The doctor looked extremely fatigued. Despite an appearance that seemed youthful, even childlike, with an impression as harmless as a rabbit, there were dark circles under his eyes, and he exuded an atmosphere of world-weariness.
Behind the doctor stood a woman in a white nurse’s uniform. Strangely, her features appeared blurry. Though clear descriptors came to mind—”pretty,” “cute,” “young”—there was an odd sensation, as if fog shrouded the information, preventing a clear image from forming.
The nurse’s nametag was similar. The front part was legible, but the back seemed strangely unreadable, as though the letters were there but refused to make sense.
Isn’t this what dyslexia feels like?
“Since you’re awake, shall we begin? Hmm…”
The doctor sat opposite her and asked.
“First things first… do you remember your name?”
“Huh? Of course… it’s Saigo Rise.”
“Good. Do you remember your age?”
“Yes… I’m 21.”
“21… hmm… understood.”
With a smooth motion, the doctor scribbled something onto the chart in his hand.
“Alright… what’s the last thing you remember?”
“Huh? The last… oh, I went to a shrine to offer a votive… huh? Wait, that’s all I can remember…”
The doctor sighed, pressing his hand to his forehead as if exhausted. After a long breath, he addressed Rise.
“Ms. Saigo Rise… even though I’ve already explained this about five times… I’ll repeat it. Ms. Rise, you have schizophrenia… or more precisely, you have psychosis.”
“Huh?”
Psychosis.
A mental illness known elsewhere as schizophrenia, split personality disorder, or psychoses.
Rise stared at the doctor, unable to believe she had such a severe condition. The doctor sighed again, this time slightly exasperated, before re-explaining.
“And this is the fifth time I’ve told you this. Ms. Saigo, you have both psychosis and amnestic syndrome. So, even when I explain it, you tend to forget eventually.”
“Forgetting, you say? But…”
“Yes. The amnesia is anterograde, making it difficult for you to form new memories. You seem to recall past events well, but…”
“Anterograde amnesia…”
The doctor jotted down additional notes on the chart and then exchanged a glance with the nurse. The nurse handed him a notebook, and after flipping through it, he continued.
“What a complicated situation. Simply put, Ms. Saigo’s memories of the past are distorted.”
“Huh? Distorted?”
“So distorted that at first, we diagnosed you with delusional disorder. But as days passed, hallucinations and delusions intensified into the unreal, like this…”
The doctor showed her a part of the notebook.
“Today I went outside. As soon as I stepped out, the sun greeted me, but I ignored it, because the sun’s words might trigger a boiling rage and harden my brain. Evidence came later while walking when sweat dripped from my body, delivered by ants carrying toxic substances controlled by the sun. The metal hidden in a dirt pile was watching and reporting my actions to the doctor, so I did nothing. A god was trailing behind, but I heard no footsteps because he was on top of my head, supervising on behalf of the doctor. The god kept watch while the nurse came, who always tried to brainwash me with injections. She’s disguised as a nurse, a demon in disguise, whose needle hides a chip that controls my body and manipulates my brain, causing my nose and mouth to reek when injected. Quickly, I hid in the tree’s shade to escape harm, where the ants continued reporting my actions to the doctor. Realizing I couldn’t leave, I had to return home because the doctor was eavesdropping. Compared to the doctor, I trust the nurse more, although neither loves me.”
“What… What is this?”
In shock, Rise noticed the note written in her own handwriting, filled with disjointed, incomprehensible phrases. Even a casual glance suggested the notebook belonged to someone with serious mental health issues.
She looked at the doctor in bewilderment. Her face had paled significantly, and upon seeing this, the doctor closed the notebook.
“Ms. Rise, this is your diary. Take a look.”
On the cover of the diary, written in her handwriting, were the words “Diary,” with a warning: “Do not steal and read.” At the bottom, smaller letters read, “Except for the doctor.”
“Is this… my diary?”
“Yes.”
The doctor handed the diary to the nurse.
