Trauma.
In medical terms, it refers to “injury,” with psychological trauma denoting mental wounds and physical trauma referring to bodily ones.
Originally derived from the classical Greek word τραῦμα (trauma), meaning wound, its Latin counterpart also signifies a severe injury.
Nowadays, though, it’s more often used for mental rather than physical injuries—specifically, the experience of reliving past moments of fear, accompanied by psychological distress.
Yujin brought this up for no other reason…
“As I mentioned earlier, unless Her Highness the Princess grows mentally stronger, the chances of defeating the Demon’s Ego will decrease. Thus, understanding and resolving her mental instability could be greatly beneficial.”
“…”
“Though it pains me to say this… Your Highness has presumably investigated me as much as I’ve heard about you.”
After saying that, Yujin cautiously continued.
“I’ve heard that when you were young, you witnessed the murder of Her Majesty the Crown Princess right before your eyes.”
“…Yes, that’s correct.”
Elysia answered while trying hard to calm her trembling body and eyes. Her voice was shaking just as much as her body and gaze.
“There’s no need to apologize. This story is… quite well-known. The Crown Princess who died in a political struggle and the young princess who witnessed it—though people whisper about it discreetly, it’s a fact many are aware of.”
“…”
“And… Yes, since it’s necessary. I’m aware too. That Demon’s Ego frequently shows me dreams where my mother is killed over and over again. It knows I’m vulnerable to that part better than anyone else… If I don’t overcome it… I simply can’t…”
“Her Highness.”
At that moment, Elysia, looking somewhat unstable, had her shoulder grabbed by Yujin.
“…Ah.”
“Look into my eyes. And take a slow, deep breath.”
As Elysia looked at Yujin, he was already wide awake. She stared intently at his previously half-closed eyes and took a deep breath.
“…Phew.”
When she exhaled, her expression visibly improved. Yujin spoke.
“I sincerely apologize for stirring up painful memories. And, Your Highness, I’m not here to relentlessly pressure you to overcome this.”
“…What?”
When Elysia asked, Yujin replied,
“It would be good if you could overcome it, but it’s not something easily achieved just by deciding to.”
“…”
“On the other hand, ignoring it completely will only leave it as a weakness. That’s why I wanted to confront you with it once. To be honest, I plan to keep making you face it moving forward.”
At this, Elysia’s lips trembled. Yujin continued,
“One day, I aim for Your Highness to become accustomed to this event… At the very least, to face it without breaking down. Whether or not it’s considered overcoming, I’ll ensure you adapt to it.”
“…Can that… really happen?”
“…Shall I share my own story for a moment?”
With that, Yujin began his tale.
“I lost my parents when I was twelve.”
“…!”
Somewhat abrupt but shocking, Elysia’s eyes widened.
“Because of an epidemic, I survived while both my parents passed away. Their dying forms on their deathbeds are still vivid in my memory even now.”
“…”
“Even after so much time has passed… That day remains a painful memory for me.”
Speaking as if expelling resentment, Yujin seemed to be recalling the past, talking more to himself than to Elysia.
“Because of that, there was a time when I thought I was the most unfortunate person. What else could I do? Both my parents had passed away while I was still at an age where I should have been under their care. Feeling lost trying to survive alone, I even contemplated following them.”
“…”
“But… here I am, still alive. Do you know why?”
Elysia hesitated to open and close her mouth several times before speaking.
“Because… Professor, you’re a strong person…?”
“Haha, did you think that? Unfortunately, that’s not the case.”
Yujin laughed and negated her assumption.
“In truth, I don’t like myself much. I often view myself as if I were someone else. Since I don’t love myself, I even use honorifics when talking to myself or thinking internally. I feel like a stranger to myself.”
“…”
“A person like that can’t possibly be strong. How could someone who doesn’t love themselves think of enduring sorrow and pain to live strongly? This isn’t strength.”
“…Then…”
“I’m still wandering, even now.”
“…”
“What I should do, how I should live, whether I should keep living… I’m still pondering and wandering. Though there are things I want to do in life, if you ask if they’re reasons to live, they aren’t necessarily so.”
Having said that, Yujin chuckled and continued.
“I’m still caught in doubts and wanderings. Because these haven’t ended, I’m still alive.”
“…”
“I haven’t overcome anything. Sometimes when I fall asleep, I dream of having meals happily with my parents. When I wake up from such dreams, it’s painful, but this pain and sorrow serve as my milestones and companions amidst long wanderings and doubts. They might be something I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
“…”
“Your Highness.”
Yujin gazed into Elysia’s eyes.
Have you ever tried having a conversation while making eye contact with someone who has one eye?
For Yujin, it wasn’t a completely unfamiliar experience. Occasionally, during volunteer work or Awakened Ones missions, encountering people with physical disabilities wasn’t rare.
Still, for someone like Yujin, making eye contact felt more familiar with those who had two eyes.
Making eye contact with one eye is quite different from doing so with two.
When you’re looking at someone, or must look at them, your gaze narrows compared to usual. Losing the breadth you’re accustomed to, it becomes a narrow single path. As your vision narrows, thoughts multiply. More thoughts bring more distractions.
That must be why useless thoughts arise while looking at Elysia.
“Your Highness, please continue to dwell in doubt.”
“…”
“It’s fine to wander. Even if you collapse under pain and sorrow, it doesn’t matter. Whether you regard them as companions, milestones, or even causes of your wandering—it doesn’t matter. Once you grow accustomed to them, you’ll find the strength to keep living until your wandering ends. After all, doubt can be both a curse and a blessing for those who live.”
Having said that, Yujin gave a bitter smile.
“I apologize for not being able to offer better advice. But in matters like this, I can’t give you straightforward advice. This is the only thing I can say and the only method I can offer.”
Just as Yujin finished speaking and removed his hand from Elysia’s shoulder…
Whoosh!
“!”
Yujin blinked. This was completely unexpected.
“…Your Highness?”
Suddenly, Elysia wrapped her arms around Yujin’s neck and hugged him tightly. So sudden was it that despite reacting, Yujin remained dazed for a moment while hugging her back.
Her hair smelled faintly of lilies, a soft fragrance that was comforting rather than stimulating.
But to Yujin, it was nothing short of awkward. Why was she doing this all of a sudden?
“…Ah, Ahhh…!”
However, Elysia soon realized her actions and pulled back, her face and eyes flushed red.
“I’m, I’m sorry, Professor! I… I didn’t mean to…”
“No, it’s fine… There’s nothing to apologize for, but why did you do that suddenly? Such actions could lead to rumors.”
After all, Yujin was undeniably male. For the Princess of the Empire to casually hug an unrelated man was a problematic act.
It was fortunate that Yujin had no ulterior motives toward Elysia; otherwise, what would another person have done?
“That… Well…”
To Yujin’s question, Elysia, with her ears and face red, looked at him with slightly moist eyes and said,
“I couldn’t help it… It became unbearable…”
“…”
Whatever she couldn’t bear, Yujin had no way of knowing, but seeing her face made him decide not to press further. So he spoke.
“I see… Understood.”
Honestly unsure, Yujin nodded and stepped back.
『…How dare that lewd woman.』
Tiamat muttered something behind him, but Yujin decided to pretend he didn’t hear. Of course, his mind was still working on how to pacify Tiamat amid all this.
Yujin asked,
“Anyway, Your Highness, though it may be difficult, could you please share your story with me?”
“…Alright.”
And so, Elysia’s story began.
