Chapter 28: What Should Zhou Yu Call Xiahou Dun?
Some people spend their whole lives healing their childhoods, while others use their childhoods to heal their entire lives.
I wonder if urban legends have childhoods?
It should have one; people are born to people, so urban legends must have been born to something too.
After coming out of the bathroom, Lu Yibei quickly turned up the heating to the maximum, then burrowed into the blankets, contemplating how to turn those “pickled vegetables” happy childhoods into childhood shadows.
After more than two hours of researching various childhood-destroying “evil cults,” Lu Yibei felt as if his worldview had been ruthlessly trampled on for over two hours by an unrelenting force, making him want to curse.
Then.
At the moment he put down his phone, he suddenly realized he might have been going in the wrong direction.
Urban legend thinking cannot be gauged by common sense; could those things that discomfort me actually be useful to them?
If I create a massive spiritual pollution output, will they end up getting high instead? Wouldn’t that be awkward?
It seems I need to prepare a few more plans!
Lu Yibei thought, glancing at the broken sword placed on the bedside, slightly furrowing his brow.
Originally, he had only half-heartedly agreed to help Jumeng collect urban legends sealed within cultural relics.
Now that he knew the forces behind the assassination of Jumeng might possess fragments of Ling Tai Purification, he finally felt a hint of motivation.
Of course…
Just a hint, really. If things go south, he would sacrifice the stinky sister and escape.
Reclaiming ancestral kitchenware is not as important as saving his life!
As long as he keeps the green hills, he need not worry about not having firewood! Lu Yibei thought.
————
At nine o’clock in the morning, Room 7022 of the Tangcheng Four Seasons Hotel.
“Knock knock knock—knock knock knock—!”
After a whole night of tossing, Lu Yibei had barely slept for an hour before someone began to pound on the door. Startled awake by the loud knocking, he hurriedly got dressed and opened the door.
As expected, standing outside the door was Jumeng.
Taking in the sight of her in a red tracksuit and a white baseball cap, Lu Yibei, with an expressionless face, complained, “Can’t you knock a little lighter?”
“Knocking like that is as if you want to break the door down. If people see a six or seven-year-old girl with arm strength comparable to a West African lowland gorilla, you’ll be sent off to be studied for sure!”
“If I knock softer, will you be able to hear it?” Jumeng pouted, “Little Ma already came to call you once, but you didn’t hear at all; she couldn’t wait and went to the laboratory first.”
Complaining, she took two steps forward, opened her arms towards Lu Yibei, and slightly tiptoed.
Seeing this, Lu Yibei momentarily froze, bewildered, “What are you doing?”
“Cut the cr*p, carry me!” Jumeng rolled her eyes at Lu Yibei, “The lab is several kilometers away; as a dignified deity, do I have to walk myself?”
The first step in taming a mount is making it put down its dignity, lowering its proud head, and actively getting used to being ridden.
That’s how the early inhabitants of Peach Source tamed wild horses.
“……”
Shameless little girl, she still wants me to be her mount, huh?
Lu Yibei muttered inwardly, smirking, “Didn’t you carry me confidently before? Why are you acting weak now? If you want to ride, you can do it yourself!”
Only those who take the initiative to sit on their own deserve to be called an attachable accessory.
“Hmph~!”
Seeing that her little scheme was seen through, Jumeng shyly snorted, went around to Lu Yibei’s back, and with a springing leap, landed firmly on his shoulders, wrapping her little hands around his neck.
“Let’s go! Little Ma said once you wake up, hurry to take me to the lab; they need to identify those pickled jars today,” Jumeng said.
Lu Yibei nodded, took a few steps, then remembered something, adding, “But before we go, I need to eat breakfast.”
After staying up all night yesterday, he couldn’t skip breakfast today; that just wouldn’t align with Lu Yibei’s health regimen.
“……” Jumeng opened her mouth, about to retort, when she suddenly seemed to sense something, narrowing her eyes as she looked at Lu Yibei’s profile.
“Wait! You’re not right! Something seems different from yesterday.”
Previously, she had focused on riding and bickering with him, not paying much attention to the abnormalities with Lu Yibei.
Now that she was on his shoulder, observing closely, she suddenly realized something was different about him.
