Someone dies, and someone else kills.
Something breaks, and something else gets broken.
Somewhere, something explodes and soon reaches this place to explode.
When one remains trapped in such a maddening environment, there comes a moment when they inevitably lose their sanity.
Even in such situations, Helena and I would try to maintain our sanity by chatting whenever we had a moment to spare, caring for each other’s wounded hearts here and there.
“Priest Lucio, what are you doing here?”
A familiar voice that always sought me out regardless of where I was hiding came from behind me. I clenched my trembling hands tightly and turned around.
“Oh, Helena.”
As always, Helena approached me with her bright green eyes and flowing blonde hair, wearing an innocent expression. I wondered if she knew that her carefree attitude, oblivious to the distance between us, was a great comfort to me.
“It’s so cold; why are you wandering outside alone?”
“Haha… I just… have a lot on my mind.”
As I awkwardly laughed and mumbled, Helena’s expression began to sour. She was sulking because I wasn’t being honest with her.
From the past, I had always found it difficult to speak the truth of my thoughts to someone. It was supposed to be simple: just honestly express the thoughts that came to my mind and the feelings I felt.
Yet, it was particularly hard for me. The very act of fully conveying what I thought felt challenging, and whenever I saw someone explain their feelings to another person, it seemed almost miraculous.
Perhaps I had begun to dislike having my true self reflected to others far longer ago than I thought.
In that regard, Helena was the complete opposite of me. I liked that she had no resemblance to me whatsoever.
When I didn’t say anything about Helena’s slightly protruding lips, she took action this time.
She came up close to me, leaning against the wall of the trench outside, and stood right next to me. The unexpectedly close proximity made me feel flustered without realizing it.
“Hey, Helena…!”
“Hehe… isn’t it a bit warmer this way?”
“…….”
I turned my gaze away without speaking. Each time I locked eyes with her bright green irises, which felt clearer than anything else I had seen, I couldn’t gaze back directly.
Noticing my reaction, Helena moved even closer. Now, our shoulders were touching.
I couldn’t see it directly, but I could tell.
Right now, my ears must be incredibly red. It seemed that Helena had noticed it too, as her eyes sparkled playfully as she looked at me.
“So, what were you really doing?”
“I was just… looking at the stars in the night sky.”
“Stars…?”
Helena, who had raised her head following my words, soon exclaimed.
“Wow…!”
In the winter, when the bitter wind blows, the clear air makes the stars more visible than in the other seasons. I found that appealing and was captivated by it.
On the battlefield where I had nothing to do except drink tea with Helena or chat, the time I spent not killing someone was very limited.
During that time, I had developed a habit of observing the night sky. Simply breathing in the refreshing and frigid air of a winter night felt like its own kind of amusement.
Whether she understood my sentiment or not, Helena’s eyes suddenly sparkled with interest. A yellow star reflected in her clear eyes.
“It’s beautiful…”
“Yeah. It really is…”
So, we stared at the night sky in silence for a while. The cold winter wind blew with such ferocity that it soon became overwhelming.
“…Priest Lucio.”
Helena called my name at that moment. Naturally, I lowered my head to look at her.
“Yeah? Why?”
“I believe that a person’s sincere mindset is the most important.”
Honestly, it was somewhat abrupt. The content sounded like something one would catch at a cloud, but I silently continued to listen to her.
“Isn’t it horrific that we have to kill someone, and innocent people die because of others?”
“…That’s true. But this is war. It’s something we have to accept.”
“Even if it’s something we must accept, if we just sit back and do nothing, nothing will change in the end.”
Helena’s voice was resolute. The yellow starlight was still in her eyes.
“In fact, when I first came here, I was very depressed. There was no one to be with me, and taking care of the wounded alone felt insufficient even if I had two bodies…”
In the midst of that, Priest Lucio came. Her gaze returned to me once again.
“Talking honestly with you, forming a sense of empathy, building intimacy… Priest Lucio, do you know what is most needed to properly define human relationships?”
“…What is it?”
“Sincere communication with others. If that exists, even the defensive shells we put up against one another will slowly be peeled away, layer by layer.”
Sincere communication. That was the kind of thing I was worst at, and at the same time, it was the kind Helena excelled in. She probably understood better than anyone that her actions did not merit judgment.
“Sincere… communication…”
“Exactly. Sincere communication. A conversation that contains no lies, doesn’t hurt the other person too much, and brings forth the stories from the heart honestly without pretense.”
