Chapter 190’s final part has been revised. There is no major change in the content; the scene where the items in the backpack were being accounted for has been moved to Chapter 191. I will delete this notice after 24 hours.
“El has been gone for three years now. I’m sure she can’t even imagine how we’ve been living without her.”
“…Yeah. You’re right.”
Selian is correct. I have no idea how they spent those three years. I merely sometimes imagined on my own how they might have lived.
-El is truly selfish.
But my imagination, as Yuli said back in the cabin, was thoroughly self-serving, incredibly selfish, catering solely to my convenience.
I blindly assumed they were doing fine. I prayed they found happiness in a life that had stepped back from the danger of the Demon King. At the same time, I selfishly expected and hoped they missed me from time to time. No, perhaps I simply wanted to believe that.
This is truly a disgustingly convenient way of thinking. Life is not a solo existence, yet I had thought so naively. Things I casually disregarded might have been crucial to someone else. Even a single word uttered by me might have weighed heavily on others.
Even though I knew others were different from me, I judged and expected her actions based on my whims.
She broke their promise, betrayed their trust, trampled on their expectations, negated their memories, and deceived their friendship.
And by doing so, I stole their smiles.
It’s ridiculous. What am I even doing here? The feeling I have now isn’t even shame—it’s self-loathing.
Honestly, it was so simple. Had I just imagined myself in Selian’s place, thinking about if she had left me alone to fight the Demon King, I wouldn’t have acted the way I did.
Really… What’s the point of pretending to be smart at the Academy? It took me this long to realize such a simple fact?
“Haa… I really wanted to say something to her when we met again, but I can’t with that expression on her face.”
“I know I’ve committed unforgivable sins. No matter what I say as an apology, words are just words. If you want to insult me, do it. If you want to hit me, do it. Do whatever you want—I’ll let you do it until you feel better.”
Though I’m talking as if I’m being generous, bound to this chair, I’m in no position to resist whatever they decide to do to me. Since it’s inevitable, I’m trying to ask for at least some forgiveness.
My friends appeared surprised, reacting awkwardly as if they didn’t expect me to be so cooperative. They exchanged glances, unsure of how to proceed.
“To be honest, I thought a lot while coming here. What should I say or what kind of punishment should I give our Hero? We were really upset with you, Hero.”
It was Mariel who finally broke the brief silence.
… Though I said I would accept any blows, it would be great if she could put the mace down. It’s even more unsettling that she holds it while speaking softly. Or perhaps, she really intends to hit me? Even with that terrifying mace?
“But… how could we hate the Hero? We just missed you. That’s why we gathered again, to be by the Hero’s side. So, please don’t be overwhelmed by guilt, Hero – be it about your past life or this situation.”
Thankfully, Mariel returned the mace to her waist and, while untying my bound hands and feet, continued speaking. My limbs were now free, but I remained seated, just looking up at them.
“…I was carried away by my emotions earlier and said some harsh words. Sorry, El.”
“Why would Yuli apologize? It’s me who should apologize. And Yuli didn’t say anything incorrect.”
“Then, can you promise again? That you won’t leave us this time?”
Yuli extended her hand towards me. I also lifted my hand and hooked pinkies with her.
“It’s obvious. I may be dumb, but I’m not so stupid as to make the same mistake twice, so don’t worry. It might sound funny now since I’ve caused you a lot of worry.”
“So, is our talk over then?”
Until this point, Anne had been silent, and now she tilted her head, asking her friends.
“Uh… El seems repentant already, so there’s no need to bring up bad memories anymore.”
Selian lightly nodded in agreement, then Anne dropped her backpack with a thud and rushed to hug me.
I flinched for a moment, remembering the time I was hit in the cabin, but thankfully, she simply hugged me tightly this time.
“Hehehe… I really missed you, El! I won’t let you slip away again!”
“To be honest, I missed you too.”
I returned the hug, tightly embracing Anne.
“But…”
“Uh-huh?”
“Since you mentioned it earlier, what is that backpack?”
Pointing with my chin while hugging Anne, I referred to the large backpack she had just dropped. It had caught my attention ever since I first saw it in the cabin, making me want to ask about it. Its overwhelming size demanded attention.
