Our brains have something called neuroplasticity.
The nervous system in the brain is not always fixed; it is constantly reorganized in response to stimuli or environmental influences.
Thus, I’ve heard that human nerves can modify their roles variably depending on the situation.
For instance, when you lie down with your eyes closed, the body senses that your vision is blocked.
To compensate for the lost sense, alternative senses are heightened.
Senses like smell, hearing, or touch.
That’s exactly what was happening to me right now.
I lay face down on a bed – effectively, in a state where my vision was blocked.
At this moment, my senses of smell and touch were sharper than ever.
A subtle fragrance wafted up from the herbs spread on the massage bed.
‘Hmm, I don’t know what kind of scent it is, but it’s really pleasant.’
The scent was neither overstimulating nor overpowering; rather, it calmed my mind.
I felt at ease. I was glad I’d come here with Elderlyn.
It was definitely better than sitting alone in an empty room sobbing.
Was this what people called aromatherapy? Or perhaps herb therapy?
I wasn’t sure. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention to these things.
I wanted to ask Elderlyn, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak.
Besides, the stimuli from the massage weren’t that intense at first.
Though I lay on the bed, the massage began gently, starting with the palms.
I felt much better, but there was no particular reason for my body to react.
On the contrary, I was becoming increasingly drowsy.
While lying there, I had expected to have a chat with Yuserin, but I feared that speaking would disrupt this tranquility.
It seemed we both felt the same way, as the room remained quiet. With my eyes closed, it felt as though I were completely alone.
‘Should I just fall asleep like this? It would be a shame to waste such an opportunity.’
In a place like this, you should pursue your own satisfaction to the fullest.
I knew that holding back because it felt “like a waste” was foolish.
And yet, perhaps because I’d spent too much time without money, the idea of sleeping in such an expensive place didn’t sit well with me.
I quickly realized how unnecessary my concerns were.
A warm towel was placed over my left leg.
And on the other side. My right leg…
“Hm.”
It was probably some oil.
It likely had an elegant name, but it was oil of some kind, no doubt.
A pleasantly scented oil now covered my body.
My heightened senses trembled with each touch.
The massage began at the tip of my big toe.
The hands that pressed between the cracks of my toes massaged the soles and tops of my feet, then moved smoothly up my ankles and calves.
Why were women’s bodies so sensitive in every area?
Among them, I was especially sensitive, and when the oil was applied to the inner part of my thighs, I had to grip the mattress to endure it.
The issue was that applying the oil was just the preparation phase of the massage.
Another hurdle. Once my skin was smoothly coated, it was ready to accept the masseuse’s touch.
“Ah… Hmm…”
My breath carried a subtle sweetness.
I distinctly remembered feeling rather cool before lying down, but now, a faint warmth seemed to be spreading through me.
Ah, it’s moving to my back.
That’s… quite awkward.
From below my wing bones to beneath my shoulders.
The places my hands couldn’t easily reach were particularly troublesome.
Even the light touch of a finger gave me goosebumps.
I kept feeling like my focus was slipping, so I decided to close my eyes tightly.
But my strength gave way, and my eyes kept opening again.
My mouth hung open foolishly, and at some point, a transparent trail of saliva dripped from the corner of my lips.
Only when I noticed a dampness somewhere did I realize what had happened.
“Hmm, uk… Hguk…”
Clearly, this kind of sensation wasn’t something one could endure.
My muscles moved on their own, twitching involuntarily.
My back arched out of my control, contracting and then slowly relaxing.
Did I look like I was in pain?
The masseuse, with a kind expression, handed me a card.
– Do you feel a lot of pain?
– If you’re uncomfortable, I can be a bit gentler.
No. It wasn’t about the pain.
While their consideration was appreciated, it left a significant scar on my dignity.
My face was already bright red, so I simply replied, “I’m fine,” and buried my head again.
A heaven filled with torment.
The massage seemed like it would never end.
—
Back to the start.
When I was first led in, I saw that it was supposed to last 120 minutes.
What felt like an eternity and yet a fleeting moment had passed.
The masseuse left to bring in some tea after finishing the session.