“Are you crazy?” Lu Yibei rolled his eyes at Jumeng, keeping a straight face, “As the saying goes: ‘If you renew every day, then daily renewal, again renewal.’ Every morning, I must reflect on myself to greet this world with a fresh demeanor; is that strange?”
“……”
Jumeng ignored Lu Yibei’s nonsense, tilting her head thoughtfully while biting her delicate little lip, seriously scrutinizing Lu Yibei.
In front of her was still the original Lu Yibei. There was no mistaking the aura of a contract with allies. However, his skin seemed a bit more delicate, his complexion a little paler than usual, and his already handsome features appeared even softer, exuding a faint androgynous charm.
After staring for a while, Jumeng couldn’t help but be lost in thought, a terrifying idea flashing in her mind: “I need to think of a way to keep this man in Peach Source as eye candy for me.”
However, as a deity, she had no such worldly desires.
Jumeng snapped back to reality, poking Lu Yibei’s face with her small hands, “Oh—! I know what’s going on!”
“Dog thing, after you went back last night, did you secretly call for the hotel’s skincare SPA service?”
“Tch! Is that it?” Lu Yibei rolled his eyes, “I’ve never used face wash in my life, let alone any skincare SPA.”
I™ don’t even have that extra money!
Just as Lu Yibei was indignantly musing inwardly, Jumeng pulled out a mirror from somewhere and held it up in front of him.
He was about to complain, “Do you girls all carry a mirror with you?” but upon seeing his reflection, his pupils suddenly contracted slightly, “What the hell? Who is this pretty boy?”
Jumeng glanced at Lu Yibei without saying a word, giving him a look that urged him to figure it out himself.
“……” Lu Yibei was silent for two seconds, pointing at his nose with one finger, weakly saying, “Is it me?”
Jumeng nodded with an expressionless face.
In the next moment, Lu Yibei performed a dramatic scene, saying with confidence, “Hmm, as expected of me! Looking this good is just natural, isn’t it?”
Clearly, it was just some facial details that were optimized, so how could he suddenly look this handsome?
He needed to hurry and send a selfie to Jiang… Miaomiao Sauce so that she could be mesmerized by his unparalleled beauty. Lu Yibei excitedly thought.
“Pfft, shameless!” Jumeng scolded, pausing for a few seconds before saying seriously, “Later, when you return from Little Ma’s place, come to my room, and take off your clothes so I can help you check properly.”
If this pretty-boy look of his is not due to a complete night of high-end skincare and exquisite sleep, then it should be due to charm ability.
Though it’s quite weak and not very obvious… Jumeng thought.
Lu Yibei gave Jumeng a thumbs up, “Back when Jack Ma was giving a speech in Huacheng and almost slipped, he gave me a look that said: ‘Hey kid, help me up, and I’ll give you two hundred million.’ Yet I chose to walk away.”
“Thinking back, I didn’t help Jack Ma, but I’ll help you with this earnestness! I considered you a buddy, yet you’re trying to tempt me?”
“Bullshit!” Jumeng scolded with a dark face, “Isn’t your spirit pattern Ifrit?”
Hearing Jumeng mention his spirit pattern, Lu Yibei frowned, asking, “Yeah, what’s the problem?”
“You haven’t completed your spirit pattern recently, have you?” Jumeng pressed.
Lu Yibei shook his head blankly.
Completing the core of the mythological urban legend had nearly emptied his savings, leaving no spare effort to worry about completing his spirit pattern.
“Well, that’s a problem! As far as I remember, Ifrit is a type of spirit monster, which is what the Siye Society calls elemental species urban legends.”
“And in the mythological framework that Ifrit belongs to, it’s only a third-tier spirit monster and has no charm ability. If you’re displaying similar charm power now, that’s a characteristic of a first-tier spirit monster, JINN.”
“So, I have reason to suspect that your spirit pattern has undergone a mutation; we will need to check it thoroughly, or there could be a big issue later. No need to thank me; this check is completely free; consider it your compensation for helping me.”
If Lu Yibei were a normal spiritual ability user, Jumeng discovering a mutation in his spirit pattern, and offering to check his body for free would indeed be something to thank her for.
Typically, after a spirit pattern is completed, unless it has been fully developed or meets certain special conditions that could affect the spirit pattern, its state should remain relatively stable without any change.
Once a spirit pattern undergoes an unknown mutation, it often signifies loss of control; like cancer, an increase in night erosion may occur, and transforming into an urban legend could be considered a relatively good outcome. Otherwise, the spirit pattern could reverse control, resulting in becoming an empty shell with the appearance and abilities of an urban legend but no thoughts.
