Chapter 31: The Ideal Homeland Secluded from the World
In Rast’s memories, the first time he saw this border town was after he had entered Deep Blue Harbor and got trapped in a time loop.
At that time, he was in a very poor mental state, trying to prevent the Divine Descent of the Evil God, attempting various methods to break the hopeless cycle, but all ended in repeated failure…
Ultimately, he plunged into the abyss of despair.
During that period, Rast began to self-destruct, resorting to self-mutilation as a way to give up on himself.
He used to lie in bed day and night, numbly feeling the Sun rise and set, until the Cult Organization’s Arrival Ceremony was completed and the glory of the Evil God’s descent obliterated everything.
He had attempted various methods of dying, such as jumping from a high building, being consumed by the Iron Cross, or falling into a steel mill furnace… only to have the cycle reset after d*ath, repeating time and again between life and d*ath, hundreds or even thousands of times.
The restart mechanism in Deep Blue Harbor prevented Rast from truly dying; at most, he could only exist in that moment just before d*ath. But as a human, Rast felt as though he had already died, merely waiting for an endless period to decay and wither away his Soul, until he was completely annihilated, leaving behind a breathing, beating shell.
It was during that time, in the gaps between the two time loops of Deep Blue Harbor, that Rast came to Canaan and met Emis.
It was this blonde girl before him who accompanied him during his vegetative state, gradually helping him regain the sensation of being human in the calm border town of Canaan.
It was also Emis who repeatedly and tirelessly urged and supervised him… making sure Rast didn’t resort to self-harm or s*icide.
She admonished him not to seek out the opposite s*x for the sake of desire.
Not to experiment with addictive substances that could lead to irreversible consequences.
She helped him slowly transform from a lost, numb soul into a human once again.
After that, Rast tried to study the principles and mechanics of the existence of the world before him.
He discovered that this border town named Canaan resembled a hint scene from the romance games he played in his past life, which would appear after multiple bad endings.
Only by dying in Deep Blue Harbor… during the end of the previous cycle, could he enter during the interval before the next loop began.
Moreover, Canaan’s appearance was not fixed; it only manifested when his mental state became extremely unstable, leaning towards self-destruction, at the brink of collapse.
In a sense, this world called Canaan acted like a suppressor, ensuring that his mind did not completely shatter…
This was merely Rast’s hypothesis, with no way to verify it.
However, using this hypothesis, Rast found a way to actively enter Canaan—
He set a hypnotic suggestion for himself; once activated, he could directly simulate that state of mental collapse, and then come to Canaan during the intervals between two restarts of Night World.
After that, Rast would regularly return to Canaan, and he no longer felt the despair and confusion he once did, nor did he have nightmares anymore.
Because regardless of the chaos and despair he faced in Deep Blue Harbor, Rast now had an ideal homeland, a sanctuary for his soul…
And the blonde girl named Emis would quietly wait for him there.
“…Rast… Rast?”
The girl’s voice pulled Rast back from his memories.
He saw that dinner had been set on the table, and the owner of those sky-blue eyes wore a look of concern, looking at him worriedly.
“Sorry, Xiao Ai, I got a bit distracted just now.”
Rast smiled and began to relish the dishes laid out before him.
Compared to the luxurious meals he had eaten in high-end restaurants in Deep Blue Harbor, these dishes on the table could only be described as homely and simple.
However, more than enjoying those lavish and exquisite dishes, this spread in front of him was what truly gave Rast a sense of living.
He was no longer eating merely to nourish his body; he was genuinely living in this small town as a resident.
“How does it taste?” Emis softly asked.
Rast nodded, “Very good.”
“That’s great.” Emis sighed in relief.
“Rast, were you thinking of something just now?”
Emis hesitated before glancing at Rast, finally saying, “That back mountain we visited this afternoon… we played there often when we were little.”
“There was a time I got lost up there by myself, and the whole town was called to search for me but couldn’t find me…”
“In the end, it was you who found me in the cave despite the pouring rain.”
As she spoke, she seemed to recall something, the corners of her mouth curling into a slight smile, “However, the heavy rain caused a flash flood that blocked the way up the mountain, and we were trapped in the cave, with the adults unable to come up as well.”
“In the end, we spent a night in the cave, waiting until dawn for the adults searching for us.”
Rast held his forehead with his hand.
Heavy rain, muddy mountain paths, a dark and cold cave…
And the little girl curled up in a dark corner of the cave, her gaze filled with fear and vigilance, like a frightened kitten… until their eyes met, and the caution in her eyes slowly faded, as if waking from a nightmare and recognizing the person in reality.
And on that cold and rainy night, he wrapped the only coat he had around both of them, using their body heat to keep warm through that difficult night.
That indeed was his experience; he had been in that dark cave, huddling with the girl in front of him, warming each other.
But when Rast tried to dig deeper into his memories, seeking the complete picture of that past, the images in his mind fragmented, dissolving into blurry colors and gradually receding, accompanied by waves of pain in his head.
“I’m sorry, Rast.”
“I know you’ve forgotten some of your memories, and I shouldn’t have brought this up with you.”
Emis spoke anxiously, looking at Rast who was holding his forehead, wanting to reach out to touch him but fearing it might affect him negatively, finally her delicate white hand hovered in mid-air, her sky-blue eyes filled with regret.
Rast shook his head, driving the fragmented images from his mind: “I’m sorry, I have some vague impressions, but I can’t remember clearly.”
He put a piece of black bread into his mouth: “However, I indeed want to recall everything from the past.”
Rast was unclear about what exactly this Canaan was—was it the real world? The echoes of the Night World? Or perhaps a dream, a memory, an illusion?
However, if he wanted to explore his past, to delve into the memories prior to being trapped in the infinite cycle of Deep Blue Harbor… Canaan was Rast’s only clue.
According to Emis’s words, and Rast’s inexplicable familiarity with Canaan, this was his hometown.
But what changes had occurred for him to end up in Deep Blue Harbor, and for Canaan to become a distant realm, almost dreamlike?
He pondered for a moment and quietly asked, “Xiao Ai.”
“Have you heard of the term… ‘Library of Fools’?”
(End of Chapter)
