Chapter Twenty: Who Am I?
A black-haired man named Pasifal approached me, his face a canvas of disbelief, his steps trembling like he was walking on a tightrope. From his lips, I heard that name once again.
Peilo.
The girl that the cupcake shop Miss had mistaken me for.
But… I’m really not her! I don’t even know her!
“Peilo, who is she?”
“… You really don’t remember at all?”
His beautifully hopeful yet anxious eyes locked onto me from five steps away, his voice trembling slightly, looking like he wanted to approach but was held back by invisible ropes of doubt.
I could feel the swirling emotions in his heart but had no idea how to give him the response he yearned for.
“Remember what?” I replied calmly, no ups and downs in my tone. “I’m Silvya, not Peilo. You’ve mistaken me for someone else.”
The black-haired youth managed a laugh that was more of a grimace.
“Pepé, stop joking around, how could I not recognize my own sister… Just tell me, where have you been these years?”
I frowned at his words.
Peilo is his sister?
If I heard correctly, he had called the Duchess “Mom,” which would mean he’s the son of Duke Skarlij. So, his sister, the one named Peilo, must also be a child of the Duke.
“Pasifal, don’t be rude,” the Duchess said softly to her son.
I turned to glance at her.
“Miss Silvya, this is my second son Pasifal. Please forgive his outburst, it’s just that you look so much like my little daughter Peilo.”
“Mom, what are you talking about?!” Pasifal exclaimed, his eyes bulging. “What do you mean look like! Didn’t you say you found Pepé?! Take a good look at her, and tell me who she is if she’s not Peilo!”
“Pipe down!” The Duchess slammed her hand on the table, her previously gentle tone shooting up an octave. Despite her calm expression, an aura of authority radiated from her.
Seeing his mother really seemed annoyed, Pasifal shrank back like a turtle retreating into its shell.
After a brief moment of contemplation, the Duchess continued, “You… look too much like my daughter. Not just in face, but even in preferences…”
Facing me, she seemed hesitant. I paused, gathering my thoughts, then asked her again, “So where is she now?”
“Missing. Three years ago, one morning, she brushed off the servants and the butler and mysteriously ran out the door. No one knew where she went that day, and she never came back.”
As she spoke, a shadow of sorrow flickered across the Duchess’s brow.
“That child is simple and playful. At first, we didn’t realize the seriousness of the situation, thinking she had just snuck out again. It wasn’t until much later that we discovered she hadn’t come home that we realized something was wrong… We’ve searched everywhere for the last three years, practically turning the entire Valen Empire upside down, but we’ve never found her.”
So she’s gone missing.
No wonder Duke Skarlij had that bizarre reaction upon seeing me! No wonder the Duchess acted so overly dramatic—they thought I was their missing daughter!
When I thought about it, it made sense. A girl found by the Holy Church, with black hair and eyes, plus the memory loss, and looking just like Peilo…
If I were in their shoes, I’d probably think the same way; it wasn’t hard to understand.
But I’m not Peilo!
I am a monster who crawled out of the Abyss from another world. And this body most certainly belonged to a creature of the Abyss, not their child.
That’s how it has to be.
…Is it really?
What about the visions I saw earlier? How do I explain those?
“So, you’re saying Little Shay here is Peilo?” Carlos suddenly chimed in.
“Yeah, because the Pope wrote saying that the church rescued a child who might be our daughter and was hoping to have the Central Workshop design a weapon for her. This is a perfect chance for her to meet us in person and confirm.”
Oh, I see. That’s why they were so eager to have me and Carlos for dinner—far too eager to meet me.
Wait, hold on!
What did she just say?!
Was it Angel who wrote to her? So they knew all along?!
What’s going on?
I felt a bit dazed and instinctively looked at Carlos.
“So do you think she is?” Carlos asked with an unbothered expression, giving away nothing about his thoughts.
The Duchess paused for a moment before gently shaking her head.
“Not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t know? Mom, what’s there to not know? She’s got amnesia too?!” Pasifal jumped in again.
“Pasifal, mind your manners! Go sit over there quietly!”
He opened his mouth to retort but cowered under the Duchess’s fierce glare, pulling a chair back to sit down sheepishly.
Continuing, the Duchess said, “Miss Silvya, you look and even have preferences very much like my daughter. She loves sweets just like you, and Captain Gray is a name she came up with—it’s her favorite dish. And you… can’t remember your past, right?”
When she asked that, I didn’t know whether to nod or shake my head.
