Is it hot because we’re close to the volcano, or because I’m sitting near the bonfire? It might just be because it’s summer.
Blushing with embarrassment, she denied feeling that way and instead pretended to feel the heat, fanning herself by grabbing and shaking the collar of her leotard as if cooling off from the real warmth. Ah, this cool breeze is nice.
The physical heat may have subsided, but the emotional fervor remained. I know well that Myungho’s gaze isn’t the kind one gives to a friend.
Because I once looked at my girlfriend that way—I was a man, so naturally I understand. Men don’t look at women they only consider friends with such passion.
Myungho wasn’t just liking me—he loved me. Even Yuna, who’s usually oblivious, had noticed. How could I not?
If Myungho were someone I’d only see a few times, rejecting him politely would have been enough. But he wasn’t.
He was more than precious; perhaps the only person in this world I could truly trust. And by some strange coincidence, he too had ended up here from Earth, just like me.
Although… I haven’t yet told him that I’m also from Earth, even if from a different era but the same country. Still, how could I tell someone so irreplaceable that I can’t reciprocate his feelings?
Was it because I was a man that I hesitated? No, that wasn’t it. There’s no way to return to being a man, and even if there were, I don’t know what I’d do back there. Besides, I’ve grown accustomed to this body.
But that doesn’t mean I’ve fully embraced my identity as a woman. Despite giving birth every two months, there’s hardly been anything that made me consciously aware of being female.
Could that be the reason? No, that wasn’t it either. Lately, there’ve been more instances making me aware of being a woman.
Do I dislike Myungho? Not at all. If anything, I rather like him. His build might be lacking, but that could be improved with some exercise later. He has a good character, and money’s no issue since I can extract it from the ground anytime.
Ah, I get it now. Why I hesitate. The reason I can’t accept his feelings is my fear of forming a family—one that might fall apart like mine did.
I’m afraid of failure.
Even if our family doesn’t end up like mine, I worry about failing as a mother or realizing that Myungho isn’t cut out to be a good father, leading to an unhappy child.
And then there’s the ambiguous nature of my own feelings for Myungho. They go beyond friendship, and I recognize him as a potential romantic interest. But as a lover? I’m unsure.
If only everything in life could be split as cleanly as the crystals I chew on. Why does everything always end up so unclear?
…If only I could kill my father, everything would become clear. Though I know it won’t, I still blame him for everything. If he dies, everything will improve, right?
After chewing through all the crystals, I stared blankly at the chunk of meat Myungho handed me before shoving it into my mouth.
“…It’s delicious.”
Even though he probably didn’t have much for himself. Recalling the way he willingly gave me the meat, his affectionate gaze came to mind.
That burning love reflected in his eyes. When exactly did he start feeling this way about me? I tried to recall but realized I’d never really scrutinized his gaze closely enough to pinpoint when it changed.
It’s giving me a headache. Watching the moons while savoring the aftertaste of the meat, I returned to find everyone already settled down for sleep, their meal finished.
“So, did you get enough fresh air, Alterra?”
Had he volunteered to take the first watch? He stood alone, gripping his ominously glowing sword and scanning the surroundings.
Though there weren’t any real dangers nearby, he seemed lost in thought, likely pondering something—perhaps the same things I was.
“Yeah. It was refreshing.” I replied awkwardly. “You know, if you’re feeling suffocated, why don’t you go get some fresh air too?”
“I’ll do that later when I get tired. Yuna and Akashi agreed to take turns keeping watch, so you should rest now, Alterra. Unlike where we came from, this volcano has some dangerous creatures. It’d be better to arrive as refreshed as possible.”
Honestly, I slept plenty in the carriage, but since they’d already planned the watches, I didn’t bother arguing.
As I lay down, I couldn’t help but think about the attention Myungho had shown me earlier. Even these small acts of consideration kept nagging at me.
Am I taking too much without giving back? His willingness to support my revenge, teaching me language, helping me find new clothes—even if he didn’t outright buy them, he encouraged me.
Thinking about what I’ve received versus what I’ve given him, nothing significant came to mind.
What have I really done for him, besides causing trouble? The egg I found in the ruins of the dwarves using the key I discovered might have been useful, but has he benefited from it?
Mari, more of a burden than anything else, saved my life once, but honestly, if I hadn’t provoked the dragon initially, none of that would have happened.
Building bridges or defeating monsters might count as contributions, but none of those would have been impossible without me.
Without Myungho, I wouldn’t have known the language, wouldn’t have known where to go to kill my father, and would have continued suffering under human persecution.
“Alterra? Is something bothering you? Your expression seems a bit dark.”
“No, it’s nothing. Just… thinking about the past.”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth, so I came up with a plausible excuse. Myungho didn’t press further, acknowledging it as nostalgic reminiscing.
“…Actually, I’ve been wondering if I’ve been taking too much from you.”
Unable to resist the solemn atmosphere, I confessed my thoughts. Confused, Myungho asked me to elaborate, so I shared my concerns.
“What are you talking about? There are countless things we wouldn’t have accomplished without you. Without your bridge over the gorge, we’d have taken a much longer route, and without capturing the beast, we’d have had to journey far away into the elves’ forest. You’ve done so much, Alterra. Don’t stress yourself and get some rest. We’ll rely on you again tomorrow.”
Is that true? Listening to Myungho, it sounded convincing. Reflecting on it, he was right. I’d been overly burdened by guilt.
“Alright. You take care too.”
With the weight lifted, I headed to bed feeling somewhat refreshed. Although numerous unresolved issues remained, tackling them one by one would eventually lead to solutions.
First and foremost, killing my father.
—
As Yuna said, the Ghermodai Volcano didn’t seem like a place where life could thrive. The sky was darkened by volcanic smoke, and even slimes, known for their adaptability, were nowhere to be seen.
If even the resilient slimes couldn’t survive here, plants certainly wouldn’t. This barren land consisted only of large hills and a central volcano spewing smoke.
“Yuna, are you sure we can find traces of your parents here…?”
I didn’t mean to crush her hopes—it was a genuine concern about whether anything could be found in such a desolate place.
“We’ll check anyway. Honestly, I’m not expecting much, but we should try something, right?”
Yuna, growing accustomed to coming up empty-handed, suggested moving forward despite the looming disappointment.
“Got it. Alterra, can you check if there’s anything unusual here? A single plant or anything.”
Altera nodded, transforming her greatsword into a hammer and striking the ground forcefully, creating vibrations. Without questioning her method, we waited quietly as she embedded the hammer into the ground and placed her horn against its handle.
“…Nothing, nothing, nothing… Hmm… Hmm? There’s something strange over there… Beyond that, there’s a tree root. Quite a lot actually!”
Looks like we might have some luck. With a nod, Alterra took the lead, urging us to follow. However, we couldn’t keep up with her speed.
“Alterra, can you slow down a little? The path is rough, and it’s hard to match your pace.”
“Ah, right.”
Though I requested her to slow down, her speed didn’t change. Instead, she channeled so much mana into her horn that it glowed golden, flattening the terrain as she walked.
This isn’t bad, though. Despite Akashi complaining about being exhausted, I knew he was just eager to study the rocks, so I ignored his complaints and pushed forward.
Climbing the barren mountain, Alterra suddenly stopped.
“What is it, Alterra? Is there a hidden pit covered in ash ahead?”
“…No. Just now… Look out!”
Before she could finish speaking, the ground trembled, and something burst out from behind us.
A giant spider made entirely of crystal.