“I’ll explain briefly. Your condition, Ms. Saigo, is psychosis, and as seen in this diary, your delusions aren’t based in reality.”
“That can’t be…”
“The problem is, your brain shows no abnormalities.”
“Excuse me?”
“Typically, schizophrenia patients display increased dopamine levels, but not in your case. Additionally, your frontal lobe, cerebral cortex, basal ganglia, lateral ventricles, and third ventricle… everything appears normal. Including the hippocampus and thalamus. So, this means…”
The doctor paused slightly.
“…neither medication nor electroshock therapy will help.”
“What a truly troubling situation.”
Though the doctor spoke this way, Rise could barely react. Her mind felt overwhelmed by the flood of unimaginable information.
It spins.
Her brain seemed bleached white with shock, completely frozen from processing anything.
Yet, despite her mental state, the doctor continued to explain information she didn’t want to hear and didn’t need to know.
“Certainly, the symptoms suggest there should be an impact on the brain… after much deliberation, we consulted an expert counselor who suggested a potential treatment approach.”
The doctor said,
“According to them, Ms. Saigo has likely self-hypnotized to escape from traumatic experiences. In other words, you’ve brainwashed yourself. Traditional methods, such as electroshock and medication, won’t work, so we’ve concluded that Deprogramming will be more effective in helping you break free from the brainwashing and recognize reality. We will heal you through this method.”
“Self… brainwashing?”
“Yes. Ms. Saigo created an imaginary deity to escape from a painful reality, binding yourself and falling into extreme fanaticism and blind belief. You’ve altered your memories and distorted your past based on this fabricated being.”
The doctor looked straight into Rise’s eyes.
“Most of what you believe to be reality is not accurate, Ms. Saigo.”
“That’s… impossible.”
“Ms. Saigo, please trust me, trust the medical staff here. We will spare no effort to fully cure you. We will absolutely heal you.”
“No…”
“The process of deprogramming might be painful and arduous. But rest assured, we won’t leave you to suffer alone. We will dismantle the brainwashing together, suffer together, and conquer the illness together. I will never give up on you.”
“No! I’m not crazy!”
“Hmm… let’s begin. Get ready.”
As the doctor spoke, the nurse approached Rise. Despite her delicate appearance, the nurse restrained her with astonishing strength, forcing her into a straitjacket and tying her tightly to the bed.
Despite Rising yelling and resisting, the nurse effortlessly overpowered her, securing the straitjacket before binding her securely to the bed. In the end, Rise was completely immobilized.
“Let me go! Let me out!”
“It’s a precaution to prevent self-harm and violence.”
“What are you doing?! Let me go!”
With sudden binding, Rise twisted her body in terror and panic but the restraints held her fast. The bed barely moved despite her struggles. The doctor quietly waited until her struggles subsided.
Once she lay exhausted, panting, the doctor finally spoke.
“Let’s start with your family, Ms. Saigo. Can you describe your family relations?”
“Sniff… let me go…”
“I can’t do that.”
“Please, let me go!”
“You will be released quickly if you cooperate.”
“Sniff… Sniff…”
Tears streamed down Rise’s face.
But eventually, after coming to terms with the situation, she answered in a tearful voice.
“My father and I… we’re just two of us. Sob… Sob…”
“Mr. Saigo Kenji, correct?”
“Yes… Sob…”
“And what’s his occupation?”
“Shinto priest… Sob…”
The doctor recorded something on the chart after her response.
“Understood. Next, about your friends. I’ve heard that you have a close group of friends since school, is that right?”
“Yes…”
“How many?”
“Four…”
“What are their names?”
“Munakata Airi… Hōjō Mahiro… Takamura Shiori… Nishikawa Lena…”
“Okay. When did you last see them?”
“A week ago…”
“What did you do together?”
“We gathered at a café and talked…”
The doctor scribbled some more notes on the chart. Then, raising his head and making eye contact with Rise, he continued.
“Ms. Rise, listen carefully. Your father, Mr. Saigo Kenji, is not a Shinto priest.”
“What?”
“And your close friends—they’ve all passed away.”
