Chapter Sixty-Nine: Open the Door! Community Warmth Delivery!
Living as a person, various illusions will inevitably arise, such as [She likes me], [I must pass this exam], [I can counterattack this time]…
When Luxianbei stabbed that kn*fe, not only did illusions appear, but he was also struck back by the other party, causing him to hallucinate.
By the time he regained consciousness, he hadn’t even had the chance to see the situation in front of him before he felt a sense of tight binding. He was taken aback for a moment before realizing he had been tied up.
That damned magpie had used the disassembled network cable from his house to bind him up. Merely using a network cable didn’t seem reassuring, so it had also wrapped him in two layers of transparent tape from the outside.
Luxianbei said, “……” The other party is a deity; losing to them is normal. Achieving a counterattack is a miracle.
However…
Does it have to be this cautious? Shouldn’t being a human—no, being an urban legend—be a bit reckless? Real men never look back at explosions.
Luxianbei was internally complaining as his eyes gradually adapted to the darkness, and the surroundings became clearer.
He had originally been in the upstairs bedroom, but now he found himself tied up in the downstairs living room, most likely moved there by that magpie while he was unconscious.
The entire living room looked as if a storm had passed through. There was shattered glass scattered on the floor, the wallpaper looked as if it had been clawed by a large feline, leaving scratch marks.
Various ornaments and decorations were knocked to the ground; the television screen had a large hole smashed into it, constantly sparking and emitting an awful smell.
As he scanned the area, it looked like a disaster zone.
But where was that magpie?
Gone?
As Luxianbei was pondering this, he suddenly heard a voice belonging to a girl near his ear.
“You’re awake?”
A face wearing a hideous mask suddenly sprang out from an unseen place behind him, cheerfully congratulating him, “This surgery was very successful; you’re already a beautiful girl now!”
Seeing that bird-like creature with sharp white fangs and a ghostly mask, Luxianbei felt a jolt in his heart; if he weren’t bound, he probably would have jumped up directly.
Luxianbei was just about to curse, but after checking his body with the corner of his eye and finding no abnormalities, he immediately changed his tone.
“I ™… really thank you!”
Actually, even without a successful surgery, I’m about the same…
This situation is really hard to describe, Luxianbei thought.
“Don’t mention it; the heart of a healer is like that of a parent!”
The girl in the hideous mask said “generously,” while popping pieces of the initial scene spring breeze talisman into her mouth through the gaps in her mask, as if eating cookies.
Seeing this scene, Luxianbei felt a sting of pain in his heart, “My…”
“Wait! No, what the hell are you? What are you doing in my house? Did you get anyone’s permission before eating someone else’s food?”
“Great Magpie, Great Magpie! You should come and manage her!”
“Ha ha!” The girl chuckled lightly, her tone both wronged and disdainful, “Weren’t you all enthusiastic when you stabbed me just now? Now you call me a ghost thing?”
Luxianbei was momentarily stunned, his neck stiffly turning to look at the girl, his pupils contracting as he stammered, “You, you, no, no, you are…”
Seeing his reaction, the girl patted her shoulder where bl**d was still seeping, nodding, “That’s right, it’s me.”
As she spoke, she grabbed another piece of the initial scene spring breeze talisman and put it in her mouth, crunching on it for a while before swallowing slowly. Immediately, a faint green light began to glow from her shoulder, and the wound visibly healed a bit faster.
“The taste isn’t bad; your cooking skills are pretty good!”
Luxianbei, “……”
If someone heard a chef being praised for their cooking, they’d actually be quite happy.
But…
That’s a talisman! Can you stop making it sound like a delicious snack? This is really a blow to my confidence.
“Uh…”
Just as Luxianbei was thinking, the girl suddenly let out a muffled groan, her brows furrowing as if she were experiencing great pain.
A faint smell of bl**d entered his nose, and Luxianbei was momentarily stunned. Following the trail of the smell, he noticed the girl’s shoulder, which had just healed, was torn open again, and golden bl**d was seeping out.
Feeling a piercing sensation, as if a troublesome bacterium was preventing the wound from healing, the girl frowned as she looked at Luxianbei, asking in a serious tone, “What kind of kn*fe was that? I warn you, don’t play tricks, or else…”
As she spoke, a surging and condensed spirit energy fluctuation locked onto Luxianbei and pressed down towards him.
Luxianbei’s complexion turned slightly pale as he hurriedly said, “No, no, I’m the worst at lying! My dad often educated me that if you don’t act like a person when you’re young, you won’t become one when you grow up. Under his careful guidance, I grew up with strong roots.”
The girl, who had transformed from a magpie into a young woman, very likely was the mythological species Jumang, or at least a direct lineage of Jumang.
Luxianbei was somewhat aware of the danger; this wasn’t the level of Mr. Rabbit or Lin Yiqi—if she really wanted to k*ll him, it would probably be effortless.
“So, whatever you want to know, feel free to ask. I will definitely tell you everything. As long as you don’t k*ll me, every spring I will ensure to offer you good offerings, burn incense, and paper money…”
“Stop! Isn’t it annoying?” The girl finally couldn’t take it anymore and interrupted, “I didn’t notice you were so talkative just now! What good is burning paper money? That just causes air pollution and accelerates global warming.”
So it turns out that modern urban legends are so environmentally friendly? Luxianbei thought to himself, “Then every year, I’ll plant a tree in your name?”
