### Chapter 4: I Turned Into… a Young Woman?!
I think I’m going to d*e again.
It seems the swordsman has accepted my demise; he didn’t stab me again but turned and walked away.
I caught the last glance he threw my way. It was like a serene acceptance of the calm that follows chaos.
No hate, no anger, no pity, no regret.
“Is… it… my… fault?”
Weak, pitiful words—barely audible.
Yet, in an instant, the swordsman turned back, his eyes wide with shock.
“You can speak human language?!” His tone was unexpectedly flustered, as if he’d just watched a cat give a TED Talk.
Well, I guess I did consume a human soul.
“I… am… what?”
How ridiculous. I’m on the brink of d*ath and I’m worrying about this?
But I just want an answer.
As expected, no reply came.
My body was slowly disintegrating, turning into fine black ashes.
Ashes scattered in the air, emitting a feeble white light that cast a desolate hue in the small space shrouded in black smoke.
The swordsman’s face, hidden among the ashes, wore a somewhat complex expression that I couldn’t quite make out.
My vision was gradually blurring. A wave of extreme fatigue hit me, and my eyelids grew heavy.
“Do… you not know what you are?”
The swordsman finally spoke.
“I… don’t… know… I… don’t want to hurt… why…”
“I… don’t… know… why…”
I closed my eyes.
…………
Dying again, huh?
This “again” is so nuanced.
But I really feel like I can’t be saved anymore.
Ah, well, if I’m going to d*e, then let it be. Dead means no more worrying, no more thoughts.
No pain, no sorrow.
And no need to be a monster that no one likes.
When I was human, no one understood me; dying and coming back like this means even fewer people will understand me. That’s just common sense.
But if I think about it, maybe it isn’t all other people’s fault.
If I had spent more time communicating with my parents…
If I had shared my troubles instead of bottling them up, if I’d just told them how I felt, I might have had a happier ending.
In that moment on the rooftop, I realized that choosing d*ath was a cowardly act—it was just irresponsible evasion.
Avoiding all the pain and disappointments, avoiding all the problems I should have faced myself.
My parents must be heartbroken right now. They might blame themselves for my d*ath and carry that guilt for a lifetime.
Thinking about it now, I actually feel regret.
But it’s too late for that now.
Is that why I became a monster that couldn’t communicate after dying?
Is this a punishment for my immaturity?
…………
If I were given another chance, I would definitely, definitely not choose to run away again.
No matter how many hardships and pains I had to face, I would live on.
But I wonder if I’ll see Little Xi again after this d*ath. She’s probably waiting for me in that world. Will she scold me?
That silly child, sticking with a complete loser like me while still finding happiness every day. Being with her makes even me feel happy.
What a simple-minded soul—or maybe she’s just heartless.
For her, happiness might be a very simple thing?
I really envy people like that.
Hmm… I miss her century-old preserved egg and lean meat porridge. Although it was the same porridge every morning, it drove me nuts.
Haha.
Ugh, why is it so noisy around here? Can’t I just d*e in peace?
…………
Why do I keep thinking about all these random things?
Wait, I can still think?
Huh? I can hear voices?!
How strange.
My face feels a bit itchy; I reach up to scratch…
…………
?!?!!???
Okay, I’ve discovered something.
I’m not dead.
Wait—so I’m not dead? What’s happening? I clearly saw my body turning to ashes! Although I can’t fertilize nature, I was definitely dead!
Yet here I am, not only alive but feeling no pain now.
????????
Oh right, what about that swordsman? Why is it so quiet? Did he not notice I’m still alive? Does he think I really croaked? Should I keep playing dead?
…………
Or… maybe I should just sneak a peek with one eye?
Just one.
One, two, three—go!
I cautiously opened one eye.
And there he was, the swordsman still standing where he was, and his previously calm demeanor was now completely replaced by a look akin to seeing a ghost. He was staring at me with unblinking eyes and a mouth hanging wide open.
cr*p! Busted!
I quickly closed my eye and lay still on the ground.
“……”
“……Hey.”
“……”
“Stop pretending; you can understand me, right?”
“……” If I answer now, I’m done for!
The previous tension was so perfectly balanced, like a grand epic drawing to a majestic close—the hero has slain the monster and turns to bask in the adulation that’s sure to follow! This is how the story should go, right? If he discovers I’m faking d*ath… even though it wasn’t my intention, just thinking about it is so embarrassing!
Plus, I’m pretty sure I can’t take him in a fight.
I’m just a monster; isn’t this a pretty good situation for me?
I silently prayed: don’t get discovered, don’t get discovered, don’t get discovered…
“……”
Zzzzt.
“Ah!”
I felt a zap at my b*tt, and I shot up from the ground, stumbling back into a defensive stance, scowling at the swordsman.
Then I reached around and rubbed my b*tt; it stung a bit.
