Chapter 200

April is about to end soon. There are only two months left until Hwa-won’s promise period. Although I haven’t heard anything from Hwa-won directly, I’ve decided to think that no news is good news. We hadn’t discussed it, but we continued to meet.

In fact, even when we were guys, we didn’t meet this often. We met more than other ordinary people, as we couldn’t be considered typical members of society, but it still didn’t feel like this.

Today’s meeting with Hwa-won was because I called her separately, saying I had something to talk about. To be honest, what I wanted to talk about was more of an excuse than a solid reason.

I was dressed neatly for no particular reason that day.

A slightly long skirt that reached below the knees and a very thin brown cardigan over a white blouse.

It was a somewhat mature style. Of course, it wasn’t fashion I had chosen; it was one of the combinations that Hye-won had coordinated for me before. As soon as Hwa-won saw this outfit, she teased me, asking if I was trying to imitate an adult.

Up until this point, the atmosphere between us was pleasant. That was, until I brought up the topic.

“So, you asked Senior Su-Young to help you meet Jin Seo-hye?”

“Yeah.”

“And the price you set was that I would date you and Senior Su-Young?”

“… yeah.”

It was something I needed to confess to Hwa-won. No matter how much she was Hwa-won, if I didn’t teach her anything and just said I sold her out, she would get angry. Even so, Hwa-won’s face looked complicated. However, one thing was certain. Hwa-won was angry right now.

“First of all, putting everything else aside, I have to say something.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Are you an idiot?”

I wasn’t an idiot. No, but you wouldn’t even say that you aren’t an idiot unless you were an even bigger idiot.

“Don’t you remember what Jin Seo-hye did to you? Do you think it’s okay to go alone without knowing what might happen? Are you out of your mind? Right now, you don’t have the strength to rebel against anything.”

“No, it’s not that serious…”

“It’s not serious, is it?”

“Yeah…”

No matter how much I wanted to deny it, Hwa-won’s words were a hundred percent correct. If Jin Seo-hye had bad intentions, I wouldn’t be able to sit here safely, and in the worst-case scenario, I might not even be in this world anymore.

Of course, I had gone into that meeting with the confidence that Jin Seo-hye wouldn’t do such a thing, but from Hwa-won’s perspective, my inexplicable confidence would be completely unfathomable.

“Please, let’s be careful. You’re not just some unknown person anymore. You know that stories about you pop up on social media every time you go for a walk, right? Even if there aren’t any photos. Besides, with your looks, it’s not like you can disguise yourself.”

“I’m fine if I just file a complaint…”

“That’s only if someone took unauthorized photos or sexually harassed you. If someone really had bad intentions, they’d do something before that could even happen. You know that.”

“I do, but…”

“Then, please be more vigilant.”

Hwa-won let out a deep sigh. She seemed quite angry. It must be a serious matter for Hwa-won that I disregarded my own safety. I felt a bit intimidated by Hwa-won’s anger, but at the same time, I felt slightly good knowing she was angry for my safety.

I didn’t know why it felt good.

“And hey, am I your chauffeur? You think you can just hand out dates like that?”

“I’m really sorry. You can reject it; don’t worry about it.”

No, rather, please reject it. I was clearly in the wrong here.

There was no need for you to keep a promise I made on my own.

“Seriously, am I just your personal taxi driver and shuttle?”

“I’m sorry… I’ll talk to Senior Su-Young properly.”

You just need to reject her here. Get angry. Express your annoyance and yell; I wish you’d get incredibly mad. That way, I wouldn’t do such a foolish thing again.

But Hwa-won said,

“No, forget it. Just meet her once, that’s all.”

“… what?”

As always, that was just how it was.

“Ah, no, you don’t have to keep a promise I made on my own. I’ll talk to her well. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“That girl is really annoying about things like this, and once she has a crush, she’s really persistent, so it’s better to just meet her once and get it over with. I’ll contact her and arrange something, so just forget about it now.”

I thought for sure Hwa-won would get angry. And I thought she would reject it. I mean, that’s only natural. Even if we’re friends, it’s the same as selling her out without permission, so it would be strange for her to stay quiet. But Hwa-won really brushed this off lightly as if it was no big deal.

… It’s not nothing. I made the promise, so why should I just let it go? This is my fault. Get angry. Get annoyed, yell, and reject it. Then I’d be able to apologize as much as I needed. I can be so sorry and reflect on it.

So, why isn’t she getting angry?

“Ah, fine.”

Despite the sticky feelings, the words that came out of my mouth were a powerless affirmation. It was my fault to begin with, so there was no way I could shamelessly get angry. The whole atmosphere felt a bit tense, which only contributed to my discomfort.