I heard the sound of Serin, who had been lying beside me, slowly sitting up.
If I stayed in this position, she would have a clear view of my back.
This would be embarrassing, so I decided to sit up as well.
“How was it? Was it okay?”
“Yes.”
My voice carried a hint of sleepiness.
At the moment when I draped the large towel around me like a garment, I noticed marks outlining the contours of my body.
It was probably from the oil.
Some places had particularly dark marks, but…
No, it wasn’t anything.
I shifted my position to cover the marks with my body.
Luckily, Elderlyn was busy getting a towel and didn’t look my way.
“This is a place I visit often. There’s nothing better for relieving stress.”
“Absolutely. It was much better than I expected.”
My mind definitely felt clearer.
My muscles had loosened, making my body feel lighter.
Ever since my legs were injured, I hadn’t engaged in any vigorous activities.
The weekend rehabilitation exercises I occasionally attended were practically all I had.
Even these were conducted in the water, so I thought they wouldn’t put much strain on my body.
Besides, whenever I touched my body, it just felt soft and pliable.
I had never even considered the idea of muscle tension or accumulated fatigue.
If I had known this earlier, maybe I would have experienced it sooner.
Maybe I should have paid more attention to myself.
It might not be bad to come here occasionally with Elderlyn when I have free time.
“Your voice sounds…”
“Ugh! Stop. Please don’t say anymore.”
“Haha. Alright, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything.”
Just cancel all the thoughts I had just now.
I will never get a massage again.
There might be a reason why massage has a strange connotation in Korea.
And it’s not because I’m weird. I was disappointed in Elderlyn for bringing me here—this was clearly inappropriate.
It wasn’t easy to deceive myself.
It’s just because it was my first time.
Stimuli are something you grow accustomed to over time.
Since this was the first time I experienced something like this, it was only natural to react so sensitively.
“Well, if you think about it carefully from now on, you’ll be fine.”
“Huh?”
“Once your mood improves, the negative feelings will fade. When planning for the future, it’s better to start with something bright, isn’t it?”
Now that I think about it, she’s right.
Despite the numerous embarrassing moments, the deep sadness that clouded my mind had disappeared.
It felt like I could now paint a much more positive future.
But wasn’t that idea a little too radical?
She’s essentially saying that because I’d been having dark thoughts, I had to forcibly reset my brain.
And surprisingly, it worked better than expected.
The void in my chest, which had felt like a gaping hole, had improved.
Although it still brought up mixed feelings when I thought about it… it wasn’t as though I felt abandoned by the world anymore.
“Do you think I should do more broadcasting?”
“Hmm? Well, I wouldn’t say that I want you to do it to that extent…”
“Huh? That’s not what you thought?”
Elderlyn had been one of the main people who pushed me into broadcasting.
Drawn to her shining appearance, I dove headfirst into it without hesitation.
Now that I think about it, I probably made a lot of embarrassing moments then, too.
Maybe Elderlyn was a “bad-memory manufacturing machine” for me.
“I just wanted to let you know that this was an option. I didn’t expect you’d take it this far right from the start.”
“…”
“I think Da-eun would do well if she starts broadcasting. I believe you’ll become really successful. You’re not only pretty but also have a unique charm.”
“Even though you hype me up like that… Ugh. But I’m not someone who would just go along easily.”
“That’s exactly why I think you’ll do well.”
As Elderlyn chuckled softly, the masseuse returned.
On a tray was tea with a strong aroma.
It smelled slightly spicy, sweet, and tangy – ginger tea.
It wasn’t an unpleasant taste, so I slowly let it wet my tongue.
“You know what? I really feel like playing games.”
“Yeah, I also want you to continue.”
“I don’t want to give up anything. I want to become a pro, and sometimes, I also want to turn on the broadcast and feel loved.”
Without thinking about “how.”
That was purely what I desired.
Using standard connectors was still impossible.
It was like moving with a large chunk of metal tied to my foot.
This was not a problem that could be solved just by becoming accustomed or increasing my skill level.
Still, I want to fight.
When did I ever fight only against easy opponents?