Huh? Why is my b*tt so smooth…? Wait, why has the bearded swordsman suddenly grown taller?
No, wait—why am I shorter?
Also, why can my right arm move now? What about my wound? And my arm…
I looked at my arms; my pale skin was as delicate as fine jade, smooth as a newborn baby’s.
It’s normal skin!
Huh, huh, huh!?!
Could it be that I turned back into a human?
I was itching to check my body and see if I’d really turned back. But with the big bad right in front of me, my eyes are stuck on him to avoid a surprise attack.
“You…”
“You… don’t say, let me… think for a moment.”
The swordsman started to speak but was immediately interrupted by me, my eyes locked on him as I began to ponder.
The black smoke enveloping me and the swordsman almost completely blocked the outside world. I couldn’t see outside, and the people out there probably couldn’t see our situation inside either. Those black smoke snakes I released earlier felt like they’d completely vanished when I “died.”
The knights still alive must be lurking outside the black smoke, awaiting the result. They probably have no idea what’s going on in here. The black smoke is deadly to touch; they wouldn’t dare charge in, so now it’s just me and the swordsman staring at each other. But I’m worried about that old man in the robe; I wonder if he has any new tricks up his sleeve.
On the other hand, it seems this swordsman isn’t too scared of the black smoke. When he stabbed me twice in the chest, he actually made contact with the smoke, but he looked fine.
Right! My chest wound!
I hurriedly checked my chest again… no wound! Huh? What’s this? Why are there two small, soft… whatever they are!?
My brow furrowed as I glared at the swordsman, whose expression was starting to look suspiciously amused, and my heart was racing in a panic.
This seems to exceed my imagination.
…Deep breath, relax.
In disbelief, I tentatively reached out with trembling hands and grabbed the two soft things on my chest.
“Mm…” A wave of tingling sensation rushed through me, and I couldn’t help but let out a light gasp.
Holy cr*p!!!!
I started to grasp the situation, my emotions crumbling, and my inner turmoil resembled a herd of galloping alpacas. I completely disregarded the swordsman’s mocking gaze and quickly looked down at my body. What I saw was pure… smooth skin, a bare backside, a slim waist, a bosom that could be held in a single hand, and between my legs—a barren valley…
Where’s my brother?!
Where’s my brother!!!
Ahhhhhhh!!!
For a moment, I thought I might as well have died.
Although I had previously claimed I’d be a woman in my next life…
But that was a JOKE! Don’t take it literally! And this body isn’t even a loli!!
I was losing it, my face as pale as a ghost.
“Ahem, since you’re not dead, let’s have a little chat.”
The swordsman spoke again, sheathing his sword and unexpectedly sitting cross-legged right there as if he had me completely under his thumb.
I was jolted back to reality from the shock and let out a small sigh of relief. This swordsman is just too impressive; I was a bit scared of him.
Now is not the time to daydream; I need to get my act together and find a way to escape this predicament. But judging by his demeanor, he seems to intend to take a breather for now.
But I can’t let my guard down; he might be trying to deceive me so he can deal a fatal blow when I’m unprepared.
His hand is still resting on the hilt of his sword.
“You… won’t… hurt… me? Uh…”
I just now noticed how soft and sweet-sounding my voice was; it came out a bit too mushy. Although I’d mentally prepared myself, I was still taken aback.
Alright then, I can pretty much confirm it now. Although I really don’t want to admit it, I have indeed, probably, maybe… transformed into a young woman.
I just want to stand in the wind and weep… shedding tears for my precious little brother.
WTF, heavens!! You can’t play me like this! You didn’t let me d*e, and now you want to turn me into a monster? I get fireballed in the face, beaten up, and now I’m suddenly a young woman?!
What the…
Wait.
I’m totally n*ked right now and have been standing here for who knows how long, while this bearded swordsman has been staring at me openly. Doesn’t that mean he’s seen me in all my glory?!
If I were still a dude, that wouldn’t matter, but now… as that thought hit me, I immediately clamped my legs together and crossed my arms tightly across my chest, wide-eyed as I glared at him.
“… You should put some clothes on first.” The swordsman’s look was strange, and he took off his pristine white cloak and tossed it to me.
“Uh…” I quickly caught it, wrapping it tightly around myself, making sure I was covered before looking back up at the swordsman, feeling my face heat up slightly.
d*mn it, Chen Yuxuan, why are you blushing like a fool? Have you never seen a woman or a man before?!
Your mindset is seriously messed up right now!
“Hahaha, you’re actually feeling shy! Are you really a monster from the Abyss?”
The swordsman laughed heartily, as if he discovered a new and fascinating toy.
Laughing at me, huh?
Looking at the swordsman grinning widely, I just wanted to turn back into a monster and punch him square in the face with a fist the size of a sandbag.
