Chapter One: Liao Zhai Tavern 【5K】
In the afternoon, the sunlight was just right. At the back mountain of Dachunyang Palace, by the Cold Pond.
Luxianbei and Huasang lay side by side on two massive rocks, with the Shuishu Beast sprawled nearby on its back, looking like three salted fish drying in the sun from a distance.
Although Luxianbei often dealt with rotten, bloody, and filthy things, and constantly fiddled with the “dirty stuff” associated with calamity, he initially refused to lie on a stone by the Cold Pond with Huasang.
How could the pure and fragrant Miss Calamity sleep like a dirty Turtle Girl and the disheveled Shuishu Beast on a filthy stone?
But
After trying it once, Miss Calamity indeed became quite comfortable.
The sun-warmed stone, covered with dry moss that had become fluffy like palm fibers, was quite pleasant. It felt as if a freshly made meat floss had just been cooked, lying on the surface like silky smooth light cream.
Just as the thought crossed his mind, Luxianbei suddenly opened his eyes wide, sitting up abruptly, rubbing his slightly swollen forehead, and sighed silently.
d*mn! Am I really going to get obsessed with learning how to cook? At this rate, I’m going to go crazy!
Luxianbei initially thought that, with his culinary skills above average and Qing Ji’s guidance, he could soon cook up some real “mundane smoke and fire.”
To achieve that, he worked hard for an entire week.
However, after all his efforts, he realized he had underestimated the picky tastes of the black tortoise that could only walk on mountains. That tortoise, as the right-hand man of Dachunyang Palace’s founder, comparable to Big Cousin’s mother, was not so easily approached as the core of the urban legend hidden deep in the Cold Pond of Dachunyang Palace.
A week had passed, and Luxianbei had prepared dozens of different dishes, from main courses to desserts, trying simple, complex, expensive, and common recipes, but not once did he succeed, leaving him deeply discouraged.
At such times, Fu Xinyi, who had undergone devilish training according to disaster-level standards and had not rested for a week, became particularly crucial.
Thus, she became Luxianbei’s steadfast mental support. After all, Fu Xinyi was truly suffering.
Luxianbei felt that Jixiazi and that old man Zhang Hainan simply did not treat her like a person.
No, even ordinary high-level urban legends would not hold up under that level of training for too long! People are often like this; when they see someone suffering more than themselves, they feel a bit better about their own situation. It’s like being dog-tired from 996, looking at someone worse off than a dog in 007, and secretly feeling pleased.
———
The fishing bobber sank, and Huasang suddenly raised her fishing rod, accompanied by a splash of water, as the Cold Pond broke open, and the splashing water formed a shallow rainbow in mid-air.
A pitch-black large tortoise was dragged by a red silk thread, shattering the rainbow as it landed among the weeds by the Cold Pond, bounced a couple of times, flipped over on its back, struggled for a while, and then lay still.
Huasang got up, walked over, poked at the large tortoise with a branch, inspected it for a moment, then turned to Luxianbei, pouting and shaking her head.
“Still no good?” Luxianbei frowned and asked.
Huasang shook her head, looking at the large tortoise, “It’s not that it’s blackened, it’s just that it lacks flavor. After finishing speaking, she leaned closer to Huasang, and the Shuishu Beast, which had also come to watch, nodded.
Such a thing can only be kicked around like a ball.
“Tsk!” Luxianbei spat, resting his forehead in one hand, leaning back on the rock, gazing up at the blue sky, muttering, “Turtle Girl…”
Huasang retrieved the large tortoise, which was almost taken away by the Shuishu Beast, and looked at Luxianbei, tilting her head, “Hmm?”
“I think I might need to return to Huacheng first…” Luxianbei said.
Huasang shrugged, seemingly indifferent, “Oh, I’m not particularly concerned about it. I’ve already prepared for failure. All this time spent fishing for tortoises by the Cold Pond hasn’t really brought me any productive results. It doesn’t feel so disappointing, especially since the Night Erosion accumulated in my body has almost been cleared. If I were to delay for another ten or eight years regarding the engagement, I would be even less worried. If Luxianbei really wants to marry me, I’m always here, he can come whenever he likes.
