I am a closed-off person.
Not just in mind, but also in my lifestyle.
I rarely made connections with others unless it was something special, and I didn’t go outside much.
Once a relationship was formed, it naturally fell apart because I didn’t make an effort to reach out.
I don’t have my heart completely closed, but I don’t act overly friendly either—just that kind of style.
Because of this, my world was limited.
I can say it was mechanical; whether it was personal relationships or work-related, I moved as planned and executed without hesitation.
I preferred working from home as I disliked going out, and I planned to join a workplace where that was possible.
Fortunately, the gaming industry had many such options.
So what I want to say is that I was originally a planned person.
That was until I became this body.
This body, meaning I realized something after becoming Ji-eun, a woman.
Living an unplanned life as Ji-eun made me feel that life doesn’t go as planned.
Until then, I thought I was just lucky that things went according to my plans.
It might also be because I wasn’t particularly ambitious.
As I mentioned earlier, I was a planned person.
The reason I didn’t live that way as Ji-eun is that I realized making plans was meaningless.
Becoming Ji-eun was something that wasn’t even in my plans, so what plans could I possibly make?
I had no idea I would start broadcasting or that it would grow this much or that I’d ever do something like this.
Even now, when unexpected events occur outside of my plans, it feels pointless to simulate scenarios in my head repeatedly.
Maybe that’s why I like games.
Staying within a fixed framework gives a sense of stability.
That was a long introduction.
So, here I am now.
“…”
I have lost my way.
I am sure I am somewhere around here, but where should I go from here?
I have never been good at going out, and after becoming Ji-eun, that seems to have worsened.
I don’t know what to do.
I had a fleeting thought that I should have listened to Papijoa, who suggested we go together in the group Discord, but that thought quickly vanished.
After all, I am someone who struggles with relationships.
If the other person talks a lot and is sociable, I feel burdened; if they’re quiet, I feel awkwardness from the silence—it’s a contradictory situation.
That’s why I preferred my own broadcast, which I could control on my own terms.
There’s no way I could endure the time it would take to arrive at the meeting place with someone I’ve just met.
I’d rather join everyone gathered than squeeze in during that time.
But whether I go this way or that way, it seems I am facing uncomfortable situations regardless.
I looked around to understand where I was while checking the time on my phone.
19:54
7:54 PM. I missed the appointment scheduled for seven because I mentioned that I preferred dinner.
It might be even later.
I should have contacted everyone saying I would be late, but I couldn’t do that.
Because I didn’t have their contact details.
I had gotten the contacts of my team members from Discord, but I forgot to save them.
In reverse, I also forgot to leave my contact information.
There’s no excuse for this.
I must apologize when I meet the team members.
Being an hour late already, being later than this is not something significant.
It’s the same whether I am late or not.
I tried hard to calm my confused heart.
Okay, let’s think calmly.
Stay calm, stay calm.
Yet I couldn’t calm my heart.
Because,
“Are you alone? We are a pair. Would you like to join us?”
“Where are you heading? I’m a local here. Can I take you there?”
“Can I get your number…”
There were too many distractions.
On a Sunday evening, it’s no surprise that there are many people in the bustling area.
The population density is too high; it’s dizzying.
Men approaching every few steps.
Some with anxious expressions, others exuding confidence, some nonchalantly indifferent.
Though they were dressed differently and spoke in different tones, the goal was the same for everyone.
A struggle to win over an attractive opposite s*x.
“I’m sorry.”
When I say this with a cold expression, most men flinch and step back.
Then they return to their friends, chatting with them or lowering their heads with disappointed expressions.
I’m tired.
Though this had become a familiar experience, it never failed to wear me out.
“Sigh…”
It was entirely my mistake that the path had turned confusing, so I couldn’t blame anyone.
I hated the stares and whispers I felt while taking the bus to the meeting place.
While wearing my earphones and listening to music, I misheard the announcement of the bus stops.
I had already made good money; I should have just taken a taxi.
No, then it would just be me and the taxi driver left alone.
