“So, you were trying to prevent me from using tracking magic to save Aria first, huh?”
Oh, I see.
If it had been before, I would have thought of him as the typical hero, someone with a strong sense of justice who cares for others, but knowing the background, those words hit differently.
It seems that the fact that Evan likes me is something only I know, paradoxically enough.
No, Stella is perceptive, so perhaps she already knows that Evan has feelings for me.
It looks like Arhen has already figured it out a long time ago.
“[Hehe… I see.]”
I see.
Since he shows such concern for me, I felt that I should respond to that kindness in some way.
Of course, I occasionally just call him Evan, but because of my concept, I often referred to him as Brother Evan.
Perhaps he might have some complaints about that aspect.
I subtly turned my head to let Evan know that I was looking at him.
Well, even without directly turning to look, I could see everything he was doing, but normally, there is a significant difference between just glancing and turning fully around, isn’t there?
It’s a habit I’ve formed over the years.
“[Evan…?]”
“Uh, huh?”
“[I heard you succeeded in your awakening. Congratulations.]”
“Ah, no… If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have awakened in the first place…”
Um, I didn’t give that compliment to hear such words.
It wasn’t entirely incorrect, though.
It seems it would have been impossible for him to awaken without me.
After that incident, I asked what had happened for things to unfold like this, and he said he awakened because he collapsed while purifying his heart.
I don’t know what thoughts led him to awaken, but in any case, he awakened because of me, and considering that we need to subdue the Demon King, it is better for him to awaken sooner rather than later…
Should I consider that fortunate?
‘At this rate, he might fully awaken around the second year.’
According to the original setting, awakening takes a very long time.
Maturity of the mind, physical strength, and various other elements must reach a certain level for it to happen.
Even if we look through history, there have been many heroes with low aptitude who had to journey for as long as a decade or more before finally achieving their last awakening and barely managed to defeat the Demon King. So thinking about it, he was a rookie hero who hadn’t even achieved his first awakening until just a little less than a year ago.
It’s only been a year, yet he has already completed the second awakening and is on the verge of the final one, which shows how much effort Evan has put in.
It’s natural that awakening is difficult since it’s a setting where his power becomes a level stronger, and he can use new skills in the game.
Considering that, Evan has been making extraordinary efforts, even more diligently and desperately than I expected…
He has reached the level where he can defeat not only low-level demons but also mid-level and high-level demons.
Now Evan just needs to awaken one more time.
Three awakenings were the maximum in the game.
‘And all of this was to save me…’
The first awakening was supposed to weaken the monster, but it was also a process to save me, who was directly eaten by the monster.
The second awakening was to save me after I sacrificed myself to weaken Maleficent’s heart.
‘At this point…’
I observed Evan closely.
Even now, he looks at me with a worried expression.
I truly do not understand why he likes me this much.
Based on what he has shown so far, one could say he embodies the very image of a saint, but whether he has had such a significant impact on me to love him this much, I don’t know.
Perhaps he feels guilt when looking at me or has some feelings of regret for not being able to protect me.
Or maybe he’s worried about how much I’m pushing myself.
I have shown him shocking scenes where parts of my body flew off, my body melted, large holes appeared, or I was torn apart to the point that there wouldn’t be a shape left.
Even after displaying such gruesome sights, he still likes me and is even awakening to save me, so I was gradually starting to change my mind.
It’s not that I dislike Evan.
Honestly…
From a rational perspective, if I were truly a woman, it wouldn’t be strange at all for me to have fallen for Evan long ago because he is so devoted to me.
The only reason it doesn’t feel like that now might be that I’m a man, and that might be a bit stale to consider.
‘A man…’
A man indeed.
I hardly remember anymore.
If I had peacefully lived, trying to maintain the memories of the previous world since coming to this one, it might be different, but now, it feels like I have been in this world as the saint for almost three years.
It’s quite a long time, but if you ask whether I’ve forgotten about the previous world, I can say no.
I still remember the past world.
However…
‘It’s a bit foggy…’
Could it be that the three years I spent here have weighed heavily on me?
Well… It was three years filled with pleasures, but maybe this time has affected me more than I realized and didn’t seem too significant.
After all… there’s no one waiting for me.
‘Why was I trying to go back?’
What was the reason for wanting to return?
Suddenly, that thought crossed my mind.
While I set a vague goal of defeating the Demon King and returning, I realized I had no actual reason to return.
At most, it was to enjoy the wonders of my original world.
I had plenty of money…
‘That might be why I played the game more diligently…’
But looking back now, there was nothing good about returning.
“Aria?”
Is returning the right thing?
Is that truly what I want now?
Of course, one could ask what all my effort so far has been for, but…
‘If I don’t defeat the Demon King, it’ll be the same as dying anyway…’
It is true that I’ve worked hard to return, but it feels closer to saying I’ve worked harder to avoid dying.
In any case, the only way to find a way back is to defeat the Demon King.
Perhaps everything I’ve been striving for until now wasn’t to return but to not die.
I feel pleasure in pain, but no matter how much I say that, I don’t wish for death.
“Aria!”
“[Yes, yes?!]”
Oh, was I called?
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even register Evan calling me.
“I’m sorry… I think I bothered you too much when you were probably struggling.”
“[No? Ah, it’s okay. I was just a bit deep in thought.]”
Evan looked relieved by my words.
However…
“Still, it must be tough, so make sure to rest well today.”
“[Ah…]”
Well… I am tired.
Perhaps it’s because Maleficent’s magic came directly into my body and caused some disturbance, but I still had a little aftereffect lingering.
Of course, it’s not serious, just a bit tiring.
Evan stood up and looked around, suggesting it was time to leave.
Stella, who had been nursing me until I woke up, didn’t want to leave, but she insisted it was better to go out instead of staying up all night here, as Aria would worry.
I didn’t mind staying in the room…
‘Evan…’
But I found myself with some things to think about now.
As I watched everyone, including Evan, leave the room with my own eyes, silence fell over the room. I turned my head back to look ahead and bent down deeply.
Evan likes me.
But… do I like Evan?
I placed my hand on my chest.
It is said that humans depend heavily on their sight.
There is a significant difference between what can be seen and what cannot, and since I am experiencing this directly, it is an undeniable fact.
Is it because I find Evan unattractive in my eyes that I don’t want to love a man or can’t love him?
But if I say that, how could I perceive and judge such things when I cannot see?
What is my purpose?
Originally, my purpose was to return home.
But now, I’ve been pretending to be a saint to pursue pleasure and to go back home.
On one hand, I think I want to save those who are suffering.
The desire to save others and the enjoyment of pleasure.
Which side is the real me?
I closed my eyes.
This question… seems like it will continue for a while.
