Chapter One: Liao Zhai Tavern [5K]
In the afternoon, the sunlight was just right. Behind Dachunyang Palace, by the Cold Pond.
Luxianbei and Huasang lay side by side on two enormous rocks, the Shuishu Beast sprawled beside them with its belly up, looking from a distance like three pieces of dried salted fish in the sun.
Though Luxianbei often dealt with rotten, bloody, and filthy things, playing with “dirty stuff” like calamities all day long, he had initially refused to lie on the stone by the Cold Pond with Huasang.
How could the clean, fragrant, and soft Miss Calamity sleep on a dirty stone like the disheveled Turtle Girl and the slovenly Shuishu Beast?
However,
After trying it once, Miss Calamity proved to be quite enjoyable.
The sun-warmed stone, covered with dry moss that had become fluffy like palm fibers, was surprisingly comfortable. It felt like lying on freshly cooked, slightly warm shredded meat, the pale body resting atop it like smooth, tender cream.
Just as this thought flashed in his mind, Luxianbei abruptly opened his eyes, sat up, rubbed his slightly swollen forehead, and sighed silently.
d*mn! I’m genuinely getting obsessed with learning to cook! If this keeps up, I’ll go crazy!
Luxianbei thought that with his superior cooking skills and Qing Ji’s guidance, he should soon be able to prepare genuine “human smoke.”
To this end, he had worked hard for an entire week.
However, after all that effort, he realized he had underestimated the picky tastes of the mysterious turtle that could carry a mountain. As the right-hand man to the ancestor of Dachunyang Palace, this monster was no easy target to deal with, and retrieving the core of the urban legend hidden deep in the Cold Pond was a distant dream.
A week had passed, and Luxianbei tried dozens of different dishes, from main courses to desserts, simple ones, complex ones, expensive ones, and affordable ones, but not once succeeded, feeling greatly discouraged.
At times like this, Fu Xinyi, who had begun rigorous training at a disaster-level standard, working relentlessly without rest for an entire week, became particularly crucial.
Thus, she became a powerful mental support for Luxianbei to keep going. After all, Fu Xinyi was really suffering.
Luxianbei felt that Jixiazi and Zhang Hainan, that old man, treated her like she was less than human.
No, even the common high-level urban legends probably couldn’t handle that kind of training for long! People are often like this; when they see someone worse off than themselves, it feels like they’re not so bad off after all. It’s like being exhausted from a dog-like 996 work schedule yet seeing someone worse off like a 007 and feeling secretly pleased.
——
The fishing bobber sank, and Huasang suddenly lifted the fishing rod in her hand, creating a splash as the Cold Pond erupted. The flying water splashed into a faint rainbow.
A solid black turtle, tugged by the red silk line, smashed through the rainbow and landed among the weeds by the Cold Pond, bouncing a couple of times, legs up and struggling for a moment before going still.
Huasang stood up, walked over, and poked the large turtle with a stick. After examining it for a bit, she turned to Luxianbei and shook her head.
“Still no good?” Luxianbei frowned and asked.
Huasang shook her head and looked at the large turtle on the ground, saying, “It’s not just a bit blackened; it doesn’t possess the essence either.” Finishing her sentence, she joined the Shuishu Beast in observing the turtle, which nodded in agreement.
This kind of thing could only be used as a ball.
“Tsk!” Luxianbei spat, propping his forehead with one hand, collapsing onto the rock, gazing at the blue sky, muttering, “Turtle Girl…”
Huasang took back the large turtle, which the Shuishu Beast nearly carried away as a ball, and looked at Luxianbei, tilting her head, “Hmm?”
“I think I might have to return to Huacheng…” Luxianbei replied.
Huasang shrugged and said nonchalantly, “Oh, I was already prepared for failure. All along, using the bait to fish in this Cold Pond, I haven’t been very successful. Even if the luck runs out and I don’t catch anything in the end, it wouldn’t be so disappointing.”
