### Chapter 27: Dreamlike Transformations
“Hu—, hu—”
I gasped for air, my left hand reaching out to feel the cold iron bars of the estate’s gate, and with a gentle push…
I hadn’t locked the gate before leaving, so with a little shove, it creaked open just a crack. I squeezed my body through, squinting my eyes to lock the gate behind me before taking a big bite of deer leg meat.
It was super salty, and I couldn’t taste anything else.
My head was a total fog, and I could barely keep my spirits up. My eyes throbbed like they were being pricked by needles. I blinked desperately, but the tears kept streaming down my cheeks.
I didn’t even remember how I made it back to the inner courtyard—my consciousness was already slipping away. I barely opened and closed doors, staggered upstairs… When I finally came to, I was standing by the bed in my bedroom, half of me already up on it.
I jolted awake.
No, not yet! I can’t sleep…
I hurriedly took two steps back, lost my balance, and plopped down on the carpet.
I fell…
But I didn’t want to get back up. I just sat there, curling my legs up and hugging the deer leg to start gnawing on it. I took a massive bite, chewed a couple of times, swallowed, and then bit down again… I felt like a ravenous wolf at a buffet, not wanting to stop for a second.
At least even if my stomach wasn’t full, my heart felt a little soothed.
My eyes were burning and sore, and my vision was hazy—so hazy I couldn’t even tell what I was eating or how much. Tears kept flowing, and my rolling temperature made me feel like I was on fire, white-hot mist escaping with every breath. Oddly enough, it didn’t hurt.
The deer meat sometimes crunched with bits of grit, making a satisfying crackling sound. It had been on the ground, so it must have picked up a bunch of dirt, but I couldn’t care less at this point.
My brain was almost blank, with no thoughts coming to me and a ringing in my ears.
I seemed to be unable to feel the world’s temperature, like my soul had detached from my body, floating off to I-don’t-know-where, hovering above and quietly watching my dreamlike self below.
Plop.
A warm drop splashed against the back of my hand and quickly evaporated.
There wasn’t much left on the deer leg to eat. I tossed the bone onto the carpet, rubbed my eyes, and lifted my head, slowly turning towards the mirror not far away.
In it, I saw a weak girl sitting on the floor, her figure barely illuminated in the dim light—her appearance was hard to make out.
All I could see were two eerie bl**d-red eyes, glaring back at me sharply, just like a monster lurking in the dark, revealing a pair of wicked, menacing eyes.
Those are… my eyes…
What’s wrong with my eyes…
I strained to push myself up off the floor, stumbling toward the mirror.
I still couldn’t see my face clearly. Just that pair of crimson eyes appeared more prominent in my vision.
They looked like the eyes of Teresa after she had consumed bl**d—radiant and bloodthirsty like a demon.
My hand trembled as it brushed across my eyelids.
What have I become…
A heretic?
Have I, like Teresa, gained the power to devour human bl**d…
No, I can’t have that…
I don’t want that terrifying power…
What will I transform into…
“Ha…”
My shaky breath released, faintly entwined with a wisp of black smoke.
…Am I going to burn up?
Just like Teresa, losing myself and turning into a mindless monster after consuming enough bl**d.
I was so scared.
So scared, so scared…
I had no idea what to do, but I didn’t want to stay here.
I don’t want to be alone… here.
Somebody, please help me…
I slowly turned around, dragging my numb consciousness, and took unsteady steps out of the bedroom.
I couldn’t see anything in front of me; I didn’t even know where to place my feet. I could only clutch the walls, moving one shaky step at a time, almost falling several times.
“Victoria…”
I wanted to get to the terrace and call for her.
It felt so close, yet I felt like I couldn’t move anymore.
Thud.
Suddenly, I found myself sprawled on the cold floor, too weak to even struggle. All I could do was curl up tightly, pressing against the wall, hoping it would bring me a bit of comfort.
My eyes wouldn’t open… I didn’t know if I would wake up again, but I thought, let’s just sleep…
God, please don’t let me become a monster.
I’m begging you…
…………
In the haze, I heard the crackling of flames burning wood.
“But the children have been looking forward to these new clothes for so long.”
A voice spoke next to me—it was the soft voice of a woman, somewhat familiar.
“You’re so kind.”
“Not at all, I just like it.”
After that pair of dialogues, I realized it was Teresa’s voice, and my heart skipped a beat, my eyes snapping open.
A flash of white light filled my vision, and the murky scene gradually cleared. I found myself lifting my right hand, with slender fingers spread open, a stream of icy frost shooting from my palm, dousing the red flames licking at a wooden post ahead.
…?
Such familiar dialogue, such a familiar scene… Ah, I remembered.
I remembered this place.
This was the alley where I first clashed with the heretics in the Royal City. Teresa smashed that bald guy’s skull, and we came back while Tanis and the others were checking the cargo. I listened to her chatting with Teresa while casually extinguishing the nearby infernal flames.
That déjà vu dialogue must have been between Teresa and Tanis.
