Chapter 290: Growth of Two Lives and Instant Growth
“Look for answers from within yourself…”
Leaving the psychological counseling room, I instinctively glanced back at it. The feeling was different from when I first entered, but the cats were no longer there, as if they had never existed.
Perhaps those little kittens were merely an illusion, but the touch of them was undeniably real.
If we set aside everything else, my first encounter with Teacher Deina was just at the beginning. I would think she would be a very excellent, gentle, and understanding psychologist, but I was deceived by her, which reminded me of Teacher Ji.
The initial meeting with Teacher Ji also brought me considerable pressure. I feared her ulterior motives, feared her covetousness, or perhaps feared the unknown. But after getting to know Teacher Ji, I found that even someone who prides themselves on being an extraordinary witch seems… to be just like an ordinary person, with their own emotions, thoughts, and pursuits.
Is this Teacher Deina the same?
Her eyes seemed to see through many things about me, more terrifying than the spirit vision I possessed. Even though my spirit vision could see through the real world, it seemed that Teacher Deina’s eyes could see through the human heart. No one likes their secrets exposed to others.
So… Teacher Deina doesn’t seem to qualify as a psychologist. At least she created a sense of distance and an information gap between us. She seems to understand me a lot, while I know little about her. She’s like a black cat, sitting quietly with an air of mystery.
All I know is that she loves cats very much, is the owner behind the Witch Cat Café, and is a psychologist who rarely operates. And then?
She seems like an ordinary person, or rather… a cat, observing people’s emotions.
She treats emotions as a spice, savoring them and enjoying herself.
But I treat emotions like tides, reverently keeping my distance, watching them rise and fall.
Actually, I think I’ve been quite obvious, right? I feel nervous in the face of others’ enthusiasm, I remain a passive observer in the face of their anger, even smiling at them. I’m not an expressor, just a bystander, a fool who can’t convert thoughts into words to shout them out, only turning grievances into sharp blades stabbing my own cowardice.
Teacher Deina was right; I can’t bid farewell to the past. I’ve arrived in a new environment, seemingly a new beginning, but it’s like giving a poor person a trillion fortunes; they still wouldn’t know how to spend it.
I’ve come to the Witch Academy, yet I’ve turned myself into this state.
What was I expecting myself to become back then?
An adorable girl who can act cute… someone who can talk freely, without worries… and have many friends…
But now I’ve still become the person I was before. I can’t act cute, I don’t dare to talk freely, and I’m not living as a girl without concerns. I still have no friends!
Perhaps in my last life, I could say: Sorry, the first time I lived, I became a dog. But I’ve lived a second time, and I’m still like this, so this is my problem.
So Teacher Deina gave such an answer… Look for answers from within.
Did my miserable two lives give me any enlightenment?
I’ve read countless self-help books and understand that most psychologically troubled children are shaped by family and environmental issues, and it seems I am too.
But I also understand what it means to be strong. A strong person’s willpower does not waver because of changes in the environment or hardship, so I realize that my family misfortunes are not reasons for me not to become strong.
I subconsciously bring myself into the role of the strong. Perhaps I was never strong from the beginning?
Or perhaps no one is strong at the beginning?
They say the environment shapes heroes; a person’s life is like a parabola, with a starting point, a peak, and an endpoint.
There is no option to look back. When one can look back, it’s probably already the twilight years when it’s too late to turn things around.
Perhaps this is the truth that only the extraordinary witches with long lifespans can see.
They can experience countless ordinary lives and constantly reflect and summarize, which allows them to see through many things as long as they live long enough.
My mind is filled with such self-help ideas, and now I finally feel their toxicity.
They impose their viewpoints, making me willing to believe in them.
But they don’t explain the facts to me, nor do they guide me to think about why such viewpoints were proposed.
So… thinking is really important.
Thinking isn’t just about rejecting those viewpoints. It’s about considering why such viewpoints were proposed, thereby deriving the answers I want.