Moreover, now that the Night Erosion accumulated in her body was nearly cleared, even if she had to bear some contract or other for several more years, it didn’t matter much. If Luxianbei really wanted to marry her, she’d always be right here, he could come anytime.
If Luxianbei wasn’t interested, it was useless to force it.
When they were in Jinhua Village, she had already witnessed the miserable married life of the son of the old Liu family at the village’s end and his wife, whom he was forced to marry, always arguing every three days and fighting every five.
Just thinking about it made one feel exhausted.
Love was like the many secret arts of Dachunyang Palace; the more one tried to understand, the less one would. It had to flow with nature. Luxianbei sat up, looked at Huasang, and explained, “Uh, don’t misunderstand; I’m not giving up on helping you.”
He was actually quite determined about this matter.
He had very few friends, and Huasang was one of them. Even without Zhang Hainan’s kind reminder or the existence of that contract, he hoped to help Huasang.
“Is there an urgent matter in Huacheng?” Huasang asked.
“Well, not entirely!” Luxianbei shrugged, “Though part of the reason is that there’s a small issue at the university.”
Reproducing Zhipianxian perfectly for ten days ultimately led to a problem; hearing Professor Ma’s voice on the phone tremble like he was electrocuted, Luxianbei felt he had to return to deal with it.
But the main reason was, he only discovered last night that a certain hundred-year-old couldn’t even cook real human smoke, yet dared to teach me.”
Yes, Qing Ji truly couldn’t cook real human smoke. He had kept it concealed from Luxianbei for a whole week, only revealing the truth last night under Luxianbei’s pressure.
In fact, Luxianbei came to find Huasang today to accompany her in fishing for turtles, holding onto a glimmer of hope. He planned to make one last attempt with the dish he learned last night.
Though the chances were slim, what if?
———
Last night, at Yan Zhi Tavern, in the kitchen.
Qing Ji stood by the stove, wielding a kn*fe as he demonstrated his superb kn*fe skills to Luxianbei, slicing a green pepper into threads that varied by less than a millimeter, while he rambled on.
“Do you know? Culinary arts have no limits. In this world, there’s no best; there’s only better! As long as you apply your heart!”
“As long as you apply your heart, everyone can be a food god?” Luxianbei interrupted, “But I’ve also heard that there is, in fact, no food god; in other words, everyone can be a food god.”
Qing Ji shot a sidelong glance, sitting on a small stool with chin resting on his hands, his face glowing reddish from the stove’s flames, looking like a delicate flower. He frowned and said, “Stop talking nonsense!”
“Did you see the kn*fe skills? Come on, try it!”
Luxianbei remained unmoved, sighing silently. “Ancestor, you taught me that kn*fe technique on the first day. You haven’t forgotten, have you?”
“Is that so?” Qing Ji furrowed his brow, “You must be mistaken!”
“How is that possible! You know my memory.” Luxianbei replied solemnly, “I remember perfectly that every one hundred grams of green pepper requires thirty-six cuts, with a spacing of 2.5 millimeters between each cut.”
Qing Ji’s mouth twitched slightly, awkwardly saying, “d*mn, I was just thinking to let you review the old and learn the new! Since you remember, then…”
Luxianbei looked at Qing Ji sideways and interrupted, “Ancestor, you actually can’t cook the so-called human smoke, can you?”
As soon as those words left his mouth, he immediately activated Ling Tai Purification, encasing his body tightly in heavy armor. The next words might provoke Qing Ji to fly into a rage, he thought.
Uncertain if Luxianbei’s words were bothering him or if he was displeased by her returning to that iron turtle-like demeanor, Qing Ji’s expression stiffened momentarily but quickly returned to normal.
“Rubbish, how could I not know? Are you doubting my abilities?”
“But according to your guidance, I’ve already made dozens of dishes, none have worked,” Luxianbei said expressionlessly.
The string of failures left her exuding a hopeless odor akin to rotten fish, and she started to suspect that it was Qing Ji’s guidance that was flawed, not her learning.
