Blinded by the throne. Enchanted by the light of the seat of power.
When I came to my senses, nothing remained, and my hands were stained with bl**d.
The lingering resentment in that bl**d might be eating away at my flesh, rotting me from within.
‘All I wanted was the crown.’
Since childhood, I believed I was exceptional.
From the age of five, I wielded a sword and was called a prodigy. I inherited the royal bloodline strongly, awakening the golden eyes that allowed rational thought at all times.
I was always called a genius, and everyone said I would be the next Emperor. I became arrogant, mistaking it for pride.
My naive and foolish older brother, my idiotic younger siblings—they could never be my rivals. I was the one destined to be the next Emperor.
I was different from my weak father and brother. Unlike those fools who couldn’t even attempt to restore the fallen imperial authority.
I am Ardein. The woman who wins every war she wages. The woman who brings glorious victories to the Empire and elevates the authority of the royal family. The day I become Emperor, the Empire will become great again.
‘The eagle flying toward the sun will eventually fall, exhausted.’
I only realized that all that greatness was a mirage after I was no longer great.
No, thinking back now, my achievements were unstable from the start, and I merely suppressed them with my authority. I collapsed before the pressure could explode, but even if I hadn’t, it would have exploded someday.
“The national bonds issued during Your Majesty’s wars are nearing maturity. Unless we tell the bankers to go bankrupt, waging a major war for the time being is impossible.”
At some point, the Minister of Finance lived with the words “there’s no money.” In a world where power is superior to money, you can just tell them to go bankrupt if there’s no money. But that only works once or twice. If you overdo it, the nation’s credit will collapse immediately after its founding.
What banker would lend to a country that boldly tells them to go bankrupt right after its founding? If the flow of funds is blocked and liquidity is not properly maintained, major projects will face endless difficulties. I knew that much.
And my pride was too great to default on debts.
“Cut open the bellies of the wealthy who break the law. Confiscate all illegally accumulated wealth.”
“…Do you really think you can run a country with money earned that way? Really?”
“With the mountains of gold and rivers of silver amassed through corruption, it’s only natural.”
In truth, I didn’t even consider the issue important. I thought that by cracking down on those who amassed wealth illegally and confiscating their assets, that money would be more than enough to run the country.
The Minister of Finance’s concerns didn’t reach me. I always thought he was a pathetic man, and my authority was at its peak then.
“Your Majesty. We are not some plundering tribe. This great Empire cannot be run this way. The money a nation uses is on a completely different scale from the wealth of a single tycoon.”
Even when the country had no money, those around me adorned themselves with lavish jewels, wore gold-embroidered clothes, and spent enormous sums on a single ball.
So I thought that money could be used for state affairs. My mistake was not realizing that the money needed to properly run state affairs is endless. And that I didn’t stop the wars.
The Minister of Finance opposed me every time I tried to wage war, causing a stir.
“As long as I have eyes to see, war is absolutely out of the question. Absolutely.”
I thought he, as a member of the nobility, opposed my efforts to establish imperial authority. So I got angry and fired him. Then I placed my confidant in his position.
He, following my will and no one else’s, approved the wars and burned through money. Only later did I realize the burden I had placed on the Empire to preserve my authority.
When a war breaks out, soldiers must be conscripted and sent to the battlefield. That alone consumes enormous costs and administrative expenses. But sending them to the battlefield is just the beginning.
You can’t expect them to bring their own weapons. If you do, don’t expect quality. You can tell them to bring their own shields or leather armor, but then maybe one in ten will show up in padded clothes.
To ensure combat effectiveness, you have to supply all the combat gear. That’s another staggering expense, and the next problem is even worse. People can’t live without eating and can’t march without drinking. To distribute just one rye bread to a thousand soldiers, you need a thousand loaves. Three meals a day mean three thousand loaves, and in a week, twenty-one thousand.
Normally, they would have brought their own food, but you can’t expect them to bring food for the duration of the war.
And you can’t tax them for the food they would have eaten at home while they’re off fighting. If you take the farmers away, who will grow the food? If you tax them for the food they’re not eating at home, the people will revolt.
Besides, do you think soldiers will fight well on just rye bread? In crucial moments, you need to slaughter pigs or chickens to feed them, to give them strength. And weapons are consumables—they break or get damaged frequently, and they might even rust just from marching.
