Don’t say anything.
“It was all my fault. Just, everything….”
Please, don’t say anything.
“Every time I face Sofia Sub-priest… I… I….”
Please, stop there.
Stop right there. It can still be undone; so please….
Please, not anymore….
“Every time I look at Sofia Sub-priest, I wished for Helena.”
…Ah.
“Ah, haha….”
It’s over.
It really, truly, is over.
“Director, Priest…”
“……”
“Am I… nothing more than a substitute for that person…?”
Professor Antorelli nodded silently. He was weighed down by guilt, heavy yet seemingly light with relief.
Betrayal. This feeling of betrayal, sharpened by the expectations formed long ago.
And guilt.
The guilt that stems from the reality that his presence calls forth the specter of the past, buried in memories that prevent him from standing proudly before Professor Antorelli, ultimately leading to this situation where Antorelli spoke first.
The person who created this situation was Sofia Sub-priest—.
She had created this situation herself. And because of that….
Sofia Sub-priest felt the guilt, the betrayal, and the distorted desire sharpened more than anything.
– Crack—!
I collected it all in my hands.
The intense sound of flesh colliding echoed through the cold air. Without a moment to glance at her stinging red hand, Sofia Sub-priest glared at Professor Antorelli, whose head had snapped around in response to the slap. She glowered. She glared….
“I… I thought….”
Her eyes were stinging. A prickling sensation tingled in her nose. Sofia Sub-priest felt something crashing in like a flood, as though the dam had broken. What surged forth like a flood eventually seeped out of her heart, bursting forth as tears.
“I was… just that much to you, Professor….”
“……”
“No matter how much I tried to show a bright side before you…. No matter how much I extended goodwill…. The reason you kept pushing me away was….”
Because you didn’t see Sofia Sub-priest as her true self.
“Was that really it? I was… just a substitute for you…? Really, truly….”
“…I’m sorry.”
I told myself I wouldn’t apologize.
The continued apologies seemed directed not at Sofia Sub-priest, but rather at Helena, whom he felt he was facing.
It might have been more important to apologize to the shadow of Helena than to keep promises made with Sofia Sub-priest.
Countless thoughts flared up in Sofia Sub-priest’s mind and then fizzled out like embers. She was a person who knew how to restrain herself.
All the various assumptions sank beneath the surface along with her pitifully torn emotions.
“…So, that was it.”
When did she start noticing the signs?
When did Sofia Sub-priest begin to vaguely suspect that when Professor Antorelli looked at her, he was projecting someone else onto her?
From their first meeting? When he was conducting the grand exorcism? During the midst of the Grade-by-Grade Duel? Or was it during those first days of summer when Professor Antorelli was particularly mentally fragile?
Or was it when they went on summer vacation activities with the Occult Research Club?
When did Sofia Sub-priest… when?
‘…From the very beginning.’
From the very beginning, she might have known.
Vaguely. Every time he looked at her, the strange look in Professor Antorelli’s eyes… Sofia Sub-priest would have certainly suspected it since their first encounter.
At that time, she hadn’t asked. Because she didn’t know what answer she might receive, and because they weren’t close yet.
Over time, they grew closer. They exchanged jokes, shared lunches, and on weekends, they would rise late and go grocery shopping together.
As the time spent together lengthened, Professor Antorelli’s gaze upon Sofia Sub-priest and his actions became increasingly overt. It wasn’t a regular occurrence, but he would often watch her blonde hair intently, brush it aside, and gently play with the ends of her silky hair.
And when he looked into her eyes, those beautifully sparkling emerald eyes that shone transparently….
Each time Professor Antorelli faced her, he would startle, as if he were recalling something.
Then, why didn’t he ask back then?
How had things escalated to this point?
“Haha… so, that was it….”
Ah. I understand.
He was scared.
Right in this moment. That something like this would happen. The future where he would completely accept that Professor Antorelli did not see her as Sofia Sub-priest was terrifying.
If that happened, he knew he wouldn’t be able to properly handle the intense feelings of betrayal and disgust directed at Professor Antorelli….
But at the same time, there was a sense of it being too late.
He wished he had told her from the beginning. If only he had said it a little earlier, all of this could have been avoided.
“I…”
Sofia Sub-priest broke free from her tumultuous thoughts. What eventually came into her view was a white snowfield, the distant lights of a city, the calmly settled darkness, the moonlight shining on the white snow, and….
“I am a sinner.”
In the midst of it all, were two unfortunate souls trapped in the tricks of fate.
Professor Antorelli has known since long ago, from the very first meeting.
“I deceived Sofia Sub-priest…”
Slowly, very slowly it sank.
“I tried to forget it, but it didn’t work. So….”
Finally, it sinks into the deep waters.
Like a sinking ship, drawn further into the deep, dark seabed like a grain of sand.
“So…”
After a long journey, Professor Antorelli settled on the sandy bottom.
In that dark, cold, deep, lonely place. Unlike the bright seawater above, where not even sunlight reached. A place where not a single ray of light could penetrate, filled only with darkness and chillingly cold seawater.