If Luxianbei isn’t interested, it wouldn’t matter even if he chased me.
Back in Jinhua Village, she had already seen the miserable married life of the son of the Li family at the village’s tail and his betrothed wife, who quarrelled every three days and fought every five days.
Just the thought of it made one feel exhausted both mentally and physically.
Love is like the many secret arts of Dachunyang Palace; the more one tries to grasp it, the less one succeeds. It’s best to go with the flow. Luxianbei sat up, looking at Huasang, and explained, “Uh, don’t get me wrong; I’m not giving up on you.”
He was actually quite invested in this matter.
He had few friends; Huasang counted as one. Even without Zhang Hainan’s kind reminder, without that engagement, he still wanted to help Huasang.
“Is there an emergency in Huacheng?” Huasang asked.
“Not entirely!” Luxianbei shrugged, “Though part of the reason is that something went wrong at the university.”
After replicating Zhipianxian with a 1:1 likeness and managing to blend in for ten days, it ultimately fell apart. Hearing Professor Ma’s voice on the phone trembling like it was electrocuted, Luxianbei felt he needed to return and handle things.
But the main reason was that I discovered last night that a certain centenarian can’t cook real mundane smoke and fire at all and still tries to teach me!
Yes, Qing Ji indeed could not cook real mundane smoke and fire; he had concealed this from Luxianbei for a whole week, only confessing the truth under pressure last night.
In fact, when Luxianbei came to find Huasang today to accompany her fishing for tortoises, he secretly harbored a glimmer of hope. He planned to use the dish he learned last night for one last attempt.
Though the chance was slim, what if?
———
Last night, at the Yan Zhi Tavern, in the kitchen.
Qing Ji stood beside the stove, the kn*fe in his hand moving up and down, demonstrating his superb kn*fe skills to Luxianbei by slicing a green pepper into shreds of nearly equal size, while chattering on.
“Do you know? There are no limits to gourmet food; in this world, there is never the best, only better! As long as you put your heart into it…”
“As long as you put your heart into it, anyone can be a culinary god?” Luxianbei interjected. “But I’ve also heard that there’s really no culinary god in this world, or rather, everyone is a culinary god.”
Qing Ji glanced sideways at Luxianbei, who was sitting on a small stool with his hands resting on his chin, his face illuminated a slight red by the light from the stove, and frowned, “Stop spouting nonsense!”
“Did you see the kn*fe skills clearly just now? Come here and try again!”
Luxianbei remained unmoved, silently sighed, “Ancestor, you taught me these kn*fe skills on the first day. You haven’t forgotten, have you?”
“Is that so?” Qing Ji frowned, “You must be mistaken?”
“No way! You know my memory; I remember it very clearly! Even the average number of cuts per 100 grams of green pepper is thirty-six, with each cut spaced 2.5 millimeters apart.”
“This—” Qing Ji’s mouth twitched slightly, awkwardly replying, “d*mn it, I was just thinking of letting you review it!”
“Since you remember, then…”
Luxianbei looked at Qing Ji out of the corner of his eye, interrupting, “Ancestor, you really can’t cook so-called real mundane smoke and fire, can you?”
Upon saying this, he immediately activated Ling Tai Purification, wrapping his body tightly in thick armor. What followed could potentially provoke the Elder Ancestor into anger, and he had to be cautious!
Whether it was due to being provoked by Luxianbei’s question or seeing him return to that iron tortoise-like appearance, Qing Ji’s expression stiffened for a moment but quickly returned to normal.
“Nonsense, how could I possibly not know? Are you questioning my abilities?”
“However, under your guidance, I’ve already cooked dozens of dishes, and not a single one has worked!” Luxianbei’s expression remained unchanged.
After dozens of failures, he exuded an aura of despair akin to a rotten fish, beginning to question whether the fault lay in Qing Ji’s guidance rather than his own learning.
