Chapter 97

1.

How is existence determined?

Through everyday experiences, we all come to recognize and understand the concept of ‘existence’ as a matter of common sense.

The people before our eyes, the objects we touch, the sounds of songs we hear, the scents that drift through our noses, and the food in our mouths – the way humans perceive ‘existence’ goes beyond mere superficial sensations.

Humans learn about the world through their senses and come to believe that this world ‘truly exists.’ This was the first step in understanding existence.

As time passed and humans built towers of knowledge, moving from relying solely on sensory perception to exploring concepts beyond the senses through wisdom and knowledge, they opened a new frontier in understanding ‘existence’.

Humans began to investigate the abstract realm of existence, reaching beyond superficial impressions and sensations.

Is it true that existence is granted solely through the senses?

Then, do those who possess uncommon senses hold a different type of existence than us?

And if that’s the case –

What if all our senses were false?

If the world we live in, all physiological phenomena, and even the expanse of the universe beyond were just mere illusions?

The more humans built their towers of wisdom and knowledge, the more doubt and disbelief filled their hearts.

The more they knew, the more they found things they couldn’t understand.

When humans moved past the state of knowing nothing (a state of ‘0’) to knowing ‘1’, they became curious about moving to ‘2’ and also began questioning beginnings and endings.

This was the innate evolutionary longing of life, the fear of destruction, and the unique human curiosity.

If the fear of d*ath is the primal driving force of life, then the fear of the unknown is the driving force for intellectuals. Once they embarked on the path of knowledge, they burned with the desire to make the tower they had touched ever grander.

Even if this world is all an illusion, nothing in it is unimportant.

At some point, people began to focus not only on the external but also on their inner selves.

Who am I? What is humanity?

For what reason did all this that we take for granted come into being? Why does it continuously repeat its cycle and why was it created?

The beginning was a seed of doubt, and the endpoint the declaration of a philosopher and mathematician.

[“I think, therefore I exist.”]

The essence of existence lay in our thought.

My thoughts made me, and others, exist.

An entity that had built a tower of knowledge stated that existence and sensory experience are separate issues.

Experience doesn’t necessarily mean that the object being experienced actually exists, and existence only arises when the concept separates within your thoughts.

It’s a difficult concept.

In simple terms, the idea was this:

[“But what am I? A thinking being.

What does that mean? It means a being that doubts, understands, affirms, denies, desires, refrains from desire, and also imagines and feels.”]

Everyone has the faculties of reason and emotion, the capacity for desire and doubt. This is the ‘nature’ of a common person.

Therefore, what makes us human beings exist is that all our afflictions and emotions, and the thoughts that rage within our reason, are our existence.

Our souls and spirits that transcend the boundaries of matter and non-matter, the flow of thoughts within our minds that cannot be defined, is the only measure that determines the existence of a person.

[“I am, I exist, and that is certain.

For how long? As long as I think.

Because it’s possible that when all my thoughts cease, I will completely disappear.”]

Existence is an abstract concept.

Just as Plato claimed the ‘Idea’ to be, existence is likewise merely an abstract concept.

Thus, the loss of an abstract concept is not the physical destruction visible to the human eye, but the disappearance of recognition and understanding, which means the severance of thought.

“When my thoughts cease and I am forgotten by others, is that the true d*ath?”

If that’s the case.

In order to live in this world, to keep existing, what must I do?

Make everyone aware of my existence and become famous?

Build solid connections with the world’s leading figures as a precaution for the future?

…

Perhaps that’s not the way.

This worry that I currently face is a kind of mental demon (心魔).

The only one who can resolve the question of my identity is myself.

There’s no point in transferring the proof of existence to someone else, as I will inevitably return to the starting point and fall into worry again.

I think, therefore I exist.

So the task I must undertake is simple.

Let’s think. Deepen the depth of thought, broaden the breadth of wisdom. Reflect deeply on myself, judge, and sentence.

As others have done, I must do the same.