I wasn’t scared that Hwa-won would be angry. Rather, it was even more frightening that Hwa-won wasn’t getting angry.

I’m not an idiot.

I wasn’t so foolish that I wouldn’t notice how my feelings became unstable every time I met Hwa-won. I had recently been finding it increasingly difficult to manage my emotions when I met her.

The reason was easily identifiable.

I was afraid. Afraid of Hwa-won, or more precisely, afraid of a future where Hwa-won would leave.

In two months, the fate of this matter would be decided. And there was nothing I could do to intervene. I was afraid of this sense of powerlessness. I felt a fear that the only person who truly understood me might disappear, and there was nothing I could do about it.

That fear was what was making me so unstable.

“Are you thinking something strange again?”

“Ah, no.”

“Your expression looks miserable. I’m not angry, so don’t worry about it. And I was thinking of getting rid of Senior Su-Young anyway.”

… Getting rid of Senior Su-Young? This night game? No, it’s not unusual in itself. Senior Su-Young is quite bothersome, so Hwa-won had been somewhat reluctant about it lately. But to get rid of her now, why? What’s the occasion?

“I’m graduating from those kinds of games anyway. I’ve cut things off with other girls as well. Since it ended well, I don’t think there’ll be any problems, so don’t worry.”

“… suddenly?”

Why? Why suddenly? Why are you suddenly graduating from it? Of course, it was a good thing that Hwa-won was graduating from hanging out with girls. There was no reason for me to stop my friend from quitting that kind of reckless lifestyle, after all. If anything, it was a pleasant development. But I couldn’t grasp the reason why, and not knowing felt very odd.

Why, all of a sudden now? Why now, at this time, are you deciding to stop this game? It felt like the timing…

“Because you never know what might happen with the engagement, so I have to be careful.”

It sounds as though it’s because of the engagement.

“But, but Senior Su-Young is really persistent, so it’s not going to be easy to get rid of her.”

“And what if she doesn’t want to let go?”

“With her personality, she might go to the press or something…”

“… That’s a point. Yeah, I’ll think about that.”

Just because she said this doesn’t mean she would suddenly retract her graduation. In fact, even retracting it wouldn’t mean much. Since she was doing it because of the engagement, whether she retracted or not didn’t matter at all.

“Anyway, I’ll handle it well, so don’t contact that person anymore. What good is it to meet up with a girl like that?”

“I only called her…”

“Whatever.”

Hwa-won left me with that indifferent remark and collapsed onto the sofa. Ah, I didn’t mention it, but this was my home.

Given the current situation, where I was seemingly under considerable scrutiny, I had been meeting Hwa-won mostly at home lately. I didn’t know what might happen if we met outside.

Today, it seemed like Hwa-won was tired for various reasons. She said her novel work was finished. The translation was progressing without issues. But was Hwa-won’s father overly confident in her success? He was making her work even harder on company-related matters. Hwa-won, unable to confidently assert a turnaround, was obediently following along.

Even amidst all that, she made time to come see me when I said I had something to say. Even late at night.

Hwa-won was defeated by her exhaustion and closed her eyes right there on the sofa. I called out to her.

“Are you sleeping?”

“…”

She must be asleep. I slowly approached and looked at her face. She didn’t look very well, but she looked like her usual self. As attractive as she usually was, her impression was quite appealing.

When her eyes were open, her unique gaze could make her seem playful (and she actually was), but now that her eyes were closed, she didn’t look like that at all. Maybe because she was wearing a suit, she just looked like a diligent salaryman.

I waved my hand in front of Hwa-won’s face, but there was no response. Even when I pinched her cheek, there was no reaction. I blew air into her ear, and she twitched a bit, but she didn’t move. Just to check, I even tried to smell her; there was now a pleasant scent mixed with the smell of dried sweat and body odor.

She must really be asleep.

I didn’t intend to disturb her sleep. But, I had no choice but to confirm if she really was asleep. If she was truly sleeping, I should at least cover her with a blanket.

It was a poor excuse, but it wasn’t a lie. I took one of the remaining blankets and covered Hwa-won. Her position was so awkward that the blanket kept slipping off, but I managed to cover her properly.

I sat down in front of Hwa-won’s sofa, wrapped my arms around my knees, and buried my face in them.

Staring blankly at the floor, I recalled my memories with Hwa-won. I didn’t know what those memories were, but I could tell that Hwa-won was definitely there.

I eventually fell asleep beside Hwa-won.

When dawn arrived and I woke up, Hwa-won was gone, and I found myself sleeping on my bed. I went out to the living room to look for Hwa-won and turned on the light, but no one was there. Only the neatly arranged blanket remained. I lay face down on the blanket.

It smelled nice.