Chapter 146

Seo Jae-Ah knew her sin.

She had no intention of seeking forgiveness, nor did she plan to evade it.

However, as time passed, the moment of paying the price did not arrive.

The person did not speak.

She still wasn’t properly communicating with her father.

But if her father had known, such an attitude would never have been the case.

Seo Jae-Ah thought so.

Seo Jae-Ah had to confess her sin.

But the person she had in mind was not her father.

Seo Jae-Ah knew who she needed to confess to.

She called him.

Seo Jae-Ah made her resolve. It was a place devoid of people.

Confession was not the same as absolution.

It wasn’t a substitute for punishment either.

She had to pay the price, and that time had come.

Seo Jae-Ah was beaten enough not to die.

Having been left with enough strength to walk, she returned home as she was.

Her mother, father, and even her estranged sister spoke to Seo Jae-Ah.

Seo Jae-Ah did not respond.

If that was the punishment she desired,

Seo Jae-Ah would follow through.

It was not atonement, but retribution.

~

She opened her eyes slightly.

Seol-guk was sleeping, leaning against the sofa. She shook him a little, but he seemed deeply asleep and didn’t wake up.

She got up, properly laid Seol-guk down on the sofa, and covered him with a blanket. His expression looked more peaceful than she expected.

Originally, she wasn’t supposed to be here today. She had been busy lately, and tonight and tomorrow were the only days she had some free time. Being busy, she didn’t even have the luxury to make plans with anyone. She had tried to contact Hye-won once, but was rebuffed because she had gotten a boyfriend.

If she stayed home, the 5th grader wouldn’t stop getting on her nerves, but with nowhere else to go, she thought she might as well sleep comfortably.

Her reluctance to go to Seol-guk’s house was due to worries about the burden or misunderstanding of having canceled her Christmas Eve plans because of him.

If it weren’t for the events of the past few days, she probably would have been sleeping at home right now.

She knew that Jae-Ah was temporarily staying at Seol-guk’s house.

But she had no idea what was the conclusion of that.

Seo Jae-Ah revealed it in her own words.

It was an action that could never be forgiven. No, it was a crime. And by confessing it to her, she knew full well what might happen.

Respecting the fact that she confessed on her own and was ready to take a beating, she hit her only enough not to die. She struck her just enough so she could walk home, telling her to take care of the rest. Since she came to take her punishment herself, she wouldn’t report it to the police.

Legal consequences could be imposed on Seo Jae-Ah, but that was something Seol-guk himself had to decide. I had no right to interfere. So, within what I could do, I punished her.

I also said not to appear in front of me again.

In any case, she couldn’t sleep soundly in such a situation.

I decided to adjust my plans and drop by Seol-guk’s house on my free day. The only free time I had was Christmas Eve, but it couldn’t be helped. That was the only time it really worked out.

And today, Seol-guk looked surprisingly fine. He didn’t seem to have any strange appearance, nor did he appear different than usual. In any case, it was something that Seol-guk had resolved on his own, and he had overcome it. There might be some aftermath, but it should be better than before. At least, I hoped so.

There was a cute little lie about having received a cake, but it wasn’t a significant lie.

Feeling sorry for his skinny body, I thought about feeding him some meat, but no matter what, I couldn’t help his shockingly small stomach that filled up after just one piece of cake.

Lying on the sofa, I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. It wasn’t a difficult task. I heard Seol-guk’s voice asking if I was sleeping, along with some rustling noise. As time flowed a little, I opened my eyes slightly to see Seol-guk with his eyes shut.

Once I realized he was asleep, it was as I mentioned before.

Seeing Seol-guk sleeping peacefully made me question whether coming here was a good idea. He looked perfectly fine.

It was already late in the evening, and since I was planning to sleep here, I stood up to gather a blanket for the floor. And the moment I moved, I heard him mumble in his sleep.

“…Don’t go.”

…Ah, seriously.

Hearing that mumble and just leaving would make me feel truly awful, but still, shouldn’t I at least bring something to lie on?

I quickly grabbed the blanket, spread it out, and sat in the spot beside the sofa where Seol-guk’s face was visible.

He had clearly been laid down properly, but at some point, he had curled up and was lying on his side. He looked like a fetus in his mother’s womb.

One hand was tightly beneath his chest, and with the other, he seemed to be searching for something. Eventually, he grabbed something. My collar.

I removed his hand from my collar and replaced it with my own.

How cheesy, really. I had never done this for any girlfriend; I ended up doing it for this guy first.

It seems humans’ perceptions cannot be helped. Ultimately, they are greatly influenced by their appearances. To the casual observer, she simply seemed like a cute and pitiful girl, and if I didn’t pay attention, I felt I would unintentionally treat her like a child.

If it were in reality, she would be incredibly angry.

It wasn’t entirely my fault. She was surely still the same Seol-guk from back then, but he was continuously changing. And now it was becoming increasingly difficult for me to see him that way. It could not be helped.

It didn’t mean I saw him as a girl.

