“Wow, they’re so pretty, older sisters!”
“Hee-eun brought all the pretty older sisters here!”
“Oh my, welcome. I received a call from Hee-eun beforehand.”
A group of children rushes out while an elderly director bows their head.
Some children come right up to me, staring openly, while others watch curiously from a distance, wondering what the commotion is about.
…It’s a familiar sight. The orphanage I was in looked like this too.
Though the building and the children’s clothing are somewhat worn, they don’t seem to be lacking food or care, so their conditions look decent.
Their eyes are bright, and the lively atmosphere typical of children is very much alive.
Considering there are places that take funding and neglect or even abuse the children, this place is like heaven.
Thinking back, it was quite an impulsive decision to visit the orphanage where Hee-eun stays.
My original plan—finishing workouts, going home to shower, resting for a bit, and then broadcasting—has changed quite a bit, but I guess this is a legitimate reason to take a break from my stream.
Not being able to broadcast due to a rather wholesome reason like visiting a childcare facility.
Of course, technically, I could have just spent some time apart from Hee-eun, bought a meal for Ji-yeon, and gone home, but for some reason, here I am.
Hee-eun guided Ji-yeon and me here as I requested, but she looks as if she’s unsure whether this was right, and Ji-yeon seems a bit overwhelmed by the sudden influx of children, subtly hiding behind me.
Hmm, I’m not exactly accustomed to kids either. But I have gotten used to a few things while living in an orphanage.
“Hey, kids.”
At my words, the gazes of the children, who were either glancing my way or staring openly, all shift to me at once.
I raise both arms to get their attention. As they see what I’m holding, their eyes light up.
I didn’t live in an orphanage for just a day; I have already prepared everything I need.
“Shall we eat something delicious?”
When it comes to food, kids often lose control. Children in their prime seem to always be hungry, no matter how much they eat.
“Thank you so much, really…”
In a private meeting taking place in the director’s office at their request. The elderly director, with wrinkled hands, clasped my hand several times, bowing their head.
They must have been quite taken aback by the sudden visit from an outsider, but I never expected such a warm welcome.
Of course, it’s only natural that they would welcome an outsider bringing expensive foods that the kids usually can’t have, like pizza or chicken, putting smiles on their faces.
But that’s only true in places like this orphanage that function normally; there are facilities that outright ban outsiders or avoid them entirely.
Those would likely be the ones with shady backgrounds or who don’t treat the children well. In that sense, this director deserves immense respect.
According to Hee-eun, she has been raised by the director since she was a newborn, which means they’ve been here for nearly 20 years.
They’re almost like her parents. Hee-eun has said the same.
With that thought in mind, I approached the director like a parent discussing their child and brought up Hee-eun’s little escapade.
“Hee-eun said something.”
“Yes, um, I feel like I should mention this.”
“The child is already smoking…”
The director lets out a small sigh. Then, almost lamenting, they continue.
“Hee-eun probably has a lot on her mind. She’s about to step into society, after all. She’ll have to decide what she wants to do with her life.”
Once the children reach a certain age, they can’t stay in the care facility anymore. Hee-eun looks like she’s the oldest here.
The next oldest seems to be about middle school age. The rest are all little kids.
“She was supposed to be adopted, but… I’m sorry, that’s not something I should discuss in front of someone new.”
“It’s alright.”
The director subconsciously mumbles and then apologizes. I’ve unwittingly heard about Hee-eun’s past.
She had been adopted once. I wonder what happened there.
“There was an older girl who was a few years older than Hee-eun in the adopted family. The adopters hoped that Hee-eun would get along well with her. But then…”
The sickly older sister died shortly after adopting Hee-eun.
Since the father and mother were heartbroken, they couldn’t properly care for Hee-eun and eventually returned her to the orphanage.
It’s easy to imagine how Hee-eun felt being sent back to the orphanage after being adopted.
“Normally, I shouldn’t share this, but I can see that Hee-eun really looks up to you… She hasn’t been so bright since she was given up after that.”
The director pressed on their eyelids as if tired.
After all, it seems that even though there are many children in the orphanage, there aren’t many adults, and they likely had no one to talk to.
Even so, there’s not much I can do. Maybe just listening like this is enough.
As if that were enough, the director’s expression changed and brightened into a refreshing smile.
It’s hard to believe they were wearing a tired expression just moments ago. Is this what it means to be an adult?
“I haven’t talked about these things with anyone my age… I seem to be flowing with words today. Maybe it’s because you’re here, Ji-eun?”
“You’re flattering me too much…”
“No, really, I mean it. It feels comforting to talk. It’s no wonder Hee-eun looks up to you.”
That Hee-eun just followed me because I was going to buy her food…
I didn’t add that last part. From the moment I mentioned smoking, the director seemed ready to give Hee-eun a stern scolding.
