit him!”

“R-right! I’ll help!”

“Me too!”

Together, we stomped and kicked the downed bard. Sure, it looked like a beatdown, but we were saving him. Probably.

Ding.

『Status: Minor Mental Corruption』 — Cured.

『Achievement Points + 10』

“Gh-god… urk.”

After a solid thrashing, the bard finally spoke normally.

“Enough… You’re killing me…”

“b*stard! You’re back!”

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[Afterword]

Thank you for the coupons, Juuji and IJoker!!!

And as always, thank you for the early reads and recommendations! Bowing deeply in gratitude!!!

Many say this resembles Gamenrei. Knowing my work shares even a shred of the humor and wit that kept Gamenrei at #1 for a year thrills me!

Though I’m but a humble scribe unworthy to untie Katt’s shoelaces. Writing more, I realize—light, comedic storytelling requires its own kind of talent.

This work’s actually a mix of recent favorites: Gamenrei, Evil Party, Game Warrior, My Buff, Illidan & Maiev, etc. Threw in everything you might like—yeah, it’s a mongrel. No pedigree whatsoever!!

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Let me know if you’d like any refinements!

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