Sssssssss─!
The vision turned white, and her consciousness was fading.
Is this what people mean when they talk about their lives flashing before their eyes?
Seo Yeon-joo was pondering honesty even in the midst of this. Memories of things she’d heard throughout her life surfaced in her mind.
“Your mouth’s too loose, you made another slip of the tongue.”
“…You’re disappointed after getting to know the real me, aren’t you?”
“How should I change my attitude to be better?”
People who had crossed paths with Seo Yeon-joo had often said things like this. They always worried that they were too honest, pondering ways to hide it.
But Seo Yeon-joo was the opposite.
She had never been honest and found it effortless to conceal herself. How could she ever reveal herself as she truly was when she didn’t even know her true self?
Isn’t honesty just a vulnerability?
Because of honesty, people are disliked, fail to earn respect, make mistakes… and even give others reasons to attack them.
Seo Yeon-joo didn’t like that.
So she thoroughly hid herself. As a result, while her life wasn’t completely without enemies, she didn’t have too many either. She took pride in having survived until now.
However…
Now she felt a little curious.
Why do people regard honesty, which is no different from a weakness, as a precious value? And what is the true self of Seo Yeon-joo? Does such a thing even exist?
Then the scenery completely changed.
…
…
…
…
…
Seo Yeon-joo thought she had landed in a peculiar space.
“…A path?”
When she regained her senses, she found herself standing on a long, straight road. But there was a wall behind her, leaving her with no choice but to move forward.
“…”
Seo Yeon-joo felt a sense of strangeness.
It was too vivid. This kind of space couldn’t possibly exist in reality, yet the sensations she was currently experiencing were incredibly real. If being aware in a vivid dream was called lucid dreaming, this was probably what it felt like.
“Umm.”
Somehow, she seemed trapped here. But before she could think about a way out, something struck her ear.
-Seo Yeon-joo, what is your life?
That was a resounding voice echoing through the entire space.
“Ack!”
Seo Yeon-joo startled at the sound, but information immediately flowed into her mind. To leave this space, she had to find the answer to that question.
“My life? How would I know that?”
But her doubts were short-lived. Seon-ju’s attention was soon drawn elsewhere. She sensed the presence of someone far ahead along the path.
As she approached, she saw a gaunt-faced child sobbing in front of a mirror.
“Hic, hoo… hoo…”
“That’s….”
Seo Yeon-joo couldn’t help but gasp.
“…Isn’t that me?”
The figure turned out to be young Seo Yeon-joo.
The child’s chest had the tag <9 years old> written on it. At nine, she had been so emaciated. Seo Yeon-joo was struck with surprise as she approached and spoke.
“Hey.”
“Hic… Hoo… Hoo…”
“Why are you crying? What’s so sad?”
The child shook her head.
“I’m not crying; I’m practicing how to cry.”
This was the reply of young Seo Yeon-joo.
“I have to cry as sorrowfully as possible to stop Mom and Dad from fighting, so I need the practice.”
Seo Yeon-joo was shocked.
Now things were beginning to make sense. Her younger self at nine had truly lived with such thoughts. This child was undoubtedly her younger self.
Seo Yeon-joo managed to speak with difficulty.
“That damn couple should just stop fighting eventually…”
“I know. They’re not actually getting along better, it’s just a temporary cease to the fighting. But I’ve grown up to an extent.”
“You still practice crying even knowing that?”
“Because it’s better than them fighting all day long.”
It was then.
-Seo Yeon-joo, what is your life?
The resounding voice echoed again, and the nine-year-old Seo Yeon-joo stood up abruptly, shouting up to the sky.
“Life is about stopping Mom and Dad from fighting! It’s about praying they don’t get divorced!”
It was as if the child were reciting an oath, brainwashed like a soldier. Seo Yeon-joo wanted to say a few words, but the nine-year-old showed no further interest.
In the end, she had no choice but to continue down the path. But the path wasn’t long. Soon, she had to stop again.
“…”
She wasn’t blocked by an obstacle.
It was just that she had found yet another version of herself, more mature than the one she’d just seen.
A middle schooler, perhaps. Seo Yeon-joo muttered.
“What kind of place is this?”
