Chapter Seventy-Three: I Like You
How strange…
It’s just a few simple words.
Just a slightly awkward sentence. But why, once I ask it, does it feel like all my energy has been drained in an instant…
I could have chosen not to ask.
Because I just confirmed Victoria’s weak spot… or maybe it’s not quite a weak spot. It’s more like a handy emotional wrench that can change her mind, and it’s my specialty! The method is very simple; I don’t even have to think about it—I just need to put on a pitiful expression at the right moment.
As long as I show a hint of fear or look heartbreakingly sad, Victoria will definitely soften. She’ll consider my feelings and won’t force me to do anything I don’t want. Like last night when we were shopping, I didn’t want to eat that stinky fish. All I had to do was look at her, blink with a sad puppy dog look, and say something soft, and she’d back down.
There were a few small incidents that happened back at the mansion…
Victoria is a very strong-willed woman with very clear opinions. Once she decides something, no matter how small, it’s not easy to change her mind. She rarely cares about anyone else’s feelings or blindly follows others’ opinions—only I’m the exception.
Only I can simply display emotions like “I’m sad, scared, wronged, and totally pitiful,” and just like that, Victoria will change her mind in an instant.
I pretty much figured this out last night and recently confirmed it—though that wasn’t my intention.
But anyway, now I finally! Have a way to stand up to Victoria.
So, I really could have chosen not to ask that question. I could have pretended to be oblivious, and if Victoria wanted to do something embarrassing again, I just needed to unleash my acting skills… no, I just needed to express my inner thoughts without a hint of disguise.
She’d revert to her honorable self and wouldn’t dare cross that orange-hued boundary.
Yet, I’d rather believe that Victoria wouldn’t go back to doing that. At least not tonight.
She’s not someone who doesn’t understand restraint. In fact, it’s quite the opposite; Victoria is stricter with herself than anyone else. She understands that continuing down that path could hurt me, and no matter how much she might desire it, she won’t try again. She’ll stop before she sees me in pain, and I believe she really will.
So I can act like nothing has happened. I can avoid the next layer of feelings that caught me off guard. If I say nothing and do nothing, I can just get through tonight, and as soon as the sun rises tomorrow, I can make a quick escape. If that happens, how could Victoria not understand my attitude on this? She will never confess anything to me again.
I could choose to run away. Maybe for a while, maybe forever, but at least my heart would feel lighter.
But I still asked…
Because I don’t like it that way.
That would create a barrier.
I don’t want to feel awkward or tortured when spending time with Victoria in the future, nor do I want her to feel the same way. Just… no.
I want to be able to talk to her about anything, to be dear friends, and I want us to grow closer… but not in that sense.
I kept thinking about all this. After much hesitation, I finally worked up the courage to ask the question.
“Do you like me?”
This is truly…
So embarrassing.
Oh, I’m going to d*e of shame…
As soon as I asked, I immediately lowered my head, burying my face in my arm to feel the heat rising in my cheeks.
I wanted to clarify my feelings for her—I wanted to tell her—
I don’t even know what I wanted to tell her; I just knew I didn’t want to keep it bottled up.
Victoria stopped what she was doing. There was a long pause, and I wanted to turn around to see her expression, but I couldn’t bring myself to look up.
I sat there quietly, my heart racing.
“Peilo…”
After what felt like an eternity, the lovely voice behind me finally spoke.
“You know, my family is a failure.”
She didn’t directly answer my question. Instead, she sighed and spilled out those indifferent yet slightly heavy words, talking about something irrelevant.
“My father, my mother. Their marriage was born out of a business transaction; there was no love, and I understood that from a very young age. I knew they never did anything together outside of necessary social occasions. Flower-viewing, tea-tasting, chatting about frivolous things—I’ve never seen them do that even once. They’d even arrange to stagger their breakfast times on purpose.”
“And I… I’m the product of such a union. I’m their child, raised under their guidance. I understand that when I grow up, I’ll marry someone I’ve only met a few times, or maybe never at all. It’s a responsibility that comes with being a princess of Ethanbel, and that’s where my value lies…”
Her hand, which had rested gently on my head, slowly slid down to my shoulder, lingering for a moment before continuing down my back… I tensed up again.
The lovely voice continued to drift into my ears, laced with complex and calm emotions: “In the first twenty years of my life, I didn’t know what it was to like someone. Even though I fantasized about the kind of love celebrated in stories, imagining one day I might meet a handsome, reliable knight. I could never truly envision what I would do or say if I did meet such a knight… My imagination stopped at the mere idea of meeting a knight; that was the best outcome for me—no need for anything afterwards. The reason being, I felt it was just impossible. There wouldn’t be a love story like the ones in books; such love doesn’t exist, which is why it’s written in stories.”
As she spoke, Victoria’s fingers continued to glide down my back, past my side, to my abdomen… I couldn’t hold back any longer and firmly pressed down on her hand.
Victoria paused for a moment.
“Peilo…”
She leaned in closer, whispering in my ear.
“I—I’m listening… don’t…”
I pushed her hand away, my body trembling uncontrollably. I felt a weight on my right shoulder as Victoria rested her head against me.
“Don’t move,” she said. “Just a little longer… okay?”
Her hand returned to my abdomen, gently wrapping me in her embrace. I only half-heartedly struggled for a moment before losing all my strength, my body softening as if it had lost its bones. What pity act? What theatrical performance… I couldn’t even dare to lift my head.
She said just a little longer…
Fine… just a little longer…
“I don’t know what it feels like to fall in love with someone else. I have expectations in my heart, but I fear them more. Because I know that, no matter what… waiting for me is an arranged marriage.” Victoria continued to speak softly in my ear now that I had quieted down. “Like my father and mother, as well as those royal uncles, aunts, and sisters… To me, love looks just like that. Just coexisting with indifference, burying true emotions deep inside. Neither close nor far, just treating each other as formal strangers.”
“Until one day, I flew up into the sky, soaring outside the city, landing in the fields, far away, where I saw two girls. They looked about seventeen or eighteen, running and playing in the fields, laughing joyfully. They were barefoot in the mud, hair all messy, yet they didn’t care. Tired, they sat down in the mud, snuggling closely together… They were so dirty, yet I felt no one was cleaner than them… At that moment, I thought I glimpsed the love from the stories.”
Victoria leaned closer, her profile brushing against my cheek, the sensation delicate.
“I want a love like that,” she said.
“I want to have that kind of love, but I don’t know how to. For this, I fell into pain and confusion until I was crowned. Until earthly conventions no longer bound me, until that night… I met you.”
Victoria hugged me tighter, as if she wanted to meld me into her very being.
“So, Peilo, do you still need me to answer your question?”
I found myself at a loss for words.
But I thought, maybe there’s no need for Victoria to say it again.
Yet she did.
“I like you.”