Amnesia is just a ruse, after all…
But how could I say that out loud?
“Too bad… the ages don’t match.”
“Ages don’t match?” Pasifal couldn’t help but interject again.
“Yeah, you’re sixteen, right? But Peilo was already fifteen when she went missing three years ago. If she were still… if she were in this world, she would now be eighteen.”
“True,” Carlos nodded in agreement.
And all I could do was remain silent.
Because age can be deceiving too.
This body of mine, looking clearly underage because of its proportions. There’s no way an eighteen-year-old body could be this… underdeveloped.
After the Duchess spoke, Pasifal calmed down, knowing deep down that his mother was speaking the truth.
The atmosphere remained stifled until it was time for dinner.
In the spacious dining room, I stared at the plentiful food on my plate, glanced up at the Duke family happily chatting with Carlos. I twirled my fork in my food, inhaling the enticing aroma, but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat.
It wasn’t because I couldn’t eat; I simply had no appetite. My mind was elsewhere.
Carlos had said I was a special existence because no other creature from the Abyss could take on human form after d*ath. What was this body about? How did it connect to when I transformed into a monster? I had yet to figure it out.
But I had my own theory, which was that I wasn’t really a monster but instead a situation where consciousness or thought had attached itself to the monster, which made me seem so different from others. Carlos and the others have no idea I’m from another world; they could never think of that.
I believed the Abyss was a conscious entity.
I still remember dreaming a dream before my rebirth, a dream that felt so real. Maybe it was then the Abyss somehow gleaned my subconscious thoughts or preferences and molded this body to have some resemblance to Little Xi.
Until today, I was so convinced of that.
But now everything’s gone haywire.
The Duke and his wife seemed to have firmly decided I was Peilo, and the only mystery left was the age discrepancy.
But I knew that wasn’t a real concern.
Age?
From the moment I was birthed from the Abyss, I’d already assumed this appearance. If we were to really argue over age, I’d barely be six months old!
And there’s a high likelihood I’ll remain in this form forever, so age means nothing to me.
Plus, there were those visions I saw when I first arrived in Valen Empire.
Thinking like this, even I felt I might as well be Peilo, if I wasn’t, then I was definitely tied to her in some grand way.
“I’m full.”
I suddenly didn’t want to sit there anymore.
“Aren’t you going to eat a bit more?”
The Duchess looked at me with concern. I shook my head slightly.
“I want to be alone for a bit. Just… sit in silence.”
“What about the weapon situation…”
“We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“…Alright, I’ve already prepared a room for you. I’ll have the butler take you there; don’t think too much tonight. Get some good rest.”
“Okay.”
The Duchess called the butler, who led me to a room at the end of a corridor on the fourth floor.
“Here’s your room. I’ll be guarding outside. If you need anything, just call me. Sweet dreams.”
“Thank you.” I nodded at the butler before pushing the door open.
A sweet scent greeted me.
Unlike the rest of the castle, the room had a predominant white theme, featuring a large bed with lace trim in the center, and a huge stuffed doll perched on it. One side of the room had a bookshelf and a desk, while the other sported a soft-looking sofa. A beautifully crafted chandelier hung from the ceiling.
The fireplace across from the bed burned brightly, warming the entire space along with the candlelight.
It felt very cozy; the carpet beneath my feet was spotless, clearly looked after—this was definitely not some makeshift guest room.
I already guessed whose room this was.
Walking over to the bookshelf, I casually picked up a “Fairy Tale Collection,” opened the first page, and saw a delicate writing in the table of contents:
“To my beloved Peilo Guniver Winter Moon.”
Of course, the Duchess had assigned Peilo’s room to me.
I put the book down and began exploring the room, touching here and there. I opened the wardrobe to find it neatly lined with clothes, mostly dresses.
Then, I discovered that the room had its own washroom! The conditions far exceeded my expectations.
On top of that, there was a mirror in one corner.
This was my first time seeing a mirror in this world. It wasn’t glass but rather some polished metal.
In the mirror, my reflection appeared vaguely.
A perfect face, a beauty to be cherished.
Now I understood why the Duchess looked so familiar; the girl’s reflection in the stream in Woodward Forest bore many similarities to me at this moment.
I couldn’t help but realize I was becoming less like my true self.
I originally thought it was because of this body’s influence, but now… I felt lost.
This personality—did it evolve from Chen Yuxuan, or did it belong to another person from the start?
“Who are you?”
I mumbled to myself in front of the mirror.
This night would surely be sleepless.