He was still my friend.

However, now, when I looked at him, I felt a sense of duty to protect him, unlike my little sister, who merely annoyed me.

Seol-guk certainly wasn’t seeking this kind of treatment.

The relationship of friendship wasn’t as deep as one might think.

It was superficial.

A friendship built over decades could easily be severed overnight with a trivial fight.

Still, we were friends.

Even so, we were friends.

That’s why I must be doing this.

I don’t believe in forever. But still, while this guy can stand on his own two feet again, I want to be there beside him.

And knowing that the origin of this feeling was compassion rather than friendship, I couldn’t abandon him even more.

I had once thought I was unhappy. But now, I don’t think it’s as bad as that. My family situation is a bit complicated, but I grew up without lacking anything, and there’s no worry about the future.

Seol-guk was different.

Seol-guk was truly an unhappy person.

Even when he was a boy, I never thought he was such a strong person. Even so, at that time, he built his own sandcastle and solidified it. When winter came, that sandcastle would freeze, and it wouldn’t easily be invaded because it was solid.

But now, that was impossible too. The sandcastle crumbled away like sand. The sandcastle that he was continuously trying to rebuild kept collapsing. He poured water on it, but that was tears. Tears do not freeze.

When winter came, it was just cold.

My complaints felt pathetic compared to the pain that filled Seol-guk’s life, and I had deep sympathy for it.

It was friendship. I think it was deep. But I couldn’t deny that it started with compassion. And we didn’t gain anything from each other, and I stopped feeling sorry for Seol-guk. I abandoned the compassion. For the sake of friendship.

And now, I was again feeling compassion for Seol-guk.

The world was harsher on some people. It tortured him as if the world hated him. He suffers, agonizes, and yet gets back up again. Was that why I was doing this?

It was a wretched hobby of a deity.

God always gives trials, watching as one fights back and stands up again. Surely, it must be a glorious and noble sight.

But it is neither glorious nor noble, and I do not wish for it to be so. Some people just wished to be a little happy.

Despite laying out the blanket, I fell asleep leaning under the sofa.

My hands were now clasped in Seol-guk’s, resting on my chest.

~

…Was it a dream?

Well, the sudden appearance of Hwa-won on Christmas Eve must have been a story only possible in a dream. Maybe she was shaking her waist somewhere in a hotel. Just as I was having such outrageous thoughts, I felt a sensation poking my cheek.

“Ho-it.”

“Ahh!”

It was more shocking to me that the scream I let out was like that of a girl rather than the finger poking my cheek. Startled, my body jerked back.

“Uh… Sorry. Did I scare you?”

“Ah, um… It’s fine.”

It wasn’t a dream.

Of course, the scream… she must have heard it. Haah.

“Now you’re a little more like a girl.”

“Stop it.”

“Ahhh!”

“Seriously, stop it.”

I tried to pretend I was strong and got angry, but I could tell without a mirror that my face was turning red. It seemed my pulling back my body didn’t look too strange after all.

“What time is it?”

“7 a.m. Wanna sleep more?”

“No thanks.”

Maybe because I slept early, I woke up far earlier than usual.

“By the way, did anyone move in here?”

“Um, a girl. She’s a friend of Ham Yejin.”

“I was going to ask that yesterday but forgot. I thought someone was living here. There wasn’t any presence, though.”

“She probably went out since it’s Christmas Eve.”

“Have you become close with her?”

“We knew each other before.”

“Huh? How so?”

“She was an employee at the publisher.”

“What a curious connection.”

At 7 a.m., it was still too early to eat breakfast. Hwa-won might return before then. There was no particular reason to have breakfast here. I kind of hoped she wouldn’t. Hiding that feeling, I asked.

“Are you going to eat breakfast at home?”

“I’m too lazy; I’ll eat here.”

So she was eating here.

“But is there anything in the fridge? It’s a bit much to have meat this early in the morning. What do you usually eat for breakfast?”

“Cup ramen?”

“Why the question mark?”

“I don’t eat it much. I usually wake up around lunchtime.”

“If you wake up late, you’ll be in trouble.”

“Moo~”

“That’s copyright infringement.”

“Are you the copyright holder?”

Silly talk being enjoyable is quite a good thing. No matter what conversation we had, I could smile. Our conversations were always like that, and they’ve always had a foolishness to them, but I always liked this kind of foolishness.

“What kind of person is that girl who moved in?”

“She seems a bit crazy.”

“…What?”

“I was eating gukbap with her before, and she poured daikon radish soup into my gukbap.”

“Is she crazy?”

“After moving in, she was going to eat jjajangmyeon but tried to pour chili powder in it.”

“She really is crazy.”

“Oh, and her breasts are huge.”

“So she’s a good person.”

“Fool.”

As always, just like we always did, going back and forth between nonsense and conversation, it was enjoyable because it allowed me to reminisce about a past that I could no longer return to. Maybe I was yearning for that past I could no longer return to.

Just like always, I hope tomorrow will be the same.

I hope it will be so.

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