103. On the Train
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By the time Lin Nan got home to grab his luggage, it was already 5 PM.
He pushed open the door and saw his mother pacing back and forth in the living room. The moment she spotted him, her face lit up with surprise, and she rushed over.
“Where did you go this afternoon? I called you, but you didn’t pick up, and you ignored my messages! Your dad was just mad at me; he’s the one who’s angry, so don’t worry!”
Lin Nan merely lifted his head, forced a smile, and kicked off his shoes, heading straight to his room.
Only then did his mother notice that Lin Nan’s best buddy, Chen Yao, was tagging along.
“Want to come in for a bit?”
“No, thanks.” Chen Yao politely shook his head while standing at the door.
“Then what are you…”
Before Chen Yao could answer, Lin Nan, lugging his suitcase, told his mother what was next on the agenda.
His mother grew flustered and rushed forward to block his suitcase, her confusion evident. “Didn’t we agree you’d take a month off for surgery?”
“Let’s talk when I feel better.”
“And what about your health?”
“I’ll get the surgery myself. You should talk to him about dividing the assets if you get a divorce. My issues aren’t that important,” Lin Nan mumbled, his long bangs concealing his emotions. He shrugged his mother’s hand off and left through the door.
Tears streamed down his mother’s face, but Lin Nan didn’t look back as he left with Chen Yao.
Lin Nan didn’t think his actions were great, but in the heat of the moment, he couldn’t care less. Chen Yao opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it, fearing he might set Lin Nan off again.
Once they got down the stairs onto the narrow streets of the urban village, Lin Nan waved down a rickshaw, not bothering to ask for a fare, and silently climbed aboard.
Chen Yao hurriedly followed, glancing back at Lin Nan’s mother trailing down the stairs, unable to hold back his concern.
“Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why are you acting this way…”
Lin Nan went silent; he couldn’t think about much more. He just wanted to escape the city, to get away from his parents’ gaze.
He sighed, leaning against the rickshaw seat, closing his eyes, his body trembling slightly.
He didn’t want to take out his frustrations on his mother, but the urge to flee was too strong. For him, this city felt like a nightmare capable of reopening all his old wounds.
When the rickshaw pulled up to the train station, the train they had booked arrived just in time.
They briefly parted ways. Lin Nan found his seat, plopped down, and pressed his head against the window, gazing sadly at the scenery outside.
Not long after, Chen Yao skidded in with his luggage.
Beside Lin Nan sat a girl in her early twenties. Chen Yao, not wanting to switch seats, chose to stand awkwardly in the aisle, worry plastered across his face as he looked at Lin Nan, feeling a headache starting.
As the saying goes, a wise judge can’t sort out familial affairs—who was he, after all, but Lin Nan’s friend? His only job was to find ways to lift Lin Nan’s spirits and make him laugh, but solving Lin Nan’s problems? That was above his pay grade.
He found an empty spot to stash his luggage and stood sideways in the aisle, careful not to bother the other passengers or the attendants, sneaking glances at Lin Nan’s sullen figure, hoping he could summon a strong enough inner resolve to weather this storm.
Honestly, he had imagined Lin Nan’s parents might act out, but he never thought Lin Nan’s dad would say such words.
What did “just live and d*e” even mean? If said to a gambler, sure. But what did Lin Nan even do wrong? It was just that his parents had never paid attention to him, which is why it took until now for him to discover his health issues—only because Lin Nan got himself a medical examination.
If he hadn’t sought out the examination, would they really have waited until he was sick or even dying to wake up?
While Chen Yao internally berated Lin Nan’s irresponsible parents, he anxiously purchased a pack of tissues from the attendant.
“Hey.”
He surpassed the girl seated outside, tossing the tissues directly onto Lin Nan’s lap.
“Boyfriend-girlfriend?” The girl raised her head to eye Chen Yao, standing up, and offered, “Where are you sitting? I can switch places with you.”
“4-car, seat 06F, thanks.”
The girl struggled to retrieve her luggage from the overhead compartment, and Chen Yao rushed to lend a hand.
“Your girlfriend doesn’t seem too happy.” After finally getting her bag on the floor, she kindly pointed out, “But just being there for her helps.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
With that, Chen Yao plopped down next to Lin Nan, turning to see only the back of his head.
He held back a sigh, terrified that his emotions would drag Lin Nan down even more.
After hesitating for a moment, he suddenly stretched out his hand to grasp Lin Nan’s.
Lin Nan jumped at the sudden gesture, turning to meet Chen Yao’s gaze with red-rimmed eyes, but he didn’t struggle—he just leaned back against the seat.
Lin Nan’s hand felt icy, like he was holding a block of ice, increasing Chen Yao’s concern as he tried to envelop Lin Nan’s cold hand in his warm one.
Yet Lin Nan seemed unfazed, continuing to gaze out the window as if lost in thought.
After a while, as the train entered a dark tunnel and the outside world disappeared, Lin Nan suddenly whispered, “You think if I really turned into a girl, my dad would react even more?”
“Maybe, but I really think he was just talking out of anger—trying to provoke your mom.”
“…” Lin Nan sighed, mumbling to himself, “I wish this hadn’t happened. I feel so bad for them.”
He felt his heart being mercilessly reprimanded, especially remembering his mother’s expression made him feel like his heart was shattered into a million pieces.
“They can handle their own mess,” he declared after a brief silence. “You have no idea.”
Chen Yao didn’t grasp what secret Lin Nan was still hiding. To him, this wasn’t Lin Nan’s fault in the least.
Lin Nan tried to pull his hand away, but Chen Yao’s basketball-playing hand was way bigger, and once caught, he couldn’t set himself free.
However, holding that warm, almost too warm hand made him feel significantly more at ease, even while the situation felt a bit awkwardly intimate.
After all, he would have to become a woman eventually.
With that thought, he surrendered the resistance and even leaned his head on Chen Yao’s shoulder.
Most kids would consider their parents the safest harbor, but for Lin Nan, being next to Chen Yao felt more comforting.
“It’ll be alright, it’s alright.” Chen Yao hesitated but then wrapped his arms around Lin Nan, pulling him close. “It’ll pass; I’m here.”
As the train emerged from the dark tunnel, Lin Nan finally relaxed, eyes closed, soaking up the sense of security Chen Yao was trying to lend him.
