182nd Chapter
For over a week, Seere, who had been holed up in her room, was still lying in bed. She had moved a few times to review documents and make decisions, but spent most of her time in bed.
It was the same now. She lay still on the bed, clutching her worn-out white doll tightly.
“I don’t know.”
She spoke softly to the doll, which had seen better days, as if trying to have a conversation with it.
“How can I sort out these feelings I have…?”
In her mind, two conflicting thoughts coexisted: the desire for revenge against her father’s death and the longing to see her Teacher.
Seere normally made rational judgments, but at this moment, after pondering over the decision for a long time, she couldn’t come to any conclusion. Lying in bed for over a week had yielded no clarity.
“Sigh.”
She let out a deep breath and buried her face deeper into the doll’s plush form. The soft texture enveloped her face gently. Through the presence of this doll, she occasionally felt the warmth of her father, which she could no longer experience.
But why was it that…
She felt strangely blank.
“It seems I’ve become numb.”
With the passage of time, people who have already passed inevitably fade from memory. This was true for humans and demons alike… any living creature going through life experienced this.
The memory of Seir’s death and the events that followed still pierced Seere’s heart, but it no longer hurt as intensely as it once did. Instead, she felt a stronger desire to experience the warmth of someone she loved. This was what troubled Seere.
“If I continue like this…”
It felt as if she was disregarding the father she had lost. Seere had no such intention, yet her unwavering yearning to see Nahun further confused her.
“If I follow what Teacher said… I should be resenting them, right?”
Seere hung her head low.
“If I think of Dad, that’s what makes sense…”
But she simply couldn’t think that way. Nahun’s presence had become irreplaceable to her. No one could fill that void.
Even if Seir were to return, would that emptiness be filled…?
“Ugh.”
Seere squeezed her eyes shut. When her head was filled with chaotic thoughts, sleep was the best escape. Just as she thought to lie down and rest…
Knock, knock.
“Seere.”
At the light knock and the familiar voice from beyond the door, Seere shot up. The next words made her hurry to the door and grasp the doorknob.
“Can I come in?”
“Ah, j-just a second…!”
Seere firmly grasped the doorknob and didn’t open the door. As the knob rattled, Nahun spoke from outside.
“…I see you still haven’t gotten better. I’ll come back later…”
“N-no!!”
“Not at all?”
“C-could you talk from there…?”
Seere had no choice but to say this. The reason was simple. She was uncertain about facing Nahun while her mind was in disarray. And she hadn’t even washed up today, so her appearance was a complete mess.
Seere didn’t want to show this state to Nahun and held onto the doorknob tightly.
“…Are you trying not to show your face?”
“I have my reasons…”
“I see.”
Seemingly hearing Nahun’s grip on the doorknob release, Seere felt a moment of relief.
“I was curious about your thoughts.”
“…What thoughts?”
Seere asked cautiously.
“About revenge? Or…”
“I’m asking both. Haven’t you sorted them out yet?”
“……”
Seere quietly nodded, then realized Nahun was still just beyond the door and replied aloud.
“…Yes.”
“It seems you’ve lacked time.”
That wasn’t true. She had enough time. Yet, Seere thought of herself as indecisive for still not coming to a conclusion.
“Seere.”
Then Nahun called for her. With the door separating them, Nahun candidly expressed his feelings.
“I would respect whatever choice you make.”
“…I know.”
“But…”
“What?”
“I understand this is a very personal and selfish desire, but I want you…”
Seere’s eyes widened, and she found herself involuntarily gazing at the door, imagining Nahun’s expression on the other side.
“I want you not to give up on me.”
“What…?”
“I’m not just saying this based on the feelings you’ve developed for me and the feelings I’ve developed for you.”
Nahun spoke. Even though he had once contemplated quietly leaving for her sake, he could no longer afford to do so. He couldn’t bear the thought of the void left by this child who had always been by his side.
“You have become someone I can no longer lose. Imagining a future without Seere von Debata is unbearable.”