I want to know what kind of person is strong — is it because they endure the hardships of their environment and do not change, or is it the strength shaped by the environment? What results will arise from the collision of these two viewpoints?
Ultimately, a strong person is still strong; suffering will only make the strong even stronger?
No, suffering is just suffering. Strength is inner strength, and suffering only showcases a strong inner self to others. It means nothing to the strong.
Thus, strong people do not seek nor expect others’ evaluations and comments.
Those who pursue others’ thoughts, hoping to be recognized as strong by others, are completely mistaken. On the contrary, it stems from extreme insecurity within themselves.
Even if these two people have the same level of ability, the strong will only be the former, not the latter.
Sometimes, understanding something is just understanding it, but putting it into practice is another matter.
Thinking… and… doing, unifying knowledge and action.
This seems to be a rather simple principle.
Strangely, I thought of what the Academy Head said to me: the spell of unifying knowledge and action is not as simple as it appears.
How is it not simple?
I don’t know, but I will try.
What I had always considered the complexity mentioned by the Academy Head referred to the derivative effects of the spellbook on unifying knowledge and action, but it seems that isn’t the case.
Most of my utilization of the spell of unifying knowledge and action involves mental concentration and some suggestive words.
But I’ve never suggested to myself “unifying knowledge and action,” just like the name of the spell. This feeling feels like an epiphany. When I think of this spell, I know what I should do.
At the moment the spell’s effect activates, I felt a sensation where my consciousness superseded my emotions and even my thoughts.
It felt as if, at that moment, my emotions and thoughts could no longer sway my consciousness. The myriad complicated emotions and the toxic self-help ideas imposed on me were all clearly distinguished at that moment.
At this moment, I realized that I seemed to have misused the spellbook of unifying knowledge and action. It isn’t a tool to improve my efficiency; it is a tool for introspection and self-examination accompanied by meditation.
Some spellbooks may not specify usage thresholds, but those who lack qualification cannot unleash their true power after all.
It is just like a mirror. The side of the mirror reflects the analyzed self presented before me. The rest depends on what manner I choose to change myself.
So that’s why this spellbook is called unifying knowledge and action?
I cannot decide my birth, my family, my environment, or even my world, but I can choose what kind of self I want to be.
Even independent of external circumstances.
In the past, I was even scared of the outside environment because I didn’t understand it, contemplating whether I should possess stronger power. After understanding the chaos of the Void, I resolved to place some weight on gaining power.
But now it’s different. The Void is also an environment, perhaps it will be my stage in the future. Even if it’s a terrible environment, will it interfere with my exploration of the extraordinary realm?
Not at all. This reminds me of the madmen of the Life Interpretation Heathen Revolution; how the external environment changes will not interfere with what they intend to do, even if it means opposing the entire Void.
That is proof of extreme inner strength, even when they have yet to grow, they remain the same and do not fear changes in level.
Is this the appearance I hope for?
Perhaps, but I still want to live out my own brilliance. In my last life, I wanted to be a scientist when I was a child. Perhaps I was just like everyone else, following the crowd. But many seeds are planted that way.
Ultimately, life crushed me, but I got a chance to start over. This time, I touched the extraordinary. That seed seems to have sprouted amidst decay. I still want to be a “scientist,” an extraordinary scientist, and the first step is… to become someone who possesses extraordinary power and gain the qualifications to study extraordinary powers.
This is my original intent, stripping away everything else, stripping away all thoughts: what Witch Academy, what classes? What exchange of benefits, what script?
Everything else seems unimportant.
It’s like I learn more efficiently on my own than in class. Teacher Ji discovered my value and didn’t want me to waste excess time in class, so even though I am at the Witch Academy, my courses are exempted.
And now, my value far exceeds expectations, even attracting the Academy Head’s attention. Even though I find myself entangled in the script of this world, I will ultimately break the so-called Earth Vein Shackles, freeing myself from the grasp of the script and even the world.
It has nothing to do with power; it’s just a normal feeling that it should be this way.
But this requires a deeper understanding. Without power, if you feel you should break away from the script without any value in yourself, then no one will care about you.
