Chapter 34: Untitled
At that moment… I heard a strange voice…
The instant the little girl’s voice trembled with emotion as she said this, I froze, my brain stopped spinning for a couple of seconds, and my whole body tightened up as my heart sank with a loud “thud.”
Aili heard it…
What did she hear!? No way…
I began to struggle to remember the sequence of events from that time, but I was so nervous that my palms were sweating. I vaguely recalled using Chaotic Power to eat one and freeze another, but the details were a total blur. I couldn’t even understand why I was so anxious in the first place.
Clearly, that bishop wasn’t a good person…
He secretly colluded with the Old Duke for profit and tried to k*ll Victoria, which I discovered. Those “bad people” Aili mentioned, were the Gate of Truth, which was introduced to the church by that bishop… Yeah, that’s definitely correct.
I could tell Aili that.
I didn’t know what she had heard back then, but I could at least say this…
I could…
Stiffly, I turned to look into the little girl’s eyes.
Her trembling pupils were glistening with tears, her hair soft, the little head tilted back as if mustering courage, yet her face still bore a hint of fear and tension. The slight flush of her cheeks was gradually fading.
But then she smiled.
“Ugh, what kind of expression is that, sis… it’s too funny… hahaha…”
…Expression?
I felt a jolt in my heart and instinctively touched my face. Nothing seemed off, so I asked her in the calmest tone I could manage, “Expression… what’s wrong with it?”
“It’s just like…”
The little girl wiped her tears with her hand, sniffed, grabbed the hem of my dress, and gently fiddled with it while looking down. “Just like the expression of someone who ate something bad. Does your tummy hurt, sis?”
“…No.”
“Oh… Then why didn’t you say anything just now, what were you thinking?”
“Thinking… about what happened.”
“Then, did you remember anything?”
“Not yet.”
“Hmm… Then never mind.”
Aili patted my skirt, shook her head, looked up at the sliver of sunlight breaking through, and with a slight sway of her feet, whispered, “I just asked casually. I remember… you seemed very busy and anxious at that time. The royal city was a mess and very scary, there were bad people everywhere. You’re an amazing hero, so you must be busy with a lot of important things I don’t know about. But heroes aren’t all-knowing deities, you probably can’t focus on some little things, so… even if you don’t remember now, it’s understandable… who told you to be a hero?”
She paused.
“But you know… some little things that might seem trivial to you are probably super~ super important to Aili…” The girl turned to look into my eyes. “Sister Peilo, do you remember? I told you about the little girl named Ailei.”
I was slightly taken aback.
Ailei…?
Hearing that name suddenly from the little girl, it took me a couple of seconds to connect the dots. It hit me like a ton of bricks: that was Iliush…
Oh no…
I hadn’t even explained the situation with Iliush to Aili…
“Back then… you promised me, you said you would find Ailei. I’ve been waiting for you… I waited for you to bring her back, waiting and waiting, one day, two days, four days, five days… waiting and waiting…”
The little girl’s voice dropped low, as if it had fallen into a deep valley.
Her small hands grasped tightly as if desperately trying to control her emotions. She blinked and forced a smile that looked bright yet fragile.
“Where’s Ailei, sis?”
That smile vanished instantly in the sunlight, carried away by the wind.
“Aili…”
d*mn it…
This is truly terrible…
“You listen… I mean…”
How do I explain this to her?
Think fast…
“Hey sis, you don’t need to say anything, I know… I know everything… Ailei can’t come back, right? None of them can. You didn’t say so before because you were afraid I would be sad, because they’re all gone, just like Lucas… Ailei, and Xiao Liu… we can’t see them anymore…”
“I’m sorry, Aili…”
What on earth should I say…
How can I even say something without hurting her, this eleven-year-old girl’s innocent heart…
“I’m sorry, I—”
“Why are you apologizing, sis? It’s not your fault…”
Aili stood up from her seat and walked a few steps away.
She pressed a hand to the top of her head, where her hair stuck up, and turned her back slightly so I couldn’t see her face.
“Actually, I lied a little… I wasn’t that busy. I had time to visit you… I really wanted to go, but… I didn’t want to either… I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but recently… I keep thinking about all kinds of messy things, like the bishop…”
“One night, he told me, you need to take good care of Ailei, she’s younger than you, you’re her sister, you’re a family… he always reminded me like that, and every time he saw me, he was so annoying… but sis, he remembers all our names… he worries about the small stuff…”
Though the little girl tried to suppress it, her innocent voice gradually cracked with emotion.
“And Ailei… Even though the bishop told me to take good care of her, she never listens, and one moment of distraction, she’s gone, and I can’t find her… It got me scolded… But the bishop asked me to take care of her too. She’s just like me; we’re both kids without homes… but when we orphans gather together, we become a family… sis…”
“A few days ago, I actually planned to come find you… I got to the church’s door… but I was so anxious, not knowing how to see you, or what to say when I did… I don’t even know what’s wrong with me… and then… I dreamed about Sister Teresa…”
The little girl’s shoulders trembled; her small back looked so frail.