Just like some former Siye Society operatives imprisoned in the underground of the Huacheng Siye Society.
However…
Lu Yibei was not a normal spiritual ability user. Apart from the first-tier spirit monster JINN, most witch species urban legends also possessed charm abilities.
Thus, when Jumeng pointed out that he might have developed a charm ability, and he recalled the strange dream and the critical situation from last night, his heart couldn’t help but skip a beat.
Could it be that the witch species had persisted too long, resulting in some change I don’t know about?
If that’s the case, I definitely can’t let the stinky sister help me check!
Not to mention the sensitive issues around the witch species identity, she was always so clumsy; what if she accidentally blew up the power of the hundred-armed giant?
Lu Yibei thought, somewhat dismissively responding to Jumeng, “Uh, let’s talk about this later? We should head to the lab first.”
————
The taxi leisurely drove towards Tangcheng University, the snow-covered scenery of Tangcheng flying by outside.
In the car, Lu Yibei lowered his head, immersed in daily interactions with Jiang Li, preparing to reply to her when suddenly he heard a discordant voice.
“Tsk! Tsk tsk! Tsk tsk tsk!”
Following the sound, he saw Jumeng crossing her arms, looking at him with a face full of disdain, “Look at you, that lovesick look? Is it internet romance?”
“I’m not! I didn’t! Don’t say that!” Lu Yibei denied.
“Still pretending with me?” Jumeng pouted, “With such a big beauty sitting next to you, you didn’t even glance at me, just burying yourself in your phone, flirting with the girls, and say you’re not?”
“I’m telling you, let me give you a piece of advice: internet romance is not reliable; it’s all about tricking pure-hearted boys like you. Don’t ask me how I know.”
“……”
Lu Yibei opened his mouth, about to say something, when he heard Jumeng say, “Only you! If it were someone else, I’d open seventeen or eighteen accounts to let them provide for me; I wouldn’t even tell them. Be careful! Don’t let people trick you.”
“???”
The taxi driver glanced at the delicate girl in the backseat through the rearview mirror, furrowing his brow, a lot of question marks popping up in his mind.
————
The taxi stopped in front of a side gate of Tangcheng University, and looking up, he could see a few not-so-tall old buildings among the snow-covered branches of trees.
This was the Southern Courtyard of Tangcheng University, one of the earliest teaching areas since the establishment of Tangcheng University more than fifty years ago. Some old buildings had been refurbished and were still in use.
Yesterday, an incident occurred in the [Cultural Relics and Museum Studies·1] laboratory located in the Eastern Courtyard, which involved an attack by an urban legend. Since the Huacheng Siye Society was too preoccupied to attend to it, the College of Arts and Literature building was still closed.
To ensure that the progress of recovering cultural relics was not affected, the project group quickly moved the collected cultural relics to the old building laboratory of the College of Arts and Literature.
Lu Yibei got out of the car, leading Jumeng, following the address Professor Ma had instructed, walking into a deep gray Soviet-style building. The corridors inside were wide and dimly lit, with green lamps hanging overhead, and the wooden floorboards showed some signs of aging, creaking occasionally underfoot.
After walking through the corridor, they soon arrived at a conference room. Lu Yibei knocked on the door, and after hearing a perfunctory “Come in!” he pushed the door open and walked in.
Upon entering, a large round conference table covered with a white cloth came into view, displaying various bronze vessels, pottery, and goldsmith artworks. Some items requiring special handling were specially covered with glass domes for protection.
Standing in front of one of the glass domes were about a dozen people gathered together whispering, most of them elderly individuals with graying hair. Lu Yibei searched the crowd but didn’t find Hu Yue’s presence, secretly relieved, and immediately spotted Fu Xinyi, becoming vigilant again.
It seemed the internal spies had split into groups? It seemed troublesome to have Jumeng devour the urban legends sealed in the cultural relics in front of them! Not to mention, finding an opportunity to deal with those pickled vegetables. Lu Yibei felt somewhat troubled.
The young people present were mostly students and assistants of the professors, respectfully standing behind them. Only Fu Xinyi was arguing loudly with a group of elderly professors, her teacher unable to pull her back.