This is what can be judged only after clearly defining the goal and recognizing self-value.
If I didn’t have the value of spirit vision, but I had such a heart, such awareness, and such a normal state of mind, I would think I deserve to be treated as cannon fodder. But I would seek benefits and avoid harms, elevating my own value, finding methods and means to break free from control, rather than doing nothing and complaining.
This is the real thing; strong people do not complain about the environment.
At this moment, leaving here, I feel that even my control over my body has significantly improved. If previously I fought to the d*ath in the dream world, I wouldn’t madly slaughter like a lunatic. I would seek the optimal solution in the most ideal way and even… fight with ease until the end.
When I began to criticize my past self, I understood that I seemed to have grown, but all of this seemed to happen in just one day.
Can someone really grow within a day?
Yes, as long as they understand it. No… it should be understanding what they want to do.
I can’t maintain such a rational state of thinking all the time, but this state has given rise to valuable experiences that guide me on how to live.
Unmasking pretense, laying down inner conflicts, facing anyone with a normal heart; these are the forms in which I express myself outwardly.
All just to make up for the inadequacies within me. My inner self is not strong enough. To become strong, I need constant external stimuli to compensate for its past deficiencies.
Like a form of compensatory vengeance, yet different. I am not compensating; I am making up for it.
Just like when I face a broken mirror, I gather all the shards, but I’m not putting it back together; instead, I take it for remaking.
Those who complain about the broken mirror not being able to be reformed only complain. Strong people do not complain; they silently pick it up for remaking.
Do not be afraid of troubles, nor of the tediousness of this process, and do not fear others’ gazes and criticisms.
Strong people only know they want that mirror back to its original state.
Weak people will say, “Just buy another one,” while some will laugh at how foolish it is to remake something broken, and others might even film it to share and let others laugh together.
Perhaps this is the reason strong people feel lonely.
Just like now, after struggling for so long, I am ready to go back and rest well, rather than forcing myself to study with the last bit of time in this day.
The remaining matters can be addressed tomorrow after regaining energy.
Once the targets—short-term and long-term—are set, many things seem to fall into place.
Returning to the villa.
“Sister Xiao Han, you’re back so early?”
“Yeah, don’t you have classes today?” I nodded and looked at Dongli Yiren.
“No.”
“Then take your time studying. I’m going to sleep first.”
“Huh? Sister Xiao Han, are you going to sleep this early?”
“Uh-huh~ Just a bit tired. A lot has happened today, and my intuition tells me that a good sleep can help me settle. You too, I heard Yu Yatian say you’ve been working hard lately, but don’t overdo it; you should indeed take a break when it’s time.”
“Take a break? I guess I’d better not; if I become lazy, I might not recover.”
“If you don’t even have the courage to give yourself a break, do you think you have the right to prove that you can persist? Don’t pretend to be studying hard~ Surprise check! What have you learned today? Close your notes and tell me what you recorded on the previous page!”
“Huh? I… that…”
Faced with my sudden action, Dongli Yiren instinctively closed her notebook, but her mouth stuttered, unable to say anything.
“See? Don’t deceive yourself. Taking a popular science book into the plantation to read is much more useful than copying notes in this boring manner. Learning doesn’t have to be one way; it’s not about sitting there writing notes. Here’s a task for you: there’s no reward, no punishment, and no compulsion. Tomorrow, find the Witch Academy’s plantation, then bring your notes and go take a look. Isn’t that more interesting than aching hands from copying notes?”
“I…” Dongli Yiren seemed unable to accept my transformation. She hadn’t uttered a word yet, but when she was about to organize her thoughts to speak, she discovered I had already gone upstairs, and my figure disappeared.
“I… got it.”
Dongli Yiren whispered, seemingly to herself.
She also put down the pen in her hand, looked at her notes, stretched, and patted her cheeks.
She felt that the Sister Xiao Han who returned today seemed to be different. The earlier changes might not have been obvious, but today it was particularly striking.
What exactly did she go through?