In fact, it wasn’t just one backpack. I noticed that the ghost who had made a contract with Yuli had placed three more backpacks by the corner.
Even since I first saw it in the cabin, it was something I wanted to ask about—it grabbed my attention due to its sheer volume. The size of the backpacks was indeed remarkable.
“A! You mean those….”
“Perfect timing you brought it up.”
Anne was about to explain, but Selian cut in lightly clapping her hands before speaking.
“We forgave you for what El did to us, but these items need to be accounted for. They were clearly delivered as requests, you know.”
She smiled at me while holding what appeared to be women’s underwear, top and bottom, in both hands.
“It seems you’ve saved quite a lot of people over the last three years. While tracking El’s steps, we met people who were helped by El, and they entrusted these things to us, asking us to give them to her if we ever met.”
While I don’t know the exact number because I haven’t counted each one, I remember saving a fair number of individuals.
“This is an underwear set we were asked to give El from a girl in the Volfran Village who El helped. How about it? Do you like it?”
Selian swayed the underwear set in her hands as she spoke. I recalled the girl from Volfran Village who I had saved. She was definitely a young lady about to be drained of her blood by a vampire demonic being before I intervened. Given the danger of becoming a slave to the demon if bitten, I had meticulously checked to ensure there was no neck wound, making her memory particularly vivid.
However, what’s the deal with underwear as an expression of gratitude? I often find myself surprised by such unexpected differences between men and women. Women, who tend to pay more attention to underwear compared to men, might exchange them as gifts.
Of course, if I was still a man and another man gave me underwear, chances are I’d have thrown a punch first.
“So… liking it or not doesn’t matter. It’s the thought behind the gift that counts.”
“Huh-huh… I’m glad you like it. So, why don’t you try it on right away?”
“Huh?”
Confused that I might have misheard, I tilted my head while repeating the question to Selian. However, Selian moved closer to me without responding, the underwear in hand.
“Uh… Selian…?”
“Since this is a token of appreciation, you should at least try it on. You must be tired, just sit there. We’ll take care of the rest.”
I instinctively took a step back, only to bump into Yuli who had appeared behind me.
“Alright, let’s start by removing this top.”
She then inserted her hands under my armpits and began unbuttoning my shirt, doing so incredibly fast while I stood there stunned, unable to resist.
Glancing helplessly at Anne and Mariel, it seemed they had no intention of stopping.
“No, I’ll try it on later separately, so…”
“Oh, come on! The giver earnestly asked for this! We should hurry and be quick about it. Though we wouldn’t mind going slowly.”
I briefly glanced at the pile of items. Among them were quite a few pieces of underwear, similar to the one in Selian’s hands, as well as a variety of clothes and accessories.
Surely… No, it can’t be?
*
As they say, “a little suspicion goes a long way.”
In the end, all night, I was used as a doll to try on countless outfits. There were so many scarves, I could barely remember them all. What was even more surprising was the number of underwear items I tried on—more than ten sets, at the least. Skirts, pants, clothing types didn’t matter either. Among the non-clothes items, there were a lot of amulets, so much so that even if cursed at random, I’d probably never be affected.
Despite offering to try everything on separately, my friends stubbornly insisted on manually dressing me. And every time their hands touched my body, I had to suppress the urge to get lustful.
Of course, being naked is still a deeply shameful thing, but now that the Master-Slave Mark is gone, there was no need to hide it anymore.
I reached the realm of true equanimity through such discipline. Insight is truly everywhere.
“Well, this is the last one.”
Even though the ordeal felt like a long time, I held on as she mentioned the final item.
Despite doing nothing, I was exhausted, yet they seemed undiminished in energy, more lively than before.
Selian slowly raised my hand, which had lain lifelessly.
I soon felt the cool touch of metal on my finger. There were countless rings among the items in the bag, so many that they decided not to put them on during the night-long fitting sessions, citing they were too many.
But to mention the last item as a ring?
But looking down, I found a familiar-shaped ring on my finger.
“Don’t take it off now, please.”
It was the ring we had matched at my birthday, celebrating our friendship, but on the day I left them, I had removed it with my own hand.
And only after the familiar ring was back on my finger could I truly feel that I was reunited with my friends who I had left behind.
I truly missed them.
