Chapter 82: Apprehension
“But hey, Little Shay, I really have to tell you something,” Carlos said, his smile vanishing faster than a magician’s rabbit. Suddenly serious, he continued, “I was at the battlefield that day. Those City Guards you captured… the ones still breathing? They mostly just got frostbite, and not a single wound was fatal… You went easy on them, didn’t you?”
I nodded.
“Well, I thought… they were innocent. Just following orders, so…”
“So you decided to let them off the hook?”
“…They have families too…”
“But have you ever considered,” Carlos twisted my face as if I were a clay sculpture, “Did you ever think that the number of City Guards was more than ten times that of Lafael, and if your mercy and hesitation led to one of them getting hurt or—heaven forbid—losing their life… what would you do?”
“……”
“Actually, you could’ve dealt with them much faster, right?”
“…But if I did, they’d all d*e…”
“But what if Lafael died?”
“What would you do? Would you seek vengeance and slaughter every City Guard present?”
“You would, wouldn’t you?”
“So then what’s the point of your mercy?”
At this point, Carlos was really laying it on thick.
His gaze was sharper than a hawk’s, and I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes.
“In that final moment, you were facing those two heretics from the Gate of Truth, weren’t you? Those City Guards were confronting Lafael and his knights all alone?”
“If reinforcements hadn’t come. If the people from the Gate of Truth had been a bit more skilled, and if the battle had dragged on longer, do you think Lafael would have had a high chance of dying? Think about it.”
In the next moment, his tone turned severe.
“Silvya, who do you think you are? A savior of the world?!”
“…Please don’t be angry with me…”
“You’re not. So please cherish the people around you. Mercy is good; I like that about you. But at the same time, I don’t want you to become weak because of it. This time, you were just lucky not to encounter the truly terrifying people from the Gate of Truth, so everything went relatively smoothly. But next time, you might not be so lucky.
“If you can’t make the necessary decisions, it could lead to an even bigger tragedy… Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“…I do.”
“I’m not trying to incite you to commit m*rder.”
I nodded obediently.
“Uh-huh, got it.”
“You’re smart, so I hope next time, we won’t have a repeat of this situation.”
“Uh-huh.”
“If you say ‘uh-huh’ again, you’re an idiot.”
“Uh-huh… Um, I’m not.”
“You’re a Pope Knight, not one of those indecisive fools.”
“Alright.”
“Sometimes, not shedding bl**d doesn’t solve problems. You didn’t even k*ll any of those assassins, did you?”
“…I might have… killed one…?”
Carlos burst into laughter again.
“Okay, that’s all I came to talk about.”
Then he stood up, and it suddenly hit me that he had been sitting on my bed this whole time, like he was making himself at home.
“The Duke wants you to stay over for the Day of the Divine Birth… Conveniently, I have other matters to take care of, so let’s just leave it at that for now.”
“Alright.”
Carlos waved goodbye.
“I’m off then.”
“Hurry up and get out!”
He turned and left.
After that, I sat in my room for quite a while, reflecting and feeling oddly relieved.
I knew he was right; I had indeed made a mistake. If Lafael had suffered because of my indecisiveness… I would never forgive myself.
With that mindset, I might do things I wouldn’t even dare to imagine.
I didn’t know what was happening to me back then, but those emotions surged out from my heart without my awareness. Later, when I realized it, I was frightened for a moment.
My power was too great.
Yes, I came to this realization very clearly. For a long time afterward, apart from the necessary ‘devouring’ for daily needs, I didn’t use the chaotic power of the Abyss at all, not even for practice. The more I understood it, the more fear I had for its destructive potential.
This was a force of pure destruction, and if controlled properly, everything would be fine. But if it got out of hand…
Then I would fall back into the Abyss.
An unfathomable Abyss.
…………
Time zipped by.
In a month, I only saw Carlos once.
After that, it was all about preparing for the Year-End Feast.
As the Day of the Divine Birth approached, the Lady and the maids were getting busier with preparations.
There were plenty of things to buy; on the Day of the Divine Birth, people in the Valen Empire typically enjoy a type of chicken known as “Short-Haired Chicken.” The Lady sent someone to a distant town to buy live ones, and we set up a makeshift chicken coop in the backyard, which I was in charge of watching over.
Honestly, I just thought it was fun because these chickens looked hilarious, with ostrich-like bodies but duck faces!
Their antics were entertaining, and they often giggled along as goat cheese flew down from the sky to tease them.
Sometimes, I’d help the Lady set up the banquet hall—because we never thought we’d host big gatherings, we hadn’t built large rooms when we constructed Shanter Castle. So, the Lady called the original designer, and they decided to knock down the walls between several of the council chambers on the first floor to create a big hall.
That made things very busy. It wasn’t until four days before the Day of the Divine Birth that the renovation work was finally wrapped up, leaving hardly any time for decorating. Those days, the Lady and the maids were running around like headless chickens, and even I stopped my training and everything else to roll up my sleeves and join the chaos.
Lafael and Hoover directed the hunters and knights as they ferried in the supplies purchased by the maids, one wagonful after another into the castle.
Finally, everything was ready the night before the Day of the Divine Birth.
…………
Gregorian Year 1187, January 16
That morning, the Lady was already sharply dressed and at my door.
“Get up, Pepé—”
After a vigorous shaking, I rubbed my eyes and slowly opened them.
“…Hmm… is it morning…?”
“Not yet.”
“…Then I’ll just sleep a bit longer…”
With that, I closed my eyes again, but the Lady nudged me once more.
“Wake up! You have to wear a formal dress today. I’m going to do your makeup.”
“Um~” I quickly flipped over, swatting the Lady’s hand away, humming, “…I don’t want to wear a dress…”
“You have to! Hurry, hurry! A lot of guests have already arrived since last night, and there are many more to welcome. Time’s running out.”
“…Then I won’t get dressed…”
The Lady chuckled softly.
“Not getting dressed? You plan to show up with a monkey’s b*tt to greet them?”
“Pfft—”
I couldn’t hold back my laughter, eyes wide and swirling as I fixed my gaze on the Lady’s face.
“I’m not a monkey b*tt. Hee hee!”
“If you don’t do your makeup, then you’re definitely going to be a monkey’s b*tt!”
“I’m not!”
Bang bang bang—!
Suddenly, a frantic knock at the door echoed outside, almost like someone was trying to break it down. The Lady and I jumped, momentarily thinking something terrible had happened, only to hear Pasifal’s voice from outside.
“Pepé! Are you awake?!”
“Pepé!”
“Hurry up, I need to tell you something…”
