The logs were crackling as they burned.
In the dark night, my eyes, turned away from the moon, fixated dreamily on the flames. The fire rising in the middle of the Mountain Court was high and fierce.
Inside, there would be an unnamed woman in place.
It was the ‘Purification Trial.’
As a final measure to question God about the presence of sin, one throws their own body onto the firewood.
Naturally, there had never been a sinner who returned alive. Even knowing that, the Lady Virgin Saint stubbornly chose this difficult path. The reason for that was equally absurd.
“I-an, you don’t have to die too.”
Just as I managed to gather my strength and approached the Lady Virgin Saint to say let’s stop now, she drew a firm line with her attitude.
She seemed to express that no amount of persuasion would work.
I couldn’t help but resent the Lady Virgin Saint’s stubbornness.
“I won’t die… You saw it yourself, didn’t you? The Saint doesn’t intend to kill me! As long as I can endure somehow…!”
“It’s because I saw.”
In a calm voice, she said that and gently took my hand.
The soft and warm sensation made my body stiffen. It had been less than an hour since my skull was shattered and my insides were crushed.
Such affectionate contact felt strangely unfamiliar.
Perhaps understanding my situation, the Lady Virgin Saint’s complexion became rather mournful.
“Do you know how many times you’ve died in front of me? How my heart was torn apart each time…”
Her voice was tearful.
Fearing that if I left her as she was, she might cry, I silently embraced the Lady Virgin Saint.
I heard murmurs from all around, but it didn’t matter. It was more important to comfort the weeping Lady Virgin Saint.
Even covered in dirt, she remained the Lady Virgin Saint.
She still smelled good. The sound soaked with tears sadly penetrated my ears.
“…Don’t ever do that again.”
“Lady Virgin Saint…”
“No, I won’t allow it.”
It was a statement rather than a request.
In fact, that alone was enough. I quickly perceived her resolution.
In any case, I knew my persuasion wouldn’t be heeded.
It was better to give up on trying to convince her.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t let go of my reluctance until the end.
“Just for one day… can you rely on me for today?”
“I have already relied on you every day.”
“If you just believe in me one more time…”
“…I-an.”
Her quiet summons had an irresistible allure.
I pressed my lips tightly, looking at the Lady Virgin Saint with sad eyes.
Sometimes, a single gesture can convey more than a hundred words.
The grip of her hand that met my gaze tightened. A gentle pressure was added to my held hand.
And a faint smile blossomed on the corner of her lips.
With tears glistening in her eyes, she slowly shook her head.
“Even if you look at me like that, it won’t work.”
“Then what should we do? Are you asking me to just watch you gamble your life on a bet with a predictable end?”
“I will return alive.”
Her soothing persuasion was delivered in a gentle tone. Yet, I could only make a face that expressed my incomprehension.
You’ll come back alive?
It was nonsense.
No one could stay awake all night on burning firewood. It was a miracle granted only to a few superhumans, and the Lady Virgin Saint was merely a priest focused on healing.
The end of this trial was too predictable.
The pain of having my whole body burned was beyond imagination. Surely, there would be a better way to die.
Although my complexion grew more anxious, the Lady Virgin Saint stubbornly refused to listen to my thoughts.
“I-an, I have lived my life by discarding my name. Now, I have no shame to reclaim the name of those times. The girl who lived as the ‘Lady Virgin Saint’ for the past few years… has changed too much.”
What did she want to say?
As my gaze became vacant, the Lady Virgin Saint held an indistinct smile.
Again, and again.
The Lady Virgin Saint gently released the hand she was holding and firmly embraced me. The touch on my back was warm.
“I don’t want to live as a shell anymore.”
“So, do you mean you want to die in flames?”
“I want to ask.”
Despite my rough retort, the Lady Virgin Saint’s answer remained peaceful.
I bit my lip in frustration.
“Is there a God? Does He still love me, now that I have shed the shell of ‘Lady Virgin Saint’… Shouldn’t I at least question that once, even if I die?”
“Please, Lady Virgin Saint…”
“Do you trust me?”
Before I could even kneel and beg, my words got stuck.
It was a question I had heard somewhere in my memories.
And the problem I had declared was thrown back at me.
Do you trust me?