“That’s not bad…” The girl opened her mouth, just about to agree with Luxianbei’s suggestion, when she suddenly realized the direction of the topic was skewed. Her gaze drifted towards the ornate kn*fe on the coffee table, and she felt a slight pain in her shoulder.
“Dammit, you almost led me astray. Did I ask about that? I asked what kind of kn*fe yours was!”
The girl endured the pain, trying not to show weakness in front of Luxianbei. She pretended to be strong and shouted at Luxianbei, but her tone still couldn’t hide her wavering breath.
“Before I reply, can you please untie me first?”
The girl silently glared at Luxianbei for a few seconds before politely refusing, “No!”
Luxianbei shrank his neck and weakly said, “Oh, oh! About my kn*fe, it’s a bit of a story, but it’s not much. Actually, it’s just a… ancestral…”
The girl’s expression turned serious as she interjected, “Ancestral Dragon Blade?”
“Uh, no.”
“Order of Ancestors: A Thousand-Year Roar?” The girl narrowed her eyes.
“What is that?” Luxianbei asked, confused.
“An omen of Zul’Gurub?”
Luxianbei, “…”
Hey! Isn’t that a piece of equipment from a game? How could something like that actually exist in this world?
“What is it?”
“Actually, it’s just an ancestral kitchen kn*fe…”
The girl twitched her lips, her expression gradually darkening, “You really don’t want to cooperate, do you? Looks like I need to let you experience some pain before you’ll honestly confess.”
How could a grand being, a former deity with inherited powers from ancient deities, possibly be injured by an ordinary family’s ancestral kitchen kn*fe?
If this got out, how could I still show my face?
The girl thought, extending a slender, pale hand from her wide sleeves, raising a finger that glowed with a hint of green light, threatening, “I saw you writing something about Jumang just now.”
Luxianbei nodded, “Uh-huh, Jumang, forever a deity! Amen!”
“No more talking back!” The girl glared at Luxianbei and continued, “Do you know what Jumang governs?”
Luxianbei was momentarily taken aback and shook his head, thinking that he had just been focusing on how she became outdated and hadn’t had time to study that.
“Jumang governs the growth and reproduction of all things. So, how about it? Are you interested in being a dad?”
“So… do you want to get with me?” Luxianbei blurted out, caught off guard.
“…” The girl’s face darkened further, choosing not to respond to Luxianbei, slowly bringing her glowing finger closer to his lower abdomen.
Noticing her movements, Luxianbei suddenly realized her intentions, panicking as he shouted, “No, no, no! Oh dear! Please spare me; I’m telling the truth!”
As he spoke, his body twisted wildly, dodging the girl’s finger, resembling a stimulated silkworm.
Luxianbei felt very aggrieved—he only knew that his family’s ancestral kitchen kn*fe was formidable enough to injure a mythological species.
But in his understanding, the names of those three knives were indeed “ancestral kitchen knives”!
After pondering for a few seconds, he suddenly felt he somewhat understood the girl’s current psychology. Even if a high-level urban legend got injured, it should be by a divine weapon.
It would feel normal and acceptable to be wounded by Frostmourne, but it would be quite absurd and infuriating to be injured by a Pink Fluffy Rabbit.
But…
What should I come up with to name it that sounds more reliable?
As Luxianbei was thinking, he secretly observed the girl’s expression, noticing she seemed a bit impatient, her clear eyes hiding behind the mask glinting with displeasure. Thus, her glowing finger came even closer to his abdomen, almost touching.
Xuanyuan Sword, Zhuxian Sword, Dinghai Shenzhen, Nine-Tooth Nail Rake, Frostmourne, Ten Directions All Decline…
In an instant, Luxianbei racked his memory for any impressions of divine artifacts but couldn’t find a suitable one to name the ancestral kitchen kn*fe.
“Bang bang bang——!”
Just as Luxianbei was racking his brain, a sudden knock at the door echoed.
The unexpected knocking startled the girl, causing her finger to unknowingly poke Luxianbei’s lower abdomen.
Luxianbei, “!!!”
The girl glanced at the direction of the door, noticing Luxianbei had slumped down, his face ashen as he explained, “Don’t be scared! Having a baby is a two-person thing, it requires the fusion of yin and yang, so even I can’t give birth alone…”
Hearing this, Luxianbei was about to breathe a sigh of relief when suddenly something flashed through his mind, causing him to panic even more.
You can’t give birth alone, but the problem is that I™ may not be alone at all!
Luxianbei looked down at his lower abdomen, feeling a wave of despair, unsure if it was an illusion, he faintly sensed something new inside him.
“…I was just casually summoning a little light on my hand to scare you. It’s nothing serious; you understand special effects, right?”
Luxianbei, “???”
Okay, it was just an illusion.
How come I didn’t realize earlier that she was kind of sinister?
“Bang—bang—bang——!” After a brief interaction between Luxianbei and the girl, the knocking at the door had turned into a fierce banging.
Seeing this, the girl shot Luxianbei a glance. He was taken aback for a moment, then understanding dawned on him as he shouted towards the door, “Who is it! It’s late at night!”
As soon as the words fell, a voice came from outside, “Open the door! Community warmth delivery!”
And amidst that, could be faintly heard, “Preparing the door-battering device!”
Luxianbei and the girl, “……”