“I’m not a heretic! I don’t want to go to the underground prison… I’m not a heretic…”
I heard Charles’s voice coming from afar. Turning my head, there he was, looking lost, standing in the midst of traders, mumbling to himself.
Seeing him warmed my heart a bit.
We’re still alive.
Though I didn’t quite understand what was happening, the fact that Charles was alive made me want to talk to him.
So I lifted my foot to walk over… Huh? Why can’t I move my foot?
Surprisingly, I discovered I couldn’t control my body at all… I must be dreaming after all.
Suddenly, a hand lightly tapped my right shoulder.
“What a convenient ability you have, Silvya.”
My body turned towards the voice, and there stood the gentle smile of Teresa.
She was as graceful as ever, her starry eyes fixed on my face, her arms crossed delicately across her abdomen as she stood like a flowing river.
“Your Frost Order is so powerful. To the Gate of Truth, it’s almost like a counter.”
Her lips moved, echoing things I remembered.
But something seemed different.
“Teresa.”
Huh?
Odd, I hadn’t planned to call her name…
“Hmm?”
“That book, ‘The Sorrow of Love’—did you write it?”
She lifted her head upon hearing this.
“Ah, yes.”
Her azure eyes trembled slightly as she gazed at the distant sky.
“That was… a few years ago. Why, has Silvya read it already?”
“Just a little bit.”
I shook my head, staring at the refreshing side profile of Teresa.
“I saw one line. It said that the suffering of the world is merely caused by the hearts of humans… Teresa, do you believe that?”
“Mm.”
She turned to look directly into my eyes.
“I believe you can deeply understand this point now, can’t you?”
I stared back at her defiantly, carefully enunciating each word, “I do understand. But that’s because the one who said that… she deceived me.”
“In that case… I proved my original thoughts right through my actions. Isn’t that quite interesting?”
Teresa gazed at me with a beautiful smile.
“Actually, that book was originally titled ‘The Joy of Love.’ It was a teaching I wrote when I was chosen as the Saint. Back then, I was constantly reminding myself that being the church’s saint was not an honor; it was a responsibility. With that responsibility, I must bring something to this world, do something for humanity.”
“I thought… maybe I really could do something and feel joy in it. I wanted to convey this joy in my heart to the world. I wanted to tell them that the deities are always watching over us, that they love us deeply.”
At this moment, Teresa seemed a little different from my memory.
I couldn’t quite pinpoint what was different, but when she spoke those words, her eyes were particularly beautiful.
To me, she was far from what I’d call a “beauty.” But I couldn’t deny that she definitely had a unique charm about her.
In stark contrast to Victoria’s air of aloofness, every little movement of Teresa—her gestures and smiles—instantly reminded me of words like gentle, wise, and flawless. She had a special allure that made you want to get closer to her and trust her.
Teresa was that kind of person.
Even if she’s already dead.
Even if I knew deep down that the person standing here before me, speaking those words, had actually perished in the real world. But facing her again, that aura still made me lose my bearings, making me question what was truly real.
I felt a bit lost.
Even though I knew perfectly well that everything Teresa was showing me right now was simply an illusion.
But her eyes… emitted the same light as Carlos’s.
She and he belonged to the same category of people—the kind that would sacrifice everything for their beliefs.
“Silvya.”
Whoosh—
Just as she called my name, a fierce wind swept through, consuming everything in front of me. Just like a burned photograph, the figures around me vanished, and darkness engulfed the surroundings like night.
In the raging flames, even Teresa’s graceful figure slowly morphed into shadows within the firelight.
Her words seemed to come from the far edge of the sky.
“Perhaps I was already dead back then, and now I am likewise already dead.”
“But if one day, you find yourself like I was, thinking everything has gone your way, only to suddenly discover… that they were deceiving you all along. And this kind of deception will ultimately harm the people you care about. In that moment, what will you do?”
I remembered the question she once asked me.
And my answer wouldn’t change.
“I will stop it.”
“Even if it means at any cost?”
“Even if it means, at any cost.”
“…Hahaha!”
Teresa’s figure was engulfed in flames, but her laughter still echoed freely in the darkness.
“Silvya, do you know what ‘at any cost’ means? No, you don’t understand.”
“Right now, you don’t understand anything.”
“This world has beautiful lakes and mountains, breathtaking scenery, and so many people who love beauty as I do. You don’t realize what a huge price it takes to hold onto these… You don’t understand what you speak of as “at any cost” truly means.”
“I thought you and I were the same kind of people, but it seems I was wrong. You can never do what I can do—never… Silvya, from the very start, we were destined not to become friends.”
“Well, in that case, I shall take my leave.”
Boom—
The firestorm swept through, enveloping the darkness and consuming my body.
The scarlet flames tightly wrapped around my limbs, climbing up to my chest and face, merging with me in its scorching embrace.
In a moment of faintness, Teresa’s farewell echoed in my mind.
“Good luck.”
I thought, this might be the last time I hear her voice, soft as water.