If I spoke, it might be just as suffocating.
Going out is indeed a challenging task.
The desire to return home surged, but I kept my head buried in my phone, searching for directions.
I couldn’t turn back after all the trouble I went through to get outside.
“I found it…”
My efforts were finally rewarded.
As I diligently followed the navigation app, I arrived at the meeting place.
Comparing the name of the shop Jackie mentioned with the one in front of me, I cross-verified the name one more time on Naver before I nervously opened the door.
*
“Should we at least order some food first?”
A middle-aged man with a heavy presence spoke.
It was Cheol-woo seated at the head of the table in the room.
Being the oldest at the table, he performed that role well and spoke up, a comment he had to make anyway.
It wouldn’t have been good for the gathering, which had been delayed while waiting for someone who hadn’t shown up.
“Uh, then I’ll order Course B? Everyone seems to prefer this option.”
Tex pressed the call button, assessing people’s tastes.
The group gathered at the restaurant was around half an hour late, meeting at 7:30 instead of the originally planned 7:00.
Considering what is often referred to as streamer time—an adage in the broadcasting world reminding people not to expect punctuality when scheduling with streamers—they had arrived relatively early.
After a little detour, Tex and Ryu-a entered with awkward smiles, and everyone took their seats.
Except for one person.
“Mollu is late…”
Papijoa awkwardly brought up the topic.
Everyone turned to one spot at the table.
Ryu-a, who had left a seat empty beside her to get closer to Mollu, found only dishes and utensils lying there forlornly without a owner.
“She said she’d come, I’m sure she did.”
“Let’s wait for a bit. She might be stuck in some trouble.”
“Shouldn’t we try to contact her?”
“She didn’t give me her contact information.”
The group gathered there had the rare quality of being understanding towards the latecomer.
Jackie scratched his head, saying they should have asked for the contact details, while everyone exchanged awkward smiles.
The food they ordered arrived shortly thereafter.
A staff member wheeled the cart into the room, starting to set down steaming dishes.
Ryu-a exclaimed about needing to take pictures, while Cheol-woo fetched the wine he had ordered, insisting he couldn’t possibly sit in a place like this without drinking. Jackie and Tex sat across from each other, happily chatting and laughing as they ate.
Papijoa looked at the scene and then turned her gaze out the window.
It was winter.
The short days had already cloaked the streets in darkness, and it had been a long time since the city had started flaunting its night views.
The classical music drifting in the room, paired with the beautifully arranged dishes, created an inviting atmosphere.
She could understand why Jackie said it was okay to look forward to it.
Still, why did she feel a sense of disappointment?
Papijoa sipped her wine and glanced at the empty seat.
It seemed she had unconsciously hoped for a meeting with Mollu.
“Hmm.”
Thinking of Mollu, she smiled faintly.
After all, no one else was like her.
Perhaps it was because she was a type of person she hadn’t encountered before among all the people she had met.
Rolling the perfectly cooked steak around in her mouth, she thought once again.
Maybe Mollu wouldn’t come today.
It wouldn’t be unusual for Mollu, known for unexpected behaviors.
Knock knock.
Someone knocked on the door from outside the room.
Is it a staff member?
“Yes, please come in~”
As Tex mumbled a reply, Papijoa continued her meal.
The others seemed indifferent to her thoughts, continuing to eat without paying her any mind.
“Excuse me.”
The atmosphere shifted in an instant.
A familiar voice came from beyond the door, and as it opened, a woman who didn’t look like a staff member stood there.
She had an air about her that seemed cold.
If she frowned while making eye contact, it felt like one would automatically lower their gaze.
Despite her impassive demeanor, there was something intriguing about her that kept Papijoa from tearing her gaze away.
It seemed others felt the same.
Jackie stuttered, “U-um,” repeating the same words like a broken clock.
Ryu-a covered her mouth with her palm and murmured, “No way.”
After scanning the room quickly without saying a word, she finally spoke.
“Hello, I’m late…”