Then, seeing Qing Ji about to speak, he quickly interrupted, “Are you going to say that the lack of success is because I didn’t put in enough effort?”
Qing Ji rubbed his neck, looking sideways at Luxianbei, and loudly declared, “Do you really think you are putting in enough effort?!”
Luxianbei did not answer Qing Ji’s question but stared at him silently for a few seconds, then shifted the topic, “Ancestor, you have to tell me honestly, have you ever personally made the so-called mundane smoke and fire? If so, why are the dishes you teach me never the same?”
Luxianbei quietly added in her heart, referencing the menu of the Yan Zhi Tavern.
She had memorized the Luxi Chuancaiguan menu to perfection when she was young, and during these days visiting the Yan Zhi Tavern, she had already committed the wooden plaques with dish names hanging in the hall to memory. Upon careful comparison, she found that all the dishes Qing Ji taught her did not diverge from these two menus.
Was he cultivating the inheritor of an intangible cultural heritage for the Yan Zhi Tavern, or teaching her to cook “mundane smoke and fire”?
“It’s supposed to be different! Do you know that the concept of mundane smoke and fire doesn’t refer to a specific dish, but…” Qing Ji began to explain.
Luxianbei interrupted, “He’s getting anxious, he’s getting anxious!”
“Ancestor, I’m asking you whether or not you’ve actually cooked real mundane smoke and fire, don’t try to change the subject!”
“Look me in the eye, and with the bl**d of my great-grandmother flowing through my body, tell me the truth! Don’t lie; my great-grandmother is watching from heaven!”
d*mn! I shouldn’t have told this girl that past story; now it’s becoming her leverage, always hanging on her lips. Qing Ji shot Luxianbei a fierce glare, straightened his back, turned his face away, chin slightly raised, with a hint of arrogance, and declared, “No!”
After saying that, he stole a glance at Luxianbei’s iron-like expression, biting his teeth hard. In the past, he would have long since taught Luxianbei a lesson, but right now…
“Luxianbei, ???”
None? Then why are you so self-righteous about it?
“Although I haven’t, but…” Qing Ji looked at Luxianbei, with a serious expression, “The key to fishing up the core of that old tortoise’s urban legend is the mundane smoke and fire, which I researched from ancient texts.”
“When it comes to culinary skills, I doubt there are more than just a few people in the world who surpass me!”
“After saying so much, haven’t you still never made real mundane smoke and fire? Everything is still in the theoretical and speculative stage, isn’t it?” Luxianbei smirked.
“You’re just too unreliable! This is like teaching me that 1+1=2, then expecting me to prove that 1+1=2.” “What nonsense? Does 1+1=2 need proof?” Qing Ji looked puzzled.
“A classic math problem, don’t mind it…” Luxianbei shrugged her shoulders, which were heavily burdened by her armor, “What I’m trying to express is that this is extremely absurd.”
“Hmph!” Qing Ji snorted coldly, “How can that be called high standards? If I can’t teach you, then no one can.”
“Ancestor, don’t say such absolute statements!” Luxianbei stood up and interrupted.
While speaking, she squinted her eyes at Qing Ji through the gaps in her helmet.
“Weren’t you just saying that there are only a few people in the world with skills better than yours? Meaning, there’s a conservative estimate of at least nine people better than you, right?”
“Then why not just tell me who those nine people are? I’ll go with them,” Luxianbei said with a strange tone, “Wait, you’re not just making up wild stories to save face, saying there are at most a few people better than you, without actually knowing, are you?”
“Surely not? Surely not?”
As soon as the words fell, a whistling sound burst through the air as a kitchen kn*fe flew from Qing Ji’s hand, transforming into a long sword mid-air, trailing a silver-white tail flame.
“Where—!”
Was unable to penetrate the armor. JPG
Huasang held the large black tortoise, dodging to the left and right, avoiding the Shuishu Beast that tried to snatch the tortoise from her hands, then suddenly threw it into the Cold Pond.
The Shuishu Beast leapt up after the large tortoise’s trajectory in mid-air, biting onto the hard shell and then with a “gurgle!” fell into the Cold Pond, splashing a large amount of water.