Seeing Qing Ji about to speak, she quickly seized the opportunity, “Are you saying the reason for my lack of success is that I’m not putting in enough effort?”
Qing Ji stiffened his neck, glancing sideways at Luxianbei, and shouted, “Do you really think you’re putting in enough effort?!”
Luxianbei didn’t answer Qing Ji’s question but stared at him in silence for a few seconds. Changing the subject, he said, “Ancestor, you must honestly tell me if you have ever cooked real human smoke. If you have, why are the dishes you teach me always different?”
And all of this was in fact from Yan Zhi Tavern’s menu, Luxianbei secretly added in his heart.
He had memorized Luxi Chuancaiguan’s menu since he was little; these days, going in and out of Yan Zhi Tavern, he had already committed to memory the wooden plaques in the hall inscribed with the names of dishes. Comparing them carefully, he found that all the dishes Qing Ji taught him were within the scope of these two menus.
Were they cultivating Yan Zhi Tavern’s intangible cultural heritage heir, or teaching him to make “human smoke”?
“It’s supposed to be different! Do you know that human smoke doesn’t refer to a specific dish but rather—” Qing Ji said up to here, but Luxianbei interrupted, “He’s nervous, he’s nervous!”
“Ancestor, I am asking you, have you truly made real human smoke, don’t try to divert the topic!”
“Look at me, look at the bl**d of my great-grandmother flowing within me, and tell me the truth! Don’t lie; my great-grandmother is watching from above!”
d*mn it! I shouldn’t have told her that story from the beginning; now it’s becoming her leverage, always hanging over my head, Qing Ji glared at Luxianbei, straightened his back, turned his head away, lifted his chin slightly, pride evident on his face, and said, “No!”
After saying that, he glanced back at Luxianbei with a “tin can” expression and bit down hard on his teeth. In the past, he would have already taught Luxianbei a lesson, but now,
What a sin!
Luxianbei, “???“
No? Then what’s with your self-righteous pride?
“Although not, however…” Qing Ji looked at Luxianbei seriously and said, “The key to hooking that old turtle’s core of the urban legend is human smoke, something I researched from ancient texts.”
“To speak of culinary skills, across the world, those who are better than me can hardly be counted on both hands.”
“After saying so much, haven’t you ever truly made real human smoke? Everything still stays on the theoretical and speculative level, right?” Luxianbei scoffed.
“You’re so unreliable! This kind of matter is like teaching me that 1+1=2 while also wanting me to prove that 1+1=2.”
“What the hell? Does 1+1=2 really need proof?” Qing Ji expressed confusion.
“Classic math problem, don’t mind it…” Luxianbei shrugged her shoulders, which were burdened by the armor, “In short, what I want to express is that this matter is absurd.”
Hmph! Qing Ji snorted coldly, “How can this be called highbrow? If even I can’t teach you, then no one can in this world.”
“Ancestor, don’t say it so absolutely!” Luxianbei stood up and interrupted.
As she spoke, her eyes peeked through the helmet’s gaps, competition in her gaze.
“Didn’t you just say that those proficient in culinary arts worldwide number fewer than ten?” That means, conservatively estimating, there are at least nine people better than you, right?”
“Then why don’t you tell me who those nine are, and I can—” Luxianbei said in a strange tone, “Wait, you’re not just spouting nonsense to save face claiming there are guys better than you, but you actually don’t even know, right?”
“It can’t be true, can it?”
As her words fell, there was a whoosh, and a kitchen kn*fe flew from Qing Ji’s hand, transforming mid-air into a long sword that left a silvery trail.
“Wait—!”
It failed to pierce through the armor.
Huasang, holding that black turtle, dodged back and forth like she was playing football, evading the attempts of the Shuishu Beast trying to snatch the turtle from her, and then suddenly hurled it toward the Cold Pond.
The Shuishu Beast leapt to follow the path traced by the large turtle mid-air, taking a bite of the hard shell, and then “Splash!” it fell into the Cold Pond, creating a big splash.