“What does a little girl like you know?” Professor Hou glared at Fu Xinyi, “Alright, since you claim this Eastern Han bronze inlaid golden quail incense burner is fake, you must state where it’s fake!”
“This…” Fu Xinyi opened her mouth, momentarily unable to articulate specifics.
She only knew that these cultural relics had come from the Peach Source and had interacted with Jumeng, hence there might have been some residual spirit energy, but she didn’t know how to professionally judge its authenticity.
In desperation, she simply chose to play dumb, sticking out her tongue, “I say it’s fake; if it’s fake, then it’s fake. Believe me or not, whatever!”
Seeing this, Lu Yibei quietly asked Jumeng, “Is that your pickled jar?”
“Of course not!” Jumeng answered without hesitation, “My pickled jars are all made by me; I hate the quail design the most. How could I make that kind of shape?”
“May I ask why you hate the quail?” Lu Yibei inquired quietly.
“EMMM…” Jumeng pondered, seriously stating, “In legends, its plumage color is better than mine.”
Lu Yibei, “……” Seriously, a little less than half the birds in the world have better plumage than magpies; do you have to be that petty?
Muttering, he approached and squeezed into the crowd, interjecting, “I also think this is fake.”
Hearing this, Professor Ma turned around, spotting Lu Yibei and Jumeng. A smile immediately spread across his old face as he pointed at Jumeng, sitting on Lu Yibei’s shoulders, and introduced her to the crowd, “Everyone, this is the descendant of the folk treasure appraisal family I mentioned earlier, Liu Sisi, Liu Xiaoyou.”
“Liu Xiaoyou has great talent!”
“Ha! Ha ha!” Just as Professor Ma finished speaking, Professor Hou shot him a sidelong glance, sneering, “Ma Zhen, I thought it was already absurd enough to find a twenty-something girl to help with appraisal; I never imagined you would be even more absurd, finding one who’s just weaned?”
“Are you senile? Or just going crazy with longing for a granddaughter?”
Hearing this, Jumeng’s expression darkened, her little hands tightening on Lu Yibei’s shoulders.
Feeling the soreness transmitted from his shoulder, Lu Yibei twitched his brow, hurriedly speaking before Jumeng could enact any mischief, “Professor Hou, that’s not how you put it. As the sage said, in learning, there’s no distinction between age; the capable are prioritized.”
“While your academic level is quite high, some things you may not know, right? More people means more strength, right?”
“Hmph! I don’t not know?” Professor Hou said unhappily, “What makes you think there’s something I don’t know? If you can’t declare a reason, then please leave!”
Professor Hou was quite petty; he hadn’t forgotten the incident where Lu Yibei referred to him as “Ma La Bi” and “One Heron Flying West” earlier.
“Well, this is what you asked me to say!” Lu Yibei responded. As he spoke, he glanced at the disputed cultural relic on the table, “Since this item is from the Eastern Han Dynasty, let me ask you a few Eastern Han-related questions. If you can answer them, I’ll immediately take this little girl away.”
Sorry, Professor Hou, I’m not targeting you on purpose; I’m just afraid that you’ll annoy this lady and end up with unwanted consequences for everyone.
Lu Yibei thought inwardly, asking, “Can you tell me what Zhou Yu’s wife’s name is?”
“Xiao Qiao.” Professor Hou blurted out, a hint of mockery in his eyes.
This kind of question could be answered by elementary school students playing on public Wi-Fi while gaming.
“Xiao Qiao’s sister?”
“Da Qiao.”
“Da Qiao’s husband?”
“Sun Ce.”
“Who did Sun Ce’s sister marry?”
“Sun Shangxiang, she married Liu Bei, Liu Xuande.” Professor Hou frowned, “I say, kid, what kind of question is this? Is this a middle school history exam?”
“Professor, don’t be impatient; the real question hasn’t yet been asked!” Lu Yibei said expressionlessly, “What’s Liu Bei’s son’s name?”
Professor Hou remained silent for a few seconds, then said, “Liu Shan.”
“Who’s his father-in-law?”
“Uh… Xiahou Yuan.”
“Xiahou Yuan’s brother is Xiahou Dun, right?” Lu Yibei asked. Noticing Professor Ma nodding, a cunning glint flashed in his eyes as he quickly pressed, “Then what should Zhou Yu call Xiahou Dun? That’s my question; please answer!”
Professor Hou, “???”