If I mention this here, Hee-eun might get into trouble. I don’t know if she’ll get spanked at that age, but anyway.
Once again, I emphasize that there is nothing I can offer to this orphanage. I’m not that diligent, and I can’t come here every day to care for the children like a social worker.
I’m busy taking care of myself, barely juggling jogging on the weekends, so how could I look after so many orphans?
So why do I feel so uncomfortable? I can’t shake off the image of the children I saw earlier.
Is it because I used to be an orphan? Am I still tied to that time?
It’s not unimaginable. The years I’ve spent living as Ji-eun are shorter than the previous life. Sometimes, like a nightmare from a past life, it’s a bond I can’t sever.
Even though I’m living as Ji-eun, nestled in the warmth of a loving family, I can’t disregard a hungry Hee-eun in an alley.
I am a mixed being. A male orphan in my late twenties, and now, Ji-eun, a woman born in 2000.
Because of this mixed identity, my feelings are quite complex. Sometimes, I make decisions with the mindset of my past male self, and other times, I handle things with the standards of the woman, Ji-eun.
In this case, the past me reached out. My somewhat impulsive visit here and buying food for Hee-eun are all influenced by that.
And I still haven’t escaped that influence.
I decided to do the only thing I could for them.
This isn’t a noble purpose or an altruistic act, but simply something I want to do for my own peace of mind.
So, if I were to put it this way, it would be a reasoned good deed. Like putting a 100-won coin into a donation box at a bank, seeking comfort for my goodness.
“Director.”
I approached the kind-smiling director and expressed my thoughts.
Her wrinkled eyes widened.
Why did my sister want to come here?
While waiting for my sister, who went to talk to the director, Ji-yeon thought.
Out of the blue, my sister introduced some girl at a restaurant, and now we ended up at this orphanage, where that girl lives.
And she brought a bunch of food with her.
The food is currently being gobbled up by the children in front of me.
“Aren’t you going to eat, older sister?”
“Uh. I already ate.”
“Uh-huh…”
She quickly turned her head and continued devouring the pizza. The little hands and mouth move rapidly as if worried someone might snatch it away.
Watching the orphans like this doesn’t feel too bad. After all, isn’t this a form of good deed?
And my sister is the one leading this good deed. While unsure of her intentions, it’s nice to receive the children’s smiles and warm gazes.
“She buys food for a stranger. And brings food to an orphanage.”
Has she become attached to the orphans suddenly? Why?
“Is it because she knows the secret of her birth? Does she see herself as an orphan?”
Is that why she might feel a sense of kinship? I don’t know.
Ji-yeon rested her chin in thought, piecing together her theories.
“Uh… Hello.”
A girl with pigtails approached out of nowhere, bowing. It’s sudden for her to greet me? Children like this have unpredictable moments.
“Yeah, hi.”
When I casually returned the greeting, the timid expression on her face brightened, and she took a step closer.
“Um, where did that pretty older sister go…?”
“The pretty older sister?”
“The one who bought the food and came with you.”
Children have keen eyes. They never lie and are hauntingly pure.
For a child to find my older sister pretty, Ji-yeon couldn’t help but recall her sister’s beautiful appearance once more.
“Pretty older sister went to see the director.”
“Oh, I see…”
“Why?”
“To say thank you to the pretty older sister. She bought me delicious food… I learned that at school.”
Ji-yeon doesn’t particularly like children. She’s not very broad-minded and has a somewhat picky side.
She’s the opposite of self-centered, immature children who throw tantrums.
But for some reason, these children seem to sit well with her. This child is saying thank you for getting good food, unlike some shameless adults.
It warms her heart. Perhaps her sister’s actions weren’t in vain.
Feeling a bit better, Ji-yeon playfully asked the girl.
“Hey, who’s prettier, you or the pretty older sister?”
“Uh…”
The girl, taken aback by the question, pondered with a troubled expression. It was cute and made Ji-yeon want to tell her it was just a joke.
“They’re both pretty… I can’t say who’s prettier.”
Oh, this little one has quite a thoughtful side. In such an open-ended situation, she doesn’t just declare one is prettier.
She has a depth of thought that’s not typical for children with one-dimensional thinking.
However, after thinking for a moment, Ji-yeon couldn’t help but be impressed by the girl’s response.
“Can’t they just stick together like they are now? They’re both pretty, so they go well together… It would be awesome if they walked around together.”
Seeing the girl coming to her own conclusion and nodding her head, Ji-yeon unconsciously patted the girl on the head.
Seeing them fit together so well. What a lovely child.
“What’s your name?”
“Hee-ji. Lee Hee-ji.”
“Okay, Hee-ji. I’ll remember you.”
I’ll definitely need to come back again, for this clever little girl.
Ji-yeon began to think that maybe these children weren’t so bothersome after all.