Huasang dodged the splashing water, looked at Luxianbei, and asked, “So, did Qing Ji say where you can learn more superior culinary skills?”
“I said.” Luxianbei shrugged.
I have put my life on the line, he added secretly in his heart.
Last night, after Qing Ji finally got furious and swung that long sword at him for five minutes, he deliberately left a flaw, allowing Qing Ji to find a minuscule gap in the armor, successfully achieving the k*ll.
At that moment, Luxianbei saw a satisfied smile on Qing Ji’s face.
That smile reminded Luxianbei of when he had finally beaten the final boss in a game after hours of hardship before his face was no longer expressionless.
Then, Qing Ji pointed him in a clear direction.
So, it turns out elders, like children, need to be coaxed; simply provoking them may not work. “Where?” Huasang asked.
“Liao Zhai Tavern.”
Hmm? Huasang frowned slightly.
Noticing her subtle expression, Luxianbei probed, “Have you been there?”
“Heard of it, but never been,” Huasang shook her head, “It’s said that as long as certain conditions are met, the tavern will randomly appear before customers who need it, but I’m not sure of the specifics.”
“Oh, I see,” Luxianbei nodded thoughtfully. He then patted Huasang’s shoulder and said, “No worries, after I descend the mountain, I’ll definitely find that tavern, learn the cooking skills, and help you make a real human smoke!”
“If I can’t learn it, it doesn’t matter; I’m actually indifferent.” Huasang said lightly.
Why go searching for that tavern?
Don’t you think it’s exhausting?
It’s said that the owner of Liao Zhai Tavern is not an easy character to deal with.
Huasang thought that Luxianbei could just come to Dachunyang Palace to absorb some of her energy when he had time; in any case, it wasn’t her getting tired from going back and forth. “I already know that without you saying it.”
If it gets too troublesome, I’ll definitely be quicker to run than you.
Luxianbei said as he stood up, lightly brushing off the dirt from his coat. “Shall we leave it at that? If there’s nothing more, I’ll head off?”
Huasang tilted her head, “When are you descending the mountain? If the timing doesn’t work out, I won’t see you off.”
During this time, she had realized that Luxianbei was accustomed to being active at night, leaving at the dead of night, which meant a person like her who slept early and woke up late would never be able to rise at midnight to see him off.
Even the King of Heaven couldn’t make it happen!
“Tomorrow morning,” Luxianbei thought for a moment, “Don’t bother to see me off. You come over earlier tomorrow morning; I’ll try helping you make a dish, then I’ll bring it to you for a taste.”
After that, as if recalling something, he muttered to himself, “Right, before I leave, I need to make an appearance with that old man Zhang Hainan.”
Huasang nodded, replying, “Oh, I’ll try to get up early then.”
As she spoke, Luxianbei shrugged, turning around, waving goodbye to Huasang, and walked along the mountain path towards the deeper part of the Moon Cave.
Huasang watched as Luxianbei walked away, slowly lying back down on the rock.
“Splash!”
Accompanied by a loud water splash, the Shuishu Beast leaped from the Cold Pond, clenching in its mouth a large turtle that was fiercely struggling, clearly not the one Huasang had tossed.
The Shuishu Beast glared left and right for a moment while holding the turtle, looking back at Huasang and snorting.
“Puff!”
Hearing the sound, Huasang turned her head to glance at the Shuishu Beast looking at her with questioning eyes and said indifferently, “Looking for Luxianbei? He already left.”
After saying that, she furrowed her brow slightly, closed her eyes, and sighed silently.
She obviously didn’t care much, but once Luxianbei really left and the incessant, disturbing voice was gone, her calm heart rippled with a hint of sadness.
At that moment, the Shuishu Beast suddenly brushed past her, stirring up a fierce wind. The Shuishu Beast communicated to Huasang with its actions—he’s gone? Then why not run after him? But
Huasang raised a hand to shield her eyes and murmured, “But that sounds too exhausting…”