I walked over and embraced her from behind.
“Aili, listen to me…”
“I don’t want to listen!”
Aili suddenly struggled, jerking her head against my chest with intensity. I was startled and instinctively released her; she turned around and stepped back a few paces, her small face streaked with tears as she wiped them away with the back of her hand.
Wrapped in the loose nun’s robe, her tiny body trembled.
“Sis, please don’t say anything… I don’t want to hear anything… I know what you’re going to say… but I don’t understand adult things! I don’t get it! What heroes, what bad guys, you all fighting— I don’t understand why! Lucas is dead, Ailei is dead, Xiao Liu, Mila… so many friends are gone, even the bishop… I don’t get it… I just feel so sad… I’ll never see them again… sis… I’ll never see them again, ah—”
She stood in the sliver of sunlight, wailing in the corridor until her voice grew hoarse.
It was as if some emotional string inside her finally snapped, and the little girl unleashed her feelings without restraint, tears streaming down her cheeks. I stood a few steps away, unable to say anything or do anything.
The frightening power to destroy everything in a single move, the courage to fight even against formidable enemies… all of this turned pale and powerless in the face of an eleven-year-old girl’s overwhelming tears of despair.
It was indescribable…
The bishop was a villain who sacrificed principles for personal gain, or perhaps the ins and outs of the Ailei incident… even the power struggles, the Gate of Truth… even if I laid everything bare before the little girl, what good would it do?
It would only salt her wounds.
She couldn’t comprehend it at all…
In the innocent world of an eleven-year-old girl, she didn’t understand why adults fought, or why fighting resulted in d*ath. And our actions, whether noble or selfish, just or evil, in the eyes of an eleven-year-old, could only be understood as… I’ll never see them again.
Never again see Lucas, Ailei, Abe… or those I can’t even name, Aili’s family.
That’s all there is to it for her.
No matter what I said, no matter how beautifully, that fact would never change.
“Hey sis, I’m actually not that sad anymore… it’s just that sometimes when I wake up in a daze… I’ll feel like they’re still here… I wish I could stay forever in that moment…”
The little girl cried for a long, long time.
As she cried, she gradually became tired.
We sat on the bench together for a while longer, and I didn’t say anything more; I just gently patted her back and sang a song that wasn’t very smooth while quite a few children peeked from outside the corridor, curiously watching us.
Then Aili said she wanted to go back.
I nodded and got up to see her off, inviting once again, “Tomorrow, come to my place, okay? I’ll make doughnuts.”
But the little girl didn’t respond directly.
She looked a bit dazed. “Sis… Cataloma will soon be finished; we’ll all be leaving here to go back there soon.”
I was silent for a moment before I smiled.
“That’s great.”
“Yeah…”
Once I walked her to the door, the little girl said to me, “Sis, I might… soon become a nun.”
“Oh… really? That’s awesome, Aili!”
What wonderful news.
I remembered Aili had told me once that her dream was to become a saint someday. Even though the road was long, at least she was going to take this first step… for many kids in the orphanage, taking this step was already the best outcome.
I hope she has an easy and happy future…
“May the deity bless you.”
I mimicked the clergy’s way, clasping my hands at my chest, closing my eyes to offer her my heartfelt blessing.
Then, I opened my eyes to find Aili didn’t look as happy as I’d imagined.
“What’s wrong? Are you… still hesitating?”
“I…”
Hearing my concerned question, the little girl hesitated, then smiled and shook her head.
“Nothing. Sis, I’ll think for myself; I can’t rely on others for everything… Thank you, thank you for visiting me today, I’m really happy.”
In the temple, at the wooden door, at that moment, the little girl was smiling like an adult.
…………
Today is May 16, 1187 in the Gregorian calendar.
The sky over the royal city is clear and bright.
Having exited the church, the complex-feeling princess in a gown held an umbrella as she flagged down a war chariot by the roadside and quickly exchanged a few words with the driver before jumping into the carriage. The chariot rounded a corner and vanished from sight in the bustling streets.
On the opposite side of the street, a woman with white hair and blue eyes clad in black mourning attire walked along under the bright sun, hands clasped behind her back, leading an elderly man who seemed like a steward.
She passed closely by the war chariot the girl had taken, walking to the front of the grand church where she paused to look up for a moment before stepping up the stairs in front—if the girl were to lift the carriage curtain and look back, she would immediately recognize it was the dancer from the square stage last night.
The prosperous royal city, its streets twisted and turned.
From a bird’s-eye view, those densely packed roads resembled a giant spider web shrouded in mist. Ant-like people moved back and forth within the intricate net—some heading east, some heading west, some climbing up to the web’s top, some fading into oblivion.
People living within this huge web, regardless of gender or age, rich or poor, couldn’t discern whether the fork in the road ahead would lead to a dead end. When they reached the crossroads, facing the next life choice, the unknown waiting for them would come at some time, in some form…
No one can predict.