This was the beginning of how I accumulated knowledge.

2.

I had two options left.

The path to change the fate of a child, or the path to ignore the child out of my own considerations.

Would I twist fate by exposing myself to Big Sister’s view, or would I hide, avoiding her eyes?

It was a deep anxiety that made me unable to sleep properly.

Countless opinions rose and faded in my heart, like an angel and a devil fighting in my mind.

This, too, was a mental demon (心魔).

On one side of my heart, there was an urge to interfere in everything, while on the other side, a rational whisper insisted it wasn’t worth the risk.

Thus, I accumulated knowledge. Perhaps starting to study was a way to find a solution to this dilemma, or maybe it was because cramming complex contents into my head freed me from such dilemmas.

But.

That doesn’t mean I intended to keep ignoring it forever.

“How do you think about it?”

“Before that, how the hell did you get in here…?”

“I came in because the door was open.”

“Isn’t that called breaking in…?!”

I was sharing my worries and asking as many people as possible.

Perhaps someone else’s opinion could help me find an answer.

“Should I repeat it?”

“…Ahem! Alright, alright. I understand what you’re saying. So… you’re struggling with whether or not to get involved in some event, right?”

“That’s about it.”

Aru, who had flustered upon seeing me suddenly appear through the window, quickly regained her composure as usual and struck a confident pose, leaning her chin on her hand in a thoughtful manner.

Aru’s furrowed brows indicated she was indeed pondering deeply, despite her otherwise pleasant appearance.

After watching Aru think for a few minutes, she finally began to speak.

“Changing the life of a child… what a heavy and intense story. I’d like to simply tell you to give up, but… there’s one question I have.”

“What is it?”

“…On what basis do you know the child’s life will change? How do you know that fact?”

Uh. I hesitated to speak.

To explain this story, I would have had to reveal all my secrets, and this hesitation wasn’t new.

I’d encountered similar questions before.

Utaha had also said something similar, asking how I could determine the future without some kind of prophetic ability.

Seeing my silence and thoughtfulness, Aru seemed momentarily flustered and then continued.

“Well, o-of course! There must be some reason, but… still, whether it’s their life before or after the change, wouldn’t it be fine as long as the child is happy…?”

“…Maybe.”

Perhaps she’s right.

Even if I intervene, there’s no guarantee that Aris’s fate will change, but it could lead to a better situation.

Even Himari-senpai said something like that.

I was surprised that Aru said something unusually intelligent, but upon hearing her words, a particular fact came to my mind and left me speechless.

This was my fundamental fear and epiphany.

“Si, Silk…?”

I remember the reason that became the source of my current mental demon.

The battle with Valtor. I remember the perspective when I manifested my senses to the extreme.

I recall the moment after the viewpoint ascended to the farthest reaches of the heavens, when I truly felt as if I had encompassed all the information in this world.

And from that experience, I came to one realization.

“This world is such an uncertain place, filled with unimaginable and incomprehensible chaos.”

“…Huh?”

“Would you believe that the land where we live could collapse at any moment?”

“Uhm, what…?”

That realization was fear and despair.

In the countless bubbles, I saw worlds similar to but different from the one I lived in.

What we call ‘destiny’, the unresistable force that paints the world with bubbles, is not the end.

In the cycle of bubbles bursting and inflating, I witnessed countless deaths and destructions.

I felt an overwhelming despair when I realized that the cause of such destruction could be just a small chaos.

Somewhere beyond this universe, there exists an entity that will one day come.

The strange beings lurking behind Kiburatos.

And even a single girl.

The countless me reflected in those bubbles.

Within them, some versions of myself were killed by and killed a girl who met a tragic end.

Even the me of now could very well be part of a tragic prophecy leading to catastrophe.

This realization halted my actions.

It became the cause of the doubt, chaos, and mental demon (心魔) that enveloped me.

Thus, my question could also be rephrased as follows.

“How can we prevent the end of the world?”

“…”

As expected, there was no one who could answer this question.

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