As the realization struck that it did not apply to me, Helena quietly said,
“So, Priest Lucio… please try to speak sincerely when you talk to other people.”
As much as possible, as honestly as you can.
To express your heart as it is.
“That’s how you can quickly become close to others or reconcile with someone you haven’t had a good relationship with.”
That was a legacy Helena had passed down from long ago.
Professor Underwood said that there was someone who hoped to become close to her again like before.
Unlike before, when he maintained a somewhat close relationship while maintaining a somewhat frustrating attitude, recently, the relationship with Professor Underwood had grown awkward.
When I realized that this person was none other than Sylvester Armstrong, I honestly wasn’t too surprised.
Reflecting on the conversation I had with Professor Armstrong on the train to the Grade-by-Grade Duel at Bruytni Branch School, I already knew that Professor Underwood and Professor Armstrong shared a close relationship.
With Professor Armstrong expressing a desire to become close to Professor Underwood again, it stood to reason that Professor Underwood, who had also been close to Professor Armstrong, would feel the same.
However, the part that surprised me was different.
“Anyway, that person was a bit… quite inflexible. I’ve felt it for a long time, but I wonder if I can call it a lack of flexibility…”
The more we talked about Professor Armstrong, the more Professor Underwood’s expression turned a rosy hue.
It was a slight change, but at least it appeared that way to me. And it seemed I was not the only one.
“Oh… So? Is he still the same?”
“Yes. Rather, I’d say it has gotten even worse than before… Well, I’m not sure.”
Sofia Sub-priest’s eyes sparkled as she bombarded Professor Underwood with questions. Like a child who had discovered an exciting toy, her emerald-like green eyes sparkled with curiosity.
“Anyway, while the two of you wouldn’t know, that person always acts like that, and it drives me crazy.”
Professor Underwood was particularly emphasizing the word ‘always.’ I could be sure.
It was clear that the target of her words was Professor Armstrong.
Sofia and I had long since finished our plates, yet Professor Underwood continued to nibble at her remaining food, talking on her own, even though no one had asked.
“I’ve really… disliked that person’s way of thinking since long ago.”
It seemed that Professor Underwood had a lot of pent-up frustration towards Professor Armstrong.
“He’s always just focused on physical training and runs away as soon as I try to talk to him…”
“……”
As I listened to her explanation, it felt like watching a younger sibling hit early puberty. Sofia added a comment.
“Then, Professor Underwood, please tell us that person’s name!”
“That person’s… name…?”
“Yes! Is there really a need to hide it? We absolutely won’t spread your personal information.”
Professor Underwood hesitated for a moment, her lips moving. Watching her, Sofia and I subtly glanced at what was left on her now-cooled plate.
After Sofia’s question, Professor Underwood finally spoke up.
“That’s… I’m sorry. I can’t share it yet.”
“Oh… Um… That’s okay!”
I already knew who the target was, so it didn’t matter much to me whether she told me or not. It was a different story for Sofia, though.
“Well, anyway, I want to become close to that person again. Even if it’s not as good as before, at least now… I want to restore a relationship in the truest sense, one where we don’t fight whenever our eyes meet.”
With Professor Underwood’s words, Sofia scratched her head, seemingly deep in thought. I quietly sipped my water, waiting for Sofia’s answer.
“Well…”
Eventually, Sofia opened her mouth.
“If you could digest sincere communication with the other person, wouldn’t their defensive attitude towards you change a little?”
– Sincere communication with the other person. If that exists, even the defensive shells we put up against one another will slowly peel away, layer by layer.
I stood frozen, like a hardened statue.
“Sincere… communication?”
“Yes. Sincere communication. A conversation without lies, that is neither exaggerated nor understated… Just express your thoughts as you normally feel them, Professor Underwood.”
– Right. Sincere communication. A conversation that contains no lies and doesn’t hurt the other person too much, and brings forth the stories from the heart honestly without pretense.
“So, why don’t you try engaging in sincere communication, Professor Underwood?”
– So, Priest Lucio… please try to speak sincerely when you talk to other people.
“My suggested solution ends here.”
Professor Underwood nodded silently at Sofia’s words.
And my gaze was still on Sofia Sub-priest.
Her clear green eyes. Blended with her blonde hair.
– Please don’t think of her simply as a substitute for Helena. That could inflict a deep wound.
Once again, I failed to keep that resolve.