But Professor Antorelli knew. Sofia Sub-priest knew as well.
If they did nothing while sinking to the bottom of the deep sea, they would rust and be crushed by the pressure.
Professor Antorelli was not an iron man. He was not perfect; rather, he was simply a flawed man.
Therefore, he needed to get out of there even more. He had to.
“Sofia Sub-priest, merely because she resembled Helena in some small external way…. I acted as if I were reuniting with Helena.”
Thus, what he did in this moment, what he spoke, the atrocious words that slipped from his lips that were unbearable for Sofia Sub-priest to hear…
Ultimately, was to save himself. To get away.
“How could you do this?”
And Sofia Sub-priest thought that such actions from Professor Antorelli were undeniably selfish. Even though she knew it shouldn’t be, with the thought that if not now, it might be too late, it was right for Antorelli to confess the truth now.
“How can you do this to me…?”
Sofia Sub-priest felt sorrow. She felt sadness. Anger. Despair. Frustration. Betrayal.
Her heart ached. Without realizing it, Sofia Sub-priest clutched her chest.
A chill, seeping deep into her bones, felt as if it pierced through her very being. It came close to being murder.
So sad that she felt her identity being stripped away. It felt like being slowly pushed to the edge of a cliff.
Sofia Sub-priest’s lips trembled. Her shaking hands weakly flailed in the air and then clenched tightly as if trying to grasp something nonexistent.
Tears from Sofia Sub-priest fell across her flushed cheeks. In the cold wind, the red of her cheeks created a path.
Tears following in a trickle would eventually form a stream.
Sofia Sub-priest and Professor Antorelli float within it. Embracing waves of emotion, memories of the past, mirrors of a shimmeringly bright future clinging to them.
The relentless waves crashing above resembled Sofia Sub-priest’s chaotic emotions. She stepped just a bit closer to Professor Antorelli.
The distance between them shrank.
“It’s my fault. Please, please…. Don’t abandon me…. Don’t leave me…. Please, please….”
“……”
“I know it’s selfish, but I… I…. Ah, ugh…. I….”
Professor Antorelli, grasping the waist of the closer Sofia Sub-priest, looked up at her. His glasses were lost somewhere, and his face was pale, lifeless like a corpse.
Sofia Sub-priest looked down into the heart-wrenching expression of a man she had always respected and had begun to see through eyes of love. There had never been a moment when his unkempt hair looked so unappealing.
At the same time, waves of longing crashed over her. All the power to continue living had been lost, and resting on the frail memories, she realized she was doing something so wrong, wanting to embrace Professor Antorelli who couldn’t even ask for forgiveness in front of her…
It was because her nature was not that cruel. Sofia Sub-priest found herself wanting to chuckle at the fact that one sentiment overshadowed everything else even in this situation. In other words, it really was. She had no way to act otherwise.
No one in this world is without secrets. Even a five-year-old child has secrets they cannot tell to the parents they should love and trust most. Let alone an adult. This man, approaching thirty, Professor Antorelli.
“Haha….”
Sofia Sub-priest raised her head and glared resentfully at the dark, murky clouds above. A feeling of emptiness came crashing over her like a third wave.
Emptiness. For what reason did I strive to appear good in front of him? Was this fleeting moment really all I had worked for? Had I not wanted to convey my heart, my feelings? Was this the outcome of my principles leading to such destruction?
Deep within Sofia Sub-priest, various difficult conflicts battled fiercely. The actions she had taken to bring things to this point. She shouldn’t have done this; she shouldn’t have done that.
She shouldn’t have brought Professor Antorelli to the Holy Empire—
A common dream in a shared bed. They appeared to be running towards the same goal, yet internally they harbored different thoughts. It really was a comedy.
Sofia Sub-priest knew well what she wanted to say to Professor Antorelli. The problem was that it didn’t easily jump out, but she knew what she needed to say next.
A hesitation arose. That was the fourth wave.
It was too heavy to simply deem it Professor Antorelli’s fault. Yet, there was no willingness to accept his desperate apology. While the trigger was Helena’s death, the unfolding narrative stemmed from his greed that could not let go of the past and the deep wound inflicted by war.
Sofia Sub-priest realized then. What she truly needed to say was finally dawning on her.
“I… no, I….”
Tears flowed incessantly. The salty tears from Sofia Sub-priest fell drop by drop upon Professor Antorelli’s face.
“Even if it has come to this, I love you.”
Sofia Sub-priest murmured as she gently cradled the bruised cheek she had just slapped.
Her expression warped grotesquely. It looked as if she was angry and happy simultaneously.
Yet, ultimately she chose to smile.
Because she recognized the truth.
Professor Antorelli, too, loved her. He cherished her. And… he wished not to leave.
He confessed to Sofia Sub-priest before it was too late.
“I am a murderer….”
“Still, still…. I love you….”
All that transpired until now had been considered solely Professor Antorelli’s issue; if he made decisions alone,
Now, it was time for both of them to make a choice together.
Because they loved each other.
“That makes me unbearably angry….”
Sofia Sub-priest calmly expressed her true feelings.
