298. Shadowed Sky (3)
“Lady Freya. Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, I told you. What do you take a goddess for?”
Kirhas fidgeted and groaned, finally speaking to Freya in a voice that seemed to crawl out of her throat. From Freya’s memory, this was already the tenth time she’d asked the same question.
Are you sure? Yes, I’m sure. The conversation, missing its subject, floated aimlessly in the air. As if the words added weight to the atmosphere, Kirhas’ shoulders seemed to grow heavier the longer they talked.
“What’s the problem anyway? It’s a natural thing, and something to celebrate, isn’t it? Go tell him right now!”
“I… I… I can’t yet… Could you please check one more time?”
Kirhas lowered her big eyes and cautiously approached Freya. After patting her sulking shoulders a couple of times, Freya placed her hands on Kirhas’ forehead and arms.
A warm energy enveloped her, swirling around. Soon, Freya’s eyes opened. She glanced at Kirhas’ stomach and nodded heavily.
“It’s certain.”
“How am I supposed to tell him!”
“I really don’t understand. Why is it your responsibility? It’s his. No matter how stone-hearted he is, isn’t this good news?”
“Lady Freya, you don’t understand anything!”
“What… what?”
Kirhas dashed out of the room in a flurry. Freya stared blankly at her retreating figure for a while before clicking her tongue. Mortals’ ways of thinking were sometimes utterly incomprehensible.
* * *
On her way from the cabin to the tower where Fernandez was, Kirhas bit her lip and had to stop several times. These past few days, she had barely shown her face outside her room, but her lord seemed too busy to pay her any attention.
And rightly so. Kirhas couldn’t even imagine him having free time. He lived as if not being busy was a sin. For him, rest was nothing more than recharging for the next task.
Such a Fernandez… even if he had been holed up for a few days, there was no way he would suddenly take an interest in Kirhas now. She bit her lip.
I’m falling behind, aren’t I?
The Empire’s vixen married him. Though they annulled it. Still, she had stepped into a position she had never dreamed of, laughing all the way.
Meanwhile, Abel… that noble ancient dragon was in a league of her own. As if she loved Fernandez. Perhaps, the lord cherished her too.
I knew him first. Unlike the others. The lord sought me out first.
That’s right. I’m different from the other women flocking around Fernandez now. Unlike those women drawn to his abilities, looks, or social status.
When the lord was just a trainee, he came to me personally. To make me his subordinate. With an irresistible charm… almost magical.
Even her unyielding pride, which had remained intact through long imprisonment, was nowhere to be found at that moment. She willingly submitted.
But why? Why isn’t he interested in me? I… I…
Before she knew it, she was in front of Fernandez’s door. Hesitation, anxiety, and anguish flickered across her eyes. A metallic taste of blood filled her mouth from biting her lip. Soon, as if resigned, she raised her hand and knocked on the door.
“Who is it?”
“Your Excellency. It’s me.”
“Come in.”
The same gruff voice as always. Kirhas bowed her head deeply and walked in like a criminal.
In the spacious room, amidst countless experimental tools and piles of documents scribbled with complex lines, Fernandez’s voice was heard.
Indifferent eyes and the deep fatigue beneath them, yet more noble than cold… a gaze that wasn’t icy. Noble features and a strong jawline. A crooked scar and sharp, confident eyes that seemed to grasp everything.
The same Your Excellency as always. And the same fluttering gaze. A man like steel, reeking of iron. Navy blue, a symbol of victory. A shining lighthouse…
“Have you resolved your worries?”
“Hic!?”
“…?”
As Kirhas started hiccuping, Fernandez finally turned his gaze from the documents to look at her.
* * *
‘Why is she like this?’
-Like she stole something?
Fernandez tilted his head, looking at Kirhas who had opened the door and entered. She hadn’t come out of her room for days, so he thought something was wrong, but since Freya, who went in with her, said nothing, he assumed it was a personal matter.
For Fernandez, who carefully monitors the condition of his human resources, this was puzzling. She hadn’t been injured enough to require days of rest, so Kirhas’ issue must be psychological.
He couldn’t solve psychological issues. That was something one had to do alone, and he trusted Kirhas. The Chieftain of the Wasteland, the ruler of the beastmen, Kirhas Hearttaker, was not one to easily kneel before any hardship.
So, her breaking her seclusion and coming out on her own meant either her worries were over… or she wanted to consult about them. If so, he was willing to discuss it. Her loss of strength was a significant blow to Fernandez’s hand.
If it was something solvable, it had to be addressed above all else.
“Have you resolved your worries?”
“Hic!?”
“…?”
Her reaction was strange. She bowed her head like a criminal and flinched. Fidgeting with her fingers as if…
“Did you already know…?”
“That you have worries, yes.”
At his words, Kirhas’ head shot up.
“Your Excellency was worried about me!”
“…? Isn’t that natural?”
“Right… right?”
Kirhas nodded enthusiastically and took a step closer. She seemed to have regained her usual vigor. She opened her mouth to say something, then bowed her head again, hesitating.
Fernandez silently took out a teacup and crossed his fingers. A flame ignited, and soon bubbles rose on the teacup.
“Would you like some tea?”
“Thank you…”
And then silence again. Kirhas looked at Fernandez…
Without even looking, he picked up the teacup and took a sip. Seeing this, Fernandez almost burst out laughing without realizing it.
His actions were exactly like Aria’s. When was that again…? When she bowed her head, fidgeted with her fingers, and stuttered.
-When he broke my staff.
‘And when he boiled all the experimental materials.’