Huasang dodged the splashing water and turned to Luxianbei, “So, did Qing Ji Senior finally tell you where you can learn more advanced culinary skills?”
“Did he,” Luxianbei said with a slight pout.
In his heart, he added a silent note, trading his life for this insight.
Last night, after Qing Ji finally lost his temper and swung the long sword furiously at him for five minutes, he deliberately left a flaw, allowing Qing Ji to find a tiny gap in his armor and succeed in the “k*ll.”
At that moment, Luxianbei saw a satisfied smile on Qing Ji’s face.
That smile reminded Luxianbei of the time he, before becoming expressionless, had worked tirelessly for over ten hours to finally defeat the final boss in a game.
Then Qing Ji pointed him towards a clear path.
So, it turns out, the old man, like a child, needs to be coddled; relying solely on provocation isn’t necessarily effective. “Where?” Huasang asked.
“Liao Zhai Tavern.”
“Hmm?” Huasang frowned slightly.
Noticing her microexpression, Luxianbei probed, “Have you been there?”
“I’ve heard of it but haven’t been,” Huasang shook her head. “It’s said that as long as certain conditions are met, that tavern will randomly appear before customers who need it, but I don’t know the specifics.”
“Oh, I see,” Luxianbei nodded thoughtfully, then patted Huasang on the shoulder, “No worries, after I descend the mountain, I’ll definitely find that tavern, learn culinary skills, and come back to make you a real mundane smoke and fire!”
“If I really can’t learn it, then forget it, it doesn’t really bother me,” Huasang replied blandly.
Why must he find that tavern?
Doesn’t he even feel tired?
The tavern’s proprietor, as rumored, was not an easy character to deal with.
Huasang felt that as long as Luxianbei had the time, he could come to Dachunyang Palace to help her with some energy; after all, the one making the trip was not her. “I know that without you even saying it.”
If it really becomes too much trouble, I’ll definitely flee faster than you.
Saying this, Luxianbei stood up, the coat slightly swaying, shaking off the dust. “Shall we leave it at that? If there’s nothing else, I’ll take my leave?”
Huasang tilted her head, “When will you descend the mountain? If the timing doesn’t work out, then I won’t see you off.”
During this time, she had already noticed Luxianbei’s routine of nocturnal activities; for someone like her who slept early and woke late, it was impossible to get up in the middle of the night to see someone off.
Even if the King of Heaven came, it wouldn’t happen!
“Tomorrow morning?” Luxianbei contemplated, “There’s no need for you to see me off; just come over early tomorrow, and I’ll try to help you make a dish, I’ll send it over then for you to give it a try.”
After saying this, he seemed to remember something and mumbled to himself, “Right, I also need to pay a visit to that old man Zhang Hainan before leaving.”
Huasang nodded in reply, “Oh, I’ll try to get up.”
While talking, Luxianbei made a slight grimace, turned around, waved back at Huasang, and walked toward the back mountain’s Moon Cave.
Huasang watched as Luxianbei walked away, slowly lying back down on the rock.
“Splash!”
With a loud splash, the Shuishu Beast leapt out from the Cold Pond, in its mouth clutching a large tortoise that was struggling violently, based on its size and pattern; it was obviously not the one Huasang had thrown back earlier.
The Shuishu Beast looked around while holding the large tortoise, then glanced at Huasang and let out a deep grunt. “Pffft!”
Huasang turned her head to look at the Shuishu Beast with a questioning gaze, saying softly, “Are you looking for Luxianbei? He’s already left.”
After finishing, she furrowed her brow slightly, closed her eyes, and sighed silently.
She clearly didn’t mind at all, but when Luxianbei actually left, the absence of that incessantly nagging voice that disturbed her tranquility stirred a ripple in her heart.
Just then, the Shuishu Beast rushed past her, creating a gust of wind. The Shuishu Beast demonstrated with actions to Huasang—he left? Then why not chase after him? But
Huasang raised a hand to shield her eyes and murmured, “But it seems so exhausting…”