Nahun’s voice carried a hint of uncertainty. He secretly feared that Seere would never forgive him for saying such things.
Yet, regardless, Nahun firmly continued, as if to confront her feelings just as Citri had advised, whatever the outcome.
“What do you think?”
“……”
“Are you okay with me not being by your side…?”
Seere felt a surge of emotion at Nahun’s careful question.
“Are you okay? That’s such a ridiculous question!”
It was impossible for her to be okay.
Even if Seere chose revenge, the decision to cast aside Nahun would leave a lifelong scar.
No, in truth…
“I… I could never… h-h-hurt Teacher like that…”
Her emotions overwhelmed her, and tears began to flow uncontrollably. Hearing her sobs, Nahun grasped the doorknob but quickly stopped.
After a moment of waiting, Seere managed to speak through her choked voice.
“I understand now. Teacher… I know why you had to stand by during that situation.”
Being the rational person she was, Seere quickly understood Nahun’s reasons for not intervening in Seir’s death. She had seen his power firsthand, making it easy to grasp the implications.
The context of the most powerful great demon intervening was significant.
However, those memories had left such deep wounds that Seere found it hard to make a decision. The pain emanating from the scars of that day and the longing for her father made her hesitate.
“I understand everything in my head…! But, if I forgive you too easily… Dad…”
“I know.”
Nahun replied.
“I understand what you’re feeling.”
Nahun reached out for a moment. Although he dearly wanted to tear down the barrier of the door between them, he restrained himself and placed his palm against it, as if to caress Seere’s cheek.
Then he spoke softly.
“I’m sorry. I could have stopped it.”
“Ugh… sniff…!”
“I didn’t stop it. Regardless of the circumstances, I had the power to do so but chose not to. Though there were various reasons, the main cause was my negligence.”
Nahun said.
“That’s why I wanted to atone. I came to you under the pretext of fulfilling a friend’s last request.”
“Sniff… sob…”
“But from that moment on, I was sincere.”
It was true that Nahun had been sincere about Seere from the beginning, but his goals had differed at that time. He thought maybe if they reached the end, he could return home.
“I wanted to make sure you were happy and could shine.”
However, that sentiment had long since changed.
“Now there’s something more important than going home.”
It was impossible to pinpoint when it started, but the fact was that this child before him had occupied a special place in his heart for a while now.
“I know this is an unreasonable request. If you don’t wish for it, I understand…”
Perhaps this was entirely separate from the feelings Seere had confessed. Even if she hadn’t declared her feelings…
“Will you give me that opportunity once more?”
He likely could never bring himself to leave her.
#
As Seere, who had been weeping from Nahun’s honesty, slowly raised her head, she looked at the still-closed door.
While she cried, Nahun could have easily opened the door. But he didn’t. Because she had asked him not to.
Nahun was the kind of person who would never do something she disliked. Just that showed how much he valued her.
Seere slowly lifted her head. She grasped the doorknob and opened the door, which had been tightly shut. What stood before her was the person she had longed to see the most.
He stepped inside, gently closing the door behind him. Without saying a word, he reached out to wipe away her tear-stained cheeks.
“Your pretty face is a mess now.”
“……I can’t give up on you, Teacher.”
Seere spoke.
“So, I’ll give you that chance.”
Then she stepped a little closer. She pressed against Nahun’s body fully, and he didn’t pull away. Rather, he carefully embraced her.
“You need to repay the sadness you’ve given me with happiness.”
“Be responsible.”
At her short but heartfelt demand, Seere felt a surge of emotion. Observing her, Nahun gently kissed her forehead.
Having received Nahun’s declaration and expression of affection, Seere hesitated before slightly pushing him away.
“…I’ll go wash up.”
“I don’t mind.”
“It matters to me…!”
Seere’s cheeks flushed deeply, and Nahun had no choice but to let her go. As she quickly entered the bathroom, Nahun covered his face with one hand and sat down.
“…I’ll have to thank her later.”
