Night.
A very dark night.
So dark that the world is engulfed in shadow, making it impossible to see outside.
Between 1 a.m. and 2 a.m.
I liked to go out at this time.
I used to sleep for 4 to 6 hours a day naturally, but now with my current body, it’s impossible.
Back then, I would go for nightly walks every night.
Though it had no real significance, taking a stroll around the nearby park felt strangely comforting, as if I was wrapping up my day.
Now, due to a lack of stamina, I can’t do that every day.
But on days like today, when I can’t sleep at night or my routine gets tangled,
I often feel the urge to go outside, like a cat that cries at night.
The difference from other days is that today, I couldn’t resist that impulse.
So, I escaped from my cozy apartment and faced the night air.
“Hmm…”
The breeze was not so much cool as slowly becoming cold.
Has winter come already?
I looked down at my upper body.
A thick fleece with a soft lining.
This was clothes I got for free from Eun-ha’s store.
Underneath, I had pajama pants with a rabbit design and striped slippers.
Let me clarify that these pajama pants are not to my taste.
Ji-yeon forcibly sold them to me—or rather, gave them to me as a gift.
It would be akin to disregarding that person’s sincerity if I just left the gift in the closet untouched.
That’s why I wore them.
I am not someone who willingly wears such cute pants.
I tightened the elastic of the pajama pants around my thin waist to keep them from slipping down.
The smiling rabbit quickly turned into a frown.
Then there were the striped slippers.
With chilly weather exposing my bare feet, my toes felt cold.
Nonetheless, I wore the slippers because it was a night walk.
Slippers on a night walk is a timeless combination, akin to beer with chicken or soju with pork belly.
Wearing different shoes would spoil the refreshing feeling.
I couldn’t embrace the energizing night air with my whole body.
The street, completely covered in darkness, reflected moonlight.
I lifted my head to face the moon with my own eyes.
The crescent moon shining on the dawn is beautiful.
I headed towards the nearby park that I had seen before.
The area where Ji-eun lives is a bustling neighborhood.
Loud laughter and boisterous sounds emanated from a bar across the street.
Bars, restaurants, cinemas, cafes, parks…
It was a place that had it all.
I looked around as I entered the park.
Despite the late hour, there were a few people in the park.
Mainly couples or people out walking their pets.
I felt their gazes.
It must be strange to see a girl wandering alone.
As Ji-eun’s body instinctively shrank at feeling the gazes, she forced herself to stand tall.
This night walk was a kind of training as well.
Even if I remained aware in the day, my body, which received excessive attention, inevitably complained with fatigue.
However, I had no intention of living disconnected from the outside world, as Ji-eun had done until now.
I don’t typically enjoy outdoor activities, but I will go outside when necessary.
If I had to experience this sort of rejection every time I went out, it would be exhausting.
I’m not sure how long I can remain as “Ji-eun,” but one of the first things I must do to live as Ji-eun is to shake off the burdens of her mental illness.
This would be better for me and for Ji-eun, who has disappeared for now but might appear again.
Walking through the park, I ignored the piercing gazes.
As my body blended into the darkness, people lost interest and continued on their way.
See? It’s simple.
I strolled along, self-deprecating like that.
Sometimes, I would stray from the main path, or I would marvel at flowers blooming in a corner of the park.
Then, something approached me at a pace neither fast nor slow.
Meow—
It was a cat.
A creature commonly referred to as a calico cat.
A cute cat with fur mixed in black, brown, and white.
How long had it been since it was born?
It was a small, kitten-sized thing.
That little ball of fluff approached and rubbed against my feet.
Purring, it nudged my ankle here and there.
Is this what they call being chosen?
I had only seen such things in videos, so I was a bit flustered since it was my first encounter.
But soon,
Seeing its affectionate demeanor made me crouch down to pet it earnestly.
It rubbed its face against my hand and circled around me, clearly showing its fondness.
Meow—
Was it asking to be taken with me?
It struggled to force itself into my arms.
When that didn’t work, it just lay down on the ground.
The devastating cuteness made me think, “Should I just take it home?”
However, I steeled my resolve.
To be honest, I wasn’t confident that I could take care of this life.
Unpleasant memories came flooding back.
In the past, I had taken home a chick from a street vendor only for it to die after three days.
My family had comforted me, insisting it wasn’t my fault since the chick was sickly to begin with.
Yet, I still couldn’t shake the guilt.
The sight of that little life that once pulsated in my hands lying limp was something I never wanted to experience again.
And now, the situation was even worse.
Ji-eun’s body was different from mine in many ways.