-Hmm… And.
‘When he had her.’
Since Faijashi didn’t seem willing to answer, Fernandez spoke up instead. Unlike Faijashi, who carried the emotions of his past life intact, Fernandez held them as memories. Memories stripped of most emotions, faded and dull.
Faijashi frowned and looked at him. It didn’t matter. The past was the past. Probably. Fernandez forced himself to continue thinking calmly.
‘And in most cases like that, it was usually resolved by just having a cup of tea together…’
“I am with child.”
“Pfft?!”
Fernandez, who had just brought the teacup to his lips, spat out the tea and coughed for a while. At his reaction, Kirhas’s head sank even lower.
Silence fell. This silence was like a carpet, struggling to contain the chaos swirling beneath it.
Fernandez finally managed to steady his breathing and raised his head. Kirhas looked like she was about to burst into tears. He had to say something. But what should he say? The silence couldn’t last too long. It was like…
‘Hey, experienced one. Say something.’
-Only at times like this? You and I share the same memories.
‘Damn it.’
This was the problem. Fernandez and Faijashi shared the same memories. However, Faijashi felt the emotions of his past life, while Fernandez felt the emotions of his current life. Even though their memories were the same, they weren’t painted with the same colors.
Faijashi chuckled as if it were someone else’s business and sat down in a corner of the room.
-Let’s just ask first.
“When…?”
-Not that question! You idiot. That was the worst question. You… you’re trash!
Fernandez, who had been called trash by the Dark Mage who destroyed the world, struggled to meet Kirhas’s hesitant gaze and regretted it.
“…I found out a few… a few days ago.”
“I see…”
“Yes…”
“Right…”
The sentence didn’t end. It was impossible to cut it off decisively. Fernandez’s mind was surprisingly blank. If there were a panic button, it felt like a third Fernandez he didn’t know was smashing it repeatedly.
‘Quick. What should I say here?’
-Is it a boy or a girl?
‘Damn it, how would I know… Freya?’
-Exactly! She’s the Goddess of Life. Given the circumstances, she probably informed Kirhas about the pregnancy. If she used divine power to determine it, she would naturally know the gender!
“The gender…?”
-Ah. Of course, the moment you ask that, it becomes even clearer that you’re trash. You trash.
‘Bastard!’
Fernandez growled and glared at Faijashi. Whatever that looked like, Kirhas flinched and bowed her head.
Fernandez slowly put down the teacup and placed his hand over Kirhas’s, which was fidgeting with the edge of the cup.
“Hic?!”
“Calm down.”
“Your Excellency… Your Excellency.”
“Why are you scared? Calm down. It’s not your fault.”
“But…”
-Now, let’s start talking about the importance of contraception.
‘Shut up.’
A child… Fernandez turned his head away from Kirhas and frowned. There was nothing more bewildering than an unplanned event. Especially for someone like him, who planned every move.
An astonishingly cold calculation shook his head. The loss of Kirhas’s combat power, the weakening of control over the Great Wilderness, and so on. And as quickly as those thoughts came, he despised himself.
He should have congratulated her. He should have blessed her. But… Only then could he clearly read his own emotions. Thanks to the return of rational thought, he could understand his own state more clearly than anyone else.
He was scared.
The reason his thoughts were paralyzed was fear. The fear of losing again. The fear that tragedy might repeat itself… And, more than that.
The fear that he no longer saw his comrades, his subordinates, his acquaintances as ‘tools,’ but as people with human emotions. It was a weakness that dulled his judgment and made him vulnerable.
And it was an emotion that couldn’t be erased. An emotion that couldn’t be ignored. He closed his eyes tightly and thought for a long time.
“I never thought of sending you away.”
“Your Excellency…”
“When I took you in, your state, your position, everything about you became mine. And I am a greedy person. I never easily give up what is mine.”
“Your Excellency.”
“But there is something I need to clarify. Even if it’s not an important factor for the future, it is extremely important to me personally. Whatever it is, it won’t harm you. But tell me. Is it a boy or a girl?”
It wasn’t simple curiosity or a preference for gender. This was more important than that. His past life was a gamble with his son’s soul. A desperate attempt to bring back his dead son’s life.
But the anxiety he had been trying to ignore was always scattered around him. Up until this moment, his numerous achievements had changed the future. The future would no longer proceed as it did in his past life.
People who should have died were alive, and people who should have lived were buried in the ground. If someone who didn’t exist in his past life had a child, where did that child’s soul come from, and what would their fate be?
Several hypotheses were possible, but the one Fernandez considered was ‘restoration.’ If someone who didn’t exist in his past life was born, perhaps someone who should have been born at that time in his past life would take their place. This was an extremely tricky assumption to confirm.
Restoration… in other words, fate. Even though he despised the word ‘fate,’ it was an inevitability he couldn’t completely deny. And for him, it was almost his only hope.
If fate existed, then the destruction of the world might also be part of fate. That was something he could never accept. But…
“It’s a girl.”
If there was no fate, then his son might not be born. The soul from his past life might still be screaming under the torture of the Great Demon of the main world. And… and. If that were the case.
When the reversal occurred. When the current reality was imposed on the main world. His son’s soul might be shattered and disappear under the vortex of ‘fate.’
An assumption that was difficult to confirm, and even if confirmed, there was no way to deal with it. An assumption that, the moment he was certain, would strip him of all his remaining will and passion.
In the face of that assumption, Fernandez bowed his head without a word.
Reality or ideal. Words that didn’t even form a sentence floated in his mind.
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