Chapter 40: Speculations
The moon is bright tonight, with stars playing hide-and-seek.
Here I am, perched on the observation deck of the tower by Sirlan Lake, my hands gripping the locked iron bars, peeking through the gaps in the railing and the foliage, quietly admiring the vast, shadowy night city below.
A warm breeze rustles my hair, tossing my thoughts around like a salad.
This helps clear my mind a ton.
When I left the dorm, Sarah and the others were already tucked in for the night, while I was squirming in bed, turning like a pancake, unable to catch some Z’s, which is why I ended up here, soaking in the night air.
There are so many things I can’t figure out that are really making my brain itch…
I eventually skimmed through that book The Sorrow of Love. After Teresa mentioned “seeing the Deity,” the content just… disappeared, kind of like those novels that fizzle out at the end, leaving you hanging without a proper conclusion.
The last few pages were just Teresa writing about herself—nothing about the Church or the Deity.
[
“Life lived by exploitation and depravity is a waste. All lives are equal; good and evil will eventually come full circle. Helping the world requires enduring patience, while arrogance and ignorance will invite disaster. The so-called suffering in the world is but a trifle.
May you remember this.”
]
That was her closing statement, and it’s burned into my brain.
But I don’t get it…
What are you trying to say with this grand, empty talk, Teresa?
“Ha—”
I let out a breath softly.
At this point, I’m pretty sure her transformation happened on the night of “seeing the Deity.”
Did she really see a Deity?
If she did, why lie to me about not seeing one?
After that night, she rejected—or was rejected from—being the Saint, and at some mysterious point, she chose to join the Gate of Truth.
Then came four long years of bl**d ”sacrifices.” Teresa, to achieve her goals, must have spilled countless pints of bl**d from both the living and the dead. When things started to unravel, she didn’t hesitate to sacrifice innocent children or even herself, ultimately completing the ”Tears of the Goddess.”
That thing can “take away” the powers of the Deity, specifically the power of Royal City “Boswell”—Margaret mentioned it’s a medium. And the ”Tears of the Goddess” is like dragon vertebrae, capable of carrying the Deity’s gifts to humanity.
It seems all of Teresa’s actions were triggered by an encounter with a Deity a few years ago.
That’s gotta be it; I can’t be wrong.
All signs point to the fact that after seeing the Deity, Teresa seemed to tumble from Heaven straight into Hell, completely transforming into someone else. She turned her back on her faith, even though before that she was a devout believer. Teresa’s no lunatic, but I get it—changing yourself is tough! What could have pushed her over the edge like this…
Is there an issue with the Deity?
Suddenly, another thought struck me.
From what we know, it’s clear Teresa is a genius. Her faith power is terrifyingly strong; she excels in the three systems of miracles: nature, judgment, and healing, which is a huge reason she was a candidate for the Saint.
But I don’t quite grasp what that really means. But I guess she’s at least as powerful as two old grandpas in robes?
Maybe even more…
Yet, during battle, she never used her faith power, not even once—until the very end.
She was risking her life to buy time, yet wouldn’t go all out. What’s up with that?
I vaguely remember Sophia hinting to me that it had been ages since anyone saw Teresa use her faith power. The nobles even speculated she’d been cast aside by the Deity… Ah! So, after meeting the Deity, she was somehow stripped of her powers; did she lose her faith?
That’s a possibility!
If one day Teresa suddenly lost her faith power… that would hit a devout believer pretty hard. That’s probably why the Church snatched her Saint title away, leading her to go to such lengths to usurp the Deity’s power… It all makes sense now!
…But is that really the case?
With my brow furrowed, I nervously chewed on my nails.
Flashes of Teresa’s striking blue eyes—similar to Carlos’s—filled my mind, her unwavering conviction sparkling in those eyes… and suddenly I doubted my wild guesses.
What if she still retained her faith power?
Then what’s the relationship between her refusing to use miracles till her last breath and the whole “seeing the Deity” thing?
What if…
What if those so-called “Deities” are like the Cthulhu mythos from my previous life, something that could send a person spiraling into madness?
If that were true…
I shivered violently at the thought, quickly shaking my head in denial.
No… that’s unlikely. How can there be such a nebulous, terrifying existence…
Margaret claimed she’d seen a Deity, after all! At least that’s what she told me.
Then there’s that flashy Pope, the golden-haired Angel. If the Saint can meet the Deity, surely the Pope can too, right? He must have seen one as well. And not just them; there are likely others in the Holy Church… at least those four Cardinals—there’s a good chance they’ve all met a Deity before.
So why didn’t they end up acting as deranged as Teresa?
…!
Suddenly, my eyes widened.
Angel, Margaret… did they really not do anything like that?!
I don’t know!
I have no clue about them!
A chill from the night breeze ruffled my spine, making the hairs on my neck stand on end.
These are just wild thoughts; go away…
Thinking wildly won’t solve anything; I can’t keep spinning my wheels like this. I’ve been standing here like an idiot for too long—it’s time to head back—
In the next moment, as I pivoted to leave, a big, whiskey-faced visage with a rhinophyma suddenly emerged from the shadows.
Buzz—
That face seemed to jump right into my personal bubble, catching me utterly off guard and making my scalp tingle. My body tensed up, frozen mid-step. I gasped and opened my mouth wide.
“Eek—!!”
I shrieked at a volume akin to a damsel in distress before being violated.
“Hey, keep it down!”
The imposing face rushed forward, trying to cover my mouth, but I dodged just in time, and it took a step back.
“Grandma, the administrator…”
Only then did I recognize the person as the administrator grandma, my racing heart calming down a bit.
“You scared me to d*ath.”
“What are you doing out here so late at night when you should be sleeping?”
Grandma poked her little finger into her ear and gave me a worried look.
“Can’t sleep…”
“What’s wrong? Oh, it’s about Shanter Castle, isn’t it?”
I first shook my head, then nodded.
“I saw the news… you know about it, Grandma?”
“The empire’s royal family squabbles have become quite the spectacle; how could I not know?” Grandma chuckled and patted my shoulder, “Trust your father; he can handle it well.”
“Grandma…” I tilted my head to the right, “Are you close with my dad?”
“I’m not close with your father; it’s Principal Bersa who knows him well. When you were little, she and her husband occasionally visited the castle… The Sword Saint, that old man, thought very highly of your father and often mentioned his friendship with his older buddy from Shanter Castle, saying he might be a person of great talent for the nation.”
“And compared to your father, the current emperor of the empire… well, he’s a bit on the mediocre side.”