At this point, I could barely take care of just one body, and adding a cat?
That was absurd.
I firmly decided to speak.
“No… I can’t take care of you.”
Still, my heart softened, and without realizing it, my voice trembled.
Meow—
The cat seemed to understand my words and cried even more pitifully, rubbing its body against me more fiercely.
I couldn’t bring myself to leave that spot.
I should have gotten up decisively, but I wasn’t strong enough for that.
Whether my will was conveyed or not, the cat stopped rubbing against me and gradually distanced itself.
It looked back at me a few times with small mews before leaving.
…I felt somewhat melancholic.
I didn’t feel like continuing my night walk anymore.
I got up from my spot and started to walk.
“Um… Can I see your ID?”
Once when I opened the door.
And then again when the flustered cashier saw my face after I woke from my daze.
As I handed the green bottle to the dazed cashier, that was what he said.
I had stopped by the convenience store on my way back.
Feeling a bit gloomy, I thought I might have a drink or two.
Relying on alcohol isn’t good, but on days like this, it’s better to have a drink and shake it off.
I originally wanted to buy two bottles but settled for one.
I planned to finish it tonight and not leave any behind.
If soju was left in the fridge, I might keep drinking.
As for side dishes… well.
I usually preferred to drink soju with something savory, but today, I just felt like having soju by itself.
As I was checking out, I noticed the cigarettes stacked behind the cashier who glanced at me.
As someone who has spent a few years of my twenties smoking, it would be a lie to say I wasn’t swayed by the temptation.
But as someone who had once quit, I knew the best course was simply to avoid starting in the first place.
I kept my mouth firmly shut so that the request for a pack of cigarettes wouldn’t slip out.
I couldn’t let this fresh young body become a chain smoker.
With just a bottle of plain soju dangling in my hand, I headed home.
I wondered how others might see me.
A drunken person taking sips of soju while walking down the street?
A pretty but seemingly out-of-sorts girl?
I couldn’t say.
At this late hour, there were no passersby on the street.
I tipped the glass that had a little more than half remaining and gulped it down.
A sharp yet bitter taste surged.
I felt a bit of discomfort in my stomach.
Maybe I needed at least some snacks.
But still, the soju went down smoothly.
Maybe it’s because I’m young?
At the same time, my body quickly warmed up.
I felt light-headed and hazy.
I wasn’t fully drunk, but just enough to feel nice.
Had I had about three glasses?
I realized that Ji-eun’s tolerance wasn’t great.
Well, it might be a good thing to get tipsy quickly on a little alcohol.
Anything that gives good value is important.
Just as I emptied about half the soju,
It tasted sweet.
I didn’t know why, but the soju tasted sweet.
Has there been sugar added in the processing of soju lately?
As I silently pondered the ingredients, I suddenly felt an emotional shift.
What is this?
A feeling of loneliness and emptiness, something hollow inside.
I’m lonely.
I was surprised at myself for thinking that.
That I could even think such thoughts.
In this small room, sitting in front of the computer, drinking plain soju, I thought that it would be nice if someone was beside me.
Someone to talk to, to listen to my stories, and for me to listen to theirs,
I needed a drinking buddy to have conversations with.
For a moment, many candidates flashed through my mind.
Ji-yeon… I can’t call an underage girl who is likely dreaming right now.
Showing her a scene of myself drinking wouldn’t be good for her education.
Eun-ha… I have her contact information, but it wouldn’t make sense to call her out of the blue.
We hadn’t built enough rapport for that.
Streamers like Su Ah…? I had no way to contact her anyway.
Hmm, Dae-sik… Dae-sik is a bit…
I suddenly realized just how narrow my human relationships were.
Of course, I had only been living in this body for less than a month.
It’s true that popular people can make friends in just a day or two.
But no matter how wide one’s social circle, there aren’t many who could just call someone at this hour when feeling lonely.
And it’s unlikely that anyone would come right away if they were called.
At least, that was my understanding.
Hmm… So what should I do?
In reality, there was an easy way out.
I could just go outside, enter any bar, and say I was lonely, and the people inside would become my drinking friends.
Ji-eun’s appearance had enough potential for that.
Of course, I wasn’t someone who was willing to face whatever could happen afterward.
Naturally, that was out of the question.
Excluding the option of going outside, my choices became severely limited.
Call a stranger and hassle them.
Play games.
Just sleep.
None of those appealed to me.
…Let’s just drink.
As I waved my hand searching for the soju bottle, I caught something.
It was a long black microphone.
Holding the black microphone briefly, I thought:
Should I do a stream…?