You need to replace these weapons, but you can’t expect people to carry all these supplies. You need carts pulled by oxen. You can’t use high-quality warhorses to pull carts, so you have to conscript a large number of livestock that could have been used for productive purposes otherwise.
It’s a hopeless situation. If the enemy were humans or other races, you might be able to plunder something to offset the losses. Maybe you could even gain war reparations.
But our main enemies were northern monsters or barbarians with nothing to plunder. What could you possibly take from goblins? Stone axes? Or rabbit meat roasted over a fire?
All you gain is a name: victory. All you lose is everything else.
The person who somehow managed to fund all this—I drove him away with my own hands and exiled him. Now I can’t even apologize. He died in exile.
‘In the end, all I did in my lifetime was preserve a petty authority.’
I didn’t even manage to do that. One day, my skin began to peel off, and after a few years, it started to rot.
The gods cursed me. That’s what everyone said. No matter which temple I visited, no matter who I met, they all shook their heads. Some even shouted at me.
“Leprosy cannot be cured by divine power. It is the wrath of the goddess, her punishment, the greatest proof of your unworthiness!”
From the start, the temples were the representative force that did not want the imperial authority to grow. They seized the opportunity and attacked. I expected that. What I didn’t expect was the attack from behind.
“Ardein claims to be a war hero, but her achievements are nothing but stolen from her subordinates. Here are the documents recording her unworthiness.”
“Your Majesty. Sadly, I find it difficult to continue serving you. Please understand.”
“The Princess is nothing but a fraud! The goddess has proven it!”
“Drive the leper out of the royal family! We petition the Emperor to expel this filth!”
My subordinates—no, those I thought were my subordinates—suddenly turned on me and tore me apart. Only then did I wake from my beautiful dream. To accept that I was never fit to be Emperor, I had to fall much further.
“That is something I cannot allow. That child is my daughter and the legitimate heir to the royal family.”
“Your Majesty. But the goddess has punished her. Keeping the Princess may bring the goddess’s wrath upon the royal family.”
“Gentlemen, do not discuss this matter further. I forbid it.”
When those I thought were on my side turned on me, those I never expected shielded me.
My father, whom I always thought weak and ignored. The Emperor, amidst the boiling opposition, did not remove me from the family register.
“Ardein. I’ve spoken with the Cardinal and the nobles.”
“For now, step back from your duties and take care of yourself. There will be no further attacks. They are already satisfied enough.”
“Yes. I have decided to step down from the position of Crown Prince. Now I am nothing more than a mere prince.”
My older brother, whom I always thought was a fool who only laughed with the nobles, gave up the position of Crown Prince for me. The imperial faction was disheartened, while the noble and temple factions laughed.
They really didn’t attack me anymore. Only then did I realize what they truly feared was not me becoming Emperor.
A barking dog isn’t scary. What’s truly scary is a dog that bites without warning. My older brother always smiled but never gave them a reason to act, hiding a kn*fe behind his smile and only acting when he had justification.
Everyone who wasn’t loyal to the Empire feared him becoming Emperor, but I was the only one who didn’t realize it, foolishly coveting the Emperor’s seat.
When I realized that, I despaired. And I clung to my brother’s pants and cried. Even though I had become something dirty and disgusting, my brother didn’t hate me. Even though I had ignored and despised him, he simply held me warmly.
“Ardein. Falling doesn’t give you wings.”
That was the first and last embrace I shared with my brother.
“I decided from the moment I gave up the position of Crown Prince that I probably wouldn’t live long. There are many siblings who want this position.”
No. Don’t lie. Even as my body rots, my mind is still intact. Do you think I don’t know who really wants to k*ll you, brother? It’s not our siblings. The temples, the local nobles, the central officials—they all want your d*ath. They don’t want an Emperor they can’t control.
But why did you give up the position of Crown Prince? Why, for the sake of a sister like me, who never said a kind word to you, did you give up the position you deserved and put yourself in danger?
I should have asked. I was too afraid to hear the answer, and now I’ll never hear it.
“First Prince, Your Highness, open your eyes! Someone, call the royal physician and Archbishop Armata! Hurry!”
My brother was poisoned, just as he had predicted, and the light in my heart shattered with him.
