**Chapter 46: I Am Hilvigia**
Pitter-patter—
A flock of unknown white birds soared across the azure sky above, resting under the bridge.
I strolled lazily towards the castle, my hand resting on my small belly, unconsciously moving up to my upper abdomen.
Before long, I heard the footsteps of a lady behind me.
“Why didn’t you say hello to Mr. Carlos before leaving? That’s quite rude.”
Her tone reeked of a lecture, typical of an elder.
I rolled my eyes.
“No need. Politeness and him? Nah.”
“What’s wrong? You don’t like him?”
“Not really.”
“Then what?”
“Just… never mind, it’s nothing.”
My brow furrowed.
The lady walked up beside me and, noticing my fluctuating mood, couldn’t help but ask.
“Does it hurt?”
“Um, a little.”
It’s not so much the pain, just a bit hungry.
“Why don’t you go rest in your room for a while? I’ll have a maid bring you some hot water to clean up, but no soaking… Do you have hygiene supplies?”
“Yeah.”
“After your bath, come to the dining room for lunch. We have plum muffins for dessert.”
My eyes lit up.
“Great~”
I’m guessing the lady made them. They must be delicious!
“That silly boy Pasifal is acting like that because of you, isn’t he?”
“Uh… I mean no.”
…Oh no, I almost slipped up at the last moment.
I got a little distracted thinking about those sweet and sour muffins when the lady unexpectedly asked the crucial question.
She did that on purpose!
I felt a flutter of nerves and stole a glance at the lady.
She wore a smile like a warm spring breeze.
Her upturned lips had a teasing look, mixed with genuine joy.
A hint of smugness sparkled in her eyes.
“Miss Hilvigia, I know you better than you know yourself.”
A little finger brushed against my nose, making it tingle. I touched it.
Really?
Maybe she’s right.
The lady took my hand. Our fingers intertwined, her palm radiating warmth.
“I suddenly feel like a heavy stone in my heart has finally dropped.”
“Lady…”
“Miss Hilvigia, how do you feel about Shanter Castle?”
I tilted my head in confusion.
“The sweets you make are really tasty?”
The lady burst out laughing.
“Seriously? Nothing else? Like, the castle is beautiful, the scenery is lovely, and the rooms are cozy?”
“What do you mean, lady?”
“I simply want to say, if possible, please consider this place your home, okay?”
I hesitated for a moment.
“Isn’t that… troublesome?”
“Troublesome? What are you talking about?”
“In every sense possible.”
“…I don’t know what kind of troubles you’re referring to, but I highly doubt you need to worry about those.”
“But…”
“But what? You mean to say you’re not my daughter Peilo?”
“…”
“I already told you, I know you better than you know yourself.”
Two figures—one tall, one short—walked through the garden.
The blooming flowers competed for beauty, yet none could match the charm of a person in full blossom.
“Can you tell me about your time in Silgaya?”
I nodded.
“….I woke up in Woodward…”
I started to share my fragmented story with the lady.
How I met the great dragon in the forest.
How I stumbled upon that nameless little village.
About Grandma Claire in the village, my kind and innocent older sister Aili, and little man Barry.
Then I spoke about the endless abyss.
About Aili risking her life to protect me, only to be swallowed by the black smoke of the abyss.
I began to choke up.
I noticed the lady’s eyes turning red, too.
“So, you became a Pope Knight…,” she gently patted my head. “You went to Order Royal City to really fight those monsters, right?”
“Yeah. There’s a lot I don’t understand.”
“Mm… For your beliefs, that’s understandable. Seems like all Pope Knights are basically the same. Miss Hilvigia, you’re amazing… truly amazing… but…”
The lady hesitated for a long while.
“But what if I said I don’t want you to do that? Can you not go fight those monsters… It’s too scary. You shouldn’t do this… Just stay here… is that okay?”
The latter part felt less like negotiation and more of a humble, helpless plea.
Not words I’d expect from the lady at all.
A moment of silence.
I didn’t know how to respond.
After a while, the lady gave a somewhat melancholic smile.
“Well, yes. That kind of request is a bit much… After all, you don’t remember anything from before. You only remember that little village… In your heart, Grandma Claire is probably more important than me now.”
“……”
I didn’t deny that, because it would have been a lie.
My feelings were complicated.
It was painfully obvious how the duke and duchess were selflessly devoted to me.
They naturally viewed me as they would Peilo, and I think I’ve figured some things out for myself.
I understand the pain of losing loved ones, which makes it impossible to reject such kindness.
That would hurt them.
But, I have no memories.
Without memories, we’re like strangers.
And I hold onto a necessary belief: that I must do what I think is right.
What defines me isn’t what I am, but what I do.
“Miss Hilvigia.”
“Mm?”
“Regardless, there’s one thing I hope you remember. If one day in the future you feel hurt, tired, and want to rest, just come back. To Shanter Castle. This will always be your home. I and Skarlij will always be your family. Do you… understand?”
“……Mm, I understand.”
I gazed into her pearl-like, deep-set eyes, where my serious little face was reflected.
…………
Not long after returning to my room, the maid had prepared hot water, placing a tub in the bath chamber.
After they left, I undressed and walked slowly to the mirror.
A pair of water-cut autumn eyes trembled.
This was my first time examining my body so unabashedly.
Delicate shoulders, gracefully curved waist, slender arms, long legs, and skin as translucent as snow, resembling condensed lotus.
I felt no embarrassment, my gaze landing on the charming little detail on my chest, staring intently, not missing a single detail.
Then, I found a small black dot, like a beauty mark, hiding in a secret spot just below my right breast. I’d never have seen it unless I looked in the mirror since it would have been blocked otherwise.
Is this why the lady stared at my chest in the medical room?
Looks like she’s already fully convinced…
After all, she doesn’t know that I’m a creature of the abyss, and I haven’t told her.
Because I’m scared.
If I were Peilo…
No ifs.
I’m not just Peilo, nor am I the Chen Yuxuan from my memories.
I am myself.
I am Hilvigia.
Hilvigia Rabithermos.