“I am nothing but a common girl. I thought I achieved everything by myself, but in truth, I stood upon the sacrifices of countless others… Even the name ‘Lady Virgin Saint,’ which I have lost, do you still believe in me?”
I opened and closed my lips.
I was troubled about whether to cry. But I sensed that I wouldn’t be able to send the Lady Virgin Saint off with a smile if I did.
I simply tightened my embrace around her.
“…Emmanuel.”
At the quivering sound of my voice, the Lady Virgin Saint closed her eyes quietly, as if reassured.
All I could do was wish that this moment would last forever.
But time flowed, and the Lady Virgin Saint silently knelt on the pile of logs.
Her hands clasped in prayer, she resembled a piece of sacred art.
Amidst the flames licking the moon, was she still raising unanswered questions with her hands clasped together?
At that moment, my eyes turned to the side.
Perhaps due to the backlash from the long battle, there was no one among the crowd of tens of thousands who wanted to come to my side. Perhaps it was their intention to consider me.
After all, I had just sent the Lady Virgin Saint away, and I must have appeared to be low pressure.
Then, I noticed a blade of grass.
It was a weed that had timidly raised its head, proving that life could sprout even in this barren ground. Though it had long lost its previous vitality from being trampled countless times.
That sight suddenly reminded me of the Lady Virgin Saint.
In the moment when my hand instinctively reached for the grass.
“…Isn’t life amazing?”
A voice gentle as a spring breeze tickled my eardrums.
Startled, my frozen gaze turned to the source. There stood a boy with silver hair.
His face adorned with a soft smile radiated warmth. His sky-blue eyes, gazing down at the trampled weed, were filled with compassion and affection, making it hard to believe he was the one who had killed me hundreds of times.
My tense body involuntarily took a stance for battle. My hand searched for the hilt of my sword at my waist, but the Saint didn’t even cast a glance my way.
Only withered weeds were reflected in his retinas.
“No matter how harsh the environment, life blooms. And even when trampled upon, it survives…and nature is indeed so resilient and strong.”
As he spoke, the Saint knelt and lowered his upper body. Only after having nearly bowed down did the boy cautiously blow a breath.
With a soft “whoosh,” the blades of grass rustled.
A miracle occurred.
The trampled and torn blades of grass revived. The weed, standing tall once again, repeated its growth, soon blossoming into a small flower bud.
And then, with a pop, the petals unfurled.
It was a simple flower, as befits a weed. Yet the small white flower seemed so beautiful that the Saint wore a faint smile on his lips.
“This is the path I pursue. I served the Lord, followed His providence, and ultimately achieved this small accomplishment… Isn’t ‘great nature’ truly wondrous?”
“I find it terrifying.”
The words slipped out without passing through my brain.
Even after I said it, I regretted it, but the Saint didn’t appear to be angry. He merely looked at me with eyes full of amusement.
Like an old man gazing at a cute child.
Given his hundreds of years of life, it was understandable considering my age.
Still, I felt a peculiar awkwardness, prompting me to clear my throat.
“What I meant is, the great nature that you sought… Facing it right before my eyes, there’s nothing scarier than that.”
As I spoke, I slightly averted my gaze. It would be understandable to consider it a mocking remark, depending on who was listening.
The Saint who pursued great nature.
His strength was terrifying. Even the vigor he displayed during battle was close to madness.
Frankly, I was scared.
Who wouldn’t be? The force of unstoppable power was ready to tear me apart.
Yet the Saint only chuckled at my rude expression.
“Yes, that’s true… It makes sense. Nature can sometimes be brutally merciless.”
“Is this also the will of the Lord?”
It was another question that slipped out unconsciously.
Staring vacantly at the burning logs, I asked with a feeling of futility.
“Why does the Heavenly Deity give us trials we can’t overcome? I tried my best and struggled… Why…!”
“Brother.”
The Saint called to me in a soft voice. The warmth of his tone almost made me spill the tears I had been holding back.
“Expressions like beautiful or cruel are merely human sentiments. Is there a breeze blowing with intention in this world? Or is there a stream of water flowing with purpose?”
“Isn’t that a fallacy?”
To hide the tears that were about to spill, I asked with even more sharpness.
“Didn’t the Heavenly Deity say He loves us… The Creator’s will is clear, so why has the world been made the exact opposite?”
“Then what should we do?”
I was left speechless.