The Seo Yeon-joo with the <15 years old> badge stood in a space resembling a school corridor, as if it were a movie set, at the size of a bus stop. She seemed plump due to her weight gain.
Seo Yeon-joo spoke to her.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m standing as punishment.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t bring my math textbook for math class.”
“Did you forget to bring it?”
“No, I lent it to So-young.”
The absurd story was that she had lent her textbook to another student and was now being punished in the corridor.
“So-young is really scary. But if I behave well towards So-young, I can get through school smoothly. Being ostracized is tiresome enough. I hate it…”
“…”
Memories from when she was fifteen also resurfaced.
That’s right. Back then, she lived with this mindset.
Seo Yeon-joo confirmed once more that this place was not disconnected from reality but rather her own fleeting memories. After all, each of the young Yeon-joo figures had revealed nothing but the truth.
Realizing this sparked her interest.
It was a novel sensation to have forgotten memories resurfacing one by one and to engage in dialogue with herself—a totally new experience she’d never had before.
Seo Yeon-joo gave a bitter laugh.
“…That’s right. I was bullied back then.”
“Every day was horrible.”
The voice of the fifteen-year-old Seo Yeon-joo was gloomy, the darkness in a child’s voice almost unbelievable.
“During gym class, I couldn’t find a partner, and it was better to starve than eat during lunch. During breaks, I always sat slumped. Each time I became the target of mockery, it was hard to bear.”
“Mm. It was really tough.”
-Seo Yeon-joo, what is your life?
The fifteen-year-old Seo Yeon-joo also stood up and looked up.
“Life is about going to school unwillingly!”
Afterward, she could no longer engage in a conversation, but the front part of the path brightened as if signaling her to continue moving forward.
Seo Yeon-joo continued with a bittersweet heart.
Aaaang─!
Suddenly, the sound of a siren was heard, and simultaneously, she spotted a version of herself with the <17 years old> badge. Her seventeen-year-old self was sitting on the ground.
Seo Yeon-joo looked around her.
The police and paramedics had gathered outside a house leaking smoke. The seventeen-year-old Seo Yeon-joo grabbed her neck and was struggling for breath.
“Are you hurt?”
“K… kuh… In the end, I couldn’t die…”
“Did you try to commit suicide?”
Seventeen-year-old Seo Yeon-joo nodded.
“I thought burning charcoal briquettes would make me die peacefully, but it was too painful, so I ran out.”
“Right. So it failed.”
“Living seemed harder than dying, but when I actually tried to die, I realized I didn’t even have the courage to die. Why am I so pitiful?”
Seventeen-year-old Seo Yeon-joo tore at her hair.
-Seo Yeon-joo, what is your life?
“Life is enduring torture just because I can’t die! I wish I could find an easy way to die! Please!”
Seo Yeon-joo moved forward again.
Suddenly, she saw herself furiously running on a treadmill. The badge on her chest already read <20 years old>.
Compared to the chubby student she had been, she was now slim despite looking like she might collapse any moment, gritting her teeth and running.
Seo Yeon-joo spoke.
“You’re going to collapse if you keep this up.”
“I have to get at least a little prettier. I learned something recently — the prettier you are, the kinder people treat you. So I have to lose weight.”
Seo Yeon-joo easily remembered.
At twenty, she had noticed when her weight had slightly dropped and people’s reactions had improved. This realization led her to the desire to take care of her appearance.
-Seo Yeon-joo, what is your life?
“To be seen favorably by others, even if just a little!”
That was the answer from <20 years old> Yeon-ju.
At this point, Seo Yeon-joo felt something was odd.
She had faced versions of herself from four different stages of life. They had lived fervently in their own ways and acted appropriately for their ages, but… still, something felt off. She soon realized why.
‘When asked about my life, I’ve never spoken about myself. It’s all other stories.’
When asked about her life, there was no mention of Seo Yeon-joo.
Parents’ disapproval, friends’ opinions, the world’s judgment, the gazes of those around her… all of this. Seeing all of it together, it was clear. Her life had only ever been filled with others.
Her heart started to feel anxious.
Maybe…
Perhaps Seo Yeon-joo’s life didn’t even exist.
-Seo Yeon-joo, what is your life?
“My life is… what?”
With this question weighing on her mind, Seo Yeon-joo took another step forward.
